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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?      Home login  
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 SexyBumLover
Joined: 7/21/2007
Msg: 1
Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Say if a mans been in a longterm relationship/marriage whatever and has kids right, well yer of course hes gona be hurt and all scared of getting into another situation with someone else yer. But if he met someone he really likes whats to stop him givin it a go? Why does he get scared cus it aint like hes gona get the same situation twice? Why is he afraid and whats he afraid of? I met someone whose 41 and hes been married got a kid and is scared getting serious. He doesnt say why they split up but me an him are mega together. He bought me a ring and he says he loves me though. Whats his problem whys he not showing more interest if hes interested?
 loris84
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 2
Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/12/2007 8:44:05 AM
your prob wondering why he hasn't asked u to marry yet right.Well if he got a devorce in his late 30's and early 40's its a big thing cause all the plans him and his wife had a shot to shit.everything gets split so whatever he wanted to do at his age now he cant he has to start from square one again.so if he gets married again now and u both make plans and if something happens hes ****ed again,thats what hes prob scared of.
 WickedWorld
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 3
Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/12/2007 8:48:30 AM
Judging by your profile , you just want to get whammed, bammed, than get a Thank you mame.Maybe your not a good lay, and he likes his other girly friends better than you.
 SexyBumLover
Joined: 7/21/2007
Msg: 4
Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/12/2007 9:04:28 AM
Im only 24 all girls my age like fun. Im at uni and having a whale of a time. Ive just been to Ibiza and everyones the same.
 SexyBumLover
Joined: 7/21/2007
Msg: 5
Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/12/2007 9:07:01 AM
Loris thats great advice thanks. But I really like this guy. Hes ace. What should I do to stop him getting scared him thinking its going to happen to him again? Hes diferent from blokes my age. Hes mature and I love mature men. I met him on a uni get together. He rocks my boat!!
 topbhoy88
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 6
Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/12/2007 9:08:26 AM
i agree wif the others in saying he prob can see right thro you, have a read of your own profile again and think if it was him reading it, if it was me, i don't think i would go near you with his, i would run a mile man. best of luck with the relationship!!!
 SexyBumLover
Joined: 7/21/2007
Msg: 7
Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/12/2007 9:14:07 AM
Hes the same. He always played around. Im a redhead and im quite firey but he loves that. He knows my situation. We just attracted to each other. Whats the harm in that? What I do aint no ones business. It fun. I was only a teenager 5 years ago so it not like im all grown up yet an wanting to settle down is it? I would with him cus hes ace and he took me out in his car and treated me like a lady.

Id give up my lifestyle for that guy. Ive never had a serious boyfriend cus im too young but Id want one with him. Just gotta try an get him sorted out. He gets upset about his ex and his kid. I aint been in that situation so i dont know whats goin on in his head. He doesnt open up. What do i do so he knows he can trust me and it wont happen whatever happend with his ex wife? I dont understand men whove been married why they take so long gettin over it and scared to get serious again. If it aint gonna happen again it aint gonna happen. Whys he punishing himself then??
 *mandrake*
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 8
Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/12/2007 9:18:13 AM
OP....healing takes time. Perhaps he is just not ready to become serious again. Being scared is a natural defence mechanism, it's part of the process when one has been hurt. Maybe you should slow down and see if he is as interested in you, as you are in him. I agree your profile might scare some off, but it is yours. Good luck, and I hope things work out for you.
 kreuztraeger
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 9
Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/12/2007 9:40:00 AM
"Looking for anyone who will have me."

=will give it up to anyone
=will probably cheat
 swamp thing
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 10
Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/12/2007 9:51:08 AM
Love is irrational, so if you plan on it being there in the future you are setting yourself up for another failure. People can think they identified the problem that caused their last relationship to fail, and in some cases maybe they did, but the fact remains when it mattered they could not see it, and were unable to stop it from happening. There could be any number of other problems that come up, and so it is not enough to have solved one in hindsight. The uncertainty remains. One would need to act on faith, or else accept the likelihood of things eventually falling apart.

The experience of having been loved and then hated by the same woman makes the whole idea of being loved a kind of fantasy. It would be like if you built a house and then an earthquake knocked it down. You might build another one but you would be expecting another earthquake, too. Or else you would live in a tent that couldn't crash down on top of you in an earthquake. Fleeting and casual relationships are like tents. They provide the basics without that dreaded liability of one day crashing down on top of you.

The more a man invests himself in the relationship, the worse off he will be when it ends. When he is in it for the day or by the week, and keeps his bag packed, the end of the relationship is perhaps sad but is not devastating. I think men do love again, they just don't count on it or make plans based on the love lasting.
 WickedWorld
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 11
Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/12/2007 10:14:15 AM
OMFG swampthing you sure your not Dr.Phil in disguise? That was well said

I think the OP has a guy that has a booty call when ever he wants,and just looking at her screen name, he probably gives it to her where she really likes it

So Sweetbumlover, my advise is just stick around long enough to get your fix . If your sugar daddy can't even tell you why he got divorced, something is wrong there(I suspect he tried giving it to her in the wrong place and she figured he was gay)

Good Luck Tho
 DallasFlier
Joined: 3/19/2006
Msg: 12
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Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/12/2007 10:45:48 AM
Owilling to be discreet if you in my area and fancy a quick liaisonP, you're kidding, right?? PLEASE, go back RIGHT NOW and read your profile again - word for word. ANY guy in his right mind would be scared to death to get involved in anything serious with you. One night stand, you bet! Serious and committed relationship?

"Looking for anyone who will have me"

"My last relationship lasted a week"

"Interests - i like having sex and fishing"

"willing to be discreet if you in my area and fancy a quick liaison"

"I dont need long term I just want sex. Dont care how old you are im not fussy."

"First Date - under the sheets/under the bed/on the bed/over the bed/anywhere you choose."

You've GOT to be kidding! EVERYTHING in your profile points to "long term, serious" for you being maybe a month - or until the next guy shows up "in your area who fancies a quick liasion." Yikes. He'd be crazy NOT to be scared!
 BadBoy4204U
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 13
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Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/12/2007 12:19:48 PM
DallasFlier ,

For this one I have to agree with you.
SexyBumLover perhaps your bi-polar or something?
Any guy in his right mind would avoid a woman with a profile such as yours.



My last relationship lasted a week and I was gutted when he got booted off the course cus he was great in bed. I have been alone for many weeks now and i need a new partner to fullfill my desires. I enjoy a beer and willing to be discreet if you in my area and fancy a quick liaison. I dont need long term I just want sex. I like to abuse my men and will give you a good time if you are up for it.


He just probably really hates it that you actually think sex with him means something .
Or perhaps he just wants to do something meaningful with his life?

It takes all kinds to make a world.....
 Commanchero
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 14
Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/12/2007 2:42:05 PM
Love and vulnerability come hand in hand. Manhood and vulnerability do not. One has to be vulnerable to experience love. You have to be able to put it all on the line and risk the possibility of losing all of it to experience true love. Many men are lucky and are vulnerable one time, find that perfect woman for him, and that is the only time. They get out easy. Some of us lay it all on the line and almost lose all of it, and end up nearly homeless trying to survive the experience. So, being vulnerable a second time around may not ever happen, it leaves you feeling stupid, and a man does not like to feel stupid. I can understand the hesitation, there is a lot at stake.
 piranah_316
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 15
Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/12/2007 2:52:57 PM
i am a male,...and i can honestly say that it's all because we've tasted true love,...and to taste it again would only bring back the memories of the first taste of true love,...when we have had true love in our lives,...and the relationship doesn't work,....we start to feel very lonely,...hurt,...and down,...and then all we can think about is who we were with before hand.?we do get over it,...but it's not easy,....and true love sticks to you for along ,...long,...long,..time.?see only in our minds do we know when we can love again,....so do not worry sexybumlover,....we only need time to adjust,..and move on.?
 thatsamoreme
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 16
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Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/12/2007 3:04:43 PM
my first thought when seeing this question, is 'It is not just Men who get Scared' so do women, when you Love, as opposed to Lust, and you loose that Love, in whatever way it happens, it hurts,, leaving a vunerability, and need to protect from Loving again,

I did look at your profile op, and as you say, you are young, perhaps not having felt the depth of Love, makes it difficult to understand the fear associated with a commitment, especially one so young, who wants to have fun.

Continue having fun, and keep your eye open for the real One who will 'Rock Your Boat'
light and love
 Tuttifruity
Joined: 9/6/2007
Msg: 17
Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/12/2007 3:23:39 PM
exactly you have pointed out the point! You are too young to understand. You have never had a serious relationship so how could you possibily understand. I read the profile aswell and in all honesty i would think that you are up for just sex!

Maybe i'm old or old fashioned or brought up differently! But i call that lack of respect for yourself to go around as you are! The ring maybe sweetner hes on a good thing as you have said you are up for fun. He may not be ready for anything else. He is aware of what you are about proberly suits him the current arrangement.
 Lee4love
Joined: 9/24/2006
Msg: 18
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Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/21/2007 9:02:29 PM
That is a question you can ask Women too....
 Bene elim
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 19
Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/22/2007 10:04:51 AM
Why do men get scared to love again when they've been hurt?

Don't you mean, why do *WOMEN* get scared to love again when they've been hurt?!
 sonofagun28
Joined: 9/4/2007
Msg: 20
Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/22/2007 9:06:01 PM
Because you all have something in comman and I dont mean gender
 lonestardaddy
Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 21
Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/22/2007 9:33:29 PM
Sexy, That you no longer have a profile here says more for the less that you truly know or possibly for others' pain. That you're "mega togther" might just be how you'd both would like life to be and remain between y'all, but a child w/ a previous woman is a bigger deal to another man thati respect more than you're yet capable of doing. If he's reading this, get away while you still can ...and by all means, get her to return the ring ASAP.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 22
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Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/23/2007 9:50:27 AM
Because men are expected to be strong and not get all emotional after a breakup. A man that has been cheated on, lied to or used has had his heart (and ego) ripped to shreds. Women have always had the advantage of compassionate girlfriends that will laugh and cry with them for months and agree that the man was a louse. Your girlfriends will always assure you that you will find someone much better. Men do not get that from their buddies, there is nothing worse to a man then a wimpy whiney guy. "My GF broke my wittle heart, WAH!!!" Men don't have time for all of that. Their advise will always be to go out, score a few drunken conquests and move on with their lives. So they build up walls and become unwilling to commit themselves to the next woman. Fear is the most powerful emotion in the world.
 montecristd1
Joined: 12/18/2006
Msg: 23
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Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/23/2007 10:42:47 AM
Actually i have no answer for y
I've being single over two yrs now...
Too scared to get to one, and even when i'm ready i feel like a virgin because i would be scared i wouldnt do well for my first time.
I'm fighting it but its not working
 swamp thing
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 24
Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/23/2007 11:36:55 AM

Because men are expected to be strong and not get all emotional after a breakup. A man that has been cheated on, lied to or used has had his heart (and ego) ripped to shreds. Women have always had the advantage of compassionate girlfriends that will laugh and cry with them for months and agree that the man was a louse. Your girlfriends will always assure you that you will find someone much better. Men do not get that from their buddies, there is nothing worse to a man then a wimpy whiney guy. "My GF broke my wittle heart, WAH!!!" Men don't have time for all of that. Their advise will always be to go out, score a few drunken conquests and move on with their lives. So they build up walls and become unwilling to commit themselves to the next woman. Fear is the most powerful emotion in the world.
Doesn't describe me or any of the men I have known.
 stretch46504
Joined: 7/3/2005
Msg: 25
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Why do men get scared to love again when theyve been hurt?
Posted: 9/23/2007 7:49:48 PM
Iwas married for 34 yrs and 33 of those she cheated off and on , but stupid me I figured it would stop one day and it didnt, so i left, was the hurt done? Nope I later found myself in a relationship and "oh you are the sweetest, I love you so much" and then in just hrs she decided I wasnt right for her because I didnt dress the way she liked, I have been booted for some real stupid stuff, not catholic,dont play golf, wasnt a pro dancer, to fat ( I am 7' tall and 285 lbs) size to weight, and the best one I dont (all of a sudden) have time for a relationship and isnt fair to you(me) LoL and you wonder why we are afraid to Love again? when we do it turns out the same! and then you have a profile like you have , LOL wouldnt even consider you lol. and I am quite sure every man in here has had some real stupid excuses for being dumped! AND I am quite sure the ladies have also.
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