| annoying dating "advice" that you've heard
Posted: 10/1/2007 6:38:52 PM | I don't know about you, but I've gotten a lot of stupid advice when it comes to dating.
The one that irritates me is the cliche that "you'll find the one when you're not looking. They'll just come along out of the blue." This is the stupiest thing I've ever heard. First of all, how can you find something if you don't look for it? If I took this advice about a job, I'd still be jobless. Besides, when I DID STOP loking for the one, do you know what happened? Nobody came along. And I'm talking about a lot of years.
Another piece of advice I got was to join a church. "There's good men there." I was told. Well I did, and I although I like the church a lot and made friends, there's NO available men there. They are all married or a lot older (like 70's-80's) or gay. Yeah, great advice. | |
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| annoying dating advice that you've heard
Posted: 10/2/2007 11:59:25 AM | Actually, the "when you're not looking" thing seems to work for a lot of people.
It just means instead of going out and trying to do the dating scene... you just don't worry about it... enjoy being you... spend time out with friends or whatever...
And often, you'll bump into someone at a hangout spot, or event, or whatever... and just get to chatting... instant connection. | |
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| annoying dating advice that you've heard
Posted: 10/2/2007 2:57:26 PM | I agree on the church thing, and even at times joining things in general. I made a point to try new things like social sports and such, but I seem to just run across a lot of women who are too old for my tastes or women who are married or in a relationship. It seems like many single women just avoid things where they meet strangers from my experiences. Even when friends have gatherings it ends up being a bunch of couples and a handful of single men...while all the single women who were invited never showed.
I know we all hate "he/she will come when you least likely expect it", but in my life that holds true. Usually when I am just living day to day, not caring about my love life...then someone comes. To bad most of the time it doesn't happen or doesn't work out.
The one piece of advice I hate hearing the most is from guys. Where they tell me to treat a woman like crap and she'll love me forever. Worse is when I see it WORK for some guys. I'm sorry...I have to draw a line somewhere. Have a standard set. If a woman needs me to treat her like dirt to find me attractive, then I don't want her.
I also hate it when people tell me I need to be more ambitious and persistent in getting the girl. They usually mean it in terms of asking a girl out 100 times til she finally caves in and goes out with me, or going way beyond the normal scope of being sociable to win her over to dating me. In my eyes, we men have to approach, make the contact, be charming, and "woo" the woman into giving us her number or agreeing to a date...I for one am not going to jump though hoops on top of that because she needs someone to "chase" her in order to find attraction.
Finally, I can't stand it when people tell me how lucky I am to be single, independent, and free. Like somehow being in a relationship is a misery and I am better off alone and single. How I should just cherish being single. I always then ask "if being single is so wonderful, then why did you get into a relationship? why did you get married?" | |
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| annoying dating advice that you've heard
Posted: 10/2/2007 3:14:40 PM | | Dear Ms catlvr.. you were obviously going to the wrong church...had you jumped the lines of religion and come to the mormon side, every man would have been available for you regardless of age or marraige...by the way wanted to mention what a cat lover or roof rabbit lover I am, generally prefer them with bbq sauce of course...and to the third thread why would men get married etc etc etc...FEAR...although I do agree with your statement about men that treat women like crap...I've seen it myself and couldnt understand it then or now either. Had a room mate like that when I was young, he'd throw em out of the house naked in winter in minnesota...and they would keep comin back for more.. | |
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| annoying dating advice that you've heard
Posted: 10/2/2007 3:45:45 PM | Well forget about the evening course too... Doing two at the moment and wadda ya know all women on one and one man (who thinks he knows it all and keeps interupting the teacher) on the other...
Any other bright ideas? | |
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| annoying dating advice that you've heard
Posted: 10/2/2007 4:31:48 PM | The one I always get is: "You have to put yourself out there.."
Put myself out where? Out in the street with a big sign that says, "I'm single and ready to mingle?" | |
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| annoying dating advice that you've heard
Posted: 10/2/2007 5:51:56 PM | | I couldn't agree more, yes the "You'll find it when you aren't looking for it" is the absolute stupidest advice that anyone could possibly give to someone that's interested in finding a mate. And yet... that's the advice that 99 of a hundred people always tend to give to anyone that they know is lonely and not having very much luck finding someone. It truely, truly, truly is utterly absurd to say that to somebody; It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. | |
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| annoying dating advice that you've heard
Posted: 10/2/2007 6:36:12 PM | Recently my boyfriend and I were talking about how we went about meeting members of the opposite sex. One thing I mentioned was that as being a female motorcyclist, I always meet lots and lots of men, because I ride myself, have some decent skill with a bike, and I actually learned enough about some bikes to talk a little bit about them. I'm not a gearhead, but I still love bike talk. Rather than shopping for clothes or shoes, I prefer to go to the bike shop to get new goodies for the bike. Basically, I am immersed in a hobby that is primarly male.
My boyfriend was checking out aerobics classes trying to find the one with the hottest chics. He claimed any single man that was having a hard time meeting women would be an idiot to not look around and see where the single women are going after work....to the gym, to particular classes, etc. Having taken aerobics classes myself, there was always one young guy positioned right behind the hotest women, and since there were no other guys to focus on, he got amazing amounts of attention.
Another much older guy I knew took dance classes (salsa class was where i met him). He was an amazing dancer and obviously didn't need a class, but he was encouraging all the women to go to salsa night at one of the bars and he'd dance with them to help them practice. So, this 56 year old man would have young women clamoring to get a chance to dance with him every Wednesday night at the bar. Now THERE was a smart man!!!!
So, what I'm suggesting is check out what the opposite sex is doing and pick one of the things that might interest you. Anyway, I know you weren't looking for advice....I just thought some more ideas might help. I actually met my boyfriend here on POF. | |
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| annoying dating advice that you've heard
Posted: 10/2/2007 9:08:26 PM | the "expand your age ranges" thing.
Well maybe I dont want mail from 45 year olds or 25 year olds!! As time goes on I change those (both increase and decrease depending on recent experiences or circumstances), so its not set in stone anyway. It changes when the real desire to do that comes. No telling me to "expand it" is going to change it. | |
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| annoying dating advice that you've heard
Posted: 10/3/2007 1:29:33 AM | | ive heard all those too i keep been told stop looking so hard he wil found you i doubt it and ive heard the church one too im not religious. | |
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| annoying dating advice that you've heard
Posted: 10/3/2007 9:33:54 AM | 'Take dance lessons'.
The reasoning being that there's 'always more women there than men'.
False.
What happens in actual reality is that many women believe themselves to be natural born dancing queens who don't need lessons, while many men have been told the exact same crap about taking dance lessons, so that's what they do.
Result: More men than women.
'I agree with the above posters on 'the right one will come along when you stop looking' being a truckload of crap.
You know what will come along when you stop looking?
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing. | |
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| annoying dating advice that you've heard
Posted: 10/3/2007 9:42:47 AM | | OP Mines the same as you and when I go to church I'm there for other reasons, but the you'll find one when you're not looking one kills me. | |
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| annoying dating advice that you've heard
Posted: 10/3/2007 10:45:40 AM |
The one I always get is: "You have to put yourself out there.."
Put myself out where? Out in the street with a big sign that says, "I'm single and ready to mingle?"
I hate that statement too, or when friends immediately think I'm just looking for some uber-hot thin party girl...when I'm not.
People seem to think that it should be so easy for everyone. I especially hate when female friends act like it shouldn't be all that hard to find women and get dates. They seem to forget they are attractive women...and that it's different for them than it is for us men.
I also can't stand it when people think you're being shallow when you're not. Most men are not looking for Victoria's Secret models...but many want to believe that if she's not a thin body with big chest, then we're not interested. I can't stand it when people tell me I should lower my standards even more than I have them at now (which I believe are pretty open). It's basically them telling me to settle in life.
No thanks, I'd rather be alone then. | |
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| annoying dating advice that you've heard
Posted: 10/3/2007 11:19:42 AM | Oy! I hate the "find a man at church" advice too. When I was younger I told my mother than any man with interests similar to mine was not attending church and, if he was, he was a hypocrite which I could do without. 
You could join my exes church. There are single guys there. Of course, they all live with their parents and don't have jobs so their parents drag their 40-something year old a**es to church to keep them off the streets and out of the pool halls but... hey!... they're single. | |
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| annoying dating advice that you've heard
Posted: 10/3/2007 1:42:05 PM | bad advice...
I got tons of it.
I got 1 friend that thinks hes the dr. phil of love.
always saying I should do this or that...
then I wonder.
why are you giving me advice, you havent had a girlfriend since high school. | |
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| annoying dating advice that you've heard
Posted: 10/3/2007 1:53:57 PM | My church is all married people and widows. We have about 3 people in our "singles" class, and while they may be technically single they're not interested in dating anyone and they are all way WAY older than me.
Been to the area/regional church singles functions too and I am always the youngest one there. I despise looking like a kid in a room full of grandparents. | |
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| annoying dating advice that you've heard
Posted: 10/3/2007 2:53:20 PM | "You'll find what you're looking for once you stop looking" is a bunch of smelly crap, but - gotta admit it - it happened to me! lol
I personally hate "there's plenty of fish in the sea", and oh! How about this one: "I've got the PERFECT man for you!" Oh, I bet you don't! | |
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| annoying dating advice that you've heard
Posted: 10/4/2007 3:08:10 AM | | Getting told to settle for old foggies...and being told you're being selfish to expect them to keep up on a 30km hike...(Yes where else except on here would you hear such guff?) | |
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| annoying dating advice that you've heard
Posted: 10/4/2007 6:33:41 AM | "The one that irritates me is the cliche that "you'll find the one when you're not looking. They'll just come along out of the blue." This is the stupiest thing I've ever heard. First of all, how can you find something if you don't look for it? "
This might be an annoying thing to hear, but it's not stupid...it's happened to me twice now, and it was the two longest relationships I've had. One of those was my nearly-18-year marriage. It was after I gave up hoping to find someone that I met both those guys at an unlikely time and place.
I think it's because when you quit looking, and quit worrying about it, you give off a different kind of vibe, and it's attractive. You are more relaxed and comfortable with yourself. If you don't CARE if you meet someone, you are more attractive to them somehow.
And even though I know that it's been true for me twice, It's still irritating to hear someone say it. LOL!! | |
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| annoying dating advice that you've heard
Posted: 10/4/2007 8:22:37 AM | I was once told: "Women: can't live with them, can't live without them." Now that caused me a lot of grief trying to live with them. I have since discovered it is very possible and preferable to live without them.
It is true there is someone for everyone. The problem is, the someone for you is going to make you miserable.
It is also true that you will find someone once you stop looking. You'll find them alright; you just won't want them.
When people seek out a relationship they are advertising for a job that nobody wants to do the way they want it done. People would not have relationships at all if it wasn't the only way to arrange for reliable sex. They would simply meet, have sex, and keep right on going. Then if they happened to fall in love, that would last a while and then end. It is the ideal of a relationship itself that is the annoying dating advice. The important thing is who to blame.
I blame mothers for instructing their daughters to avoid sex unless in a relationship. The mothers are sly and set up a list of relationship conditions that effectively excuse all living men from qualifying, mostly by expecting of the men certain female emotions men can only pretend to have, by remaining silent at key moments. The daughters go out into the world with the absurd relationship agenda and men sometimes lapse into temporary and mindless agreement on behalf of their lust. The relationship men imagine is one of having their very own full time lover, no holds barred (or is that, no holes barred?). The women imagine a relationship all about being worshiped, and sex is a small chore, a necessary evil, given up begrudgingly when it finally can't be helped. It is like the Titanic aimed at the Ice Berg. Disaster is the end result.
I now ignore any advice to do with dating, especially suggestions that dating is a good idea. My advice for people who insist on dating is to study a few examples of the worst dating outcomes you can find, then imagine them compounded and multiplied, because that is what is in store for you down the dating road. Then go ahead anyway if you must, because if you must, then you must, but don't come crying to me when it all blows up in your face.
In biology when sperm meets egg, the very first thing the newly formed cell does is divide back in two, which tells us the sad fact even nature realizes what a mistake it was in the first place. That spontaneous division repeats countless times in a tremendous scene of frantic sexual bak-peddling, resulting in a new human being. Then that human being will in time mature, and find a mate to start the process all over again. That is how dedicated human beings really are to trying to undo the original catastrophe of sex. It is supremely ironic that our compulsion to undo the consequence of sexual union is exactly what perpetuates us and this sad ritual.
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