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 Bri_an
Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 1
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Are complements a bad thing?Page 1 of 1    
So while talking to my cousin I tell her about this time i complemented this one girl. She then tells me how awkward guys complementing her makes her feel. I then find out that its not just her that thinks this, apparently her friends think the same.

My question for you girls is this though: How does a complement from a guy make you feel? Are we being kept in the dark on how we make you feel?

Also if its just a certain kind of complement please give an example of good and bad ones. Thanks this has been bugging me.

Sincerely Brian.
 MONEMPERER
Joined: 6/26/2006
Msg: 2
Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 9/24/2007 12:10:07 AM
people with low self esteem about themselves dont take compliments well figure out the ones with decent to high self esteem and compliment them. Those with low self esteem just let them know your there and support them. This will be the biggest compliment they can get since most people with self esteem alot of times dont feel that anyone is there for them.\


Also alot of women just dont realize a thank you suffices when complimented so dont really know what to say.
 Bri_an
Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 3
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Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 9/24/2007 12:23:33 AM
Thank you. I'll tell my cousin that one:) This sure puts my mind at ease though. Thanks again(Y)
 MONEMPERER
Joined: 6/26/2006
Msg: 4
Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 9/24/2007 12:48:26 AM
ask your cousin how she trully feels about her physical appearance this is what I mean by low self esteem about themselves. Alot of women are like yes that looks good but it can look so much better they have a longer road to accept who and what they are then most guys do.
 saskassgirl
Joined: 2/5/2005
Msg: 5
Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 9/24/2007 12:57:29 AM
Are you kidding me? Complements are great. If a guy complements me I know that he is noticing me. If i say have 2 guys on pof that I'm chatting to and they are equil, the guy that gives me honest compliments is the guy I will start to notice. Of course these complements can't be about my rack...lol. But honest nice complements are great.

The best ones are the less obvious ones. Eg If a girl has great eyes, then you know that she has heard the "great eyes" one before, So you'll just blend in with all of the other guys. But if you find something else that you like about her, compliment on that...Again...shouldn't be about her rack...lol. Another good type of complement is about what she is saying. If she has taught you something, make a comment on that. She'll feel like your actually listening to her, and understand her.

I complement guys all the time. Every one has something great about them. I only wish guys complemented me more.
 tequila~rose
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 6
Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 9/24/2007 7:42:19 AM
Cant say I have a problem with compliments as long as there genuine!!

The only time im weary is when blokes are using them just to get laid then there just pathetic!!
 Greeneyes0913
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 7
Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 9/24/2007 8:14:24 AM
I don't mind compliments either as long as they're genuine and appropriate. I was on a date recently where he must have told me 20 times how beautiful I was. That's always nice to hear but that's all he focused on. After the 15th time I finally had to tell him that there's more to me than just my looks. Of course he didn't stop. I came to realize he was just shallow and cared only about what a woman looked like and not what they had to offer. It was such a turn off. His compliments actually backfired.
 sonnyboy817
Joined: 7/3/2007
Msg: 8
Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 9/24/2007 8:37:53 AM
Wow. If a woman tells me I'm beautiful 20 times I would fall for her. And yeah compliments are cool but like tangueray (i hope i spelled that right) use it in moderation. Sounds like bollocks if overused.
 imalitltpot
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 9
Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 9/24/2007 9:11:00 AM
Compliments are a great thing, if they are sincere. Use them sparingly, but try to compliment someone - friend, stranger, loved one - on something [sincerely] every single day. You will make someone's day.

Overuse of compliments can start to sound insincere.
 rune3
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 10
Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 9/24/2007 9:16:21 AM
If you don't believe them then yeah, they can be uncomfortable. It's generally okay as long as they don't harp on about it and allow you to say "thank you" and move the conversation on quickly. It's not the same thing but various of my students have said nice things about me/my teaching lately, particularly today and whilst I did feel somewhat uncomfortable/embarrassed at the time, it's nice to be sitting here, now the preparation for tomorrow is done, having those positive comments to give me a little bit more faith that I do a half decent job because that matters very much to me.

Compliments have to be about something you care about to have any impact and from someone whose opinion is relevant too. They also have to be not too personal otherwise they are just offensive. The definition of "not too personal" varies from person to person. Comments on appearance always seem rather dubious to me: it's not like I carved my face out of marble or anything, it's what I was born with.
 SassySky
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 11
Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 9/24/2007 9:23:16 AM
Compliments are nice.. I will say thank you.. When they are excessive and insincere. I tend to get irritated..
Comes under the heading of keep it K.I.S.S Be real
 SunnyTexas
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 12
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Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 9/24/2007 9:34:11 AM
I am just now learning how to accept a compliment.

It's a hard grace to learn. I always thought they were phony so I'd just *pfffffffft it off and never understood nor could I decipher a sincere one from the phony...but the older I got the better I could tell.

There is an art and grace of accepting a compliment just as there is in giving one.

Mean it. Look them in the eye. Don't gush.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 13
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Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 9/24/2007 9:43:48 AM
You asked for women to advise, but I wanted to point out two things:

1) If your cousin is shy, she probably hangs out with friends who are shy, too, so its possible her friends think like she does, yet not be a representative of what many women think.

2) Not all compliments are the same :) Telling her she has nice hair is good, telling her she has great hooters isn't. Give her compliments on her personality, not ones that show you are focused on having sex with her. Everyone else does that, stick out :) In other words, treat her like a human who stands out from other humans, not just someone to have sex with.

This isn't to say you should treat her as a sexless human being, either :) She has needs, and one of them is to feel special, not just necessary for you to get laid.
 SunnyTexas
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 14
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Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 9/24/2007 9:55:16 AM
oh yes, be SPECIFIC.

I was once told "You're always the same"

I was befuddled as to what that meant so I ask him to elaborate. He meant it as a compliment but it was so vague. He just meant my disposition was stable. Okay? whatever the heck that meant. So I had to kick him in the shins.

After the bruise healed, he finally admitted that people know how and what to expect from Sunny. Volatility and moodiness are non existent. I'm stable is what he meant and he meant it in a good way.

If your going to pay a lady a compliment, don't just pick one that's very vague in attributes.

But if I get one more "your fun to be around" I think my disposition will become a foot disorder. When I hear that phrase, for some reason my boot wants to go straight up there arse.

That's kinda like sayin' "you have a great personality" and that's not a compliment.
 SunnyTexas
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 15
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Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 9/24/2007 11:56:03 AM
What I mean by that is its nothing you can put your finger on and say "that's a good thing" because it's too vague.
 SunnyTexas
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 16
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Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 9/24/2007 11:58:52 AM
oops double post
 veevee
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 17
Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 9/24/2007 12:23:53 PM
Not accepting compliments well doesn't mean to me low self-esteem any more than accepting them well means narcissistic personality disorder but that is what you get accused of when you tell ppl to stop. I believe that they should be used sparingly and not leave others in a position to constantly evaluate themselves for the validity. The proper response is to be humble but don't put ppl in a position to walk around with their head down constantly downplaying their effort because you make too much of a big deal when they do small things right. Compliments on looks are mostly ridiculous unless it's something they did themselves. For example, you have pretty eyes, oh ya well that's genetics, not my doing, how am I supposed to feel proud of something I was born with and put 0 effort into. I like the way you put on your makeup, it doesn't look like a clown or too much, ok now it's more genuine and something to be praised for when you had a hand in the outcome, you weren't just born with it. Too often compliments are all encompassing tho and they stink of faux, you are the prettiest girl ive ever met, oh ya right.
 AlexSB
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 18
Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 9/24/2007 2:52:25 PM
I have yet to meet a girl that doesn't like being complemented(sp?). Hahaha.

It's usually only deadly when you over do it, to the point where the complement loses it's authenticity.
 Bri_an
Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 19
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Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 9/24/2007 2:58:53 PM
Wow thanks guys this really puts my mind at peace. I was almost worried there for a second when my cousin said that she gives the same response for people that compliment her that i got, and that when she says thank you what she really means is "This is making me uncomfortable." But now I know this isn't true for all women. And certainly not for the people I've given my time and effort into complimenting. I, like all people, know a sincere thank you when I hear one and remembering the thank yous I've received from people I'm confident in my compliment giving ability, as long as I don't over do it, and they're sincere. Once again Thanks everyone!
 Becca4u
Joined: 8/17/2007
Msg: 20
Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 9/24/2007 3:18:16 PM
I like compliments, as long as they are honest. Flattery gets old, though.
 bigjd-rockin
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 21
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Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 8/16/2008 8:04:04 AM
I sure hope not. I for one like handing them out as often as possible.
 geeleebee
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 22
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Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 8/16/2008 8:07:01 AM
'Complements' are great--they balance each other.
'Compliments' are gifts and should be treated as such.
SonnyBoy: Tanqueray has a 'q' in it!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 23
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Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 8/16/2008 8:44:05 AM

So while talking to my cousin I tell her about this time i complemented this one girl. She then tells me how awkward guys complementing her makes her feel. I then find out that its not just her that thinks this, apparently her friends think the same.

My question for you girls is this though: How does a complement from a guy make you feel? Are we being kept in the dark on how we make you feel?

Also if its just a certain kind of complement please give an example of good and bad ones. Thanks this has been bugging me.

Sincerely Brian.

For me, a complIment doesn't do much for me unless it's about something I actually accomplished. If its about general looks, well I had nothing to do with that.

I think most women are weirded out by compliments about things that they were born with and had no control over, especially beauty...at least the women I know are. The only time I appreciate or respond well to compliments like this is if they come from someone I've been dating a long time and want to be known as attractive in their eyes.

It makes us feel like they're not genuinely about us I guess.

P.S. "Complement" = one of two mutually completed parts, as in "he complements my life"
"Compliment" = verbal expression of respect, affection, admiration, as in "I gave her a compliment"
 bumskidlitt
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 24
Are complements a bad thing?
Posted: 8/16/2008 10:29:39 PM
Well, here is my take on it from the male perspective because I have a friend who is an obsessive and compulsive complimenter of women. Compliments are flattering when they actually have meaning and sentiment behind them. AND they are not routine drivel that a woman would hear throughout the day. Compliments are nice when they are used sparingly and not liberally as well. Exhibit 1: My friend. He tells women they have beautiful eyes, nice hair, etc. It just comes across as hella cheesy and insincere, especially when being his comrade, I've heard him express these sentiments literally hundreds of times. And on top of it, this has not landed him one day or phone number. Now, OTOH, take some time to get to know someone and throw them a compliment once in a while, and they will be FAR more receptive. I told a friend one time that she looked really good that day (and HOW!) and she was VERY receptive and appreciative for the fact that I RARELY compliment and thus it seemed sincere and true.
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