| Where did this come from?
Posted: 9/23/2007 7:19:04 AM | Hi, to all who read this. I'm Jeremy, and I live in the Manatee county area in Florida. I met Lori, right here on POF, about three months ago (June 14th). She has been the woman of my dreams. She wholeheartedly concedes that I treat her like a goddess. She also agrees that she feels that I'm in love with her (or at least I'm falling in love with her.) She also admits that she WAS in love with me. There have been no arguments between us, at all. When we conversate, it's always very stimulating. The mutual attraction is also agreed upon, with our sex life being the best it could ever be, between two people. Our values are very close to being the same. She also gets along wonderfully with my two young daughters, ages two and three, and I get along with her only child, a twenty year old son. I really had it in my mind that this was going to last, for quite a long time.
Lori suddenly broke things off with me this past Friday night, by telling me that she loves me as a friend, that she's not in love with me and that she needs space. She tells me that there is no other man she's interested in, and that she's been completely faithful. She also gave me the predictable "any woman would be SO lucky to have you" speech.
This came out of absolutely nowhere. I had no warning signs at all. I know I'm going to hear from some people that if it's meant to be, she'll call. I know that. I just want to know if I'm alone in this situation. And, since it's only been two days since she broke it off, should I wait for her? It's not like I've got a line of women wanting me, and she is absolutely the only woman I'm interested in. | |
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epode
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Joined: 8/16/2007
Msg: 2 | |
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| Where did this come from?
Posted: 9/23/2007 9:43:48 AM | | Yes, it's easy for people to say "she wasn't in to you" or "you got dumped" or "it's her loss". That doesn't help to ease the hurt. I'm going throught he same thing myself and I can say it sucks. (the man who dumped me is still on POF and searching hard to find someone else...and knowing that hurts too). Listen, don't rush into anything. If you're not emotionally available, don't turn around and hurt someone else by leading them on. Grieve until you can let someone new into your heart. And all you can do is wait, wait to see if she comes back or wait until you are healed. Good luck! | |
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| Where did this come from?
Posted: 9/23/2007 10:03:36 AM | I am sure you are a great guy and she probably appreciated you very much. But if the chemistry is not there or there are issues or areas that she feels she cannot overcome then you move on. We cannot control the hearts of others.
Perhaps the fact that her child is grown and yours are still very young was an issue. Parenting is a hard job. | |
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| Where did this come from?
Posted: 9/23/2007 10:11:54 AM | | Well, she did mention that she adores my girls. She actually spends quite a bit of time with her only grandchild who is nine months old. I don't feel any malice or ill will towards her, at all. Inside, my heart still very much belongs to her. Only time will change that. I'm a very patient man, and if I have to wait a while, that's fine. It just put knots in my stomach when she said "Jeremy, I'm not in love with you", just as sincerely as when she's said she loves me. | |
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| Where did this come from?
Posted: 9/23/2007 10:31:14 AM | I think you have your answer then, do not wait around for her. You are both adults and she was quite clear. | |
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| Where did this come from?
Posted: 9/23/2007 10:33:16 AM | I know how you feel......I was with Rick for over a yr. and then he tells me on the phone that he loves but isn't in love with me!
We had made plans to move in together,He had met my sons and Grandaughter....I thought everything was great!
Last week when he found out I was in the hospital he tells me he's been seeing someone for a week and to get over him because it's over......What sucks is I really love him and we met on another site which he is still on.
 .....I've done plenty of this but I know that he'll call me and I'll be the one to say,Sorry but you need to get over it!
Don't let the fact that she adores your girls be the factor to wait......He also adored my grandaughter and got alog great with my sons!
My piss-off is they also got hurt with him breaking up with me..... | |
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Posted: 9/23/2007 10:43:05 AM | Sometimes it takes 3 months to know if someone is the one and sometimes it takes 9 months and sometimes it takes 2 years and sometimes it takes 3 seconds.
Obviously it took her 3 months to come to the conclusion that you were not "the one".
Yea... it sucks eggs and it hurts big time but at least she ended the relationship in a respectful, dignified and honest way. What more can someone ask for from another.......
Accept it, let it go, give your wounds time to heal and move on and try again.
Love, as painful as it can be at times........... is as perennial as grass and will grow again with someone else.......
Peace | |
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Posted: 9/23/2007 10:58:08 AM | It sounds like she had enough respect for you to actually tell you instead of the "it's not you, it's me" speech. It obviously was her if she told you that. Doesn't make it hurt less; I know.
You should not wait on her. You should wait on your heart to heal and then go on with your life. Whether that is to find someone else, to play the field, or to just be with you for a while. Although you're interested in her, she's probably not interested in you, anymore. I'm sorry. However, she could have stopped accepting your calls or emails and just left you wondering. At least you know her feelings are gone.
Good luck,
Liz | |
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| Where did this come from?
Posted: 9/23/2007 11:25:18 AM | | Yes, Liz, you are correct. The only comfort I have right now, is that she did tell me to my face, in exact words how she wanted me to know she feels. But, you women are fickle creatures, with the God given right to change your minds at the drop of a hat. And, since it's only been the weekend, I'm just going to be patient. | |
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| Where did this come from?
Posted: 9/23/2007 11:46:37 AM | | Relationships, romance and love are female inventions to regulate the circumstances under which sex will occur. When men take such things seriously they lose sight of the basic nature of sex, and from then on are at the peril of women's whims and wiles. When she said she loved you it meant nothing, and now when she says she no longer does, it means nothing. | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 12 | |
| Where did this come from?
Posted: 9/23/2007 12:01:24 PM | well it is easy to get swept away in the early stages of a romance....everything is all cool and groovy. and lotsssssssssssssssssssssss of people go along with things they DONT really like jsut to have a little bit of hte stuff they DO like. So maybe that happened...she truly did like you but it got all out of control, too much too fast, you started to get more serious than she ever was......and eventually she had to put an end or a big slow down to this whole thing.
she may have told you explicitly or given you hints that it needed to slow down and you didnt respond appropriately.....so backed into a corner she did what she had to do. anywya.....sure yeah, contact her a couple of times to be nice, keep in touch and try to get some conversation going about this. but if she doesnt respond in a couple of attempts...then say ADIOS MUCHAHA and let her go....she knows what she wants and needs. | |
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Posted: 9/23/2007 12:01:50 PM | 3 months is NOT that long. Be thankful for three good months and move on. You can't make someone feel something they don't.
If it is meant to be she will be back. If not, you had three months that a lot of people never have. | |
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| Where did this come from?
Posted: 9/23/2007 12:09:12 PM | | It comes down to one and only one thing, that is the way it is today. Typical female behavior. | |
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| Where did this come from?
Posted: 9/23/2007 12:10:06 PM | Dave gave you pretty good advice and I have one other thing to add but I am confused. You met her here on pof June 14th but didn't put up your profile until July 18th?
Sometimes we have an unsettled feeling like something is not right. She may be feeling that and assume that it has something to do with you when it could be something else that is going on (or not) in her life. If this is the case, there might be a reason for you to hold out hope and regardless, lying low for a bit when things don't work out is not a bad thing.
I would be more inclined to accept that she found something about you that you either don't have that she wants (not material things) or something that you do have that was a turnoff. I thought I had found a great guy. I was ecstatic and people told me that I looked radiant, it was sort of sickening. He said he wasn't jealous, but couldn't get beyond my remaining friends with a guy I with whom I had had a relationship. You are either jealous or not, it isn't something related to one person. One of the things I had loved about him was saying anything, not guarding my speech as I had had to do with my unbelievably jealous X. Soon I was careful about everything I said because he would twist the most innocuous thing.
Sometimes we are not who we think we are, so when we tell someone about us, we mislead them. It takes time to get to know someone. As I like to call it, to shake the monkeys out of the trees. Two to three months usually does it. I thought this guy was the greatest thing since sliced bread but it seemed every week I was finding out something or learning by his behavior things that were not conducive to a long term relationship. For me, each individual thing was not a big deal, but added together? The feelings went kaput pretty quickly.
I am not saying this to be harsh and this may not be what happened with Lori but I think when we think that things seem to have ended for no reason, it is more difficult to get over because you see it as perfect and something you want. What she feels we do not know, but if you try to look at it from her perspective, she wouldn't be happy and if you really love her, you want her to be happy whether it is with you or someone else. I think she also cares enough about you to believe that you deserve someone who loves you the same way you did her.
Eddie has a good point. Take and appreciate happiness when you can and move on. | |
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clay71
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Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 16 | |
| Where did this come from?
Posted: 9/23/2007 12:10:19 PM | Sorry but,your world is going to change.Turn up your collar and welcome the unknown.Keep taking care of your kids,and change up your routine a bit.And even let the water works go, to get it out of your system.You'll know when you are ready again.
 Cheers! | |
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Posted: 9/23/2007 12:29:36 PM | Sorry that you are hurting, but at least she was honest . She loves you as a person .. a friend.. but not as a life partner. The "in love" weak in the knees thing isn't there for her. Good sex and great conversation don't make a relationship viable. Both parties have to want it to work and it looks like she is not on board. From what you say, waiting for her to come back is a waste of time and hope. The longer you wait, the longer it will be before you heal.
That is a shame because you got hurt and your children got exposed to another women coming and going in their young lives. Perhaps next time you might take that a litle slower and save your children some pain.
You might also want to think about taking their picture out of your profile. Perverts and pedophiles are everywhere.. and the exposure could be dangerous. Being proud of them is one thing, displaying thier photos to every weirdo and wanker in cyber space is another. Have pics to show privately when the time is right but please , seriously consider their safety. JMHO | |
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| Where did this come from?
Posted: 9/23/2007 3:55:32 PM | To the OP, I think you should tell her to take a hike in exactly the way your screen name does !!
You don't need someone like that, Guaranteed if the circumstances had been the other way round you would have been severely slated, somehow women think it is their God given right to just change their minds and p*ss someone off......Not anymore, they asked for equality so throw it back in their faces.......They'll soon get fed up with it. | |
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| Where did this come from?
Posted: 9/23/2007 4:56:26 PM | Hi neigbour, I am from Bradenton...
My answer would be simple. There is a good chance that there were some things she didn't like about you or what not comfortable about. And in many cases people do not always tell you those things. Some peopl want to break-up in a more smoother way and say that they are not love (that I know hurts) but they do not want to bring up all those little things they could possibly not like/be uncomfortable with. YOu may never find the true reasons but there is a good chance there were some. | |
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| Where did this come from?
Posted: 9/23/2007 7:13:52 PM | OMG...I saw her sign on to POF for the first time since we started talking back in June tonight (she's the only person on my favorites list, and it shows last login)...I didn't realize that when you get lovesick you literally feel the urge to vomit. Ya'll, I have never experienced that! My stomach literally seized up and I dry heaved. Shizit...I'm gonna need therapy.  | |
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| Where did this come from?
Posted: 9/23/2007 7:25:54 PM | | Hey eff-off.............maybe you, me and bradentoncutie could meet at the Anna Maria City Pier and drink a few beers. You can tell us all about Lori and we can look out at the ocean and eat fried shrimp until we puke. If you're gonna be sick it might as well be over something really good. | |
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Posted: 9/23/2007 7:38:52 PM | | Ah the dreaded "I love you as a friend".... Sorry it happened to you.. Goodluck | |
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| Where did this come from?
Posted: 9/24/2007 4:38:47 AM |
OMG...I saw her sign on to POF for the first time since we started talking back in June tonight (she's the only person on my favorites list, and it shows last login)...I didn't realize that when you get lovesick you literally feel the urge to vomit. Ya'll, I have never experienced that! My stomach literally seized up and I dry heaved. Shizit...I'm gonna need therapy.
....So what does that tell you?
It tells you not to wait for her. Move on, as much as you hurt, just move on. Weather it was something she realized about you, or some feeling that she thought she had for you, or that she was just being fickle, it was a 3 month investment, not a lifetime. "Wait" for no one.
BTW, how long was it between the "breakup" and her signing back on to POF? Hint, hint. | |
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| Where did this come from?
Posted: 9/24/2007 4:57:13 AM | | WAIT FOR HER???GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT! BUT GREAT THINGS COME TO THOSE THAT DON'T...."MOVE -ON" PUT HER OUT FASTER THAN FRIDAY'S LEFTOVERS! LIFE HAS SO MUCH TO OFFER. | |
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