| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 9:20:22 AM | well im a soon to be single mom of 6 AWESOME kids i have tried all these different date lines, and have not much luck. besides being a BBW, the child factor is scaring men away. are there any men out there who would actually consider dating a woman in my shoes???is there any hope for me finding a great man, who likes kids, and me and not looking just to hook up for sex?
HELP!?!?!
~Teresa | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 2 | |
| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 9:28:01 AM | maybe focus on your kids and not worry about a man?
6 kids is a king sized nut so this is why it is scaring men away.
Good luck. | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 9:43:17 AM | I agree with pucks on this one, 6 kids is alot for anyone to take on.
My own thoughts and questions: What are you doing to support your family? Are all 6 kids with one man? If not that could be a real problem as it could be a warning sign that you either pick the wrong men or you can not make a relationship work for whatever reason. Some men will see you as just looking for a daddy for your kids..that is a major turn off. You need to show a man that you want to date him for him. | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 9:49:20 AM | | There is always hope to find a great man but it may take you some time. You are a 27 year old separated stay at home mom who is soon to have six children. Are you currently expecting? Men may think you have your hands full at the moment and I would tend to agree. | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:02:30 AM | Five children and another on the way plus you don't indicate any kind of employment, so is it safe to assume you receive money from social services!?
Often, many guys don't want an instant family of 6 kids - that's a very tall order.
You would be best to focus on your children, perhaps get some schooling and marketable skills to further employment when the time's right.
It's up to you to decide who you want to have sex with, not to blame it on men who're simply looking to 'hook-up' and perhaps have another child on the way. You need to step-up and take responsibility, too.
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:05:59 AM | Sorry, but you have six kids. Let me say that again....you have six kids. Six.
Focus on them!!!!!!!!
I know that people say "Well, single mothers deserve to find someone to love them as well!"
When you have a kid, and this goes for father's as well, there is a responsibility there that supercedes your desire to find a man. It is unreasonable to be angry about not being able to find a man.
I am not sure that you are going to be able to find a stable man who is willing to shoulder, what is not his responsibility.
People can slam me for saying this, but I know that a lot of people are thinking it.
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:13:52 AM | ok---lets clear some things up.
all my kids have the same dad~
i am not expecting..its says soon to single mom of 6..not expecting~
i have been with their father for 10.5 years~
divorce is because of physical,emotional, and verbal abuse
and the affair him and my sis had 5 years ago.
i finally got the balls to say enough is enough and im done with him. even when we were married i was the soul caregiver of the kids.they arent as big a handful as some might think. i find it easy and fun to take care of them, but there is that other kind of love i have been lacking for too long and hope to find.
everyone keeps saying focus on them, but thats all i do. i want someone else that i can focus on...someone that doesnt consume the same kind of love and energy that my kids do...and no, its not for sex. honestly i dont want to have sex till im married again~however long that my be | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:14:29 AM | I agree with Irish Eyez..why do single moms always blame men anyway?
Hang on, Johne - aren't you doing the same thing now, too? You're generalizing just like the OP! Not ALL single moms blame men - c'mon now! :)
OP: You still don't claim any sense of employment, so I suppose it is safe to claim you do receive social service monies.
Alright, you're soon to be a single mom of 6 children. Again, that's a huge order for any man to fill, but I would say there's men out there that would be happy should they fall in love with you. However, 6 children and you don't work? What is it you do for income?
Edit: Ok, just spotted your response. VVV
Still, you do depend on another's support whilst you have the children. You're not supporting yourself.
You say the youngest is two and will be in school later. Does that mean, since you've had the rest of the children at home and until they went to school, you waited on financial support from your Ex? Won't you STILL get financial support from your Ex even when the child(ren) is in school?
Look, just questions a man will likely have if and when he would wish to get to know you.
Good luck! | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:15:59 AM | | and also...i dont have ant financial aide...there is a thing called child support etc. my youngest is 2, and once he is in school i will be a working mom....so screw the state aide!!!!! | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:23:39 AM | isn't child support a financial aid? ...just asking.
I suppose I should sugar coat it but really, most guys don't want an insta-family of 6 kids. When you find that guy that does though you'll know you found someone special. | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:24:26 AM | Honestly OP as you further try to explain/justify your current situation you are demonstrating further reasons why you aren't attracting a new mate.
Take the time to heal from your relationship breakdown
Take the time to ensure your children have healed
Concentrate on raising your children to the best of your ability
Once you have your ducks in a row, you have found happiness with both yourself and your life than look for someone to share it with. | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:29:29 AM | you knew 5 yrs ago he was a jerk yet continued to have kids? WHY?
If you only have 1 -2 little one left at home, get a job, ie try driving a school bus, look into working/running a dayhome/daycare etc.
Just wait you think that child support will pay the way, you are in for a big suprise.
Sooner or later he will refuse to pay up or not pay at all then you will be in a huge mess.
It is his job to SUPPLIMENT your income, not pay your way | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:37:23 AM | | i did not know about the affair until 2+ years later. i was already pregnant with our last child. and i think i will take your advise on the bus thing...i dont think i could run a home daycare..i have pets, plus there would be too many kids here once my own came home | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:41:16 AM | I know here you can take a couple of tots on a bus with you.
work is 4 hrs a day, and they (in my city) pay 79-85 a day. | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:47:55 AM |
why do single moms always blame men anyway?
I felt the need to respond to this, as Ive read the OP's inital question on this thread, and NOWHERE does it state she is blaming a man.
Sooooooooooooooo, may I ask, why you felt the need to say this?
Are you on some vendetta or something? Cause all Ive seen you post lately, is this poor me and migrate so much towards this wrong doing of single mom's. I come back from vacation and you are still at it. | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 11:02:49 AM | I'm not saying this in arude way, but most people don't like to date people who are separated, that just means they are in limbo and may return to the soon to be ex. Also as others say, having 6 kids is another factor that people consider. The reason people are suggesting you to focus on your kids is because they are still going thru adjusting, is it fair to bring someone else in the picture? How will it teach them that it's ok to date while you're still married, oh yes, separated, but it's not final til the papers are finalized. In their eyes, they are going to say you're dating while you were married, and couldn't wait.
how much time do you have to even give to someone? I have one child full time, and my time is limited to dating, so I can't understand how you'd have time to date someone with 6 kids. If you're looking for adult communication and support, find a single moms group or divorce moms group in your area or online, that may help. Another thing is men aren't going to wait til you get married to have sex, that's a tall order for them to be around 6 kids, not to mention if they have kids himself, then expect no sex til marriage? | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 11:03:28 AM | | thats a lot of kids...cripes!!! how come you have not thought of birth control for chrissakes!!! SHEESH!! | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 11:06:54 AM |
I agree with Irish Eyez..why do single moms always blame men anyway?
Johne, please stop coming on other post to talk about your stereotypical view of single moms, yes you got burnt, but we all got burnt one way or another, no need to advertise it everywhere. This isn't about you, much less your view on how single moms blame men. Go seek help, go make a site and do you're own site of how wrong single moms are, but no need to put it everywhere on this forum. | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 11:16:39 AM | Ummmmm, Teresa I think it maybe easier picking next week lotto numbers vs finding a guy who will date you 1) you have 6 kids 2) you don't work 3) you are looking for long term with a guy who is financially stable yet you are living off of child support 4) most single men dont want to the drama that usually comes with dating someone with that many kids.
Personally I think you should concentrate raising your children and when they are older then look into dating, why put your young children through the unnecessary emotional drama. | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 12:02:38 PM | Mahogany- AMEN! You bring up a very important point, and that is the introduction of new men into the lives of children. I have a friend that is a single mother and that is precisely why just doesn't date, she is too concerned about what kind of effect that men coming in and out of her kids' lives will have on them.
OP: You have kids, you are not even divorced yet, you are not under your own steam....
GIVE IT A REST!!!!!!
It will appear to Men that you are looking for a meal ticket, or a new Daddy.
No matter what the situation, or how you dress it up, the facts are these:
6 Kids, Not Divorced, Already Looking So Soon.
RUN MEN RUN! | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 12:53:35 PM | The last two posters gave some good, and honest, answers. You really, really need to listen to them and the others who are advising you to take a break from dating. You are not in a place where it makes sense for you unless you are indeed simply looking for a man to support you (I know you probably wouldn't admit that but I'm willing to bet it's a big motivation).
Let's recap: So you are only 27 and already have 6 kids!?! Had the first one at about 17 or so? Maybe you even got married because you were pregnant? Even as you grew older and hopefully wiser, it never occurred to you that 6 kids was an awful lot to support? I make a pretty decent salary and 2 is tough! How much thought did you put into planning this? Since you're a stay at home, I'm guessing either your ex (or soon to be ex) makes a whole lot of money or you guys really didn't run the numbers! Can't you see that this history, along with your current situation, might make you seem a little irresponsible and a little scary? Please, for your sake, and your children's sake, take some time off, focus on them and your job training (considering the time line, I'm guessing no college education?) so that you can get something decent enough to support all of them. A husband might have an obligation to support a stay at home wife (if both mutually agree) but an ex does not! I'd say that you might negotiate a reasonable time for you to maybe go back to school or something so that you can get a better job but after that, you should be pulling your own weight. | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 1:05:26 PM | The fact is that you aren't completely finished with your ex...yes you might be seperated but the fact is that you are still married to him and have 6 children with him. To me, any man that would willingly jump into that relationship with both feet would either be really brave or really stupid. Oh, not to mention your ex is apparently abusive, what makes you think that he wouldn't make your "new man's" life a living hell?
Finish with your current situation, give your family time to heal and then move on. But don't expect for ANY man to jump into a relationship with you right away without very careful consideration....
Edit: By the way, I would be very careful about relying on child support too much. That could stop tomorrow for all you know. It is silly to put all your eggs in one basket, especially one as unprotected as that. | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/6/2007 1:47:17 PM | I'm just wondering how you would find the time to date with 6 kids? Just curious.
You got a lot of good advice above me so I won't repeat it. But you should really listen. I know it must be scary to have that many kids and now no husband. But now is the time for you to take charge of your life and your children's well being. The rest will fall into place later. You don't need to rush it. You are only 27--you are still young. | |
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