| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/22/2007 12:00:57 PM | You must all know someone who cares about you, be it a friend or a family member.
You know the sort. They get really strong intuition about things and give really good advice, showing they care, supporting you all the way, being your tower of strength. Yet they can't seem to get themselves out of a quandary. Even if they can tell you all the facts of the situation and what they should be doing about it, they still can't seem to help themselves.
Sometimes it may be family problems, job problems, or even relationship problems.
Why do you think it is that some people, who are very strong/good at giving advice/support/help to others, are unable to help themselves/take their own advice? | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/22/2007 12:08:12 PM | Sometimes its easier looking at others because your looking at the problem from the outside.
you look at things objectively and without as much emotional complexities that being the person needing the 'advise' has to deal with when they look at the problem.
right now i need to move, it is the only option to get what i want out of life, simple. But, moving while it is the only logical thing to do it brings with it huge implications for my family, can i do that to them, if i was giving the advise i would say it was worth it, but as i am dealing with it myself it brings questions that should really not be relevent...
ok, did that make any sense??   | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/22/2007 12:08:18 PM | Well Andj apart from being very strong I do like to help others and like to think I am good at supporting them, giving them advice and showing that I care etc. but I can never put my own advice into practice! To answer your question why well I wish I truly knew? Maybe it is because I don't believe in myself or value myself much as a person where as if someone else does it means more?! I just don't know for sure?  | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/22/2007 12:23:16 PM | bluebrummie ^^^^^^^^Msg 4 put it down to being a selfless person who cares about friends and loves ones.
I'm exactly the same, too busy thinking about all the people that i care about, without realising it's making me ill because i'm not sorting myself out (which as been known to do). | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/22/2007 12:31:50 PM |
I'm exactly the same, too busy thinking about all the people that i care about, without realising it's making me ill because i'm not sorting myself out (which as been known to do).
i don't believe anyone is that altruistic to be honest.
i think sometimes our own problems seem so huge we actually don't know how, or where to start sorting through them, so instead we sort out other people's..
a) because it takes the focus away from our own problems
b) because it makes us feel better about ourselves..more worthy, i suppose.
very very few actions are completely altruistic imo. | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/22/2007 12:37:32 PM | strong and intelligent people can simply have a "poor me" attitude about themselves that they cant shift.
they probably do know most of the solutions to there problems and well as they know how to advise others of theres.
do you think its just a case of them finding a more positive mental attitude op? | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/22/2007 12:40:36 PM | | It is often easier to offer advice/ support, when you are not as close to the situation you are advising on, because when you are actualy in that situation, it can consume your thoughts and actions, preventing you from the ability to take a 'step back' from it. Even when you offer good advice sometimes, it is hard for the individual to act on it, as often things have to get worse by following the advice, before they can get better. | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/22/2007 1:48:14 PM | The people of this world who can give good advice and tend to talk a lot of sense are just natural caring people... It doesn't always mean that they cannot sort their own problems out, they just manage them in a different way. They are the sort of people who have had a lot of life experiances and have learnt the hard way sometimes, on how to cope...
As for taking their own advice and being unable to help themselves, you have to ask how true that actually is...How do you percieve there problems and how do you expect them to be dealt with????? | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/22/2007 2:12:36 PM |
Its easier for me to see a way around sombody else's problem because I'm not caught up in the emotional turmoil that goes along with it. Its that turmoil that makes rational thought so difficult. If the problem's mine then the confusion's mine too.
Thats exactly it. I can advise someone else because I can see the solution clearly if its not my problem but put myself in a similar situation and Im lost. | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/22/2007 2:44:05 PM | It comes from being a better nurse than a patient - a common foible of most people who put others first when they are up to their necks in alligators and forget their job was to drain the swamp.
It is damn difficult for a nurse-type to reach out to someone to ask for help and think because thry are capable to help others thry should be able to help themselves.
Leannie has it right on the button though - you can see someone else's swamp draining problem far better than you can your own.
I found talking to a therapist helped not least because they have the training to maintain the emotional detachment through your challenges and applying their principles can help when giving support.
I have just finished 6 hours on a voluntary phone helpline and I am drained from two calls each lasting about an hour and I need "my time" now before I go to bed. I do not know if anyone else feels like this but sometimes if you are feeling a bit down yourself when you help and support others it can take you lower and that isn't a good thing at all. Most helplines have peer support to the advisers/helpers to help you to "empty out " though perhaps an early-ish night might help. | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/22/2007 3:56:47 PM | I totally agree with message 12
From my own experiences i feel sometimes people can/may have an expectation that because strong people are so good at giving support/advice, they can sort their problems out themselves with little support/advice from others. I also feel that if a strong caring person has been a tower of strenghth to others, sometimes it can/may be hard for others to role reverse and be their for that strong person. Strong caring people can also need objective support/advice from others. | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/22/2007 9:15:17 PM | I think it's something to do with psychology.
You could be right?
I think it's because you can think clearer and independently without the emotions as to speak you are not clouded . The ability to think clearer without reseveration or fear of the consquences. Often you can see things when looking at a situation as a 3 rd party that can have relevance. however it can also work another way when you are the person that needs help/advise and support you can read too much into the issue....
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/23/2007 1:37:57 AM |
The world full of agony aunts/uncles giving advice to all for free
Is that such a bad thing, when asked for?
maybe that's why...they do it so they can ignore their own stuff?
I suppose that's one way of looking at it, but I'm not so sure if that's the case.
i think sometimes our own problems seem so huge we actually don't know how, or where to start sorting through them, so instead we sort out other people's..
I think that may be closer to the mark.
How come loads of the conversations that adults are having on here are normally boxed off at the age of about 15?
Can you explain your statement? | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/23/2007 2:01:20 AM | kira, i understand exactly what you're talking about when you say about supporting others can make you even lower...
there was a spell, back a few years ago, when everything was relatively ok for me, but everyone around me seemed to be having a tough time, i remember one night thinking to myself, after speaking to two or three people..my god, i should be quite happy right now, but i feel like bloody crap after talking to everyone else!
maybe it's an empathic thing, even thugh you're not going through those problems yourself, if someone close to you is, you feel anxious for them, you worry for them?
i think i created an imaginary on/off switch around that time...i couldn't worry about other people's problems, as ultimately, the answer was with them..i gave my advice, and it was up to them to decide if they felt that was right or not. | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/23/2007 2:48:09 AM | | After giving this thread some thought I have come to a conclusion that the so called agony aunts/uncles of this world actually have the same problems as everyone else, however, by offering support and advice to others, it is a form of coucelling for themselves. I work in a field where people have many issues and I am a facilitator on a programme for offenders of sex crimes, I work closely with all aspects of peoples lifes problems, and I have learnt through my work how to manage and deal with my own, however, I tend to seek help from friends without them actually realising that they are helping me...Its just a different way of help by asking them how they cope...take the good and drop the crap and live and learn.....Go Figure | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/23/2007 2:57:40 AM |
do you think its just a case of them finding a more positive mental attitude op?
You could be right.
Msg 15 - AFTH
Sorry, confused. Would be grateful if you could explain it properly.
I think it's something to do with psychology
No! Really?
however it can also work another way when you are the person that needs help/advise and support you can read too much into the issue....
I think you have a very valid point.
...take the good and drop the crap and live and learn.....Go Figure
What a simplistic way of looking at something....................sounds good to me, though. | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/23/2007 1:18:43 PM | you can support others...until they don't know how to support themselves..
they end up coming to you for everything..becareful with how much you are there for someone as that shall weaken you..
it can become draining dealing with emotional vampires...whom suck your strength dry...leaving you to not being able to cope with your own issues in life. | |
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| Why can seemingly strong people help/advise/support others, but not themselves?
Posted: 10/23/2007 1:18:54 PM | What is it with some people someone has given a very useful piece of information and you have to have a go at them if you can't think of anything constructive to say then please don't say anything at all
Getting back on topic like another post said its easier to offer advise when your not involved emotionally. Just recently i was chatting to a friend about a sitution and i did use the words "its hard i was in the same boat and was thinking the same way you are now"
But you have to remember that at the end of the day its your decision and your life you know whats best for you and don't let others tell you what is right for you and hey if it all goes wrong then you will learn from it !!!! | |
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