| do u think im being horrible?
Posted: 9/8/2007 5:39:29 AM | i was in a relationship with a guy for about four years...we loved each other and decided to get married...anyway, we had a little boy and not long after, we split up..
my son lived with me for 6 years after the break up and his father would have him on the weekends... anyway, we decided to do a role reversal as my ex wanted to have a turn at looking after him full time...so we tried it for a while and it seems to work..his dad is getting remarried, his partner has a little boy and he is in a very happy family environment.. the thing is, that as soon as i tell someone i have a child that lives with his father, people assume that i was a bad mother.. they look down on me even after i have explained this to them...does anyone else think that this is odd??
what is wrong with a father looking after a child after a break up?? why the stereotype? | |
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| do u think im being horrible?
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:56:01 AM | Nothing wrong with it at all. If you, your son, and the father are happy and getting along, more power to you.
As far as what other people think, it's because you are doing something outside the norm. It's not like you ran off on your kid and are still seeing him. So to those that can't accept it, just take into consideration their small mind and move on... | |
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| do u think im being horrible?
Posted: 9/8/2007 7:12:48 AM | | I see nothing wrong with it. As long as everyone involved is happy and things are going well. Funny no one seems to look down on dads when their children don't live with them but they do on moms. It just goes to show our society has a long way to go yet in accepting the equality of the sexes and their supposed roles. | |
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| do u think im being horrible?
Posted: 9/8/2007 7:41:48 AM | If it's in the best interest of your child as well as you and his Father, good for you!
I would cut people off at the pass by saying "His Father had standard visitation for 6 years and we decided it would benefit all of us if we were to reverse the schedule for a while & see how it works." | |
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| do u think im being horrible?
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:08:00 AM | | Thats a brilliant situation, wish everyones was as nice as yours and ignore those who wander why you are doing it. It's no one elses business but yours and your ex's, if your son is happy that is all that matters. | |
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| do u think im being horrible?
Posted: 9/8/2007 9:05:00 AM | | I wouldn't pay any attention to those who say you are a bad Mom! I think, if your little guy is happy where he is, then you are a loving Mom for letting him stay there. Kudos to you for letting things work out in the best interest of your boy! | |
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| do u think im being horrible?
Posted: 9/8/2007 9:45:46 AM | i think youi are being very strong here you love your son to know that he needs his father in his life and that is so awesome
i say why do you care what shallow ppl think ? | |
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| do u think im being horrible?
Posted: 9/8/2007 11:32:30 AM | | Why would someone feel you are terrible? Sounds like you and your ex did what you thought could be good for your child. As long as you love and are still involved with your child, it's not a bad thing. I am curious though..why do you prefer not to say if you have children?? | |
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| do u think im being horrible?
Posted: 9/8/2007 11:58:06 AM | | You will never be able to justify your actions to everyone,why even bother trying. If you know its the right thing,who cares what everyone else thinks...... | |
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| do u think im being horrible?
Posted: 9/8/2007 12:16:55 PM | OK I would like to throw something in that I havn't seen yet in here and that is; When you tell someone your son lives with his dad, why don't you give them the highlights.
I.E. "I had custody of our son for the first six years after we splitup and we all decided that it would be good for him to have time to be raised by his father/dad for the other six. I still see him on a regular basis, and we all have a good relationship, stepmom included. His dad and I make decisions together and it works for us.
Keep it simple and too the point and I don't see you having a problem. And one more thing...... Kudos to you and your ex  | |
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| do u think im being horrible?
Posted: 9/8/2007 1:02:35 PM | | Usually the Dad only gets custody if the mother is s screwup. So, even though you are being honest, guys are just trying to protect themselves from someone who could be a trainwreck. | |
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| do u think im being horrible?
Posted: 9/8/2007 1:53:09 PM | | One thing that could help for the way people view you, is to not tell them right away. Let them get to know you first and then tell them. The reason why, is when someone has an issue (any sort of thing) and they mention it right off the bat, it puts the judgement into the air and affects further conversation. I have to do that for an issue thing that I have. Once the people start to get to know me and I then tell them, the conversation thereafter is totally calm and relaxed. They didn't think bad things or anything. Maybe it might work for you? It's worth giving it a shot. Then maybe they'll understand better that you were the one who decided after a will to switch roles. Best to keep big judgements asside for the first little bit until it's ready. | |
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| do u think im being horrible?
Posted: 9/8/2007 2:21:26 PM | I don't think there's nothing wrong with a child being watched more with the father. I'm glad you have a good amicable relationship with your ex and made it work so that your son can be happy. You did what was best for your son's sake. I think some people are too old fashioned, and think the worse when a child isn't with the mom.
here's another thread, so if you want to readpeople's input, here it is:
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts7674582.aspx | |
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| do u think im being horrible?
Posted: 9/8/2007 2:30:07 PM | | OP you are doing what is best foir your son..it is none of anyone else's business what you are doing or why. I read a lot of threads where a once married couple os no divorced and both parties paint the other person as the worst person in the world so they can get custody of the child. Many will not let the ex see the child. As long as your son, you and your son's father are happy with the arrangement keep it going!!! | |
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| do u think im being horrible?
Posted: 9/8/2007 7:03:15 PM | thank you to everyone has answered this post so far....
its good to hear that there are so many of you who can see it from my point of view..
its funny, i was seeing a guy a little while ago and when he told his mother about me having a child that lived with his father, she instantly disliked me...she went as far as telling her son to choose between me and her.. she said that a child belongs with their mother and that i must have been a bad person...
every time i tell someone, (and its not just ppl i try to date, can be guys and girls) i always highlight the fact that we are both in agreeance as to where he is living...and the fact that i had him on my own for the most part of his life!!
guess some ppl are still very old school | |
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| do u think im being horrible?
Posted: 9/8/2007 7:27:23 PM | | I think if you had a girl, it would probably be a different story. I've heard some parents who have boys and girls get split up by the girls being with the mom and the boys being with the dads. In some ways, I can see how that would work, boys tend to look for a father image, and girls tend to need a mother image. of course they see each other, but for the most part they stay with the same sex parent. | |
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