| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 7:35:30 PM | | ok ladies and gentlemen, gotta question for ya...I have been sleeping with michael for about a year and a half, we are not friends, we are not dating, we get together a couple times a week just for satisfaction purposes, I dont want anymore from him,,,and vice versa, but it seems like most of the men I talk to say...well if your sleeping with him, then he is your boyfriend..NO he is not!!!!! Is there anyone else out there who wants to find true love but is being ridiculed for having just a sex partner? | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 7:48:56 PM | please clone yourself and come my way :)
seriously, some of us (me) guys do stupid things becuase we were frustrated due to lack of satisfaction. and no, i am not gonna rehash over half of my relationships due to stupidity.
I'm really looking for someone who thinks like you. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 8:03:10 PM | | I wouldn't want to become involved with a woman who had one or more FBs. But do whatever floats your boat--I don't begrudge nor ridicule your lifestyle. I'd assume that it would be ok if the OP's potential relationship interest had one or more FBs. There are people with swinging lifestyles, I suppose there is somebody out there for everyone. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 8:11:13 PM | So, when you meet your true love, are you going to tell him that you have a sex partner?
Are you going to keep the sex partner until you and your true love start sleeping together?
Just curious. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 8:17:42 PM | "ewww. this is why i dont like dating. "
exactly
it can become really complicated. i mean basically you cant be fooling around with anyone else if you are serious about meeting someone new | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 8:24:10 PM | | and you know its not the way the op described it. she loves him and is all over his nuts calling him and trying to get him to take her out. he doesnt really want anything to do with her so he just screws her goes home to someone he actually loves. she gets jealous so she decides to try and find a nice guy to fill the hole in her life while her other hole is constantly being used up. she will let this guy keep using her well into any other man that is stupid enough to fall into her sick game on manipulation and patheticness. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 8:52:42 PM | "Vegasout",are you reading the SAME topic as the rest of us ???
Coz,the op is NOT in love with him so is NOT jealous,shes NOT dating him,they're NOT a couple......and,by the sounds of it, hes just as single as she is,so,is not going home to anyone................................
They're consenting adults who have a mutually acceptable sex thing happening & so long as they're both being safe (using protection) and not hurting anyone ,i cant see why you're being so judgmental,& making all these ridiculous assumptions !!
And,if,as you say,you hate the idea of dating,why are you on here????? | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 9:07:18 PM | | The thing I see that isn't working here (and it's a BIG one), is that you've been sleeping with this guy for a year and a half...so it's safe to assume that you haven't found love in all that time. The big question is, how much energy are you REALLY putting into finding true love when you've got "Michael" to fall back on? Part of what makes us WANT something is NOT HAVING it. Your emotional energy is fragmented right now because you have a safe zone. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 9:16:57 PM | | no, if the right man came along, i would jump at the chance for real love, but in the past year and a half the two men i have met, one turned out to be married...and the othe one shattered my heart...which sent me running back to michael...he doesnt hurt me, because there is no expectations with him....and the one that did shatter my heart knew about him, I have never lied about who I am, and I dont deny anything, because in my eyes I am not doing anything wrong.......but the guys on here seem to want a little virgin, I am 39 years old with two kids (by the same father), I havent been innocent in a long time. I brought this up because i started talking to a guy and he said I should be honest about having a boyfriend....I dont have a boyfriend, just a sex partner. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 9:21:16 PM | Obviously posing a question like that will get you
a multitude of responses from "judge and jury" but
it's YOUR LIFE and YOUR FEELINGS and YOUR NEEDS
and more importantly YOUR BUSINESS!!!
If you and "M" are comfortable with your regular
get togethers why should it be wrong ... far better
than you both doing the same thing with a different
partner every week.
You live your life YOUR WAY
and stuff what anyone else might say.
Be true to yourself
Be happy
Stay Safe. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 9:28:46 PM |
The thing I see that isn't working here (and it's a BIG one), is that you've been sleeping with this guy for a year and a half...so it's safe to assume that you haven't found love in all that time. The big question is, how much energy are you REALLY putting into finding true love when you've got "Michael" to fall back on? Part of what makes us WANT something is NOT HAVING it. Your emotional energy is fragmented right now because you have a safe zone.
So well said. Life is a vacuum. Where there's an empty space it gets filled, when it's filled even though is garbage, or something that satisfies only one need, it leaves everything else empty. Why, it is being filled by this thing.
Now, I am not going to say bad bad, you are having a sexual relationship with someone. Good for you. But remember that it is regardless of what he calls it, or you call it a RELATIONSHIP. It can not be whipped out. It's there.
Now the question is this, why did you post? If you were totally happy it would be absurd to bring your vulnerability to the sharks (us at the forums) unless there was something you were looking for. So what are you looking for in terms of an answer? If you just want to get your friends of your back, well, fvck them. It's your business, but if there are other issues here. More to do with your emotional being, and I think this is what we are really talking about, you need to open up. | |
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Rys_
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Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 14 | |
| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 9:29:02 PM | | irish girl in mi ...its becasue most people wont admit they have such a friend. They keep it to themselves until a person of interest for a relationship comes along. Why do you feel it its necessary to inform each man you meet about your 'friend'? | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 9:29:43 PM | OP what you do is your business. I don't think having a sex parntner is wrong and what two adults do is between them, unless he is married or has a g/f. You say he's not your friend, you aren't dating, and you get together a couple of times a week for sex. You are right he isn't your b/f. To me this seems like casual sex and/or a booty call. If its what works for you then go for it.
Then I read your profile and its says "I am a single woman, whom like many others is looking for something solid, I am not into game playing, not into casual flings"
I think you need to make up your mind about what you want and what you are into. I'm not trying to be mean, but what you say in your profile is the exact opposite of what you are doing. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 9:35:50 PM | | your right, my profile should state that i wont settle for another fling, I want something real this time around....I have the casual thing, now I want to find love...and I tell men, because they always ask...why lie, I dont want you to lie to me, so I wont lie to you, and its not like I am sleeping with any john does...I have had three partners in three years. | |
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Rys_
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Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 17 | |
| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 9:37:38 PM | | I think that if you tell a guy you have a sex friend, chances are he will try to replace him instead of building a relationship. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 9:38:43 PM | I wish the OP did not ask such a question on a public forum because no one can tell you what's right or wrong. You don't need people telling you "ewww, that's gross", or "YOU GO GIRL!!! You are the next gen!" or bringing up irrelevant discussion about potential/hypothetical relationships. You do what you do. You know if dating vs. sex partner is an issue or not. Let what you have be what is without label. It is what it is. If you want something different, then go for something different. Please don't judge yourself.
BTW, you go girl!!!! :) What you have is awesome, and the world would be a hell of a lot less sexually/romantically frustrated if more folks were open to similar relationships. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 9:52:46 PM | | Irish....... you need to decide what you want, if its casual sex then fine. If you want to find love with a guy you need to give up doing the casual thing. Guys looking to get serious aren't looking for a woman thats doing that. It doesn't matter that you aren't sleeping around. What does matter is the image you are giving, and that is that you are willing to be a booty call or have sex with someone you don't even consider to be a friend. Put the shoe on the other foot and think about how it would look to you. How would you feel if you started seeing someone and felt that if it didn't work out he would just go back to his booty call. You might think he isn't going put the effort into a relationship if he has someone on the back burner. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 10:11:33 PM |
What does matter is the image you are giving, and that is that you are willing to be a booty call or have sex with someone you don't even consider to be a friend.
,
I wouldn't even worry about the image. Fvck image. It's what you feel inside. And when you talk about yourself you can honestly say about yourself.
I hate to say this, but sex is not about sex. Sex is intimacy. It's the ultimate form of trust, when you reduce it to the equivalent of just smoking a cigarette, well, eventually it catches up with you. The need to have emotions during is very important.
You may be enjoying what you got with this guy, but the problem is that eventually one or the other will expand in their feelings and emotions, wanting more, while the other one, wants to keep it the same, thus one person is going to hurt a lot.
So think about it girl. Do what's best for you. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 10:29:49 PM | Relationships take work, lots and lots of work.
It sounds as if you only want the presents, i.e. the sex, without excepting the responsibility of the effort, that needs to be put forth in a relationship. It will be quite difficult to find true love, if you continue with your present situation.
I.E. You find true love and things get rocky, what happens next. Oh, its too much pressure and instead of dealing with it, I will call on my buddy to help me through my dry spell. You need to hold yourself accountable, and work through the difficulties. A relationship is between two people, not including a third party. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 10:57:49 PM | outmind.............. she doesn't want that guy she is sleeping with, can't you read? She says they aren't even friends and they have been doing this for 1 1/2 years. If their feeling and emotions were going to expand it would have happened by now. Some people can seperate sex and emotions, they have obviously.
Image is important. Initially the image you give, which should be true to the person you are, is how you attract someone and how someone determines if they are interested in you for what ever the reason may be. If she wants to attract someone interested in a serious relationship then she has to show that that is the type of relationship she truly wants. Having casual sex or having a sex partner doesn't show that.
You are right that she does need to think about what she's doing and do whats best for her. She says she doesn't want to have what she has now. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/21/2007 11:55:10 PM | | This thread stitched you up into one ugly looking piece of fabric. I was not going to respond to your query until I read your profile again (I have read it before). Based upon the thread you are posting and the qualifications you seek in your profile, I can conclude that you continually change your value system regarding sex and love. While you are capable of distinguishing the differences between both, you must ask yourself which of the two has more importance in this current stage of your life. You emphasize Michael is "just a sex partner" you have been with for 18 months "just for satisfaction purposes", but your profile asks that men who contact you must not be looking for intimate encounters, so please edit this from your profile because this is precisely what you have with Michael. In this example, sex is just an act that has no more or less impact than lighting up a cigarette when you feel like having one. You are just using each other for self centered gains, although I cannot really speak for Michael since this thread is from your singular perspective. However, without being too forward, I would be interested to know if your sex activity includes oral, only because I read your response to a thread concerning this topic and you concluded that you must really like a person to perform this to completion. I read your reply to that thread before I came across the question you pose here and I see a contradiction. I cannot imagine you and Michael having an 18 month sexual relationship without oral application. Although you claim the both of you have no other interests in each other, it can be argued that in a year and a half's time, you know a lot about each other, so if not a "boyfriend", Michael must have some degree of personal importance to you. You called your own bluff in the oral sex posting, so don't play poker against me unless you want to lose the mortgage on your house. Deep down inside, I think you actually want something more with Michael. I can bet the farm that you will be looking for some of Michael's qualities in people you might meet on this site, and you may as well give him a shot because unfortunately, I can't see any hope of you finding a man on this site now for two immediate reasons: First, anyone reading this forum looking to establish a quality relationship will run away from you at warp speed. I do not intend any harm, but you must consider how a man would feel reading this. Not everyone is as disregarding about sex as you claim to be. Men will easily conclude you have little respect for yourself, and any sex you have with that man would have no emotional connection. Secondly, there is absolutely no way possible for you to trust yourself not to see Michael again while you are dating another man. Suppose you and someone are dating regularly and seriously. Then, let us imagine you both have some sort of disagreement and cancel a date plan. What are you going to do? Run to Michael. I suggest you do two things; seriously consider your own integrity about being on this site and either revise your profile, or cancel your account. Most women's profiles I've read regarding long-term dating express a revelation of how they want to be loved, and how they wish to express true love to a man. They state specifics regarding affairs of the heart (and mind). Your profile reflects nothing close to this. Secondly, I propose a more important consideration of your state of emotions and your frame of mind. Clinically speaking, most men and women who employ frequent non-emotional sexual acts are often found to be living with some degree of depression, or exhibit symptoms indicative of bipolar disorders. I cannot imagine anyone reading your profile and this thread not wondering if this is a realistic possibility regarding your cause. | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/22/2007 1:02:03 AM | 8inchbend.....NO ! NO! NO!.....(after reading your post,maybe its YOU who suffer depression or have bi-polar......-just a thought)
You're suggesting she cancel her account,huh???? WTF????????????
Why is it so difficult for you to accept the fact that she & Michael are fukk buddies,nothing else,& that shes hoping to find love with someone? She doesnt want anything more with Michael!!
Obviously Michaels not the one,or,it would've happened by now,& i certainly dont think she'd go running back to Michael at the 1st bump in the road-----Hes NOT there for her for any "emotional" support.....................
(SOME) MEN HAVE UNEMOTIONAL SEX WITH WOMEN ALL THE TIME..
I think its pretty simple,really,& im damned sure there are HEAPS of people (both genders) on this site,who have a FB.........so,while her physical needs are being met,ALL her other needs are not.....doesn't mean she has to dump her fb while looking for someone else,coz its not impacting on her search,or,holding her back.
Its just sex with Michael.Full stop.
I applaud her for being so honest as to what her situation is,& i really hope she meets the guy of her dreams,coz,then it'l be, Michael?? Michael who....? | |
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| he's just a sex partner..is that wrong?
Posted: 10/22/2007 1:33:25 AM | OP, only one thing disturbs me about your original post: the part where you claim that you and Michael are not friends.
I don't know that you and he need to be going to baseball games together, but I hope (and assume) that you are good to each other. After all, you wouldn't still be lovers after all this time if you didn't show each other some consideration... right?
I hope you treat Michael with the same kindness you would show any of your friends.
As far as whether or not you should tell your prospective partners about your relationship with Michael... I wouldn't say a word. It isn't their business until/unless you begin a sexual relationship with them.
We are still in the age of AIDS, after all. | |
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