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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 1 | |
| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/24/2007 11:24:34 AM | Bad day on the markets. 
So I need to something to make me feel good. Helping people. 
If you want help with your profile, post here.
Please post what style of rel'n you're hoping to find, as you need different bait for different fish.
No, it's not patently obvious from putting "Friends" that you just want to make friends... most people that put that are looking for a relationship, albiet one that develops slowly. Hence I need to know your ultimate goal.
I find it's best not to assume these things. | |
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| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/24/2007 6:50:48 PM | | Hello ,my name is Michael,and new at this,not even sure if I'm at the right place.Could someone give me some advise on my profile and help me.........I think I have a allright picture,tell me please. | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 3 | |
| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/24/2007 7:53:02 PM | Sure thing, man. You're in the right place.
First, you picture... while I personally like your second one better, I'm not the guy you have to impress. Take a lot of them, and get a female friend to pick the best one.
The best way to get 1 good photo is to take 100.
OK, now let's get your profile cleaned up a bit.
Grammar: Is a good thing. Full, complete sentences. Take the time to type things out as if you were talking. Don't be afraid to space things out to make them easier to read.
Spellcheck, too. Especially "bomb fire" (spelled bonfire)
I know, I know... it seems like a pain in the ass. But some women (especially ones who read a lot or type a lot) pay a lot of attention to these sorts of things.
Just like a woman... the extra time you take on the little details will pay you back tenfold. 
Subject matter:
I am done with bullsh*tand everything that goes along with it...[.......]i have no time for games OK, you've just come off a bad relationship. No prob. But there's no need to bring it up in your description....or on a date, when you come to that. That bit is covered in "Status: Separated"
Talking about negative things when you could be talking about nearly anything else implies that it is still on your mind all the time. And if it is... perhaps you want to re-evaluate whether or not you're really ready to be back on "the scene"? If you don't talk/think about it much, you're giving a bad impression.... either way, you should lose it.
I have two dogs,so you have to like animals. Notice how you're making a demand right here? You can say the same thing in a softer tone, like "I have two dogs whom I love very much... so if you're an animal lover, bonus points!" That way, if she does like dogs, you're basically giving her a compliment on her good taste, as opposed to saying "You've met minimum requirements."
See what I'm saying?
Money is not importand to me,so that has to be the same with you... Same idea. Plus you've just told her you're broke. You could try something like... "I'm making a brand new start... and is it ever going to be an adventure!" Positive, upbeat. You get the idea.
OK, now on to the bits that set you apart?
What is it that sets you apart from all the other guys?
What makes you special?
You want to make it clear that she's looking at the profile of a guy that isn't like the rest. Trust me, she has a boatload of "average guys" in her mailbox already. She can't chat/date them all. You need to be different.
Look at some other guys profiles in your area. Get a feel for them, what they generally do, what they generally say.
Then do something else.
If you're a student, what are you studying?
What kind of music do you like?
You want to have a lot of specific points of interest that a woman might have in common with you, to start or extend a conversation with.
It's easy to get down on yourself if you don't get responses right away. Don't be afraid to mess around with things.... you have to find a way to make your own full, anabashed personality shine through in a positive way. Experiment.
Stay positive. Have fun!
Hope that helps!
svj | |
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| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/24/2007 8:10:23 PM | Ok i recently tweeked it but I'm still finding the responses are few .  I liked the fact that you were thurough (sp) in your last profile review. thanx. | |
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| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/24/2007 8:19:53 PM | me next me next plsss 
I would appreciate some critique on my profile please!
I do not get much mail and Im thinking it is because I am an older woman and a BBW (big beautiful woman), but if there is something else that you see that I am not seeing, that might help me get more responses, please feel free to share that with me!
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| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/24/2007 8:41:20 PM |
Hello ,my name is Michael,and new at this,not even sure if I'm at the right place.Could someone give me some advise on my profile and help me.........I think I have a allright picture,tell me please.
I think your pics are great, you are adorable, and you are now on someones favorites list ;) | |
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| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/24/2007 10:32:10 PM | | Hey Michael, I agree with a lot of the stuff the one guy said. The statement: "I am done with bullsh*tand everything that goes along with it" has got to go... too many bad vibes. I also agree that spelling and grammar checking is essential. The picture you have up currently is good in my opinion. | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 8 | |
| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/24/2007 11:45:28 PM | Babi_blu
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Pictures:
This is different than for Michael. He's a guy. He has to (gets to?) play by different rules. For women, the rules are much more simple.
The pictures dictate 80% of a man's response to your profile!
Treat them accordingly.
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For now, use #2 and #5, the ones with your hair up. Ditch the rest. Pictures like the one with the really dark hair where you look like you just stepped out of the shower are hurting you.
I would suggest going to a stylist, and having you teach you how to do an easy, trendy, low-maintenance style that you can use for first dates. Use that in your pictures.
Same thing as for Michael. If you want 1 good shot, take 100.
Have fun with it! Get dolled up, call a friend over, crack a bottle or two of wine, and have a digital photo shoot. With a real camera. Webcams perched on top of monitors don't do anyone justice.
Oh, one more thing. SMILE!!
Interests: Something, well... interesting would help. Something someone might identify with. Not just "Movies". What kind of movies? Genre? Director? Something... you need to give a guy points of interest that he can use to start a conversation with you.
Interests and descriptions are what guys (the ones that aren't just sending form letters) use to start conversations with you.
If you give them nothing to go on, you get lame conversation. Possibly none at all.
Without any common points of interest... what does he have to talk about?
"So, uh... you like movies?"
"Uh... yeah."
"Um... OK."
See what I mean?
Text:
I'm defantly a people person and I never meet a stranger . a) spellcheck. Men don't care as much, but why not? b) what does this mean, anyways? A people person that never meets anyone?
I am not lookin for a sexual relationship outside of a committed , long term relationship I don't know how to sugarcoat this, so I'm not going to.
Most women want to establish a relationship before sexual contact.
Most men want sexual contact to determine if they want to establish a relationship.
You may think it's wrong, that it shouldn't be that way.
Doesn't matter. That's the way it is.
Am I saying that you should be putting out to anyone and everyone? Absolutely not!
But what I am saying is this.
Many good, intelligent, and trustworthy men that will treat a woman with kindness, respect, and affection. But most of these men are not eunichs. Most men have a biological instinct to want to thrust their hips into someone.
They don't know how, they don't know why... they just do. It unconsciously guides their actions. It does not mean that they won't respect you and enjoy your company... but men give physical intimacy exactly the same priority that women give the emotional connection or bonding.
Some men need intimacy less, some more. Some women need bonding less, some more. But on average.... They're the two different sides of the same coin. Heads and tails, if you like.
But it's still the same coin.
By putting up that "No sex without rel'n" sign, you are chasing off many potential good guys that you may have come to meet, enjoy, and actually have had said relationship with, but they never got a chance to meet you. They just went to the next profile where there wasn't a sign hanging up.
Think of it this way.
Two men.
Identical twins. Jack and John. 35 years old.
They both looks, act, and smell identical.
Jack is well-to-do. John lives in his mother's basement.
If 100 women got an email from each of them asking for a date for Saturday.
Who gets more acceptances? The *real* answer. How it "is". Not how it "should be".
Nobody's first choice is the 35 year old guy that lives with his mommy.
Same deal.
Both you, and your hypothetical identical twin sister are good gals.
But if you're hanging out that sign, and she's not... who is going to get more response?
In the end, it's a personal preference.
I'm just giving you some facts to make an informed decision.
Personally, I think you're better off to take it down, and discuss it when you start feeling attraction for one another.
Hope that helped!
Let the hate mail begin.  | |
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| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/25/2007 12:41:02 AM | My name's Luke. I've often wondered if my profile needs something more..Maybe some more work, some tweaking, i dunno. I don't have much self-esteem so i'm not good at talking about myself positively, which makes me wonder if i should make changes to my profile. I've chatted with a few women on here, but ultimately results in nothing..Sadly. But seeing as my style and personality get along with many types of people, i am trying to attract diffirent types of women. Like, i would prefer women that fit more of a gothic, metal, rocker style, but also women who're more of the nice, girlie-girl types (Of which my pic of me with the makeup might scare away). As for my ultimate goal, i would love to meet a woman for a serious relationship. So i dunno if my profile is good or if i made mistakes somewhere. Any help is appreciated. ^.^
Thank you,
~Luke | |
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| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/25/2007 12:41:45 AM | No hate mail . I asked, right? I did change a few things ya mentioned but the new pics will have to wait for now . i really do appreciate ya taking the time to look it over and advise me on it . Thanx  | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 14 | |
| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/25/2007 11:30:30 PM |
Im thinking it is because I am an older woman and a BBW (big beautiful woman)but if there is something else that you see that I am not seeing, that might help me get more responses... I won't lie to you... that's mostly it. But we can always optimize to get more results!
a) As I touched on before... get dolled up a bit for your profile picture.
Ideally, you want your profile pic to look exactly like you would look if you met on the first date. Because that's going to be his first view of you, and you want him to be able to say "Wow... she actually looks like her picture!"
Most people don't. They take an old picture that flatters them too much in some way. Like a wedding picture as a bridesmaid with full salon makeup & hair, or they an old one where they weighed 20lbs less.
Or, they go the other way, and get that awful webcam-mounted-on-monitor pic. Great view of someone's hairline, or up their nose, but that's about it.
If you look too much different from your photo when you meet, he's going to make a snap judgement on you. Gaurenteed.
So first date clothes, hair, and makeup for your pic!
More honesty: Due to your stature, the chances that a guy will read your entire profile are slimmer. So you need to put the most important stuff first. He won't care that you like wildflowers and thunderstorms until after the two of you meet.... so that can either go, or push to the bottom.
The stuff you want at the very top is the stuff that makes you different, special, and good convesration-starting topics.
You actually have something that makes you special...
Like the fact that you're a singer and songwriter!
That's very interesting! Put that front and center!! 
Other than that, just the usual stuff....
don't use the word CRAVE, it comes off as clingy...
It says you love humor... tell me a joke! Why not tell a short one in your profile. Prove you're fun to be with!
Hope that helps! | |
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| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/26/2007 10:56:08 AM | | Ok, so my pictures look bad. I got a trained monkey to do them. (actually i just found the timer feature on my digital camera) How does my profile look/read? anything i should change? | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 18 | |
| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/26/2007 1:52:23 PM | Hey Luke. (You wouldn't happen to be Cabbage's lil brother, no?)
Sounds like you want two different girls! 
Ultimately, your profile is what gets her to respond to your emails in the first place, what happens after that is up to you.
If you're already getting response, then what you need to work on is how to run an email conversation. You're going to need a way to generate some initial attraction from her to you... something that would intrigue her enough to want to meet you. Then you can allow her to intruige you.
If, in the looks department, she thinks she's below your league, your can heap on the praise any time you like. She'll be grateful for it.
If she considers herself above your league, for chrissake's don't compliment her on her looks, until you know she's interested in you.
Allow me to demonstrate using a blunt, but easily illustated example.
If someone that is mentally handicapped says that you're smart.... that's very sweet, but... big deal. Everyone's smart as far as he's concerned. While the poor sod might be sincere, to you it's an empty compliment. It comes off as a bit of hero-worship, right?
But if Albert Einstein says that you're one of the sharper knives in the drawer... now you'd probably blush, right? (Yeah, even as a guy.)
That compliment means something.
Same thing goes for women.
An amatuer model doesn't care if you think she's pretty. She'll blow you off.
But she'll go nuts if someone that deals with real models all the time thinks she's pretty.
What's the difference? She knows his opinion on looks has value. She assumes yours does not. Value.
Go over to the "Ask a Girl" forum, and find a couple of threads where girls show how creeped out they get when a guy sends them a mail like "You are so beautiful... I would consider it an honor to meet you and buy you dinner". You'll see what I mean.
When you first make contact, you're one of many guys all vying for her attention. Which means to begin with, you have no value. You're easily replaceable at that point. Click. Delete. Next.
You need to establish that she is attracted to you before you start overtly letting her know you're attracted to her.
Otherwise, she's going to wonder why some guy is being so nice to her without having done or said anything of interest. Her "pickup filter" will start blaring in her ear. And rightfully so. Guys that get fixated on her before she says or does anything interesting should be setting off alarm bells.
So remember, just because she replied to the initial email, doesn't mean she's attracted to you. Yet.
Profile hints:
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Most women don't know what MMA is, and I've never met a woman that knows what Sambo or Muay Thai is, but love a guy that can protect them.
You probably want to exchange "pro MMA fighter" to "Cage Fighter".
Every woman knows what that is. And many think it's sexy as hell.
You can get rid of the laundry list of your qualities.
Everyone says they're loyal, honest, fun-loving, etc.
It doesn't mean anything to tell her that... she's got to observe it for herself.
You'd be astonished at the percentage of women I've gone out with that claim to have a "great sense of humor", but have absolutely no idea how to crack a joke. (I assume it's guys, too... I just don't date them.)
Saying it doesn't mean anything. You gotta show it. Don't tell her you're funny. Be funny. Don't tell her you're romantic... use romantic language. Don't tell her you're loyal... find a way to work in a story of how you got up at 4 in the morning to help out a friend in trouble. (Your own story... you get the idea)
That's how you create that attraction I was talking about above.
Don't worry about whether she'll see it or not. She will. Women are much more observant than men that way. Many women will look at your shoes to see if they fit with the image you're projecting. If you claim to be, say, a diplomat... but you turn up to the date wearing Nike runners.... so never bullshit. Always assume she's paying more attention than you. She probably is.
Hope that helps!
(Oh, and get some BJJ under your belt, if you haven't already. At your size, you're gonna have a hard time if you end up on your back!) | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 19 | |
| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/26/2007 2:12:24 PM | Jumping_Jupiter:
Um... with all due respect...
YOU DON'T NEED ANY HELP.
You're a pretty good looking guy (of course, I'm not the guy you should be asking, but I'm sure the girls agree), and your sense of humor comes through great in your profile.
I'll wager you get women writing you with that profile.
Kick ass. | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 20 | |
| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/26/2007 2:42:29 PM | kitten23xox:
I have no idea what you're looking for, that's why I ask.
If I'm totally off-base, well, you asked me to guess. So here's my guess and review.
There's nothing interesting in your profile. You don't demonstrate anything about yourself. (As mentioned before, saying "I'm sensitive" doesn't actually mean anything to the reader.)
A few more, less generic things listed under "Interests" would go a long way to helping a guy start up an interesting conversation, rather than "Hi. Wanna chat?"
Luckily, as a pretty woman, you are no doubt aware that you get to coast on good looks. You likely have no shortage of men writing you up.
However, I would suggest that if you want attract guys of the caliber you want to be attracting (ones that are good-looking and interesting), get some better shots. And since you obviously have an interest in modelling, talk to a few "real" models. Take a photography class or two. Learn what goes into a really good portrait.
Modelling is actually a much harder profession than Joe Six-Pack believes. The average person, even if they had the looks for the job, couldn't cut it.
It takes more to convey "sexy kitten" than looking away from the camera and tilting one's head a bit. | |
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| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/26/2007 3:18:55 PM | svj
Thanks for the complement. Very high praise indeed.
I have read your critiques, looked at your profile, respect your writing abilities, and like your c*cky style. That is why I contacted your thread for advice. Was hoping for suggestions to go from a "good" profile to a "great" profile. This is a much bigger challenge than "My profile is broken help me fix it".
Like any written piece of work, there is always room for improvment and as you know from business, there is no such thing as a competitive edge that is too big.
PS
Your profile pic cracked me up | |
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| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/26/2007 3:27:09 PM | ok
do my profile now
let me know why I'm only getting a razor thin margin
not like I'm going for girls out of my league or not my style
I'm going for the goth/emo/skater/punk/freak/industrial/beatnick type | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 23 | |
| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/26/2007 3:42:49 PM | Jupiter: Thank you very much.
In answer to your query, to go from good to great depends on the individual.
Ideally, you want the profile to sound as much like the real you speaking as you can.
In my time, I've made and lost millions, been loved and betrayed, and taken tea with billionaires and murderers. There isn't much that can scare me any more.
Thus, it's no surprise I sound like it. I speak that way in real life. So I take care to make my profile come across the same way.
But for someone else to use that tone, if they don't speak/act like that, would be a bad profile. When a conversation started, she'd notice the incongruency immediately. One man's great is another man's horrible.
But there are turn-ons and turn-offs in profiles that are nearly universal, and that's where I can help the average dude. But going from good to great is a matter of individual artistry. | |
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| svj: Profile help! Get yer profile help here!
Posted: 10/26/2007 4:04:39 PM | OMG . . . . lord have mercy on me soul . . . . okay here I go . . .
About what me is looking for in he:
Me is looking for somebody that thinkie-thinkie like ya and looks like ya but my age or older . . . (can ya hear me laughing?)
About me:
Me is a little old fashion but a bit of a horse's behind . . .
Geeeeeeeeeeze . . . what did I set meself up for?
Have fun with me!!!!
~Myth~
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