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Posted: 9/3/2007 12:37:23 AM | Can anyone out there give advice? I have been single now for two years and it seems like most people on here starting to give up. I dont class my self as pretty hence no pic but will give one out if asked. But usually after that I get no reply.  But then I think thats their loss not mine. I have though been talking to someone for nearly a year now and get on great, we met last week and thought it went good. I know he just says he wants friends but I thought we could go out as mates but he doesnt seem eager to make arrangments. Should I just give up and leave the ball in is court now?
Everyone says there is always someone out there for every one but im beginning to think this isnt true. Just a guy to go out with for a drink and a laugh would be good but can guys do that or does there always have to be another motive.
Hope theres some good advice out there somewhere.
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Posted: 9/3/2007 12:41:46 AM | | He says he doesn't want to date you only be friends . That's a polite way to say i am not attracted to you at all. There is nothing you can do . Either you are attracted to someone or you are not. It can't be forced. | |
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Posted: 9/3/2007 3:25:07 AM | The thing is...when we chat to ppl on the net, we let our minds wonder...we begin to think the person we are speaking to is wonderful...we have not met them, there for we dont truly know them as well as we think we do..we build up images of what we think they look like...have thoughts about how it would be to have that person in our lives..
It is easy to have feelings for someone you have never met but unfortunately, if you meet that person and they are not what you had imagined them to be, it can be a bit of a let down..
I am in no way saying that you were a let down, i am however saying that it is quite possible that the guy could have built you up in his mind as something you are not..
I dont have a pic on this site because i have a partner...i just like replying to the forums...you should post one of yourself though...you may just suprise yourself..
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Posted: 9/3/2007 5:29:08 AM | It takes friendship to get to another level....why do people think that it automatically become bf/gf...in one meeting??
Be all you can be..be friends with him and in time ...something may develop....don't push it...that is what he is telling you....... | |
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Posted: 9/3/2007 11:20:16 AM | Hi tracy_t,
I read your post, and I just wanted to say that it's easy for anyone to get discouraged, but I still really believe there is someone for everyone. I've had my moments of discouragement, but I seem to eventually cycle in and out of them. I'm pleased to be in a happy space now about singlehood. However, you may look at changing things up to help you feel refreshed. Here are some ideas I had for you:
- yes, give up on the guy you've been talking to for a year. Sometimes, when my heart is set on someone unobtainable, it clouds my ability to see other possibilities, quelches my motivation to find those other possibilities, or just gives off this indefineable vibe to people that discourages new people to make any moves. I know there is something to this, because the last time I was in love, I had strangers flirting with me in public (and no, I am not one of those girls that gets this generally), so they must have sensed a happy vibe.
- try giving yourself a little mini -makeover (or have some friends help). This doesn't have to be anything fancy, just whatever little thing will make you feel attractive - such as buying a new item of clothing, going to a hairstylist, getting a facial, or getting a professional makeup lesson. You don't have to spend a lot of money if that is a concern. You could find something cute and flattering in a thrift store even. Then, when you are *feeling* particularly cute, take a photo of yourself, and post it in your profile. I would think that it would be far more discouraging to get people disinterested after revealing a photo than it would be to not get as many emails with a photo but at least be sure that those emailing have had a chance to see you.
- choose one new hobby to try, and dive in. Something exercise wise is usually a good one, because you get the added bonus of the endorphins. Choose something that you will genuinely enjoy doing. Benefits of this is that it will give you something new to talk about when you talk to new people, and it will be something that you are excited about, which is always attracted. It also gives you something to be newly excited about, which is refreshing in itself. And sometimes it opens up a whole new potential social group, depending on how social the activity is. Though, if you prefer to do something not social, such as knitting, or something like that, there is probably a way to make it social, such as a knitting club, but it may not necessarily be a place to meet men, but that's okay. I've discovered this website called meetup.com and just need to get my ass over to one of the events for the groups I've signed up for. Moping is not attractive, so anything that you can do to not be "mopey" is good.
Anyhow, hope you're keeping your chin up. Best wishes. | |
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Posted: 9/3/2007 12:45:00 PM | If there was someone for everyone, then why from the beginning of time have some people not had mates?
If that was the case, then words like "bachelor" and "spinster" wouldn't exist.
I don't believe that hooey for one bit. Some of us are going to be alone, regardless.
I had an aunt who never married. She didn't seem to mind it one bit.
What I do find sad though, is people who think they NEED to be in a relationship because they're not "whole", or somehow less worthy of regard than someone who's paired.
You have to have good self esteem and be happy in your own company, before you can hope to be an equal partner with someone else.
Remember, NO ONE but YOU is responsible for your own happiness. | |
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Posted: 9/3/2007 1:20:32 PM | Star Mirage wrote:
Remember, NO ONE but YOU is responsible for your own happiness.
That is a motto to live by and it should be placed as a sticky post at the top of each and every one of these forums. It is so simple, yet so profound. | |
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Posted: 9/4/2007 12:28:34 AM | | Just because I said there is someone for everyone, doesn't mean I said that everyone NEEDS someone. Yes of course there will be people who stay single their whole lives, and some of those people will do so by choice, and that's fine. However, the OP doesn't sound like one of those who wants to be alone forever. I was being helpful. (and if you read carefully, a lot of my advice is about being just happy on her own). But if someone DOES want to find someone, then there are going to be at least a handful of people (if not hundreds) in the 6 billion people on earth that he/she could have a life with, and yes, it's a lot easier to do this when someone is happy on their own. | |
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Posted: 9/10/2007 1:23:14 PM | | Thanks The dumpling girl your reply was really nice. I am comfy with being on my own and im not someone that NEEDS some one around. But a little adut company now and again would be good. The guy I spoke of, we met up again last weekend and got on great, had the same sense of humour and hopefully will go out again as friends and see what happens. Thanks again for all the advice | |
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