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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 12:07:41 PM | This is my question for today......... how does one heal?
I noticed that some don't wanna get involved while some of us are dealin with alot of heartaches such as divorces, death, illness.
How can we heal without someone on the side to be there for you? I do know we can't heal alone. And why should we heal alone first before moving on, it doesn't work that way, to me it doesn't.
Cuz, if one can't be there for you ....... or someone. Depression will hit more and get deeper then to get outta it. | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 12:52:33 PM | I believe healing is a matter of choice. You must choose to go on inspite of the pain. It is much easier to sit and whallow in self pity or sadness than is is to fight your way out of depression. It could take months, sadly it could take years.
But the alternative to fighting your way free is a life of sadness. Sometimes your so down that it drags others around you down as well, then they start to avoid you.
You have to decide the time has come to take the long road to freedom and be prepared to do it alone. As for how you do it... all I can say is anyway you can. Long walks. Spa pamperings. Church. Health improvements. Volunteer work.
So get started.....  | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 12:55:15 PM | I'm not going to tell you that you're wrong, but I believe that a person can do a lot to heal themselves. You don't have to count on someone else, you can count on yourself.
Think positive thoughts. Every day, tell yourself you are a good person, deserving of happiness, and worthy of someone loving you. Don't just think it, say it. You can define your own mindset. Your mind believes what he hears.
Who would you rather be with:
a) a person who says, "I'm worthless, I'll never find someone, no one loves me, I'm miserable, I deserve to be alone
b) a person who says, "I'm wonderful, I know my mate is out there, I'm worthy of his love, I'm happy, and someone wants to spend time with me.
Other things you can do to heal:
1) Read self-help books. Books about relationships, books about growing as a person, books about how to improve yourself, books about meeting other people
2) Start an exercise program. Improve your body. Improve your self-image. Join a gym class. Lose a few pounds. Change your hair style. Become a new you, a better you
3) Go back to school. Learn a second language. Visit a country you've never visited before. Not only will you gain knowledge, you will become more interesting to the people you meet.
4) Donate your time to those less well-off then you. Think you are hurting. Visit a cancer ward. Go to the children's wing of a hospital, or a burn unit. Visit a veteran's home to someone who has lost an arm, or a leg, or more. You will see your own unhappiness is only temporary.
5) Pray. Find strength in whatever religion you believe in.
These is only a beginning. You can heal, and you don't have to depend on anyone but yourself. Maybe, during this growth journey you are embarking on, you might just meet a man taking the same journey.
Best of luck to you  | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 1:41:20 PM | Op I have posted much of this elsewhere on the forums, but I wanted to help you here and felt this knowledge appropriate... Forgive me if you feel otherwise and feel free to delete..It is in my understanding that the pains of the past are stored within our subconscious mind, which is constantly working overtime time whilst we are always aware of what goes on in the conscious mind.. All that we do as we type is conscious thought...The subconscious stores all kinds of information that we do automatically such as blinking walking eating drinking... Also in our subconscious mind is stored negative experiences. I.e if we were to have had a bad experience in water at some time on our life, Chances are next time we go near water our subconscious will bring up those negative thoughts of past experiences and replay them.. This is why people cannot get over past experiences with other lovers and those that have hurt us.. I actually believe in past lives and that experiences of past existences are also stored within the subconscious..All of this goes in inside our mind and we dont even know it... When we know it.. we become conscious of it...We are then aware...This is when we awaken.. Yes I know this all seems very hippy.. But I am trying to help and I think the hippie movement knew far more than anybody could even begin to imagine.
When you become conscious of that which you have embedded within yourself you can begin to work upon healing yourself..You are aware that that stuff that hurt you is now hindering your ability to move on .. Just as the incident with the water would stop you from jumping back in... You must jump in and find out if the water will do the same as it did before. The water will not kill you this time but whilst you take each stroke you must also consciously remember to stop the negative thoughts that before your nearly drowned. This time the water is helping you. Its there to keep you buoyant if only you have faith. The moment you think about the past situation you loose track and are back in that situation of the past. You have lost..
When you find someone you connect with it is exactly the same. The moment you remember what was done to you before as you come across some small discrepancy in your next partners behavior, you will automatically allow your past experiences to run
your thoughts..Youstart questioning the one person who does not deserve this, the one who is keeping you afloat, giving you the love that you deserve..It is possible to
drown in your past , to loose all that you deserve because of all that is based deep within you. Only you can consciously create new beginings. Consciously erase the past the moment it surfaces. The future is new. It can and will work when you believe it can and will.
Culture and upbringing are secondary to what is within the subconscious...Even where you are brought up in a diffrent culture, society will not erase what is within the subconscious mind. It makes no difference what your sex may be. The deeper reactions cannot and will not be altered through conditioning. You smile when your happy. You look more when you view beauty. It is all readable and no culture is diffrent. Religion cannot change what love feels like.Yet we all fight over our differences . Thats what I cant understand. Basically we are one. male female black white rich poor we are all from one planet and all crave for one thing. To be loved and accepted. Nothing absolutely nothing will change that need..
Good luck with your conscious healing.. I send to you hope for your future and love from my heart to yours..
keep loving you are as special as you allow yourself to be..
Catherine aka star.xx | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 1:59:23 PM | | You dont not need to enter a relationship in order to heal. You have friends, family and whatnot for suport. Getting into a relationship while your hurting will only end up in hurting yourself more or the other person. | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 2:03:13 PM | i dont know much about healing but i think i helps to heal in groups even if it's just chatting to people over the net
so if you ever need to chat dont hesitate and send me a msg
 Cy | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 2:06:18 PM | | People can't be there to heal with you or for you. Only you can do your healing, and you can't expect others to be able to take on your misery with you. Sure, it's nice if you have someone to provide a shoulder if you need it, but the healing stuff comes from within, and no-body else can deal with it but you. | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 2:26:23 PM | JustRo, I'm not looking for a relationship to do my healing process with, even if I had to heal. I'm doing ok pretty much on mah own, I still would like to find a friend or two I can talk to. I have some online friends, they all have issues.... just need someone positive to keep me going that's all, then again that's if I need to heal more. The only nearest friend I have is like an hour an half away from me, quite a drive up esp when ya have no vehicle at this time. Makes it hard, I wish she'd come down this way though for a change.
Thanks for your input. | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 2:31:31 PM | All is cured by walking... being on the ground and feeling the earth... listening to birdsong, seeing sunlight dappling through leaves...weeping freely until a sigh becomes a smile.. when one finally accepts sorrow and loss.. then, then one may love again.. everyone is entitled to their process.. and although distraction may benefit.. the real bedrock of balance and grace arrives unnoticed in solitude, when a song comes into being, or a painting.. or a story....
Anna | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 2:32:48 PM |  One can heal, it takes a lot of time and prayer. Wounds heal at different paces for each individual person. Put your concentration on the better things of your life. Music is also so good for healing. Easy listening, uplifting words or tunes. Self help books also are good for the mind. Keeping a positive attitude about the future also helps. Belief in a higher power to get you through the tough times when nothing else seems work. Find a good friend to share the good and the bad with you. Live, love and laugh like it was your last day to do so. Find your own peace in your world. "I believe in Angels, something good in everything I see"--ABBA Angelica | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 3:18:35 PM | | I am sorry you are going through some painful times in your life. It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when pain is fresh and the wound is open. I always tell myself, that "This too shall Pass." I know that sounds corny, but it has helped me through some rough times. I think about what I have and not what I do not have. I agree, walking in the fresh air is a great relief of stress and gives comfort to the soul. Some people rely on their faith and prayer. Therapy and counseling is sometimes a very big help. It is someone looking from the outside and they can pull thoughts and strengths from you that you didn't even know you had. Therapy can also help you find that strong person inside yourself to give you the answers and comfort you need. Therapy is not going to tell you what to do...it will empower you to find the answer yourself. Unfortunately, being needy is not an attractive thing to most people. Become strong and hopeful and people will automatically want to be around you. My best wishes to you! | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 3:20:15 PM | Good for you sweetlibrachik, giving yourself time is a wonderful healer in itself, I apologise I was assuming that because we are on a dating site your need to heal was in order for you to be in a new relationship...I find it a little difficult to Post how I work with light here on a dating site and would be willing to contact you via email. I will try to contact you later. If you dont have your settings to not accept women contacting you..I will briefly describe how I work.. But I realise that this is opening me up to ridicule from non believers .. As the previous poster suggested grounding yourself as you take walks and drink in nature and all the gifts she brings, the sunlight through the trees. I personally meditate when I have extreme stressful moments in my life and this can work both ways in concentrating on the acceptance of what has gone on the the past, forgiveness and creating conscious realities which occur in the subconscious as I described before.. Those things which caused you so much hurt and pain, they can be overcome with acknowledgment that today is your the beginning of your future. Get close with the beauty of the flowers and leaves. touch them and realise that you are a part of the whole thing that is as beautiful as you are. You have inner light which is love .. no matter what life brings love still resides within your soul.. Be aware of the light that is within every cell of your body.. That same light is within the leaf that you hold in your hand, within the petals of the most beautiful flower. Our origin's began from this beauty that is love and you are able to consciously shine this light and love through each cell of you and outwards. All darkness and pain which is within will be diminished by the beauty of your love.. Think of what happens when you light a candle in a dark room, the darkness leaves.. allow the light of love within you shine and push the darkness and pain from the very centre of your being.
this light radiates goodness and love that you are. It is the light of every good thing that you do.. Let it shine from your being and as you go about your life share it with those around you. Allow them to feel the warmth of your soul. They will feel it trust me.. Many who speak to me tell me that they can actually feel the love from me.. Let it shine. and let yourself be healed as you feel it returned. You are the most positive wonderful being and you are as beautiful as nature. You are nature and you are one with the world and the universe. You are love.
I hope this helps you to relax and know the true beauty of your soul.
Keep loving you and you will be loved.
Always Catherine aka star.xx | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 3:50:55 PM | Dear sweet op. How does one heal? By being the most loving and most compassionate being you truly are.....to yourself.
Please get the book or audiobook, 'The Power of Now', by Eckhart Tolle. He also wrote after this bestseller, 'Stillness Speaks' and most recently, 'The New Earth'.
He will so help you connect with the part of you that is not in pain....ever.....your essence. He speaks loads about the 'pain body', referring to the ego and how it just loves to keep us believing we are in pain...sort of like an emotional vampire. He speaks of becoming aware of that part of us that witnesses it all - the consciousness that is each of us....the part that is Stillness, that is Peace and Presence. Contact that part of you and you do that by not resisting and accepting the present reality completely. Read the book with an open mind and open heart and I promise you will heal, now and forever if you just let yourself.
By the way, you do not really need healing at all. It is your belief that is keeping you stuck here. As soon as you decide you do not need to hold onto it any longer, it will move away for it really has no power over the 'real you' at all.
Remember, also, true love and happiness and contentment does not come from outside of you....but is totally within. When you find it within, then it will be able to reflect back to you from everywhere. Find it within, for love, life, energy, peace, stillness, joy are really what we naturally are......humans, being. | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 6:51:18 PM | I would have loved to have had some help - getting over the things that hit me. In just under 18 months I lost my two best friends. My wife (she dumped me) and my mom - she died.
BUT ..........
It (she) would have had to have been a real two way match. I never could have connected with someone just for the sake of having someone. I could not do that to them or me.
It never happened and I was forced to get through it ....... almost by myself.
I had one little helper (well two counting my little dog). One of the two step daughters (her two girls) stuck by me. That gal helped a great deal after my mom died. That one girl stuck to me like glue - starting the first day I met her - she had just turned 5. She is 26 now and still is there - just like she has always been.
I’ve been divorced now for 4.5 years - long past the potential rebound jabber. I actually think if I had of met a two way match - it would have helped me a great deal.
I do think a person should be alone for awhile - but I actually don’t think that time frame needs to be all that long.
As long as you are no longer trying to “replace” the other person ..... you are past the rebound motives.
I got thru it - pretty much alone - but it took much longer than it would have taken - IF I had (by some stroke of luck) run across an honest two way match.
Hundreds of hours of personal development (self-esteem / confidence / logic) helped me a great deal. Knowing that step daughter did not leave me also helped a great deal. I never had any kids ...... but - I actually have a daughter. Pretty cool. | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 7:06:07 PM | "lose yourself in the service of others"....from the Bible somewhere. I'm not much into organized religion at all, but my parents taught me this one all of my growing up years. Whether it be small, smiling at someone, or large, volunteering at a nursing home, if you make someone elses day, most likely yours will be made better.
Smile...ALOT. It'll wear off on you! or just the opposite, find someone to cry with. I like to think, too, that there are always others who have it worse, not to take joy in that, but there really are, find everything you have to be thankful for and put those in your focus. Write it down if you need to... read it often. Remember all of those who love you, write that down too if you need to, you may just get writers cramp!
Learn from your loss/mistakes.
Last, take anti depressants of you need to, it's not good to be miserable, talk to your Dr. Don't stay on them unless you need to. Maybe you just need a boost!!
Hope this helped...... Have a great day!!!  | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 7:09:31 PM | I am just discovering you cannot heal until you finish grieving the loss. When that is settled, then you can work on the healing part. Don't be afraid to cry, cuss or scream. Don't squelch the anger. Feel every bit of the pain and it will begin to subside.
Grieving is something you have to do on your own. People who know and love you, don't want to see you hurting and will try to distract you from the process. In this case, avoiding the hurt does not make it go away, just makes it stick around longer if you don't deal with it. | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 7:13:26 PM | | sweetlibrachik....If you need a friend to talk to..i would be happy to be your friend...I know what it feels like to be alone..while in a marriage for 43 years..I am a very positive person and would be more than willing to listen and talk to you...we all need someone at some point in our life...get in touch with me:.... | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 7:16:55 PM | | Actually, you CAN heal alone! In the past 4 years I have had 1. my only brother was murdered at the age of 48 2. my son was seriously injured in a jet ski accident, and then had blood clots in both lungs, he survived, to end up being married to a woman that is mentally ill! 3. My daughter got a serious illness, but survived, thank God! 4. One of my twin grandsons was born with Down Syndrome, 5. My husband left to go home to Mama! Seriously!!! 6. My sister died. I think that hits the biggees of what has happened in my life in the past 4 years! Just when I think I can take a breath and relax a little bit, it seems that something else comes along to mow me down! But you know what? I stay busy, I live alone, and I work hard at my job, I have two dogs that keep me company when I'm not working, and I have loads of hobbies. I try not to dwell on the sad times, but when they come, and they surely do, I cry and then go on. You can heal, but it is an ongoing process. Reach out for others, because surely, there is someone else that is hurting, and maybe you can help. I wanted to volunteer for hospice after my sister died, but haven't had time, yet. I did say YET. As long as you are alive, you can help someone. And helping someone else does really take some of your pain away. Hope I helped! Best of everything to you! P.S. Faith in God is very important to me, too. | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 7:41:17 PM | All emotional suffering is caused by holding on false beliefs such as "children shouldn't die" when we have much proof that quite often they do. Beliefs are powerful drugs especially when you find a mate that also believes the same romantic illusions. When the mate leaves you there is a period of suffering while you detoxify from your false beliefs. Let go of the belief and you will be free of emotional pain. But, people are determined to tell reality how things should be by clutching the beliefs that make them who they are. Obviously beliefs do not change truth. Or maybe not so obviously...or no one would suffer all that much.
Che Guevarra said, "Let the world change you then you can change the world." | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 8:08:48 PM | For me healing really began ......
1) once I was open to recieving love (even if that love didnt look like what I thought it was suppossed to look like, and even if it came from someone I didnt want to receive it from......instead I had to be open-minded & take a risk)
I had to stop being cynical, cold, guarded, and protective...and let people in.
2) once I stopped trying to control the process of healing...... I had my idea of how healing would come, but god has his. let it go.
3) once I was willing to face the truth about myself and make some lifestyle changes.
I needed to get to the root of all my health problems.......and I'd say probably 95% of most peoples pain is from simply not taking care of ourselves the way we should..
Things like eating whole , fresh, life-giving food. REAL food. Like excersizing, having fun, laughing, getting plenty rest, dealing with emotional problems....and just basically DETOXING our lives of anything and everything negative. Getting rid of all the shit that holds us back and get's in the way of us living a life of love, peace, fun and adventure. It's painful to face the truth, but what's the alternative......A life of torment and misery.... the choice is clear to me.
I encourage all to be diligent in pursueing healing, I think it's a life long journey of growing , learning, and making adjustments along the way...
I've had PLENTY health problems
both emotional, physical, & mental........I've been sick for 20+ years ! Chronic, severe, tormenting, somebody shoot me now and take me out of my misery type of pain that seemingly had no end. Not that its ended now, but the light at the end of the tunnel gets brighter and brighter as I travel on this journey towards health. It's a process , have patience with yourself people. Love yourself . Be filled with love, so that we can love the people in our lives the way they need to be loved......unconditionally, without addictive clingy neediness. without projecting our shit onto them, without expecting them to make us complete ect ect....
Yes, I agree.........Power of Now IS a great book ! Haha
One love!
peace | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/23/2007 11:23:57 PM | time....time heals all wounds...i don't fully believe it heals all of it. i think there's always a bit of a scar from any wound, but time heals. You'll eventually get it in your head that you're fed up healing and then you're probably ready to try getting back in the saddle again. It took friends of mine nearly two years to get me to try this site out.
the girl that suggested walking is right too. I had a dog left behind from my last half serious relationship a few years back and lots of walking with her and me has really helped sort some thoughts out.
Everyone's individual and everyone's truly unique. There's only one of you on this earth so you'll heal at your own pace. You're the most important person in your world. Good luck with it. | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/24/2007 1:42:45 AM | It takes a lot of inner strength and inner consciousness to heal from the kind of things that you have experienced gudharted woman .. I have been through similar, my ex husband died 1997 leaving me to bring up 2 children without child support... My second son has severe learning disabilities , my beautiful and very dear grandmother died in Nov 2000 she is right now my guardian angel... My auntie died of lung cancer in 2001 and my beautiful 20 year old brother was found dead in an alleyway Easter 2004 .. I am healed because of my spiritual beliefs and none of it is mumbojumbo. It has brought me to where I am now...Spirituality is a part of us that comes to the fore when we need it. This dosent mean we become God freaks, it means we listen more to the inner self and even feel those that have passed around us... It isn't imagination. They are around us when we need them. We tend to go to psychic mediums to find answers, some go to the church.. all is good for the healing process after deaths and sudden endings. It depends on what kind of hurt you have felt. The hurt of being rejected is one that can be overcome by self love and self esteem boosting. Understanding the beauty of you and your place on this earth. Tragedies and pain can either bring us to our knees and we can stay there and wallow in it. Or we can use it to our betterment by showing the world our inner strength and understanding that there are new and brighter tomorrows ahead. We are not given what we cannot deal with. Some sail through life without pain, those people are young souls on the beginning of there path of learning. Older souls endure much more because they can. Its all a learning process which begins with within, and it begins from now onwards.. Just feel the strength of your soul. You are powerful beyond belief.
The healing process never should end once begun...Keep loving and keep healing.
With love . Catherine.xxx
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/24/2007 2:04:19 AM | | Having someone in your life is best for me, after my husband died I met a man a year later, we had a wonderful life for 11 years, then he met another, says he still loves me, but I guess the unknown is more then his love for me. I did it one time and I will again, that is why this site is good for me, it is hard but we have to keep on keeping on or we will not heal. Maybe the new love will be a much better than the loss, who knows | |
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| How does one heal?
Posted: 10/24/2007 2:12:36 AM | | mess. 23, i'm sorry you read message 13 in those few seconds before it was edited. the line about spiritual mumjum was not directed at you (though I had a feeling you would think that, which is why I took it out completely). i had written it originally thinking the op might reject anything strongly sounding spiritual to her, but because i felt it might be misunderstood, I removed the line after trying to find a replacement word unsuccessfully. (if you have read any of my other posts, you'd see i try and share spiritual truths too.) so, again, sorry for any misunderstanding and I'm sorry for all you have endured, but also now see where you have come from to be as you are now. Also remember, the idea of old soul, young soul is not necessarily true at all- if, as all eastern spiritual paths say - we are one....meaning all one, meaning there is only one and each person is an individuated aspect of the One.....so no one is more or less than anyone else in terms of enduring more pain than others. Each has its path in terms of evolution, but essentially, we all move together. So, heal one, and you're that much closer to healing all. Hurt one, and you hurt all, love one and you all love....on a deeply spiritual level. I hope this clarifies where I was and am coming from. | |
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