| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 5:01:13 PM | | I recently went on a first date. It went OK. He wasn't the love of my life but I didn't have a bad time. I was willing to go out a second time to see if something could develop. I don't understand why this guy couldn't have said the truth to my face when I asked if he wanted to get together again. He said yes. Then he sent a chicken mail to me. I would have had no problem with him saying, "You know you are a very nice person but I just don't see this going anywhere". I would have thanked him for his time and left. Why do you think he felt the need to lie and then to tell the truth behind his screen? | |
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| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 5:05:27 PM | | But men want honesty they claim. Why can't they be honest in return? | |
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| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 5:16:40 PM | | Yeah I know they do. I am such a firm believer in total honesty and it gets me into deep trouble sometimes. Was even called a rude b**** once because I refused a phone number when I told him I wouldn't call him. I guess it might hurt someone's feelings if you told them you didn't see a future. I guess it could also bring about conflict. I try to see the other person's point of view but I just think playing games is for school kids! | |
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| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 5:19:31 PM | Maybe he didn't want to hurt your feelings or he was'nt quite sure what to say at the moment.
Not everyone can just lay it on the line .. be upfront and not care about the effects
on the other persons self esteem, etc . Many people maybe offended in such circumstances . I guess it would be a good idea to practice and come up with some easy let down at the end ... the bitter end. | |
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| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 5:23:38 PM | | So, MImimichele, you think saying to someone that you did have a good time but you dont seeing it going anywhere is hurting their feelings or self-esteem? I would never want to do that anyone. I guess I feel that being lied to is more hurtful than being told the truth. | |
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| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 5:25:00 PM | | He jsut couldn't say it to your face. Maybe he needed more time to think about it. Fact is, at least he told you. | |
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| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 5:25:53 PM | | Oh that's the 64 thousand dollar question! Why can't they just be a man and say the truth? Or, why do they find it necessary to string you along? If it's not there, it's not there! Just be truthful and honest. Don't string someone along until something better comes your way. Say goodbye honestly and then go fishing again! | |
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| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 5:41:21 PM | | It's hard to say at the end of the date "Yeah I had a nice time but I don't think I want to see you again." Not to mention it's kinda awkward... | |
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| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 5:46:57 PM | Conflict avoidance. Saying "I'd really rather not see you again", not necessarily in those words, opens up the door for a "why not" and then the person is placed in the position where they need to defend their position. It's easier to just say what you think the other person wants to hear and use the emotionless computer screen to craft the, "Your a crappy date," email.
There's a reason we attempt to date online(at least for many of us): other people scare us. | |
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| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 5:51:16 PM | | Maybe he wasn't sure until later when he got home. When you asked, he could have really meant it but then changed his mind. Alot goes through your mind on a first date before, during and after. | |
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| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 5:51:39 PM | | I've known men like that. They will actually call themselves honest, not a player, say that they are good guys etc. How they can't see that they are liars when they do this is beyond me. | |
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clay71
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Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 14 | |
| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 5:51:42 PM | | He's a coward!Men hate being called that.But, if your gonna act the part, and make it even harder to gain trust, and an ounce of respect from women.Then scared ass little boys, need to quit acting like friggin cowards. | |
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vhdc
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Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 15 | |
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| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 6:25:04 PM | OP, it's just human nature.
Some people would say "Hey listen, I don't think so", but for most of us, well it's a hard thing to do.
If it was just one date, and it was so-so, like you felt it was, well I wouldn't sweat it.
Now, if it was one of those 10 hour dates that you didn't want to end, and had the time of your life, and then it was done to you, well then there is more of a reason for annoyance.
I'm done trying to figure people out!! LOL
JJ | |
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| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 7:19:24 PM | I think he was honest. Just not honest on your schedule.
The guy is allowed to change his mind after the date. We all are.
Give him credit for emailing you. He could have just left you hanging.
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| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 7:35:25 PM | | Would it have made less of an impact if he had told you right then and there? He probably didn't want to put you on the spot when you were both face to face. I think it's commendable that he at least told you at some point. Most people wouldn't have bothered to go THAT far. | |
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| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 7:36:47 PM | | I usually like to end a date by leaving options open (You wish a good night and take care kinda thing). I think there should be time after a date whether two people decide if they want to meet again for another date. Closely evaluate how the evening went and then chat in a few days with being honest about pursuing things further. If it was a nice or great evening just let nature take its course after that kinda thing. You will know soon enough whether things are going to go anywhere. | |
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| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 7:47:44 PM | | He could have changed his mind. I've had half a dozen women tell me that after a good/great first date. Hell I had a 15 minute good night kiss end a date, then the woman told me four days later I wasn't her type. Go figure. People often are disingenuous on first dates--80% or more of them go nowhere. It's something you just have to accept. | |
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| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 7:51:04 PM | Look, a lot of guys (myself included) were misled to believe that the conventional dating rules of the early 20th century still apply, one of which is never to put a lady in an emotionally awkward position on a date that would compromise her composure. I know, it's sexist, (at root suggesting that you women can't control your emotions and need to be protected,) but to be honest, a lot of men out there just haven't had the kind of casual, unperturbed "hey, no problem I can deal with that" response from women enough to believe otherwise, and early indoctrination dies hard. Others have not only lacked that the kind of positive response you claim you would give, but have rather been skewered in very "non lady-like" ways (by those drunk on hijacked feminist principles) and have left horrible from the experience.
It's a toxic combination of residual American prudishness and a violent feminist counterreaction that we're still culturally ironing out.
Can't say I'm a Thomas Mann, but it does sometimes seem that "everything is politics."  | |
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| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 7:56:25 PM |
He jsut couldn't say it to your face. Maybe he needed more time to think about it. Fact is, at least he told you.
Good point, I've had some women flat out ignore me until I get the message. I just wish they would have told me that they weren't interested instead of waiting for a week for me to figure it out.
But in regards to the original topic, I once told a woman on our first (and only) date that i didn't "feel a connection". Boy... did she tear a strip off me! She wanted to know what she did wrong, sorry she wasted my time. We had a big argument in her driveway at the end of the night... it was UGLY!. Mind you, I think she was a bit insecure. But, I never wish to go through that again. | |
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| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 8:03:04 PM | | "I had a really nice time, I hope you find what your looking for." Sounds easy enough, wonder if it would work? Or if a guy would get slapped and be totally humiliated if it's in public...Fear can stop even the nicest people. | |
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| Ending a Date Honestly
Posted: 9/26/2007 8:14:55 PM | As a few people have suggested, maybe he WAS being honest at the time. Not everyone is capable of evaluating a situation fully as it's still happening, and so at that moment he probably DID want to see you again. Then later perhaps the enthusiasm--although it doesn't sound as if there was much on either of your parts--waned, and he decided he would be honest about how he NOW felt. We are all allowed to change our minds, yes?
Although I am not usually the one to bring up getting together again, I find it works better when I do so to just state MY thoughts and let the other person respond, rather than backing him or her up against the wall of a question. A simple "I had fun tonight; I'd sure like to do it again sometime" leaves a little more room for a gentle decline (or agreement, of course). But in most cases, I believe that if there's uncertainty it's best to leave thoughts of future plans unspoken until something gels enough to make it a definite yes or no.
At least in theory I believe that...
--Ms. Flis | |
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