| Is it ever ok to sleep over on a first date?
Posted: 10/15/2007 8:33:53 PM | | Ok so I met up with a guy for a first date this weekend that I’ve been conversing with for 3 months online and we live about an hour and a half apart. We met up for dinner, a movie and then went back to his apartment to hang out. Overall things were going well and we were clicking, but no kissing occurred due to him having a cold sore. It got really late with us talking and he suggested that I stay and go home in a few hours, but would that have been acceptable? I mean we got along well and felt like we had known each much longer. I ended up finally leaving at like 4 and making the drive back home. Him suggesting me staying was due to the time and the length of drive obviously since he wasn’t set to be getting so much as a kiss. Well pof people what do you all think? Would it have been ok just to have stayed there for a few more hours and actually slept there? | |
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| Is it ever ok to sleep over on a first date?
Posted: 10/15/2007 8:42:17 PM | In the morning, you are going to get a LOT of people saying that was really stupid, asking to get hurt, blah blah.
And they're right. But the fact is, you could wait 6 months and still get hurt. Those type of people will wait forever if thats what it takes to get you alone. So waiting a while is no guarantee of your safety.
With that said, I have slept over and let people sleep over on first dates, knowing there wasnt going to be any sex. Of course sometimes the sex ends up happening anyway, but thats another story. Women always tell other women to trust their gut, and if your gut said the guy seemed ok, then he probably was. | |
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| Is it ever ok to sleep over on a first date?
Posted: 10/15/2007 8:43:05 PM | | first off the kissing part should have been a clue.....sleeping over or sleeping with???...even tho it was a long drive home it was probably better to go ....because if you would have felt it in your heart , you would have stayed and would not have to ask this question ....so u were right | |
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| Is it ever ok to sleep over on a first date?
Posted: 10/15/2007 9:06:50 PM | | well form experience in most cases sleep over leads to sleeping with i think it is a trick of guys even when they say they do not want you to make the trip home but i could be wrong often when u sleep with a guy they lose interest so maybe that was the smart thing to leave | |
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| Is it ever ok to sleep over on a first date?
Posted: 10/15/2007 9:19:01 PM | I personally think it would have been fine to sleep over. In fact you could have stayed and gone to brunch or something the next morning before heading back.
It is just a personal preference and I agree......you can't be certain it's the right thing to do...regardless of how long you wait. You have to be comfortable.
Hopefully, as adults, we are all capable of making our own decisions....just remember you have to own it (the decision) later. I personally have sometimes preferred to get the sex out of the way....just to see what was left. Having sex is one thing.....giving my heart is another.
Becca | |
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Rys_
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Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 9 | |
| Is it ever ok to sleep over on a first date?
Posted: 10/15/2007 9:34:08 PM | well form experience in most cases sleep over leads to sleeping with i think it is a trick of guys even when they say they do not want you to make the trip home but i could be wrong often when u sleep with a guy they lose interest so maybe that was the smart thing to leave
And sometimes girls drive 1.5 hrs just to find themselves in that situation. Both sides trick eachother.
Heck...I show up to my dates with a sleeping bag all the time. :) | |
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| Is it ever ok to sleep over on a first date?
Posted: 10/15/2007 11:52:13 PM | | If my date were bleeding from several wounds and there were a zombie invasion going on outside and we had to hold up at my place until morning when we would have to accept that we were the last un-infected humans left and make our way through a savage and dangerous world.....then sure...stay over. | |
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| Is it ever ok to sleep over on a first date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 2:34:18 AM | HAHA...I think this is personally one of the fun moments of a date ending late or early in the morning. Do you want me to stay? It would be best to probably not drive home at this hour you might fall asleep. You know we won't end up doing anything if you stay? You can stay in my bed if you want to instead of sleeping on the couch or floor? One kiss won't make a difference we know better not to have sex!
Do you see a pattern, some people can use this whole scenerio to build up a sex scene like in a movie and some work it very well. I have been in this situation plenty of times and it is exciting. On the other hand it really should be an opportunity for you to step back really quickly in your mind and take a gut check and see where your moral lies. This can apply for you being the one asking someone to stay, or you being the one who stays. I think this is the main situation in first time dating that can test a persons will, respect and seriousness about how you want relationship to end up and lead to.
Do I think it would have been a good idea to stay, sure why not. But this should always be based on your comfort level with the person your dating. If you get that American Psycho like feeling from the guy, I wouldn't care if the drive is 10 hours you run for the hills.
The best thing you or anyone can do in this situation is find a nice place on the couch, floor or whatever and tough it out. Because regardless of if he can kiss you or not, one situation leading to another in bed can turn into many things you might deeply regret in the morning. It's all your own personal assessment on how you want to be percieved and how you want this new relationship to develop and grow. Always look for the best options and never be afraid to deeply think about your actions and there consequences.
You did the right thing going home an hour and a half isn't that bad of a drive to save a relationship you might have wanted to grow and develop in the first place. And if he was true and honest it was a good thing him asking you to stay and looking out for you, only if he's true to that though...some things to think about. Good luck...
-Peace,
Mike J
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| Is it ever ok to sleep over on a first date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 4:20:07 AM | | I think as long as you felt safe catching a few Z's before making the drive home, there would have been nothing at all wrong with that. I think in a situation like that you just have to follow your comfort level. | |
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| Is it ever ok to sleep over on a first date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 6:34:26 AM | It totally depends on your level of comfort and safety. If you know all there is to know about the guy and you've done your homework beforehand, do what you feel comfortable with. Just use your instinct, that's all - if it feels better to go home, then go with it.
Personally I don't do it, but I'm weird about people I don't know for at least two or three months being in my house or knowing where I live (or me their house). But I keep things local, so we're both always pretty close to home anyway. | |
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| Is it ever ok to sleep over on a first date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 6:43:59 AM | Yes of course. Things come into play..weather, drinking, feeling comfortable etc.
and of course maturity...Actually I think it's neat. But, I would have to some how feel good about the person...I'm starting to have second thoughts on the subject. It would be a big MAYBE. I can sleep over this weekend if you want. LOL | |
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| Is it ever ok to sleep over on a first date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 6:53:28 AM | You shouldn't have gone to his house on the first date in the first place. Secondly, you didn't have to wait until 4 am to drive home. Having the date drag out so long even if it is going well makes you both seem desperate. If you are both interested you will see each other again...you don't need talk about everything the first time.
Yes, I have done what you have done and realize how there is a safer and more mature way to handle things....Safety esp...I used to teach self defense. | |
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| Is it ever ok to sleep over on a first date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 6:54:00 AM | you are an adult capable of making adult choices..
I think if you were comfortable staying, then you should have stayed..It probubly would have been a bit more comfortable for you not to mention safer then driving home tired.
PLUS...............why would you care what any of us thought anyway??
laffs | |
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| Is it ever ok to sleep over on a first date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 6:54:22 AM | | no its not. say your sorry's or exscuses and when you use this watch his face and gage his reactions to it. observe how he handles your response. you can take it from there. | |
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| Is it ever ok to sleep over on a first date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 7:07:00 AM |
Would it have been ok just to have stayed there for a few more hours and actually slept there?
Only TWO people could answer that question for you on the night.
You have to decide who you trust ... outsiders opinions or your own
inner guidance. In my lifetime dozens of women have shared my bed
and I theirs in circumstances that weren't designed to be sexual.
Friendship includes integrity, compassion, caring, communication and
a host of other things that don't necessarily lead to flings. | |
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| Is it ever ok to sleep over on a first date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 7:12:07 AM | | I think it would have been fine to stay over. My ex stayed over with me several time before anything happend we even shared a bed he kept himself to himself as per my request and everything was fine. I should point out this could be due to the fact I had known hin for ages before we got together but we were never really in each other company much before we dated. Incidenty we lasted 2 years before we split up so I dont think it had any baring on our relationship at all | |
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| Is it ever ok to sleep over on a first date?
Posted: 10/16/2007 7:18:28 AM | I read a few of the posts and I am wondering why leaving at 4 was better than leaving after the movie. Since you are from Iowa, I'm sure the late movie was over around midnight or so. Then you stayed another 3 or 4 hours and you felt comfortable with that. I think being up that late would have made you even more tired, so I can see his point. So trying to figure out what the real issue is? I mean how is getting home at 5:30 in the morning better than getting home at 11 or later that day, except less people will see you getting home. Curious to know what you said to him when you told him that you were going to leave at 4 since you all were having a good time until then.
But I join the forum concensus that whatever you feel comfortable with is best, although driving home sleeping isn't the best way to go. I think if you already know that you don't want to stay the night with anyone on the first date, you should plan an earlier date so there is no worries. | |
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