| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/3/2007 3:25:19 PM | Im just curious to have male feed back on this topic.. I have dated for a few years off sights such as this one and after reading many profiles I am curious to why men think a woman would welcome a stranger into her home or meet them on their turf so to speak in their home to have watch a movie and cook a meal together and/or order take out? I would also like to know why when a woman says NO to this suggestion why is it a rejection or a sign of disrespect to a man? I have had numerous men not want to meet me after I said NO to the above.
Do men truly not realize tht it is a safety thing for women? Should it not also be for a man? Im sure Jack the Ripper would have had many more victims if the internet was around back then.
Just for once gentlemen please think of your daughters, sisters, mothers would you want them to have that kind security breach so to speak in their own lives ? would you want them to put themselves at the mercy of someone who may not on the up and up as he would allude on line?
All and all isnt it safer for all of us to meet on neutral ground in a public place? | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/3/2007 3:31:30 PM | I have no womanly perspective but I do have a cheap date perspective.
I do agree that meeting at your house for a first date when you've never once been around that person in real life is a big no no. Man or woman, don't bring home strays. You feed them and they never leave. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/3/2007 3:31:48 PM | | I'm not really interested in meeting anyone anywhere right off the bat. I prefer a phone call first. Is that bad? Why waste each other's time if we can't find anything to talk about on the phone.? | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/3/2007 3:31:49 PM | | i met someone for the first time at my house,i felt it would be more easier being on my turf so to speak,its not like i live out in the middle of nowhere,im surrounded by neighbours and have a great set of lungs on me,and it turned out just fine.obvoiusly i wouldnt reccomend everyone doin it,but i took a chance. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/3/2007 4:25:22 PM | OP
Public place for sure on the first few dates period is my thoughts. Yes, anyone can seem nice, charming, the dream man or woman on the internet. You can tell so much more though in person and you have to always go by your gut feelings when you meet someone in person. Erase all the emails from your mind when you meet someone in person and let that gut level instinct take over to decide, hey is this person someone I can truly trust, feel safe with, get to know better.
Another way to look at the first few meetings, from internet to in person. When you meet in public, not only keep the date in public at all times but also look and talk to the person as if they walked up to you on the street for the first time. Do you feel comfortable in there presence? Do you feel a certain hair on the back of your neck stand up feeling when they look at you in a negative sense? Does something just not feel quite right, even though they are saying all the words you would like to hear?
DO NOT ignore those feelings. Those feelings that a person gets can be what can make all the difference in the world for a persons safety.
Yes it is safer and wiser to meet in a public place, make sure others have your phone number and know where you will be in those early stages at all times too. Take your time in getting to know a person, there should not be any reason why someone would insist on meeting you in some strange or on personal turf when you have not even got to know them.
Happy dating. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/3/2007 4:39:29 PM | That is accurate. You absoulutely do not meet anyone other than a public place for the first meeting. You don't know this stranger. They can act charming, and nice. It's all an act. Remember that. And any other times while getting to know this stranger. Stay in public places.
If your instincts tell you something isn't right about this person, don't ignore it. Always listen to your feelings. They they make you feel uncomfortable in any way. Do not have anything to do with them. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/3/2007 4:56:00 PM |
Do men truly not realize tht it is a safety thing for women? Should it not also be for a man? Sadly, some men do not realize the safety implications when meeting a woman. Most men do not have to think that way, how many times do you hear of a man getting raped/beaten by a woman they meet? Sure, there are the Elane Wurnos' of the world, but they occur much less frequently than the men that harm women.
OP, if you don't feel comfortable doing it, don't do it. If the 'man' takes it personally or doesn't want to see you after that, you are much better off without him anyway. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/3/2007 5:37:51 PM | | Its pretty obvious that for the first date at least, that the meeting take place in a public space. After that, depending on the comfort level and so on, use your discretion on when to invite him to your home and so on. But if he can't understand why you should meet in public initially, he is not worth your time or effort OP, since he's evidently not too bright. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/3/2007 5:43:46 PM | They're not thinking of the woman's safety, or their own. Those guys wanted a sexual encounter ASAP. That's why they wanted to meet you in a place with a bed and privacy. Also why they weren't interested once you refused. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/3/2007 6:16:23 PM | thank you all for your insight.. I agree with ALL of your points and practice safe dating all the time myself..
My original point was to really hear from Men who actually put that in their profiles... I was just curious as to what they were thinking...
Happy Dating! :) | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/3/2007 6:19:53 PM | Sadly, some men do not realize the safety implications when meeting a woman.
This is SO true. Not so long ago, I met a guy on another site...he lived in a neighboring state, was a state police officer (so he said), and we began chatting online. He seemed nice enough, had a good sense of humor and we seemed to have a lot of things in common. We progressed to chatting on the phone eventually, as well as continuing to chat online, but because of the distance between us and our work schedules, it was probably a month or more before we were able to work out a time to meet in person. OK, so far so good.
So, the guy and I decided to meet up halfway for dinner and a movie. Because it was an hour one way for each of us, he decided that he was going to rent a hotel room and just spend the nite in the town we were to meet in, instead of driving back home, and he wanted me to stay too. I told him that I wasn't comfortable with that, as I didn't know him and would rather drive back home after our date. Well, suddenly the nice guy persona completely disappeared, and he started ranting and raving about what a baby I was, how he only wanted to spend more time with me and get to know me better, I was being paranoid, and did I actually think he'd try to hurt me or do something to me? I tried to explain to him that, although he might be perfectly harmless and have nothing but the best intentions, I didn't know him and therefore felt it best to err on the side of caution. I also tried to get him to see things from my point of view, and to imagine how he would feel if it were his daughter, sister or mother being asked to stay overnite with a man she'd just met, but to no avail. He finally got so pissed off that he signed off in a huff, after calling me several names, and telling me I needed to grow up and stop reading so many crime novels...lol. I found that to be quite comical, seeing as how he was in law enforcement and should've understood my concerns better than anyone!
Amazingly enough, he continued to send me im's after that telling me that he loved me and just knew that we were meant to be together, and if I'd only give him a chance he'd show me love like I'd never known before. Umm, yeah...that's what I was afraid of!!
Point of this little story is....go with your gut instincts! If it doesn't feel right, then there's probably a very valid reason why, and it's much better to be safe than sorry! | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/3/2007 8:46:53 PM | | i've met some dates at my apartment...usually to pick me up on the way somewhere. other times i'll meet them at a neutral public place. it really depends on how long i've been chatting with them, whether or not i've spoken to them on the phone or seen them on cam...the longer the history of communication, the less hesitant i become. heck, there was a long-distance platonic friend i met through this site with whom i'd chatted with for 6 months but never met in person, then invited him to crash at my place for a night when he came through town...but we'd chatted alot, built up the trust, and i had absolutely no worries about having him in my place. trust is a vibe thing, and that vibe and the rules aren't the same for every person i meet. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/4/2007 11:29:37 AM | | On 1 side of the coin, It'll show if we'll spend the rest of our life with a woman, by her cooking. I'm sure you heard of the saying, "A man's heart is through his stomach." On the other side of the coin is, You got to be careful in this day and age. Knowing someone is growing with someone. He has to know if your personality, will surpass even if your cooking is bad, he'll still enjoy your company, and concern about you. I have sisters, and I don't want them with some psycho or, sex addict. Be careful use the woman's intuition you have that us men don't. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/4/2007 1:48:19 PM | Ok maybe i should close this thread... NOT ONE PERSON ACTUALLY READ MY QUESTIONS OR THE INTENT OF THIS THREAD CORRECTLY APPARENTLY.. I do appreciate the time and efforts of all posters.
I WAS ASKING SPECIFIC QUESTIONS TO A SPECIFIC GROUP AND NONE OF THEM REPLIED. I WANTED TO KNOW THAT THAT GROUP WAS THINKING
It was just a curiousity was killing me post...
NOT ADVICE ON DATING! As I stated I have been dating for many years of dating sights.. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/4/2007 2:24:45 PM | OP: Ask the Mods to move this freakin' thread to the "Ask A Guy" forum, since you're only interested in your 'target group'.
Don't start yelling ( in caps) at the posters here.
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/4/2007 2:43:31 PM | I don't see it as that big a deal if thats what you both want to do. A first meeting is NOT a date. Its a meeting to see if you even have any interest in each other. So if a first meeting went well, why not IF your comfortable with it.
I understand women worry about safety but honestly I think too many people buy into the whole post 9/11 paranoia the media has been selling. The odds of meeting a guy online who is an ax murderer or rapist is lower than meeting one IRL. Why would someone with evil intentions want to leave a huge "paper" trail back to himself? It's not that hard to figure out who someone is with computer records even for someone not in the industry or law enforcement. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/4/2007 4:20:16 PM | Yes, there are men/women who also go alone to the bar, club and find people of like character and leave together for an intimate encounter. Enjoy eachother and no harm done. So, yes there's people who choose this way of life.
Really! Very interesting...and sad.
What are the odds...who cares if there's a paper trail...the women's already rapped, killed and dumped into a garbage bin!
I say play it save. | |
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| HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE?
Posted: 9/4/2007 4:56:12 PM | ~OP~ For the sake of your own posting privileges, you might wish to read the rules/regs. Polarized threads are not allowed on POF. Even if you post in "Ask a Guy" we ladies are still welcome. One might assume that designations of gender-specifics would classify as "Pity or Attention Seeking." Much like ALL CAPS, it's internet yelling ~ no need for that ~ we can all read in a quiet manner. (And it's also against forum rules/regs.) Just FYI. 
~OT~ I for one remember the good old days when a man would meet a woman, exchange telephone numbers (not cell) and they would agree to a "date." He would not only have her phone number, but her address, because that is where he would pick her up for the date. When I was in my first year of college and still living at home, there wasn't a date if that boy/man didn't knock on our door, meet my parents and fill them in on the plans we had. Often times we'd have a drink there with my folks prior to the socializing. I'm not advocating one way or another, but I certainly am not about to meet someone I'm afraid of ~ whether in public or on my front porch/or his. If I don't know enough about him to determine he's someone I'd want at my house ~ we aren't familiar enough with one another to actually meet. This whole insta-meet/date stuff amazes me. What happened to getting to know someone first ???  | |
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