| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 6:36:26 PM | My experience with POF dates is finding they all have one thing in common....trust issues. People act like they are scared too death of each other....what is up with that? I have a couple of girl friends here on POF and they say the same thing. They say it's cool and everybody is ready to play....as long as they are behind the PC....But get them out in real life where 'IT' really start happening then the fears set in.
I'm not talking about dates that don't pan out and the chemistry is not there. I'm talking about dates that have chemistry and could develop into a beautiful relationship but turns into a 'crash and burn' because someone gets scared.
Why is everyone so afraid? | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 6:49:01 PM | | everyone has trust issues! Trust is not automatic, it comes with time and understanding. It is something that develops between two people as they get to know each other. | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 6:50:52 PM | | What exactly are trust issues? That seems to be a common reason for semi- relationships that don't pan out. He or she has trust issues. B.S.! He or she just doesn't want to be involved with that person. | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 6:51:53 PM | How many people can admit they have trust issues?
1. The women who want to do background checks
2. Women who automatically assume that every man ONLY wants sex until each individual man proves him self otherwise.
3. A woman who is afraid to have drinks with a guy on a first date fearing that he might spike her drink.
They might not admit it in the exact words but these show a pretty good indication. | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 6:53:22 PM | I'm a bit of a fool and assume that simply because I am honest, everyone else is too.
This has caused me to get burned on a number of occasions - not specifically here, but just in general.
Hasn't stopped me yet though, I am not yet totally bitter and jaded. I figure eventually I'll find someone that will return the favour.
Guess I'm not the cynic that I believe myself to be, maybe I AM a 'glass half full' kind of girl.... | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 6:58:55 PM | There is a fine line between being trusting and being naive. For example, I would never accept a first date to a man's home. It really has nothing to do with him...I am just taking the best care of me I can.
As for when you get involved with someone...mant people see not trusting someone as a way to distance themselves from people. Well, thats probably just as well. If they are too afraid to get involved, you wouldnt want them anyway, right?;)
It is just as easy to trust initially as it is to mistrust. I guess I am willing to take an "eyes wide open" approach to trust. | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 7:00:50 PM | My wife left me after 12 years of a very good marriage..obviously not so good at the end I guess..
I was out cutting firewood one day and she was gone by the time I checked in to see if I needed to stop at the store on the way home..It seems I couldn't trust her after 12 years. How could I trust someone I've never even met. I could begin working on it for sure, but do you blame me for having a few grains of salt rolling around... | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 7:07:03 PM | I think my problem is I never have any trust issues.
I learned the only 2 women I had relationships with in my life had cheated when they confessed. And when the second one said she would not do it again I believed her.
To this day I try to remember everyone deserves a chance. If you can't trust people its because you can't trust yourselves. Or in my Opinion that is the case.
For how many times has a spouse accused another of cheating who was in fact cheating themselves.
When my Ex tore up a note and stormed out of a room, I got curious. I took the note and taped it back together. The man writing my "Ex" indicated hints. Something like "You can put your shoes under my bed again if you ever feel the need to do so."
But I didn't take the hints. I took the note to her and asked her what he was talking about. She said, "He made advances toward me but I said no." I nodded and said okay, trusting her at her word. That is what married people do. Of course I learned 2 years later that she slept with the man and the entire story she originally told me was false.
Even with all that happening to me, I don't understand why people have trust issues. If you can't trust your partner what is the sense of getting married? Therefore what is the point of even dating?
Fact is you can't trust most of the people alive today. They are so hooked on sex. Most of the trust issues deals with men and women who wants to sample the goods of the opposite sex. | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 7:12:10 PM | | I have trust issues because I've been hurt before. Not afraid or ashamed of admitting it either. Trust, like respect is something that must be earned. I think it's natural to have your emotional guard up when dealing with matters of the heart. | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 7:51:36 PM | I have trust issues. I admit it.
I have very good reasons for them. Now I do not really trust anyone until they have earned it. But that doesn't mean I am ready to throw in the towel and write off the whole human race. I will do my best to see someone as decent and give them a chance. But on the other hand I am very wary....and I think another poster said this too..in some ways I have trust issues with myself, because I know how vulnerable I can be when it comes to relationships...and how blind also. So I don't entirely trust myself to make the best choices..I've made mistakes, haven't we all?
Sex just really throws a wrench into it all.
It's tough not having the youthful optimism and naitivity (sp) that I once had, but there are some things I am NOT willing to experience again. I'd rather be alone. | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 7:55:54 PM | | No trust issues here! I have learned to be both trustworthy and to trust all those I come into contact with. If someone should betray that trust, then they are out of my life. It's that simple for me. | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:04:48 PM | Yes I do. Sometimes I hurt my back and other times my partner complains that I miss.
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
Oh, I'm sorry, you said trust issues I thought you said thrust issues! Never mind! | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:05:57 PM | It would seem illogical to hold everyone responsible for an act of deciet that was done by some other person.
If one can't let go of the past and take each new person at face value, then why waste your time or anyone else's if you're going to live behind that wall of paranoia?
You have to let go of it. The past is the past. It's done, move on. | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:06:39 PM | I believe any of us who have been married before have trust issues.
Most of us have reason to and to be skeptical. I also believe if and when we find the right one we can dissolve these issues. When real love comes along we will know, and move past that. "I really hope so " I have found once we let that wall down we often wished we would have kept it up, we only get our hearts broken in the process. | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:11:21 PM | | I don't know that it's all fear - they're probably some awkward feelings and shyness about meeting strangers. Why wouldn't anyone be cautious? I would wonder about a person who didn't have any qualms whatsoever about me - do they not recognize their feelings?? | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:16:33 PM | I would say I'm much more cautious. There does come a time when one needs to take a leep of faith though. Sure, I get disappointed but you move on. The bad is on them, its their karma they're messing with, not mine.
Peace  | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:43:46 PM | | People who have been deceived by a partner have experienced pain,their issues are not around trust if they are a trustworthy person. Their issue is around re-experiencing that same revolving door of behaviour and re-experiencing that pain . Trust is integrity in action,it is earned. When we are dating especially when we are older and have more at stake monetarily being guarded is our maturity safe guard that is necessary to see the signs to either continue dating someone or not. If you pay close attention to how a person responds to you and the energies that they give off you can very easily see whether they are worthy companions. Difficulties surround the psychopathic personalities,individuals who have no feelings for anyone except themselves, these people walk amongst us and are very, difficult to spot because they are cunning, calculating, manipulative and above all undeniably charming ,, as many counsellors will say,"if it is too good to be true. it likely is." Letting our guard down as the relationship develops for healthy people in love is normal and natural and having this mechanism of "guardedness" is the best sign of a person who is emotionally ready to make a mature committment. So if you meet someone who is guarded and you are also, it will likely make the beginning of something wonderful as both are trustworthy people who need to see trust in action for one another, and this is the foundation of real love. | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:52:09 PM | XENO SAID: ""The women who want to do background checks
2. Women who automatically assume that every man ONLY wants sex until each individual man proves him self otherwise.
3. A woman who is afraid to have drinks with a guy on a first date fearing that he might spike her drink.""
I am not a woman, and I think those are very valid reasons. Would you want to date a woman who didn't think of those things, considering how serious love and sex should be?
Now what I am seeing, aside from "trust issues" is general relationshihps issues. Thats why we are here, most of our relationships haven't lasted.
But if the two click, then I suppose a woman's trust in a man might be a good reason for her not to enjoy the relationships.
Is someone keeping score? | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:55:40 PM | I admit I have trust Issues - have been put through the ringer and shake with fear on the odd occasion I meet someone I could love  But you know I have faith when the right one arrives he'll push the fears off button - not the fears on button and we'll get through It | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:58:38 PM | I have more trust issue with myself than with any woman I meet.
I don't trust my choice of women. I have a long history of picking women who I allow to rip my heart out and crush it into the mud.
That's my stuff. I own it and accept it.
Having said that, though, I think there is a stupidly long and rigid list of expectations that many people (particularly women, in my opinion) demand prospective partners must meet. I think this is one of those things that makes it difficult to trust that someone will accept us for who we are.
The question going around in people's minds becomes, "If I don't manage to fill all the check boxes on the list, is he/she gonna leave for the first person he/she meets who has more attributes on the list?"
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