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 adamuk1986
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 1
What to say in a first message?Page 1 of 1    
Here is the thing, I know Im not a totally unattractive and I know Im a nice guy. My problem, especially on online dating websites is.............I dont know what to write about in the first email I send someone!!

I take every girl that I email as an individual, I try to personalise each message as much as I can. I try to come across as myself as much as possible, that means I try to take an interest in what theyve written about themselves, and I try to make them laugh by telling them a joke or something. The problem is, I get really few responses.

I have spoken to some people who have had more luck than me in this department and they say humour is a great way to show that you are a nice guy, and its a great way to start talking to people. I guess Im doing something wrong because I really dont get many responses.

I know I am a nice guy and I know I can make a girl really happy if I get the chance.......if anyone can offer any advice I would really appreciate it!!

Thanks
 psssst
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 2
What to say in a first message?
Posted: 10/23/2007 4:46:06 PM

I know I am a nice guy and I know I can make a girl really happy if I get the chance....
Yeah... you and every other man on this site...


....if anyone can offer any advice I would really appreciate it!!
A thread search... still 100% free and available to all users of this site...

Cheers...
 §wannee
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 3
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What to say in a first message?
Posted: 10/23/2007 4:47:35 PM

Yeah... you and every other man on this site...


^^^^ You're the best X wife a guy ever had
 kellswater
Joined: 6/6/2007
Msg: 4
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What to say in a first message?
Posted: 10/23/2007 4:50:01 PM
The most important thing is to ask, ask, ask! Ask the woman you're writing to specific questions about her profile...things that will get the conversation rolling, and will show her that you are not just sending out a form letter.

I am in huge favor of keeping the humor aspect of your e-mails. After all, you want to date a woman who has a sense of humor, too!
 psssst
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 5
What to say in a first message?
Posted: 10/23/2007 4:57:23 PM

^^^^ You're the best X wife a guy ever had
C'mon... admit it... you still love me...


The most important thing is to ask, ask, ask!
Kells... although I will agree that some people like to have a conversation lead with questions, some of us feel as if we are under the microscope if too many questions are asked...

Conversation should flow naturally, effortlessly...

Cheers...
 adamuk1986
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 6
What to say in a first message?
Posted: 10/23/2007 4:59:40 PM
Ive found it really difficult to get that balance in my messages. Sometimes I feel like Ive asked too many questions....sometimes I havent asked enough.

Have I been funny enough? Have I referenced her profile enough? It's hard because I am a young guy, and the women I email are predominantly under the age of 22. It's really hard to find something that appeals to younger women....but I get the feeling from responses on these forums that humour is a good way to break the ice....luckily i have a good sense of humour lol

Thanks for the responses
 §wannee
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 7
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What to say in a first message?
Posted: 10/23/2007 5:01:31 PM
C'mon... admit it... you still love me...


..... Don't you know it!!!.......honest dear the check is in the mail......
 EtchedOut
Joined: 10/4/2007
Msg: 8
What to say in a first message?
Posted: 10/23/2007 5:03:47 PM
Here is the thing...

Your not ugly...but your also not Brad Pitt...your like every other 25 million men on this site...average and ordinary...basically you have tons of competition...
 Keystoneshell
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 9
What to say in a first message?
Posted: 10/23/2007 5:15:57 PM
Something on the order of : Hi my name is______ I was going thru your profile and saw that you like___________,that is so cool I really like__________ too.What is the best thing you like about____________.Wow me too I also like __________ what about you? And from there your on your own. I'm not trying to be a smart a** but that's just what I would do.
 wpg_chick_84
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 10
What to say in a first message?
Posted: 10/23/2007 6:36:58 PM
Do a thread search.
 MeloFelo
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 11
What to say in a first message?
Posted: 10/23/2007 8:40:56 PM

I dont know what to write about in the first email I send someone


What worked fairly well for me, during times I was "seeking" were to do a 4 step approach.

1. only email those with whom there is a "loose connection", from either her being in my "viewed me", having added me to her favorites list, or seeing her post in some of the same threads that I do.

2. Read her profile thoroughly, and look for points of common interest or similarities, as well as interesting things about her in her profile, that raise real areas of natural curiosity.

3. Identify "why" I am writing to her. Is it because she's interesting? Or just because she's pretty? Is she someone who interests me enough to talk to, even if she isn't "interested" beyond an email or two? Or is my only reason for writing, to hope to get a date?

4. Write an email to her, that references the point(s) of connection, remarkes sincerely and favorably about something in her profile, or that you've read in her posts. Ask her a question based on her profile or posts, that allows her to answer, without feeling that she's "committing" to being "interested" in dating.

The most important part of first emails, in my experience, has been to be a real person, writing to another real person, and to leave "results"(aka getting a date) until you've talked a bit, and see if there is a natural flow to communication.
 Avienn
Joined: 10/18/2007
Msg: 12
What to say in a first message?
Posted: 10/24/2007 4:28:16 AM
If someone can meake me laugh on the first message, I will reply no matter what even if I'm not interested. Other than that, for the most part it really doesn't matter as long as the message isn't pervy, I go to the profile and decide if I want to reply.
 Shortstuff07
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 13
What to say in a first message?
Posted: 10/24/2007 4:55:46 AM
I agree with the last poster. I get a lot funny emails about my profile. As I said before, if I guy can make me laugh in the morning with my coffee, I always respond - whether he's somebody I'm really interested in or not. I agree I don't like too many questions about me in a first email. Just take it light and have fun. Don't be too serious.
 MermaidMafia
Joined: 5/26/2007
Msg: 14
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What to say in a first message?
Posted: 10/24/2007 5:04:15 AM
Personally, I think a tasteful****pic says all that needs to be said.

Or you could listen to MeloFelo. Whichever.
 pnayplayr
Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 15
What to say in a first message?
Posted: 10/24/2007 7:08:58 AM
be random, and relate something about the profile.

don't EVER say something along the lines of,

1. you're hot. (anything objectifying)
2. have you ever had a real 'good time'? (don't talk about anything sex related)
3. are you interested? (AFTER reading the profile, and saying that they're taken...or generally not interested.

basically, read their profile...then go from there.

READ THE PROFILE!
 beachchick
Joined: 6/27/2005
Msg: 16
What to say in a first message?
Posted: 10/24/2007 7:27:05 AM
I can tell you what "not" to put in a first email: "what up, hotass?" Yeah. Somehow that one didn't have me all weak in the knees.
 someplace***
Joined: 5/15/2007
Msg: 17
What to say in a first message?
Posted: 10/24/2007 7:34:17 AM
another crying, self-proclaimed "nice guy"

I know I am a nice guy
I've never met you. But I'm going to assume you're not a "nice guy".
During the course of my lifetime, I've met a few people who I consider to be truely "nice". The one thing they all have in common is: Not one of them ever publicly claims themselves to be a "nice guy".
If a person's truely nice: other people are the one's saying that he or she is nice.

It's other people's opinions of us that matter. Not our opinions of ourselves.



they say humour is a great way to show that you are a nice guy
No. Humor just shows that you have a sense of humor. Nice guys, and self-promoting complainers, can both be humorous.
Really "nice" people aren't consciously trying to show that they're nice. Really nice people just be themselves, and their niceness shows.
Since you're consciously trying to show that you're nice: then I assume that your niceness doesn't show.
Since your niceness doesn't show: then maybe you shouldn't be saying that you're a nice guy
 Life_Again
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 18
What to say in a first message?
Posted: 10/24/2007 7:40:01 AM
I ALWAYS compliment them on their shoes.
Works every time!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 19
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What to say in a first message?
Posted: 10/24/2007 8:22:14 AM
Funny how I can go into my own history for threads like this and within the last 25 messages, is my standard response to a previous thread like this. Shows you how common they are.

Now then, a quote from my quotes - follow this to the letter:

1. Don't compliment her on her looks and nothing else. Women hate that. However, have good clear positive pics and be attractive to her. How so? Well...
2. Read her profile to determine whether or not you're her type to save yourself the trouble if you aren't.
3. Write an e-mail not too long and not three words long letting her know you've read what she wrote and give her something to respond to.
4. Have an interesting informative profile with your pics so that she can find out what she needs to know about you should she be interested.
5. Know your odds. Have a thick skin and realize if they aren't interested after all that, there's nothing you can do but move on. Repeat steps 1-5.
 someplace***
Joined: 5/15/2007
Msg: 20
What to say in a first message?
Posted: 10/24/2007 9:44:37 AM

Funny how I can go into my own history for threads like this and within the last 25 messages, is my standard response to a previous thread like this. Shows you how common they are.
WTF???
Do you mean that certain obvious topics, have been discussed previously in these forums?
and it's possible to search for existing threads on those topics????

wow. Don't tell the eager thread-starting newbies that. They'll never believe you.
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