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 kindacute
Joined: 9/1/2007
Msg: 1
when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friendPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
My sister and i were discussing this subject the other day. Her best friend "MIA" has a issue with her boyfriend"Ken" He will not introduce her to his female friends? They both meet under the pretense that they were looking for long-term. He is 44 , she is 34. The relationship is supposed to be exclusive. Mia has introduced her bf to her friends and sisters. however, Ken does not even attempt to.
one of the women has a boyfriend and on several occasions the group( Hannah, Alex, Theresa, and Ken) all hang out together but Mia is never invited.

I told Mia that it sounds like the group is double dating and she is not invited (you know.... two's company and three is a crowd)

We came to the conclusion that it is one of two reason; either He is dating the Theresa , or he is not that serious about mia so why let her that close.

Mia has asked him about this issue, he told her that the reason is because when he is with her he wants to spend time with her. But when he is with his friends he only wants to be with his friends. I told her that's bullsh!t.

So Mia took it upon herself to introduce herself to the 2 female friends, she is currently waiting for a response from the women. She sent them both messages on "that other space". She figures if they are truly just his "friends" then no harm. maybe she will meet 2 new friends herself.....but if he really is dating one of the women, then better she finds out sooner than later.


Now i just wanted everyone's opinion on the situation. How would you have handled this issue?

thanks for your input

kindacute




 Ms Taken
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 2
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when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 10/18/2007 1:15:47 PM
If I didn't trust him, I wouldn't be with him. If I did trust him, I'd tell my "friends" to keep their noses out of my business.
 alexandria_gal
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 3
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when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 10/18/2007 1:43:49 PM
I only date men who tell the truth and whose lives are like an open book.

If I see things I don't think are right, I move on.

I suggest your friend Mia do the same.

 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 4
when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 10/18/2007 2:00:50 PM
That definitely sounds fishy. Once you say you're dating each other exclusively there shouldn't be any hesitation with at least introducing your partner to the friends. Doesn't mean you have to hang out with them... but they should at least be introduced and done so as in "this is my girl/boyfriend"
 kindacute
Joined: 9/1/2007
Msg: 5
when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 10/18/2007 2:13:57 PM
Hi ladies, thanks

they are supposedly exclusive ...and she did ask for our advice. Trust is earned, she told me that she'd feel foolish to assume all is rosy. It is natural to become a bit curious when something isn't adding up. In Mia's case...his explanation is not adding up to her. I think she is smart enough to figure it out.

 mahogany_rush
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 6
when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 10/18/2007 2:16:55 PM
hmmm, well this is more of a trust issue then anything, Either Mia trusts Ken or she doesn't, if she doesn't then its time to cut bait, Ken for some reason is hesitant in introducing Mia to his "female friends" could be a number of reasons, anything from he doesn't want to his friends involved with his relationships ( some people are funny like that) he's two timing , he doesn't want Mia to think maybe his female friends are wacky ? or Ken's friends has a secret on him and may embarrass him, who knows.

I dont think Mia should of sent a message to his friends under the guise of being friends, it may backfire on her and Ken may think Mia is kind of a whack job and open up a can of worms.

Some people just like to keep friendships and Relationships separate, it works for some but not for everyone.
 kindacute
Joined: 9/1/2007
Msg: 7
when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 10/18/2007 2:37:00 PM
Ok, she is a whack job....he knows it already. He claims her whackiness is one of the things that he likes about her.
Mia truly believes this guy is honest, straight forward....and all that other goofy honey moon none sense.

Ken is always stating he wants a honest, trusting and open book relationship. His 2 ex-wives supposedly cheated. He claims if there is one thing he can't stand is dishonesty and being deceived.

Mia recently had a discussion with ken about the "otherspace" issue. He deleted her comments the other day he says that his relationship with her is personal and no one needs to know about them on the "otherspace". Btw that Theresa woman is on his "otherspace" at the top of his page.....and Mia is.....somewhereafter # 97...lol.

personally I think the guy is lying, sneaky and not very trust worthy. He is finally showing his true colors. I still think it is better she found out now then later .

 Libertine154
Joined: 12/7/2005
Msg: 8
when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 10/18/2007 2:42:10 PM
My guess is the female friend is an "on again, off again" lover. I had this experience in my last relationship. It is very uncomfortable.
 GentleCanuck
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 9
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when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 10/18/2007 2:44:34 PM

Ken is always stating he wants a honest, trusting and open book relationship. His 2 ex-wives supposedly cheated. He claims if there is one thing he can't stand is dishonesty and being deceived.


Ken is not being honest, and she should walk away.

Their relationship is not an open book relationship. If it was, she would be introduced to his friends.

It sounds like Ken found himself a younger woman for sex and fun, but he is not serious about her beyond that.

Sharing your life with someone means introducing them to your friends.
 kindacute
Joined: 9/1/2007
Msg: 10
when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 10/18/2007 2:46:17 PM
I remember the first time i really liked a guy and the feeling was mutual.

I remember the first time I meet a man and we are really into each other.

He and I both want the world to know. Ok maybe not the entire earth...but u know ...our little world.

we don't hide our affection. He introduces me to his friends, I introduce him to mine.

there isn't any of this secret stuff. If I have to be his secret...or play sloppy second's i don't want it.

Is she not good enough to meet his friends?

Is he ashamed of her?

Is he two-timing her?

Is she his dirty little secret slut? sorry folks got carried away.

anyhow

just askin'

 cupatea2010
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 11
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when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 10/18/2007 2:50:31 PM
It's a "private" affair....he wants to keep it that way..he is calling the shots and all the rules..one false move and it's going to be all HER fault.

She will be the "crazy" "psycho" bi^tch and he will be the stable one that has his own group of friends and is happy with that scenerio.

I would tell him to take a walk...no sense in living by someone else's rules...it's going to hurt but it's going to save her from being called names...when she decided that she wants to BEND those rules.
 lone56wolf
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 12
when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 10/18/2007 2:51:36 PM
Not so sure I'd trust anyone who keeps me a secret. A "Mia" in my life is known to all and sundry....

Steve
 kindacute
Joined: 9/1/2007
Msg: 13
when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 10/18/2007 2:56:11 PM
wow my2cntsin...that is heavy...but so true...damn why didn't i think of that.

It didn't occur to me till just now...she told me that he claims all of his ex's are psycho b!tches. Every time she does something he doesn't like, he punishes her (so to speak)

he doesn't answer his phone, doesn't accept her phone calls...etc.

then when he feels like it he starts whooing her and baby this, and sweetheart that...

ok, ok, i gotta go...i'm going to call her she should read some of these comments.

this is obviously his pattern....ok thanks guys
 kindacute
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 14
when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 12/31/2007 2:35:18 AM
Update

Ken was married...He claimed he and his ex seperated, however he also had another girlfriend in a different city that he was seeing on weekends and holidays.

mia found out later that Ken and Theresa (the woman from the original post)spent a weekend together out of town.... That was the straw that broke the camels back.

bummer huh

 cupatea2010
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 15
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when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 12/31/2007 3:07:29 AM
Men are evolving into having two or more faces......one face is the single man enjoying social contacts..the other enjoys the intimacy of a one on one relationship.

If he does not want to include the gf with his social contacts it's because he is a totally different person and does not want the gf to know his social business..two faced and probably indulges into other things that he does not indulge with the gf....maybe smoking marijuana...dope buddies.??
 SILady10306
Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 16
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when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 12/31/2007 3:10:00 AM
men are dogs! ugh!
 Ignoble
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 17
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when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 12/31/2007 3:54:05 AM
Meh. Not much of an issue. Probably just doesnt want the green eyed monster rearing its head. Ive found that women get jealous when they realize like 3/4 of my friends are women, especially with how close I am with most of them. Maybe he just didnt want a conflict between his woman and his women. I mean... thatd make life interesting eh? Hahaha. Messaging his friends like... pretty much behind his back is a slightly overbearing move. But hey, most guys expect a little of that. Im sure its fine.
 box65
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 18
when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 12/31/2007 4:09:52 AM
he could be ashame of her behavior

 Sauder
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 19
when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 12/31/2007 4:55:55 AM
Wow, and she puts up with this?

One point here is what I went through with my ex.

I introduced her to all of my friends. I even made it to where my gf and one of my friends could have *play dates* since my gf was from out of town and did not have any friends here.

Our relationship starts to go south and my gf tells everything to my now-ex-friend who in turn gossips about everything to everyone else I knew. Stuff that was absolutely no one else's business. Harmless stuff but private stuff none the less.

So, why should he introduce and let them hang out and gossip behind his back if in a couple months Mia is no longer in the photo?

I'm going to still introduce everyone but I will be taking steps for damage control just in case another one goes south.
 MrVitamix
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 20
when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 12/31/2007 5:00:43 AM
maybe he doesnt know the new girlfriend well enough to trust she won't start trouble.
 SUCKAFISH
Joined: 7/20/2007
Msg: 21
when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 12/31/2007 5:05:29 AM
arrrrggggg, READ MSG 14 EveryBody


He wasn't being 'cautious' , wasn't being 'private'
He Was ... MARRIED, Had AnOther Mistress , Besides the 'MIA'

*catch UP*
 regalrose
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 22
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when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 12/31/2007 9:09:08 PM
I'm sorry that happened to her....that's really rotten of him to have done that to someone (or inhis case, several someones).
 NativeWarrior
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 23
when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 12/31/2007 9:35:52 PM
Wow, at first I was goimg tp comment perhpas it is because he was afraid of a jealousy issue. I know that in my past when I introduced my ex to fellow associates where I worked she was a bit jealous and became somewhat suspicious of working and being with them. But in the end time proved it was I who should have been suspicious of friends/fellow associates.

However after reading your post completely, especially when he gives a reason of
he told her that the reason is because when he is with her he wants to spend time with her. But when he is with his friends he only wants to be with his friends.


There is more going on here than meets the eye. If it was me, I'd be throwing the bullshit flag just as a referee does in the NFL for illegal procedure or to many players on the field. Even if she receives a message back from both and they're pleasent, who's to say one of them isn't his F*@$Buddy and doesn't want to ruin what they have going.
All in all, just be there when her world comes down around her.
 kindacute
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 24
when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 12/31/2007 9:45:45 PM
so true, ^^^

I did not give negative advice when she asked, I told her "in the end truth will reveal itself".
I must admit, I did encourage the "message the female in question". anyhow, I also told her not to get to emotionally close. The entire situation was fishy to me.

the truth did come out.

check out the update message 14.

 RockerMomma76
Joined: 7/10/2007
Msg: 25
when your boyfriend won't introduce you to his female friend
Posted: 12/31/2007 9:50:01 PM
Wow, reading through this and sounds like my ex! Wouldn't approve my comments on the other space, hid his friends, comment section, refused to put in a relationship, met only 2-3 friends and was never left alone with them. LMAO! And that was only part of his problems. Again...glad that is over in my life. It does suck when it happens. You try to trust and have faith and it's used against you. But live and learn!


BTW---> Happy 2008 everyone. Hope we all find what we are looking for!
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