| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/11/2007 7:36:08 AM | | I just found out the other day that my ex has gotten a new job which is over night work. I asked her what her arrangenments were for babysitting. She proceeded to tell me that her b/f would be there with his son and my daughter. This kind of pissed me off. I also work night work for the railroad out of washington d.c. but I could easily change my hours to day time, when I suggested this to her so I could be the one to whatch our daughter while she was working she got really pissed and told me there was no way that would happen because I think she is scared that I would take her back to court over custody and child support. Anyway my question is, do I have a right to be pissed off and what do I do about it? | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/11/2007 7:46:25 AM | In my divorcee decree I have to offer him the opportunity to watch our daughter before anyone else if it is over 5 hours that I will be away. That is part of the standard parent agreement for the state of florida thou. Check what the parental rights are for your state.
EDIT...to answer your question, you bet I would be upset. I only had my last LTR help me out when my mother was dying and we had been together for 3 years . three months ...she does not really know him, the risks are too great IMHO | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/11/2007 7:49:07 AM | | Yes you have a good right, how does your ex know the b/fs backgroung, what is she thinking off with all the pedos about, does she not know that they use there own children to get close to ather children, she could ask him to have a police check first, this might put your mind at rest, it is not fool proof but it is a start. I would not dream of asking anyone who I have not known for that amount of time. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/11/2007 8:52:18 AM | Uh, if you're going to have a babysitter, I'd think a boyfriend you're more likely to know than anyone else. What, would you rather she hire a stranger?
If you're willing to do it, you should have first dibs on it because they're your kids and you should get the first chance to spend time with them. But beyond that, seems like as good a plan as any for child care. Stranger, or boyfriend who she knows at least to some degree. Seems like a pretty easy decision. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/11/2007 8:53:50 AM | Spend the money to do a back ground check on this man. In this day and age there is no way in hell I would be letting my kids, boys or girls be watched by someone I did not know anything about. It is not worth what might could happen.
Do not take that chance, tell her you are going to switch schedules to watch your daughter and if she does not like it or willing to make diffrent arrangements then you will indeed take her butt back to court before something terrible did happen. Granted he might be a cool safe guy but is that a chance you are willing to take even though she don't seem concerned? Who cares if it makes her mad, sure she is going to get pissed but your daughters safety is more important. Any decent judge will take your side in this if you have to take her back to court | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/11/2007 8:54:56 AM | | I don't like the term "get mad." It sounds unproductive. Concerned? Yes. Vocal? Yes. Take action? Yes. What kind of action? I think I would seek a modification of the decree so that you get the option of spending more time with your daughter before she makes arrangements for child care thru someone else. Do you have a custody agreement beyond the decree? Some states have those. Mine states that the visitation schedule is just a minimum and I should provide my ex with more opportunities to be with our girls. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 7 | |
| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/11/2007 9:32:52 AM | First, you have ever right to be pissed off. But dont let your emotions get the best of you.
If you have joint custody you should have say in the care of your child and dad takes precendent over any bf. Period.
Your schedule rearrangement so you can watch your daughter is a great idea.
I wouldnt want my ex's new bf watching my kids. In fact, in my own situation, i requested a criminal record check on him in the beggining (and got it).
I reccommend you do the same. It is in the best interest and safety of your child. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months watch our daughter
Posted: 10/11/2007 2:51:56 PM | Spend the money to do a back ground check on this man.
Unfortunately most pedophiles have no record...look back at some of the most notorious killers...no record.
I would take her overnight...if it works for you, why not! I would insist to your ex to take your child overnight. Assure her by having something drawn up for the courts if you have to.
If not possible...ask if you can help in choosing an other sitter that you can be both comfortable with.
If this is not possible...I would get to know this man for yours and your daughter sake.
You may find he is an okay man...God only knows...he is a stranger!
I myself never have anyone watch my kids that I don't trust 100%...that leaves immediate family only! | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months watch our daughter
Posted: 10/11/2007 3:07:27 PM | Oh for goodness sake, some of you are being absurd. If he was a CONVICTED paedophile, and therefore tracable with a backgroud check, there is now way in HELL he would have unattended access to his own son, would he!
Don't waste your money, just try to get that access. Having a stepfather at home doubles the risk of sexual abuse for a girl (sourced from the CCRC), and 60% of those victims are under 12. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 11 | |
| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months watch our daughter
Posted: 10/11/2007 3:56:25 PM | ^^^he could have a past...how would you know if you dont get a CR check. Of course, a CR wont guarantee that you will catch all bad guys but when it comes to my kids and their safety i take it seriously. A background check is another means for myself and other parents to take precautions.
OP, your the dad.
Dads have the right to care for their kids over a new bf. | |
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wrobt
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Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 12 | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months watch our daughter
Posted: 10/11/2007 4:19:25 PM | No, you have a gut feeling for an obvious reason. The safety of your child. Go with it and run a background check. I know here in palm beach county you can use the sheriffs office website to track local criminals. Even petty misdemeanors.
Heres my story: My ex was moving into a new live in nanny position that sounded too good to be true for a single man and his 3 sons. So i inquire on the above sheriffs website and BAM the dude has been charged with endangering a minor quite some time ago. So i confront the guy at his house about this. He denies and tells me a funny story about how before he had his boys he was in a car where his buddy had some weed and there was a kid in the car so they were all charged. Convincing story but something just didnt feel right. So i figured i would dig deeper the next day. But, that night i got a call from the ex on the landline from the guys house. I look at the caller id and it says "carmelas" like a business. So i then dig deeper into who owns this business on floridas sunbiz website, I then find there is a total of 10 or so "escort services" registered to the address in which my son is to stay the next night. I figure, "OK, I have not even run a background check and the best i can tell this guy is definitely a pimp by trade if not a drug dealer". Needless to say there was no argument if my son was going to stay there. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/11/2007 4:40:13 PM | I agree with posters that if u want to do it you should have first dibs, however it not always possible and if hes around and in her life he may become very prominant. Whenever she gonna nip out she shouldnt have to call u everytime, sometimes it inconvenient and she deserves a life as well.
We talkin someone whe been with 3 months not 3 days or 3 weeks and im sure she'll feel confident at leavin the kida with him.
I lived with my ex , he had kids and they came to stay with us some weekends and his ex wife would go mad cos he had to nip somewhere or watever and leave kids with me for an hour or so (she lived with a guy)
It came down to you dont like it lets go court and have it out, we got sick of her demands.
So do a criminal record check if u must but then back off a bit.
If not and you demand stuff all the time,personally if i was her id take u 2 court not the other way round to be honest, sorry just my opinion x | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/11/2007 5:02:20 PM | [So do a criminal record check if u must but then back off a bit.
If not and you demand stuff all the time,personally if i was her id take u 2 court not the other way round to be honest]
I agree that a background check should be done but he shouldnt have to back off.
I dont think that a father offering to take his children over night so that their mother can go to work demanding. The fact that she is not letting him shows me that she is just using her children as a pawn to get under his skin. As for her taking him back to court what for, because she has an ex who actually cares about his kids and their well being.
OP do what you feel in your heart is right and best for your children. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/11/2007 5:41:30 PM | Yes, a bf of 3 months has no right to watch your child while the mother is away for work, the relationship is still new, so I don't think the child should be just fully with him alone yet. Yes, it may be absurb, but if there's a chance that he's a pedo, it's better safe than sorry. They usually get taken advantage of or give verbal/phsycial abuse when the parent isn't around.
and who cares if your ex gets mad if you change your dayshift so you can take care of your child while she's work, it only shows she's only interested in collecting the child support for her own good than the childs. Not to mention, I"m assuming that if her bf is watching her overnight, after 3 months, he lives with her? Yes, be adamant with changing the shift so that the child is with you at night. go get it changed thru the courts. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/11/2007 6:37:02 PM | I woud be very concerned if some dude she only knew three months was spending all night with your daughter.She don't really know this guy and neither do you.
Perhaps consulting with an attorney would be wise,if this would be considered a neglective nature or recklessly endangering the child.
And she owes you child support?Who has full custody,you or her?
In any event,consult an attorney,alothough there may be nothing the law could do as long as an adult(albeit ANY adult) is watching your daughter.
But the bottom line I think here is how good of a mother to your child could she possibly be if she lets a near stranger be entrusted with your daughter?
Maybe you should take her back to court for custody? | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/11/2007 6:38:18 PM | They're living together after 3 months of going out with each other???? Did they know each other for 20 years prior to this?
If you can change your hours to day shift, do it. If you don't trust a guy that has been in the picture for ONLY 3 months.....  ....
I've seen parents that share custody completely. This could work out pretty good. A child is a very precious gift. I can't blame you for not wanting to leave your little girl with some guy that you don't even know. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/12/2007 7:11:29 AM | [So do a criminal record check if u must but then back off a bit.
back off a bit? what do you mean by that, that is my daughter and your telling me I should back off? that makes no sense to me.
If not and you demand stuff all the time,personally if i was her id take u 2 court not the other way round to be honest]
What would she have to take me back to court over? I thought I would be doing the right thing by wanting to spend time with my daughter.
I agree that a background check should be done but he shouldnt have to back off.
But he shouldnt have to back off? Why shouldnt he have to back off, I am the father remember, he shouldnt have any say what so ever when it comes to my little girl, remember they have only been together 3 months, I was with her for 4 years and never knew the guy and we just broke up 5 months ago. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/12/2007 7:27:19 AM | Your ex is obviously worried that if you want to take the child overnight while she works that you will have more of a "claim" on her if it came to court. If your intentions are simply to take care of her and not take her away from her mother then I would try to put this point across to your ex. She may let you take the child if she knows that you won't want full custody.
If on the other hand, you want full custody, then I think you *might* have grounds to go to court. I can't be certain as I live in a different country.
But I would definitely not leave my children with a guy I'd known such a short time. You never know what could happen. And I'm not just talking about sexual molestation. There are, believe it or not, worse horrors out there for young children. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/12/2007 7:45:26 AM | Railroadman,
I want to apoligize it appears that I did not make my post very clear. I was trying to quote the previous poster (msg 14) and apparently I did not do the quote part correctly.
My belief is that the situation should have been discussed with you prior to any decesion being made by your ex, and you have every right to be pissed off. I always call my sons dad first when I need someone to look after him. Granted he cant always do it but I at least offer him the opportunity.
I think that the least that you should do is a background check on your ex's BF and in no way shape or form do I think that you should back off. When I said "he shouldnt have to back off" in my previous post I was referring to you not to the BF.
Again I apoligize for the confusion.
Tigerbutterfly | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/12/2007 8:47:28 AM | My take
Whats best for the child?
Obviously the boyfriend and your ex are moving closer to a cohabiting situation, therefore this would be a good chance to allow the necessary bonds to grow to make that transition smooth, which in my opinion will be good for the child
Is this driven out of genuine concerns for the welfare of your daughter or out of spite against your ex and pride? | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/12/2007 10:30:07 AM | Offer to give her something in writing, saying that you won't try to change the custody or child support, if that's the only reason she doesn't want to do it. Tell her you are more concerned with the safety of your kids than you are any of that other stuff.
Has she run a background check on this guy? Not likely. Maybe you should. It'd be worth a hundred bucks or so, your kids safety is at issue here. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/12/2007 10:36:54 AM | | I'm sorry, but having known someone for three months is not enough time for me to be moving someone into my house with my kids period, let alone leaving them alone with him overnight. (well, my boys maybe, they are 15 and 18, and can pretty much take care of themselves.) But would I leave a man I'd only known 3 months with my 11 year old daughter overnight? Not only no, but HELL no. I just couldn't do it. You don't know a person THAT well in three months. It's hard enough to know someone after years, 3 months is NOTHING. | |
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