| Do you attract a certain type, and feel it's something YOU did?
Posted: 10/8/2007 9:55:51 PM | I've heard women say over and over "I only attract ____ guys"
As if they took an active role. And they are somehow at fault.
Do you seriously think it's something YOU have control over, when it comes to guys you attract?
This confuses me. How do you take credit for being passive? | |
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| Do you attract a certain type, and feel it's something YOU did?
Posted: 10/8/2007 10:05:31 PM | I know I attract certain types of men.
But it is not only that, I know that I attract a lot of others. It is my choice to cultivate relationships with men who are abusive because of the type of environment I was raised in. Actually it goes back a couple of generations for women in my lineage.
You know that saying, women are attracted to their fathers? Although I am aware of this, and try to make myself open minded to other men who approach me to change my destiny (and that of my possible children); the ones I feel most at home with are the ones that are often emotionally abusive. That is what is familiar to me.
I know it is something I have control over technically because I choose to date these men. I have a broad dating pool with my physical attributes and at my age. My friends and family tell me to drop them as soon as they hear a bad story, but I choose to stay.
Saying I attract jerks is just a nice way of putting it when explaining my previous relationships to new prospective dates. Many cannot understand why I am not married with children. I know very well what the issue is. | |
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| Do you attract a certain type, and feel it's something YOU did?
Posted: 10/8/2007 10:06:58 PM | I know I attract geeks and I know it's partially my fault. My interests, neurotic sense of humor, penchant for chess, being more than slightly geeky myself. And so far it's not working out for me.
I have been developing new screening techniques. Let's see how that goes.  | |
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| Do you attract a certain type, and feel it's something YOU did?
Posted: 10/8/2007 10:10:39 PM | Actually yes. What I attract seems to happen in chunks. I think I can tell now what's going on with me by looking at what I'm attracting.
1) If I'm taking some hard classes and really exercising my brain, the IQ of what I attract seems to go up.
2) If I'm depressed and not feeling good about myself, then I attract losers.
3) I've been in strange mode this year (with a touch of analytical added in). Its seems to be working well for me. It's provided me very high levels of entertainment with the people I've met.
EDIT: The one thing I do consistently notice is that I do attract guys that push me to do more and be more. From some it's a light nudge, and from others it's a case of where I'm driving myself crazy to keep up with what's expected and usually failing. The ones that put me in a situation that I feel doomed to fail in I try to avoid. | |
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| Do you attract a certain type, and feel it's something YOU did?
Posted: 10/8/2007 10:12:03 PM | That's a fair question.
I think that the average woman attracts a variety of different "types" of men. For others, their history with men has indicated they indeed attract a certain "type".
As for me, I know I lean more towards attracting three different types of people; married men, lesbians and I won't get into the third type. This is a question I have asked both married men and a few gay and lesbian friends. The answer was the same each time... confidence. Perhaps that scares off the normal, straight single man? LOL I truly don't know but never have I thought it was anything I have any control over nor should anyone really. Each of us is entitled to our own perceptions and qualities that attract someone to us... and THAT is completely ouside of any of our control. | |
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| Do you attract a certain type, and feel it's something YOU did?
Posted: 10/8/2007 10:14:57 PM | | I don't attact a certain "type". But I do think it's a way of complaining when you're just not finding what you want - that somehow it's just because there's something wrong with you. When I hear people say this, it reminds me of skinny people who say they are fat, so everyone can fawn over them and say, no you're not... | |
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| Do you attract a certain type, and feel it's something YOU did?
Posted: 10/8/2007 10:17:59 PM |
2) If I'm depressed and not feeling good about myself, then I attract losers.
Good point. I think people are attracted to those who make them feel good. A confident, happy person would seek out the same in order to enhance or maintain their state of happiness; while someone who is a "loser" might seek someone who is really down so that they can feel better about themselves. | |
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| Do you attract a certain type, and feel it's something YOU did?
Posted: 10/8/2007 10:21:53 PM | It depends on the circumstances for me.
Online~ I attract either young submissive men looking to be dominated [barf] or older married men that want to play around. Occasionally I'll get someone with an exceptional sense of wit, but they usually have issues of some sort. Oh well, as the bandwidth turns.
In real life~ I attract geeks and freaks. Literally. It's either men that have it together, wear glasses and seem incredibly intellectual, or the other side. Men looking for a playtoy to share with their wives or act out some wierd fantasy. AND... they are very open to discuss this, anywhere. They are usually rather attractive, btw. I've got a taser now to keep these types at bay. 
No, I don't feel it is anything I control, exculsively. But I do believe being a bit snarky can have something to do with it. LMAO! | |
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| Do you attract a certain type, and feel it's something YOU did?
Posted: 10/8/2007 10:26:33 PM | Would someone please tell me how to attract geeks?
Seriously, I do tend to attract certain types of guys, and they are predominantly less than honest and lacking in responsibility. But I think it's more of a geographical issue than something I do. | |
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| Do you attract a certain type, and feel it's something YOU did?
Posted: 10/8/2007 10:33:56 PM | Would someone please tell me how to attract geeks?
Easy peasy.
Go hang out in any IT forum, even on Yahoo. Speak only in HTML or any code you know well.
I met my last serious LTR geek that way. Damn~I shouldn't even be thinking about him. 
Btw, I outsourced him~ he was from Jersey. | |
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| Do you attract a certain type, and feel it's something YOU did?
Posted: 10/8/2007 10:34:00 PM | Great to see a thread started by "The Ubkobalt". You're a legend in the forums, man.
Anyway, I can totally understand it. Most women I know, who hail from the UK, don't approach the men they date. Their method of attraction is by their clothes, make-up, fitness regime, calorie intake, hairstyle, body language and general personality. In other words, it's what gets men to go over and talk to them in the first place. So, the guys who they attract are really a choice of everything they do to make themselves attractive, and one man's meat is another man's poison, as the saying goes.
However, the confusing thing is that like does attract like, but like does not EXACTLY attract like. What women don't realise is that guys do not want to date a female version of them, but someone who is feminine, yet they have a lot in common, usually 2 different things. Also, there are girls that guys will date and there are girls that guys take seriously, and it's different for each type of guy.
Unfortunately, most women seem to just copy the guys, or give the guys what they say they want, and either they don't get dates, or the guys don't respect them for clearly doing whatever the guys seem to want.
Women really need to look at the types of guys they want, and then look at those guys who are dating women in the ways they want to be treated, and "somewhat" copy THOSE women.
Just my $0.02 | |
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| Do you attract a certain type, and feel it's something YOU did?
Posted: 10/8/2007 10:57:44 PM |
Would someone please tell me how to attract geeks? It depends on what kind of geek you are looking for. They're not all the same either. Do you want someone really straight-laced, eccentric, or a geek that also plays computer games?? Also, do they have to be American, or are you including foreign in there? Is India included? (I think I'm 3 hours away from you, so I'm shocked you're not finding more in your area. Aren't you by Davenport, IA?) | |
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| Do you attract a certain type, and feel it's something YOU did?
Posted: 10/8/2007 11:22:51 PM | See... in my book, "dorks" are better than "geeks." But I always turn to the classic carnival freak definition of "geek" anyway.
I'd rather dig someone "a little bit dorky" than someone who likes to bite the heads off of chickens. | |
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| Do you attract a certain type, and feel it's something YOU did?
Posted: 10/8/2007 11:35:25 PM | I'd rather dig someone "a little bit dorky" than someone who likes to bite the heads off of chickens.
You lost me there, jtw1974. I thought the only *freak* that bit heads off live animals was Ozzy. Perhaps I am just old.
Dorks usually don't have jobs or computers, IMO.
livcom~ you are not a novice~ geeks/freaks/dorks or what have you, is subjective.
Sorry for going off topic, ubkobalt.  | |
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Oriole
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Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 23 | |
| Do you attract a certain type, and feel it's something YOU did?
Posted: 10/9/2007 12:11:46 AM |
Do you seriously think it's something YOU have control over, when it comes to guys you attract?
Totally. 100%. Absolutely. Yuh-uh.
For example: I attract men who want to be taken care of, because in my public life I'm always getting something done. Just the fact that I'm a truck driver, I think, signals to all men of that type that I'm going to take charge and get things done. Blah!
On the other hand, like Talista said, we filter the men according to our own schemas, too. I'm only attracted to men who are "not that into me", because I hate being chased after. So I never get the men I want, unless they're both needy AND not that into me. Which is how I had a great relationship for fifteen months with a guy who was very much not that into me, but had lots of problems to solve. But then, it's also how I ended up with a guy who had Asperger's. You win some, you lose some.
So, now that I've sworn off being codependent, I think they might as well retire my jersey, as I'll never again date the type of men who want to date me.  | |
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| Do you attract a certain type, and feel it's something YOU did?
Posted: 10/9/2007 1:12:56 AM | | For sure what you show of yourself to others is a big factor in how they will feel about you. How you behave is what they see and you are in control of how you behave. Also, to a large extent, how you perceive yourself is something that is a significant factor in how others see you. If you see yourself as being valuable for one thing or another then you will tend to display that valuable thing when you are hoping to be valued. This might be being incredibly helpful or having a good figure or anything -- then because you believe that that is what is valuable about you, you'll be attracting those who value exactly that, who may well all be of a similar type. There are so many examples and variations of this that come up on the forums every day. | |
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