PegVa
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Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 1 | |
| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 5:20:28 PM | | I know that as I age, I find that my opinions and outlooks on life have changed. I have become stronger in some ways and kinder in others. I catch myself wondering how I am coming off to the other person. Because I am older, am I appearing silly, am I appearing reserved? I believe that age may make us more aware and appreciative of the small but important things in life. Hurt still stings as much as when we are younger, more so maybe. Do you think that because we desire someone to be special to us, we should settle for less? | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 5:38:55 PM |
Do you think that because we desire someone to be special to us, we should settle for less?
That doesn't make sense to me...it's who the person "is" that makes them special to you, that sparks the desire to get to know them inside and out. Pursuing someone in whom you aren't interested to avoid being alone will, more than likely, achieve the situation you're trying to eliminate. You'll end up feeling alone again. It shouldn't be about 'settling', 'winning', 'losing', 'getting something out of it', etcetera. It should be about sharing, genuine affection and caring, and a real interest in discovering all the different aspects that make each other special, and acceptance of those things that're sometimes 'not so special'. | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 5:43:04 PM |
Do you think that because we desire someone to be special to us, we should settle for less?
While it would be nice to have someone to be special to me, it is not a rigid requirement for my happiness. I have learned that you need to be satisfied with your own self before allowing someone else to enter into your life. Would I settle for less just to have someone in my life - a resounding NO. We all have our own personal likes, dislikes and other criteria that another person has to meet prior to letting them into our lives. I have found through life experience that "second best" is really just that - second best. If I can't have what I perceive to be the "best" for me, then I will continue on my path in life as a solo and be happy with that decision. | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 5:43:52 PM | At this point in our lives we should not settle for anything. We deserve the best.
If not, you have to learn to be happy with yourself. | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 6:38:28 PM | I don't think anyone should be with anybody just because.......
Go for what works for you.
If it does'nt happen before yah croak.......that's life, just be happy single. | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 6:41:46 PM | It depends what your goals are.
Statistically, a woman of a certain age has fewer potential mates, and if your goal is to have a mate, then you should choose the best from the available supply. Some people don't care if they have a mate. Only you know how important that is to you.
I think people over 50 should be wiser in their criteria. You should know by this age which traits make a difference in a person and which ones are just window dressing. Now, to some observers, deciding that a certain trait doesn't matter, might make you seem less selective, when in fact you are merely being wise.
As but one example, in my early 20s I wanted to have a family, so I would never choose a partner who has had a vasectomy. But at my current stage in life, that trait doesn't matter at all. | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 6:49:00 PM | A definite no. Why settle just to have someone in your life? I guess that may work for some, but I would rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't ring my bells, just to have a man around. JMO | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 7:08:29 PM | You shouldn't be less selective at any age! I just think as we get older and wiser, we have a better understanding of who WE are and what we want out of life. Why would any woman or man 'settle' just to say they have someone. Yes, being alone can be hard at times, but I'd rather be the maker of my own loneliness, then live with someone and still feel alone.
So, in answer to your question - nope! I'll never settle! | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 8:06:33 PM | | Sometimes I think that my expectations of what I want in a woman are too high and that if I really want to have a long term relationship I need to lower my standards. I guess we've all thought that but then I think to myself, how do you change what you find attractive in a woman? I mean if a killer smile is what does it for you how on earth would you be attracted to the otherwise perfect woman if she happens to have a hairlip! No offense intended to anyone who may be reading this but as horrible as I feel saying this it's how I feel, there are certain things that I find very attractive in a woman so naturally I look for these things, it seems to be that anything short of this leaves me feeling like there's something missing. In the meantime my biological clock keeps ticking away and I remain alone, I think I need hypnosis! | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 8:11:57 PM | "I catch myself wondering how I am coming off to the other person."
Shades of people pleaser I won't be doing.
"Do you think that because we desire someone to be special to us, we should settle for less? "
Not going to happen in my case. Life is way to good being alone for that. Travel, long term friend versus a person of the opposite sex that just doesn't measure up.........I don't think so - much better to be alone forever, than settle in my opinion.
Waking up next to a person we settle for - gross
Being selective lead to a happy marriage until I was widowed. I am not going chjange that now that I am older. | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 8:32:47 PM | | I don't think age has anything to do with being selective. I know the type of person I want in my life, and if I never find him the only thing I will settle for is my life just the way it is. | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 8:33:59 PM | I've never been attracted to just one type person. That said, truly height, weight, hair/no hair, age, education, location, job have pretty much washed off the list of anything I'd hold out for. Is that settling? Doesn't feel like it to me. At this point what I am constitutionally unable to get along without in a mate is a great soul and a very good mind. If those two are present, I predict very good things happening. And nothing else is worth the effort.
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 8:45:27 PM | Reality check: a definite yes! Let's be real here--the available pool is much smaller as we get older, especially past 50. No, you don't compromise on your dealbreakers, but you certainly cannot be as picky, picky, picky as you were in your 20s. If you are unwilling to settle for anybody who is less than a perfect match for you because you absolutely believe that you deserve the best (the other person should also then deserve the best, so had better be that too), then unless you are very lucky, prepare to live a life of disappointment. If you are 20 years younger, then you have a lot of time to wait, but "tick, tick, tick", that time is running out. The thing is that you might just find now that the 90% or 85% match is actually quite good and those bits that marked them down from 100% are not really that important anymore.
So certainly, when you are over 50 you should be less selective about the things about other people that are really not, or should not be, as important as they would be to a much younger person. You should have grown enough by now to be more flexible about a person's looks or body type. I remember when I was in college how we wouldn't go into one bar because that is where the 40 year old divorcees would hang out. I reckon now that I might look at 40 year old divorcees quite differently.
If you hold fast and rigid to that POF motto I Will Not Settle! (they really should put that on a t-shirt or offer it as a tattoo) that so many here live by and you are over 50 and do want to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, then good luck, but be prepared to be disappointed as the sand runs out. There's lots of older cars out there that have some dents and dings and may not look as good as they once did and so would be rejected by many as not being good enough that are still damn good runners and will serve you well for a long time.
So ends my POF heresy and evidently my hypocrisy knows no bounds. You see, I am 55 and I have never been married because I held hard and fast to the "I will not settle" notion. Even in my 40s I refused to be any less selective than I was in my 20s. Why should I be since, after all, didn't I deserve the best? I never had to lower my standards, but I would have been served much better by being less picky and might have found those who I looked upon as being only an 85% match were much closer to 100% than I had believed. Such is life. | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 8:56:45 PM | | Woobytoodsday - I looked at your profile - you are NOT the only woman in America who knows how to darn a sock, I can darn, and darn good too! | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 9:10:53 PM | | krimiariver - you seem like an interesting person, oozing with irony, and where exactly is Brigadoon, Wisconsin, or does it only appear on maps once every 100 years? Message me, I can't message you because I don't live in Afghanistan (and thank god for that!). | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 9:29:48 PM |
krimiariver - you seem like an interesting person, oozing with irony, and where exactly is Brigadoon, Wisconsin, or does it only appear on maps once every 100 years? Message me, I can't message you because I don't live in Afghanistan (and thank god for that!).
If you are in Madison, then Brigadoon is east of Eden. It is also north of Prairie du Chien, east of Rochester, and south of Eau Claire. Oops, Afghanistan apparently is just south of the U.S. in the mail settings. I'm going to have to keep an eye on that oozing, but everybody could use some irony in their diet. | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 9:53:26 PM | Wish I could have a quarter for every man holding out for a 'gorgeous' 30 year old!
Oh please.... Can't you just for once LOOK AT YOURSELVES??? What is this sense of entitlement that makes you think you deserve more than what YOU are? If you're still stuck in looks at this age....it's obvious you haven't learned a thing in 50 years and you never will!
As Wooby said:
"At this point what I am constitutionally unable to get along without in a mate is a great soul and a very good mind."
I might add a generous and compassionate nature. Wake up and smell the coffee!
krimiariver? Congratulations....you win the goldfish! You finally figured it out.
And all you ladies out there still not 'willing to settle'? There are degrees and degrees, not all men are wife beaters...stop blaming others for your mistakes, after all you picked the last bunch, own it. You either want a real person or you want to speculate on perfection....none of us 'are', including you.
My preference is someone honest with himself, who still can find some delight in life in whatever form it appears.
"The world is so full of a number of things, I'm sure we should all be as happy as Kings!"
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 10:05:14 PM | | I think with age should come wisdom...there are no perfect people. We don't have unlimited time. So many things are more important than looks. I don't see it as compromising anything. I really only have a few things that are important...kindness, sharp mind, sense of fun still...and that he loves me. | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 10:16:41 PM | To me it is not a matter of being too selective.
To me it is a matter of not starting ANYTHING with anyone you are not 100% interested in. Anything less is being less than honest.
To be blunt (IMO) ..... it is a lie. A lie to both parties involved - yourself and the other person. | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/13/2007 10:41:01 PM | I think a LOT more than _50_ people should be selective . .!!!
....Probably THOUSANDS . . !!!
****
'Love will keep us together . . '
'Love is all you need . . '
'She loves you...'
'Love is a many splendored thing . . '
'Love to love you, baby . . '
'I love how you love me . . '
. . etc . . | |
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