| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 12:44:50 AM | | I was recently broken up with by my g/f of about 6 years because she has a busy schedule with school and work, and swore that was the reason. I was able to accept that since I might have been able to see her once every 2 weeks or more. Today I found out through facebook that she is now seeing someone else. I felt soo hurt by this its not even funny since she told me that she didnt have time for a relationship right now. I think its ovbious that I still have some feelings for her but I cant get over the fact that I was lied to about her and a relationship. What I want to know is how am I supposed to feel about this. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 12:52:56 AM | | You are allowed to feel hurt but you have to move on. No break up is pleasant and its not easy to get over being dumped. Maybe the new person just swept her off her feet, you usually do meet someone when you stop looking. What she told you might of been the truth at the time or so she thought. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 12:54:45 AM | y'know how you're feeling right now?
That's exactly how you're supposed to feel.
let me guess, angry, sad, with a touch of that kicked in that stomach feeling?
Yep, it sucks. and it's probably going to suck for awhile.
Sad part is there really isn't anything me or anyone else can say that's going to make it any easier.
But for what it's worth, you're not the only one it's ever happened to, and eventually it won't hurt as much as it does.
good luck. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 1:09:58 AM | | Well you both are totaly right in all aspects. I was doing perfectly fine untill I found this out. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 1:18:37 AM | Main thing is you now know. .
Sorry to hear how you found out . . and 6 years is a long time . .
I know it sucks but it will give you a chance to actually move on and meet some new people.
From the sounds of it you were limited in the time you were able to spend together and I think you need to find someone that suits your needs more.
As far as the hurting goes mate its only normal, and it will get better in time. Get out with a few of your mates and have a couple of quiet beers to get your mind off it.
*throws you over a can* . . all the best mate | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 1:22:08 AM | The only reason that you were doing perfectly fine before this information was because you believed you would remain in her life until she had more time and then things would "go back to normal."
While she was not honest with you, she obviously attempted to spare your feelings or take the easy way out depending on how you wish to look at it. You are young, you were together six years, perhaps she grew differently than you did. It happens sometimes and it does not necessarily make her a bad person nor does her having a boyfriend.
If you take this as a personal affront, as an intentional hurt on her part, it will take you longer to get over her because you will add bitterness to the mix of emotions. Your emotions are normal, whether you indulge them for very long is a choice. If you missed cues she gave you that something was wrong this experience should teach you to pay closer attention in the future. Other than that just recognize that she was not right for you and move on when you are ready, probably at least six months from now. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 1:25:57 AM | | Thats true, but I would have prefered her to tell me that she intended on seeing someone else any day than having being lied to. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 1:47:30 AM |
Thats true, but I would have prefered her to tell me that she intended on seeing someone else any day than having being lied to.
Honesty is always the best policy, but some people just don't have the heart to spell it out to them, especially if they care for their feelings. She probably wanted to tell you the truth, but thought it would hurt you more. As it is, she has ended up hurting you more in the long run, but humans are fallible. The best way to look at it is not to get bitter about it, but accept that maybe if she didn't have the strength to be honest with you, she wasn't the right one for you anyway. Like everyone else has said, and it's better that you have found out now, rather than clinging on to the idea of one day getting back with her. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 3:19:34 AM | | what she really meant is.. she isnt ready for a relationship with you. and instead of telling you straight, she tryed to put it to you nicely, is fine to be angry and upset, but dont let it over take ya life, is such a waste of energy, | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 4:27:37 AM | | Pampered and psychic are correct. While the lying is unpalatable, it does not change the years you spent with this woman nor in any diminish the way you felt about her. It may seem the worst part of it now, but it actually is a tiny part of this and focusing on it will not only make it take longer to get over, it will prevent you from remembering the good in that relationship as you move forward. Bitterness is so easy to adopt or avoid. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 5:22:06 AM | Sorry that happened to you...but my advice...be all you can be. Get to the gym and work out that pented frustration and for God's sake. Quit drinking all that booze....This will make you feel a whole lot better about yourself.....good luck | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 5:51:51 AM | Sounds like you've been fortunate enough not to have gotten dumped too many times. As someone who has, perhaps a few of my observations might help.
It's normal to take all of that hurt and emotion and center it around one aspect. Psychologically, it's a way of saying 'I can handle this, it just hurts this much because of x.' But it usually really does just hurt that much. But focusing on that one aspect can feed the hurt and prolong it. The best way through it is to acknowledge and accept that it's rough. And that it will ease soon enough.
The truth is that people routinely lie during break-ups. Often they're not even sure of all the reasons themselves at the time, let alone have the self-awareness to talk about them cogently during a painful conversation. Perhaps she did lie, but probably she was as honest with you as she could be at that time.
What you don't need right now is to see her status changes and news feeds on Facebook. Somewhere in your settings is a place to control what comes through on the news feed. Or you may even want to take it a step further and either use Facebook less or de-friend her temporarily. Trust me, it's brutal trying to get over someone who's been a part of your daily life when you don't have the space to get used to the new reality.
Hang in there. After the world ends a few times, your brain starts to learn that it keeps on going.
Best of luck. -hug- | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 6:23:07 AM | Yep.....it sucks to be on the receiving end of this.
But, remember, that today is the first day.........of the rest of your life, and ultimately you hold the keys to whether its going to be a good day or a bad one.
One day at a time.
Deal with:
Not dwelling on the negatives or heartache....yes it is there, but try to keep it in the past.
Keeping busy and not checking out what she is doing. Why cause yourself more pain, when YOU have the CHOICE not to.
Being the best YOU that you can be.............whether that means time in prayer, at the gym, being a friend, son, father, co-worker. When our emotions are distraught, we neglect other things that are really important to our own well-being and others.
Emotional stuff is EXHAUSTING.
Once you can get it in check, you will have more energy for the positive things that will energize you to move on, and be healtheir all the way around.
Remember, better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 9:56:38 AM | If you are using Facebook as your trusted source of information, you need to evaluate your life from top to bottom.
You SHOULD feel like the governor commuted your death sentence. You want to continue with someone who lies this way? | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 10:20:59 AM | OK Here is my applicable Truism. Whenever someone says, 'I think we should see other people', it means that someone already is.
Move on, there are other rows to plow, and you've wasted enough time on her already. Good luck! | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 7:42:18 PM | I think gotmail? put it best so far.
Sometimes life rips your heart out and stomps on it. The "why" is not important. The hurt is real and can be all encompassing.
Pick yourself up, take care of yourself, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. It does get better. Maybe you even learn something about yourself in the process.
Best luck! | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 7:49:48 PM | | You believe a girlfriend shouldn't lie to you? That is crazy thinking since all people lie. About half of all women and men cheat during marriage, the ultimate lie. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Drop your fantasies and awaken to what is real. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 8:24:16 PM |
I was able to accept that since I might have been able to see her once every 2 weeks or more. Today I found out through facebook that she is now seeing someone else. I felt soo hurt by this its not even funny since she told me that she didnt have time for a relationship right now.
You know, that is the reason i keep exes as far away as possible. I've been in situations where i broke up with a gf and it was mutual and someone else came into the picture very soon but out of respect, i didn't rub it in her face... but i also didn't check up on her because she was an ex. Sometimes it's just better that way because then all these mind games come into play like "who got over who first" and then accusations begin of "how long were u 2 interested in each other? did it overlap the end of the relationship??" and other things that are none of your exes business.
I hate to say it man, but if you went to check up on her to see if she moved on... you kinda deserved it.
It's like that game show.. guess whats behind door #1 or #2 or #3... One of those doors will be satisfaction... the other 2 will be bad news! OR... you can keep your sanity and walk away... what will it be? *psssst. forget the doors.. walk away with your sanity and cash it in*
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jeep04
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Joined: 5/10/2007
Msg: 19 | |
| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 8:31:58 PM | | copperhead is rite dude, live nd learn buddy live nd learn. the best part is, u had that b4 him ;-) | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/23/2007 8:53:13 PM | as the great nas once stated:
Oh what a thrill how inside a **** feels
Gotta be strong to handle it is real
**** killz
Mad shots keep a nigga open
**** have a nigga’s gun smoking
**** killz
....i think you should be pissed off. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/27/2007 3:30:23 AM | What on EARTH does the previous poster MEAN?
Whatever it is - you are using really really OFFENSIVE language!
OP: Be grateful you aren't married, there were no children involved, she didn't try to claim half your assets, and hopefully you didn't catch anything - I'd say the odds are you are extremely lucky, nor did you cop a face full of abuse - luckier still.
You are in good company with being lied to and cheated on and the end of a 6yr relationship - is ouch in anyone's book. If you have what it takes to make a relationship work for 6years, you are probably proven keep material for someone else, you will be OK. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/28/2007 4:29:44 PM | | You probably knew for some time that something was up, things probably didnt seem right, an dyou were making excuses for things, school, etc. She obviously dosent have any integrity, since she didnt end it with you, first, that would of been the classy thing to do. 6 years is a long time to put into a relationship, however, better you know what kind of person she is , than marry her and find out. That being said, it isnt easy now, your hurt is broken and wil take a long time to heal, but, remember , what she did to you everytime, you think you want her back, DONT, you are worth more than that, relationships are not easy, never mind adding cheating to the pile, there are trusting, faithful, good people out there, it is her loss. Move forward, leave her in the dust, she will regret it one day, ........ | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 10/28/2007 8:50:12 PM | It would be great if people could always be truthful. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to work that way. Most people feel they would prefer to tell you what they think you want to hear then level with you and tell you the truth. Reality bites and bites hard. Truth of the matter is, if she moved on that quick and didn't put any effort into working things out with you she probably wasn't all that into you. Best thing to do is move on. There are millions of people on this planet. If she doesn't want you .. move on sweety. You will see there are plenty who do!!
The truth shall set you free. | |
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| just got a slap in the face...
Posted: 11/19/2007 10:40:29 AM | ". Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Drop your fantasies and awaken to what is real."
can you say bitter? 
Do you look forward or get excited about anything in life? i bet you dont because you are too busy downing everything.
I have never cheated on anybody nor will i ever, i think its completely wrong .
Why cheat? if you dont want to be with that person then break up and move on, there is absolutely no reason to sleep with other people behind your spouses back.
As for the issue at hand; she obviously wasn't feeling the relationship like you were. SOmetimes when people are together for a long time they get into a rut and need to experience other things. I wouldnt be surprised if she has her fling and comes back to you....but i could be wrong. | |
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