| Honesty and dating
Posted: 9/10/2007 2:48:50 PM | We talk about honesty being important as a criteria,
yet is there such a thing as being too truthful, too soon?
Or are things about us on a "need to know" basis.
Would you, for instance, date someone who is poor
but honest about it. | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 9/10/2007 7:25:25 PM | If they're a lovely person,why would it bother you that they're poor?? Says more about YOU than them........................ | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 9/10/2007 9:54:26 PM | You think you will find honesty online?... you better go to church for that .. cuz, sweet thang you will not find it here and that you can take to the bank, deposit it and collect interest   but, then again every once in a while even a blind squirrel finds his nut  | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 9/12/2007 12:16:19 PM | There is such a thing as too much info too soon. That doesn't mean don't be honest as you can, but just figure out when things actually need to be shared.
Honesty IS always best.. BUT.. there is a time and place for certain info.
Like:
Date #1 is NOT the time to share your fetishes, but obviously.. you will eventually need to share them.
There ARE some honest people online. Many in fact, but the chances of you being interested in them or ever even coming across them (let's say they don't come into the forums, for example) is not that probable. But... it's not impossible either.
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:25:36 PM | NOW, I MUST SAY I'M CURIOUS ABOUT THIS DISCUSSION
HOWEVER I MUST POINT OUT THAT YOU ACTUALLY RAISED A MUCH
BIGGER .... TOPIC >> POOR OR MORE THE LACK OF MONEY !! 
OF COURSE HONESTY IS VERY IMPORTANT .... HOWEVER IF YOU, LET'S SAY, MENTION THAT YOU ..... ARE NOT ... FULL OF $$
WELL JUST DON'T BE SURPRISED ..... NO EVEN A CHANCE OF A FIRST DATE
AND FORGET ABOUT .... DATING 
THE MAJOR PROBLEM TODAY IS NOT ... HONESTY
BUT ACTUALLY ..... MONEY
SAY WHAT YOU WANT !! BUT PLEASE BE HONEST
IF YOU HAVE A CHOICE BETWEEN 2 GOODLOOKING TWINS
BOTH HONEST, LOVING, CARING ETC...
ONE WITH $48000/YR LIVING .... WELL
THE OTHER, SAY, UNEMPLOYED
NOW WHO'S GOT A DATE !!??? 
JUST MY 2 CENTS
LATER  | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 9/14/2007 5:58:39 AM | Money has never been one of my criteria when assessing people. I have rich friends, well-off friends & others who just get by. The same has been true for my boyfriends in the past. What is important to me is their personality, the vibes they give off, their values, likes & dislikes.
As for honesty, I think it is primordial. However, perhaps some things are better kept unsaid till one knows the person more? Yet doing this may be a catch 22 - Damned if you do - Damned if you don't, type of thing. | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 9/16/2007 4:55:37 PM | Dis-honesty will always catch up with you. I notice that people have been online with the same pics for upwards to 5 years. It's totally lame that people need to look younger or better through their pics or lie about their lives in order to impress. I have heard countless stories from people who have met someone who doesn't look anything like his/her profile. WTF is someone expecting when they do that?
There is a world of difference between being an open book and being someone with something to hide. I think being honest is important but like sexy clothing there has to be something left to the imagination. I prefer honesty, but how can you guage that without knowing someone for a period of time. Once I see inconsistency though alarm bells go off. | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 9/24/2007 10:44:17 AM | | Honesty is important. But also, there is an appropriate time for some things to be discussed. For example, if you have some preffered baby names... perhaps the first date is the wrong time to mention that. ;) | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 9/24/2007 6:32:48 PM | OP:
Honesty is very important but laying all the ugly details right away at the start of a relationship is too much.
However, if you have a potential partner asking you the question from the start...then you may not want to be with that type of person anyway.
As for me, I have dated 'poor' guys all of my life. It didn't matter much back then but at my age, I want someone who has a good steady job (like me)....or show potential to eventually make some $$.
No more dreamers for me. I want someone that will pay his share of the bills.
And that is just me being Honest...
Cheers! | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 9/28/2007 10:28:35 AM | Complete honesty is not only important, is it the foundation, the base.
True that there is a time and place for the release of certain level of information (such as the fetish on first date that someone mentionned), but the core and structure of one self should be directly said and available; especially in the case of long term relationship or marriage.
(psychology 101)
Someone who hide something, especially in a couple, is someone who did something wrong or is planning something else; and in extension, someone who do not trust someone that make everything available and open is in fact hidding something or doing something wrong.
Never settle on honesty, ever! | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 9/28/2007 4:09:49 PM | hmm......lately i am honest with myself and with my bfr,.......even sometime the honesty bring us a pain, but we are clear between us.
it is also very touchy.....
but i learn one thing. Be honest to myself. | |
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hitnf
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Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 12 | |
| Honesty and dating
Posted: 11/4/2007 6:10:12 PM | I guess it may depend on the personality. Some people can't take the truth right off the bat and others can.
For me, the person (if that exists) has to be honest off the bat, as a few of you mention it's the base. Perhaps a base for better communication down the road. | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 11/8/2007 4:32:24 AM | When I came upon this topic I thought it was amusing because of its severity. If a person isn't totally honest one cannot have a successful and true relationship. One would have to keep track of their lies and the other one would always wonder is this person I am with telling the truth or not. Things can be o so difficult. Be true to yourself and I believe the goodness and light will shine thru and therefore you wouldnot lie and you willnot have to put up with someone who in turn lies.
Oliviabella | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 11/8/2007 5:40:36 PM | just one thing to say; hahahahahahahhahahahahah!
what a lot of B.S.!
trust me, they ALL say honesty..but they forget that OMISSION is a LIE. | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 11/10/2007 11:28:34 AM | ^^
I have no problems with omissions at first. Some things just aren't anyone's business until you get to know them better. That's just the way it is.
IF YOU HAVE A CHOICE BETWEEN 2 GOODLOOKING TWINS
BOTH HONEST, LOVING, CARING ETC...
ONE WITH $48000/YR LIVING .... WELL
THE OTHER, SAY, UNEMPLOYED
NOW WHO'S GOT A DATE !!???
If the living well one told me from the beginning that he's got lots of money, that'd take my interest away. Bragging about money is not good. Having it is helpful, I suppose, but I'm not... nor have I ever been... one to ask about a guy's finances until such time as we discuss pooling resources. ie: talking about living together.
If I notice that he shops a lot, but wastefully... buying stupid crap he doesn't need ALL the time.. that's also a turn off. Whether or not he can afford it. | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 11/18/2007 7:56:45 PM | I gotta say - Honesty is crucial!
I've played the game long enough to know that, if your looking for that one night stand, or bed friend for a few weeks - then play the game as well. Most men do! I did, and it worked. ( For a week or two - long enough to get what I wanted ) But! All of a sudden, I didn't want to play anymore ..... My foolproof plan got in my way.
If you want something to work out past 2 weeks - keep it real. You might get less hits, less options, less pretty faces on your favorites list. But! At least, the woman, men that stick with you, even though you are being honest - Will continue to stick with you.
The games are fun - Till you decide to make it real. Your always busted in the end :P
My Advice - Hang Out Together for awhile - See if you both click. Sex is the easy part. So is disease. If you want to see if it's real - Hang out - Talk! | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 11/19/2007 3:43:00 AM | I generally don't hide anything period. From anyone. Unless it's under NDA, or non-disclosure agreement.
Then I am legally bound to hide something as per the terms of the agreement.
If there is no NDA, you can bet I will tell you. For instance, I went to a massage parlour this year. I was pretty desperate, and if that means you hate me then so be it. People who like people for who they aren't are bullshit anyway. Life is too short to be a pretend asshole. | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 11/19/2007 3:41:22 PM | the quick answer, honesty is about sharing who you are with someone else who you trust and feel open enough with to share things from the very mundane to the very personal. How open you are is a function of the kind of relationship you have with that person. I don't believe for a minute that I must reveal all about myself to someone I'm dating as if they are going to grade me like a report card. Some things are not to be shared and I don't think revealing EVERYTHING to a person you are dating is appropriate.
the truth is (pun intended) we all lie to a certain degree, the white lie, the lie to not hurt someone's feelings, lies of omission, the big fat lie. what I have learned is that even people you would never dream of lying to you will lie, under certain circumstances. I think people who go on and on about lying are sometimes the biggest liars around. For example, an acquaintance of mine had a profile up on yahoo personals and was cheating on her husband with two men, told the guys she was divorced and couldn't tell her family she was dating because she was traditional european and they weren't ready to know she was back out there. She told the guys that she hated liars, although she is the biggest liar I know.
Moral of the story, not everyone deserves to know all your secrets, and some people are very good liars. All you can do is watch what you do and trust people who prove they are trustworthy.. | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 11/19/2007 11:20:42 PM | I hear you - coquine1
But at least agree with the honesty is crucial about what you want.
There are so many woman here, trying to own the perfect profile. They say they are sweet, sensitive and honest etc .... They say they are looking for this, and looking for that - But then - When you meet them, or date them, or god forbid - move in with them, it's then, and only then - does the honesty come out.
I think, there are way too many woman collecting favorites and testimonials, using hot guys to make themselves to be seen as more disireable (can't spell it lol), instead of just being honest and telling a man what she really expects. The hot guy collection (or hot girl collection) actually backfires on you. Some girls don't want a guy that has a collection of hot chicks just sitting in the background, as with most guys. Some, just don't care and use this service as a free lunch.
I don't know - All I can say is - When it's time for my profile to come back up - REAL SOON! lol - I'm going to be as honest as I can, if it scares away people - Oh well - It's better to scare them away now, instead of 6 month's later. I don't have time to waist, as do they. If they like me for me - We got something to work with. I expect the same from her :P In the end - We all just want the perfect - Or Workable Mate :P | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 11/20/2007 4:21:06 AM | "I don't believe for a minute that I must reveal all about myself to someone I'm dating as if they are going to grade me like a report card."
People who dynamically analyze you as if you were some type of algorithm for their calculus class are not worth going out with anyway in my opinion. What's going to happen if you get with this person and if ever something bad happens like you lose your job or something?
I know I get an F with any of those people and it's because I want to fail. It's not worth passing their test in my opinion. I'm more than the sum of my parts or statistical data. | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 12/4/2007 5:00:00 PM | Yeah.. always always tell the truth no matter how brutal...
Personally, I always tell the truth even, when I'm lying   | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 12/8/2007 2:18:40 PM | | I'm quite amused by how many women 'claim' they want honesty, then say they aren't interested in a relationship, but only in dating. Meaning: they like to have someone else pay for their dinner, concert or movie tickets, etc, while they give nothing in return! As f0r "money" NOT being the major factor - HA!!!!! NOTE how many women insist the guy must have a photo in 'his' profile, while 'they' refuse to provide same (using all manner of excuses!) ! NOTE too, how the words "generous" and "financially secure" almost always appear together, usually within the first 1 - 3 sentences describing what they are looking for ! | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 12/8/2007 11:20:14 PM | | Honesty is a rare commodity in the on-line world; I for one expect people to lie, probably because they think it'll help them get what they want. Then, when their lies blow up in their faces, I just point and laugh. Life is great. | |
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janyan
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Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 24 | |
| Honesty and dating
Posted: 12/9/2007 3:37:55 PM | i prefer honesty,..it will shorter the time to introduce myself in real light.
for sure same thing i espect from man, online chating, on phone conversation, on date.
......hope, you understand what i like to say,....english profesor around here? | |
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| Honesty and dating
Posted: 12/10/2007 9:04:14 AM | Omission is not a lie, if I don't get asked about my past relationships and I chose not to speak of it, then how can I be lying?
Or If I chose to say, my last relationship was bad/good/ok/not compatible without giving details on it, then how can I be lying?
That being said, honesty is important, but putting everything on the plate right from the start kinda defeats the purpose of discovering one another which is a fun part of dating.
Look at my profile for instance, I'm being honest without giving too much info :)
Of course I'm sure 90% of the women who read my profile stop at a certain line even though I ask that the entire paragraph be read, but I chose to be forwards about it. And at some point there are some who will actually read it all and understand the meaning, rather than just read the first line and roll their eyes. :P | |
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