| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 1:36:24 PM | I recently went out with a guy. The day after the date I wasn't excited to talk to him or anything, but I thought I would give him another chance and see if things changed.
He calls and texts several times a day. I AM a very independent woman and this is too much for me!! I told him yesterday that he was smothering me, my God we aren't even "dating"!
But then I realized, the last guy I dated did the same thing but I was crazy about him! I loved him calling and texting throughout the day because I knew he was thinking about me. And the goodnight calls were cute. I still had my independence and never once felt smothered. But with this guy- I want to throw my phone across the room whenever it makes a sound.
So my question is, truthfully, do you ever genuinely feel smothered by someone you really like, or is it just an excuse you use (or really feel) when you're seeing someone you don't like so much...
p.s.
and could someone tell me what the "mod hammer" avatar is for? ty! | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 1:40:52 PM | Smothered. ya.. most women want to talk on the phone all the time.
I'd rather not speak to each other for a few days so I can have something to say other than "No... I told you nothing is new.. you just called me an hour ago" | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 1:41:13 PM | | I've been smothered by women whom I was initially interested in. The neediness that constant contact implies is a definite turn-off and makes me run the other way. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 2:22:57 PM | I think you answered your own question.
When you're nuts about someone you look forward to their call no matter what time or how many times a day.
I think you may be like some of us too in that you just hate to hurt someones feelings.
So by not hurting their feelings you are starting to feel smothered by that person. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 2:32:30 PM | so your stringing the guy along by not being straight with him about how you feel...................shame on you!!!
the poor guy probably thinks he has made a good impression on you and likes you so wants to develop the date further.
stop beating about the bush... be truthful to yourself and be truthful to him. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 2:35:14 PM | | For me, too much contact per day is a turn-off even when I am crazy about someone. In fact, that is what started to ruin my last relationship. I was crazy about him but started to get turned off the more he called.......and it all went down hill from there bec. the more I backed off the needier he became so I backed off more, etc. That is how the vicious cycle began. Then he became extremely jealous. When they start a relationship off in that manner, I have learned it is just "the tip of the iceberg." | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 2:41:32 PM | | I agree with the OP... I find it cute/silly when two people just randomly text/email nothingness thru a day... as long as it doesn't get in the way of work or out of hand stalky or anything. For me, when I dig a person, I wanna experience their wacky randomness as much as they are willing. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 2:43:26 PM | With some people a little of their company goes a long way; with others you can never get enough.
If you've never met someone of who you can't get enough you'll probably think that it's just you, that you're the kind of person who simply "Likes their space" -- and it might be true. But if you've ever known someone of who you can't get enough then you shouldn't be settling for someone of whom you're always feeling that you're getting too much. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 2:44:07 PM | “but I thought I would give him another chance”
“but I thought I would give him another chance”
“but I thought I would give him another chance”
Poor guy .... why not just kick him to the curb.
“see if things changed”
Poor guy .... he would always be the lessor liked of the two.
If it is not equal on the “like/want” scale ... someone is going to feel in the drivers seat and the other one is going to be something on the bottom of a shoe.
Lop sided is not much fun. I did that for 20 years ............ plenty long enough to understand how much damage it can do.
Poor guy. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 2:48:44 PM | | Pursue and she will run away, hold back and she will come to you. Somebody told me something like this and so far it holds true. Also give her the gift of missing you. Women like to think about their men and even miss them a little. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 2:50:28 PM | I wouldn't feel bad for him. I told him how I feel, I am always honest and up front. I told him I didn't feel anything and he asked for another chance because he had a good time. I am always so quick to drop someone if there isnt an immediate spark so this time I figured I would see what could happen. And what happened was constant phone calls and prodding. I told him I felt smothered, the man is not in the dark.
That's not even the whole point of my thread. I was just wondering if it's possible to be smothered by someone you're crazy about. I can't remember feeling smothered by someone I truly liked a lot. | |
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faour
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Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 14 | |
| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 3:08:49 PM | I agree with jtw1974 and the OP, but now think that I may myself be a "smotherer." Until a couple months ago, I was so busy I couldn't even have thought about a site like this. Now that I'm less busy than I think I've ever been, I send a certain guy quite a few emails.
I just got out of school, joined this site, and met someone. I enjoy his random wackiness, as stated by jtw, and write several emails a day -- not because I'm so needy (I HOPE), but because he "gets" me. Or, am I needy? These are the questions that this thread has raised in my mind.
Anyway, I DID feel smothered by the one other guy in my adult life that I've felt this way about, but it was when I was genuinely very busy, and going through crisis. Now I know that you can't equate smothering with neediness, or one person having not enough, or too much emotion about the other; but, maybe in my book only, cause I've learned.
Now this, coupled with some other threads I read about little contact/no home phone/the guy not taking you out/wanting you to just come over/not romancing you, made me realize that I'm probably just an F-Friend.
So I guess that's my answer. For me, experience dictates that you can feel smothered by one that you truly care about. Experience also dictates -- now that you made me think about it -- that for most people, especially probably men, if they feel smothered then the "chase" is GONE, and they really DO stop caring. So much for not "playing games" when we become adults, eh?
Thanks for causing me to honestly reflect. I think I'll stay in tonight, and hope I helped. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 4:14:59 PM | Imagine if you slept with the guy a few times then dumped him ?
But seriously I guess you made a mistake by letting the other guy go huh ? the one you liked ? | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 4:21:14 PM | I have felt smothered by guys I was interested in and still getting to know to the point where I was no longer interested...someone says "I missed you" or "I need you" too soon and a switch flips off with me. Too many questions about where I've been or what I've been doing, that sort of thing. Ugh.
My ex and I got into a routine of talking more than once a day; sometimes 4 or 5 times a day....but when I first met him I fought it a lot, thought he was nuts...then got used to it. Then again in the situation we were in I got a lot of personal space without having to seek it out.
So far I haven't been too smothered by someone I was nuts about, but I sort of set the tone on that when I first meet someone. I truly believe if I was head over heels for a guy and he was around me 24/7 I would still freak out and have to set boundaries end it depending on his reaction to me needing more space. | |
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Dobes
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Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 18 | |
| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 4:22:26 PM | metalvixxn,
I am exactly the same as you. I have had that feeling a few times before. Nice guy... wish I could like him... but...
I realize that as soon as I feel that urge to detach immediately, I know it's just that the guy (as nice as he may be) is not for me. Better to be honest right away than to suffer and continue to lead him to believe that you like him as much as he (obviously) likes you.
Now... if we could just get the ones that I like to not run in the other direction, we'd be great. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 4:25:15 PM |
So my question is, truthfully, do you ever genuinely feel smothered by someone you really like, or is it just an excuse you use (or really feel) when you're seeing someone you don't like so much...
You kind of answered your own question there.
And i do agree.
There has been 1 or 2 women i can recall that when they contacted me all the time, it was cute. They didn't do it in a "I'm checking up on you because i'm suspicious' kind of way.... it was more like "I was walking home and i saw something that reminded me of you" (and this was after i was interested and she knew i was) It was cute.
But then there were some who i wasn't interested in who just called all the time like "what are you doing?" and made it seem like they had to always be around for me to think about them so they put it in overdrive.
so yeah.. attention is cute when it's from the right person with the right mentality behind it and the right chemistry. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 4:37:26 PM | | I have never felt smothered by anyone I was nuts about yet, but of course there will be some who are at the far end of the spectrum and DO go way too far--how could there not be?! And most of us would feel smothered by one of them--although there will always be a scattered few who won't feel smothered even then--lol! There is probably someone for everyone. Most of us fall somewhere in the 'normal' category on the spectrum however and it is unlikely you would feel smothered by one of them if you were nuts about them. If you do feel smothered in that case, that is a signal to move on. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 4:49:11 PM | | OP I know exactly how you feel, pretty much the same thing happened to me with the last person I had a few dates with. I found the constant calls and emails annoying.....I thought it might be just because I was used to my freedom ect. But then I remembered the last guy I fell for I loved it when he called and emailed every day. So it is about chemistry, not about smothering. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 5:08:23 PM | I've been smothered by someone I liked a lot.
After a nasty divorce. (she was just a horrible person the divorce was quick and painless) I spent a good 5 + years alone. I dated on and off but nothing serious. When I finally met someone I really cared about it was hard for me to deal with all the phone calls and emails. For me it was just a matter of getting back into the swing of things. I talked to her about it, and she was understanding and toned it down some and we had a long and meaningful relationship together.......she's gone and now I'd kill for one last ring of the phone......enjoy it while you can. :^)
peace,
flip
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 5:54:44 PM | | When I am crazy about someone or even just consider him a good friend, I never consider his calls or e-mails annoying or smothering. Even if I am legitimately very busy, I still try to make some time for him even though it may not be as much as I would like. If that were the case, I would explain my situation to him and hope he understands that it is temporary and I would make the time if I could. On the other hand, if I am not interested in someone, have told him this, and he still continues to call, I do feel a bit smothered. I have found that if someone is not of interest to you, giving them "another chance" won't change the way you feel. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 6:01:13 PM | What is it? -you don't like him.
Don't let it go any further. It has nothing to do with your independence
or whatever - the feeling is not there for him and it turns your stomach.
curlygrl~ | |
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