| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/15/2007 6:39:29 PM | | And its NOT because I think they are out of my leaugue. I don't think ANY woman is out of my league. But it's like my brain freezes and all I can think about is how gorgeous they are. In that state there's no way I can talk to them succesfully or even be near them succesfully, if that makes sense. Relaxation is important so I want to know why this happens and how I can change that. Any ideas? Thanks. :) | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/15/2007 6:49:12 PM | | Remember ;; that beauty was given to them. They didn't work for it (,maybe some exercise,) like a paycheck. Some use it as leverage. | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/15/2007 6:54:32 PM | id love to know the answer to this question myself so when u figure it out PLEASE share!
not that im the most beautiful woman out there but i do get told often that im hot, sexy, beautiful, etc...and the common belief seems to be that i have stampedes of men waiting in line for me....
the truth is ....when i go out lots of men stare at me....some smile...but very few approach me and talk to me much less ask me out!
and i am super open, friendly, and approachable....
so it seems my looks and sex appeal are working against me....what to do????
and alfy....u r a very handsome man and clearly very intelligent, witty, sexy, and fun.....
maybe u should just be honest with the woman right away...tell her u think shes beautiful and that ur tendency is to freeze up...perhaps she can help u break the ice...and no matter what shes gonna be super flattered that a hot guy like u thinks shes hot! i sure would be.....
a lot of times once the truth is on the table its no longer an issue....
good luck....and anyone with the answer or some advice for me too please help! | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/15/2007 6:56:11 PM | | I think it is a primal instinct for guys to be kind of dumbfounded around beautiful women. You're putting them up on a pedestal when you do that, which is like admitting they are better than you are. I used to be that way but I taught myself to see them as any other person. It has gotten much easier for me to approach and speak with women who I find highly attractive. It takes some discipline, but it can be done. Just remember that they take a dump every day just like the rest of us. | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/15/2007 8:02:12 PM | Thanks glittergirl.
Scott: primal instinct... I think you're right. Thanks. But I DON'T put them on a pedestal or think they are better. No way. Also I don't believe in robotic conditioning. I think if we discover the true root of a symptom we can find a healthy, easy, natural cure for it rather than just blindly treating said syptom.
Right so we are getting closer to answering why... Primal instinct. But why do we have that primal instinct? Primal instincts are usually there for a reason, in what way is being scared of beautiful girls an advantage? AHHH, I got it maybe! Perhaps its because in "primal times" you'd have to challenge alpha males for the more beautiful girls. That IS quite naturally a scary thing to do. So we have the answer: I'm scared of beautiful girls because in primal terms it means heavy competition with other males.
But in the society I live in there's no need to be afraid of other males. Now that I've realised that I can come up with a convincing reason to getting rid of the fear, which would at least help, maybe even cure it altogether.
I could of course be talking crap but it does make sense and I think it might well be the answer.
And if my theory is correct in primal terms this would have the effect of increasing my attractiveness, after all, primally, being confident enough not to fear heavy competition with other males is of course an attractive trait.
And yes, I AM a physics geek, and proud of it too :P | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/15/2007 8:48:19 PM | Way too much overanalyzing on his one... it is the same situation for both men and women... when you see someone truly beautiful/handsome (as your perception dictates), you look at them as something to behold... an "object" if you will... you forget the person that they are... I have befriended quite a few people (men and women) that society would deem truly beautiful and it is really sad because they absolutely notice when people treat them differently... granted, not every one of them had a problem with it, but certainly the majority of those I have talked to did and it made them question themselves and their self-confidence.
People are People are People... period. Once you understand and fully accept that, no one person will ever make you too nervous or scared to talk to or approach again. | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/15/2007 9:18:34 PM | Well you could date ugly ones and not be afraid.....
Or you can condition yourself to see beautiful girls as just beautiful people and get past their looks and objectifying them.
It's the beautiful package that trips you up.
It's hard, but instead of seeing the whole picture just focus on eyes, nose, or even earlobes if you have to. Focus on the parts(or a part), not the whole.
Talk to the PERSON, not the face.
You see what I mean?
It's kindof a secret.
It's why beautiful girls are often seen with goofy looking guys. They know how to talk to the person and ignore the looks. But anyone can do it.
And by the way, beautiful women are so happy when some guy "gets them" on that level, instead of "hey you're hot!"
Good luck. | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/15/2007 9:36:37 PM | | i was with a girl that was beautiful hot sexy and a true friend and we were open and honest she hates cheaters but it was amazing how guy,s dont care i seen the true side,s of scum bag,s one time we were a resturant sitting beside each other huggin i went to the bathroom and when i came out she was telling this guy off he got kicked out because he dont know what no means i heard her tell him you are a creep you see im with my boyfriend and think you can ask for my # he say,s come on we can get to know each other. she lost it yelling listen you pervert you cant treat people like this you make me want to get sick so ****off bozo. then the manager told bozo to leave she showed me email from here with guys not only trying to be cheats but not caring that after she told them nicely she,s not a cheater and if they read her profile they would know they write back trying to put me down insant messinger she would hit no same guy just as quik as she hit no it,s back not just a couple time,s we had to log out every one that was like that did not take no they did not care what her profile said they were trying to tell to be a low life like them! funny she made a new profile no picture and now get,s nice guy,s that listen. they scare me cause they are little fish in a pond with shark,s make me think why me ex didnt point out none of the things that happen. | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/15/2007 9:58:07 PM | I agree. You're overanalyzing things even though I'm close to buying your primitive, survival of the prettiest theory. I think it comes down to fear of rejection though. Simple as that. We assume that a very attractive woman has many suitors and is justifiably picky. That raises the stakes making a positive response towards you less of a guarantee. So, fear kicks in that interest won't be reciprocated. It's more like the primitive, fight or flight response.
You've stated that you don't think beautiful women are too good for you. So, what's the problem? Right there you are telling me that you think you are highly attractive, which I am not disagreeing with, but that takes an ego and egos bruise easily. The fact that this bothers you is quite telling in itself. Who are you kidding? You want to have the confidence to approach a very attractive woman and you are getting nervous? Personally, I think you are doubting your looks and are fishing for some compliments to boost your self esteem. I'm not saying this to be mean. I am just being honest. A man who is confident about his looks is less likely to be agonizing over this. A man who is inescapably unattractive, won't fancy himself with such concerns or may be delusional and/or take a "what the hell" attitude and make an approach. Sounds like you are in a bit of a personal crisis and overthinking all of this. I say this because I can relate and that bit you wrote above analyzing this from every angle is a symptom of anxiety if you ask me. Again, I am not crucifying you. I am being emphathetic in an honest effort to help.
Look, we all want to attract people who we feel are in the same league looks wise (give or take) but everyone has their own idea of what is beautiful and most people's idea of their own looks are skewed to some degree by their high or low self esteem. So, my advice is to reach out to a woman you think is beautiful, feel the fear and do it anyway OR give it up and quit agonizing over it. Fight or flight it, man. If you decide to go for it and her interest isn't reciprocated, repeat to yourself until you feel better, "Don't take it personally". The woman you think is beautiful may have her own high or low self esteem issues or may have a certain type so don't let anyone define how attractive you are. Realize it's all subjective then go out and get a hobby, a fulfilling career, work out and do whatever it takes to have a love affair with yourself so you're too busy feeling good to give this nonscence any more thought. Perhaps I'll do the same and practice what I preach! :)
In the vein of overanalyzing, here's some more food for thought. Some attractive people are highly critical of themselves. Some awful looking people are delusional. Some above average looking people have had both positive and negative feedback in their lives so they are somewhat confused about their attractiveness level. Perhaps you and I can commeserate on that one. Expecially if you've received a lot of attention when you were younger and now you don't quite get the same response, it's a bit of a personal crisis. Consider the model, rock star or celebrity who is older and used to a lot of attention? Sometimes they still see their younger, more attractive selves still in the mirror OR if they subscribe to the belief that either you're on top or a flop, they may think they are far less attractive than they really are if they aren't receiving the same degree of attention when they were younger. Again, it's a matter of self esteem and truly, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Also, don't assume. Not every beautiful woman has a million guys knocking at their door nor are all beautiful women too arrogant and/or picky, that they will turn a guy down that they feel isn't as attractive. And, some women who are deemed beautiful by society's standards, have no magic to them. Others who aren't as physically attractive have the air of beauty due to their confidence, personality or by having an uppity attitude along with great grooming and fashion sense. What is a beautiful woman or man anyway? Many people are drawn to certain types. Again, I go back to beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
You state that you think you are attractive enough for beautiful women. I don't buy it. There's nothing to figure out here. Start feeling better about yourself. You'll forget about the whole thing and find yourself approaching someone beautiful without realizing or agonizing over it.
Wishing you sincere luck! :) | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/15/2007 10:19:44 PM | | I try just glancing at them at first then in my mind get my composure, then just kinda talking to them as I'm looking around the room. I'm primarily interested in the conversation so I can see what type a person she is, if she seems like good people then I can look at her and relax while caring on the conversation. If not such a great person I find a reason to bring the conversation to a end and tell her to to take it easy. Beauty is only skin deep but every guy wants to be with a girl that makes his eyes dance. | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/15/2007 10:21:22 PM |
Talk to the PERSON, not the face.
You see what I mean?
It's kindof a secret.
It's why beautiful girls are often seen with goofy looking guys. They know how to talk to the person and ignore the looks. But anyone can do it.
And by the way, beautiful women are so happy when some guy "gets them" on that level, instead of "hey you're hot!"
NOT tooting my own horn, just reflecting on this based on hearing the 'you're hot' and the like. YOU NAILED IT STRAY CAT. Well put. And true. We all want someone to "get" us. Many things stand in the way. Looks are just one. There are others (like loads of money for men, etc.)
Nice description cat :) | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/15/2007 10:25:38 PM | Hello Alfy,
yep, happens to me too when I see a very handsome man. I imagine it happens to a lot of people,.. see a beautiful person.. brain disengages,.. and normal motor responses become skewed, lol. Its just that you have a bit of the artists reverance for beauty, thats all. When this happens to me,.. i just gawp for a second, then remind myself that they are a human being, with all the same thoughts feelings, hopes and dreams and insecurities as myself, and then start talking to them, as if i were talking to a good friend. It works for me. DAx | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/15/2007 10:26:55 PM | You have to do that thing the people who make speeches or lectures in front of audiences do when they are feeling a little nervous about it..... they make believe everyone in the audience is in their underwear !!!
So next time you meet Ms. beautiful... just make believe......... oh wait.... that wouldn`t work here. If you made believe she was in her undies than you would really seize up.
Nevermind....
carry on ................. | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/15/2007 10:33:00 PM | One thing you need to be careful with is the eye-contact, goodmankeepingitreal. I am not just talking about someone who may happen to be beautiful, but in general. You'd be surprised how many women mistake not making (and keeping) eye contact for disinterest. If you are "kinda talking to them as I'm looking around the room", it could leave you with less than the desired result you were after.
I do understand that you use it (scanning the room) as a cursory tool to "feel her out" and find out what type of person she is... but... if she thinks you are humoring her or that you are playing the room by diverting your attention (eyes), and you do in fact find out she is amazing on the inside as well as beautiful on the outside, it may just be too late... if she has a healthy dose of self esteem, it is a distinct possibility you already turned her off.
You do have the right attitude about it though... beauty is only skin deep. I think each of us have known a superficially beautiful person... or at least beautiful until they opened his/her mouth then the ugly came spewing out... it's funny how they are not so beautiful anymore eh? ;) | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/15/2007 10:34:55 PM | | You're trying way too hard OP. You are thinking "She's beautiful so I have to be different and stand out' but never think to just be you, which is not the norm for her. She's a person, a woman. That's all you need to see and that's all you need to focus on. | |
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j5rush
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Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 17 | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/15/2007 10:50:42 PM | | HA... j5rush is quite the problem solver... see how easy it is? The solution was staring at you square in the face this whole time... Too Funny! | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/15/2007 11:48:58 PM | It's evolutionary psychology. When, for most of human history, we roamed the earth in small tribes of about 150 people the alpha male, and his buddies, had their pick of the prettiest mates. Approaching one of their pretty girls was a serious threat because you were directly challenging the alpha male of the tribe. If you screwed with his girl you could easily be killed or banished from the tribe, which was the equivalent of death. To this day our biological fear instinct is still there to protect us, although the social context in which it evolved isn't the same any more.
There's a study out there I remember reading that monitored fear response to different things like sky-diving, walking on coals, and fear of extreme heights. The study found that above all these fear triggering things, approaching a beautiful woman and being confronted by a lion were more frightening because our bodies recognized these as potentially life threatening situations.
Women are serious business. War, in primitive human culture and that of most high primates, comes about as either a direct result of competition for mating opportunities or indirectly over resources to attract women for mating opportunities. The only exception to this I'm aware of is Bonobo chimpanzees, but the reason they don't war is because the females mate equally with all males of the tribe. They even greet each other with sex! | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/16/2007 4:11:34 AM |
we roamed the earth in small tribes of about 150 people the alpha male, and his buddies, had their pick of the prettiest mates.
Only nowadays its called clubbing and bar hopping !!!  | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/16/2007 4:37:13 AM | it is like i used to be around super intelligent people. i work surrounded by doctors and allied health personnel - some of them are very clever and i used to get all tongue tied and be a bluthering mess.
that was until i realised that they sh1t no different to the next person and that they are actually just ordinary people when they get home. and so i started to relate to them like that - joke, laugh, tease them and muck around, treated them the same as I would any of my friends. and you know what - it worked. they are real and they are normal and they appreciate being treated as such! | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/16/2007 4:58:04 AM | Don't worry about it. If beautiful women scare you, then go after the ugly ones. Heaven knows there's more than enough to go around. LOL.
Ed | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/16/2007 5:14:04 AM | Hi,
My name is Dallas. I have the same problem w/men as you expressed. I am told I am a beautiful woman, and on and on and on....but , men just look. Don't usually come and speak to me. I am 5'10" tall and I was thinking that might be alittle intimadating, but I just don't know what the problem is. I can't help but feel like its me! But everyone tells me no. Like you, the good looks seem to be working against me.
Dallas | |
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/16/2007 5:42:17 AM | op, with time and age hopefully you will over come this phobia or fear and find out these women are no different then any one else.
Confidence is key with any endeavor.
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| Why do highly beautiful girls scare me?
Posted: 10/16/2007 6:18:30 AM | Yeah definitely think ya looking into things a bit much mate.
I think the best approach would be to look at them for who they are, a person, and genuinely be interested in what they have to say, I am sure it was already written but I think the approach of *glancing around* while you are talking to them is definitely not the way to go, women like to know that you are interested what they are saying. *correct me if I am wrong*
If she is one of those types of beautiful women that knows shes gorgeous, and uses it to her advantage in an overpowering manner, its maybe not worth ya time anyway. At the end of the day its going to more of a burden anyway.
My ex was very beautiful, she had the same problem, men never wanted to talk to her because they were too busy staring and not actually giving a damn who she really was. I am definitely no prize in a raffle when it comes to looks, but conversation goes a long way in any situation.
You admitted yourself that you dont think any woman is out of your league, so you sound really confident . . but I think that's not helping you with the simple fact if you are rejected your pride maybe shattered. Ya sound like an intelligent guy and you should have no problem working this one out . .
Start bypassing your primal instincts . . and instead of getting caught up in the image . . get to know the mind . .
All the best mate . . | |
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