| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/25/2007 7:04:07 PM | Do any of you have a child who is in behavior disorder classes?
It looks like my son will be going to them soon.
He is on meds already, but he won't stop screwing around during class.
I had a parent / teacher meeting tonight.
They are recommending he go to the BD class.
It is just shocking, and irritating to me.
I was wondering if it was more common in single parent homes. | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/25/2007 7:12:03 PM | | I have an 11 yr old nephew,he's a great kid but has the same problem.He sees a counsler,it seems to be helping. Some kids it's just a personality trait"class clown syndrome". | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/25/2007 7:26:18 PM | Crap dude, that sucks.
My gut and experience is that the pros really know damn little. If things aren't how they think it should be they just throw a pill at the problem and then things get really messed up.
Quite frankly I think you might want to consider taking him out of school totally and homeschooling him. Before you say "I don't have the time" I recently met a man that is an ex con who now does flooring. He has custody of his daughter which he's been homeschooling for years, using resources he can find on the net and just buying the books she needs. Now if any child has reasons to be messed up this girl does but because she is getting good one on one and is having time invested in her by someone who has rose from the bottom of the freaking pit she is way ahead of most kids her age.
He's just and example. The system is here for making sheep and if someone doesn't fit into the mold they get labeled all kinds of things when they are just very unique souls.
Do some research in Unschooling and think....
Good luck bro. | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/25/2007 8:02:16 PM | Dave there may be other reasons for your sons actions,class clown or perhaps bored,peer pressure to fit in,some brains work at higher levels than the average brainiac. Single parenting in noway is the cause for his behavior. I have a son,he chose to become class clown yet he is very intelligent.
Teachers of today will choose to go the easy child than the one that challenges their day at work persay. In doing so the child loses and is branded. ( I might add they tried just this with my daughter who by the way is now 3rd year and on the deans list)
Dave why don't you have a sit down with your son,no bs,just a father son heart to heart and find out what his thoughts are on what makes him misbehave?
Why is he on meds by the way? | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/25/2007 9:01:23 PM | It's so awful to be the parent of the kid who can't make himself just sit still and listen and behave like all the other kids....it's almost as hard as it is to be that kid!
Statistically, kids with behavior problems are more common in single parent homes. There is a theory that the additional stress and fatigue that comes from parenting this type of kid can be a contributor to the breakup of a marriage, especially if either of the parents blame the other parent for causing the child's behavior problems. Statistically, kids with behavior problems are more likely to be abused as well.
My suggestion is to have another talk with the teacher and really drill down to find out exactly when his behavior starts to get out of hand. Is it all the time? Is it during the really boring parts of the day? Is it before lunch? Is he better for a whole after recess? worse? Is it when he gets frustrated because he might not know what he's supposed to be doing but doesn't know what to ask to find out? Is he fidgety? Is he sitting next to a neighbor who "activates" and gets him going? Try to get a sense of how much "active" learning is happening vs. "passive" learning. Then talk to your son and try to find out if he can tell you what's happening with him right before his behavior starts going bad. Don't judge him or what he says, just listen. Does he feel like he's going to jump out of his skin when he has to sit quietly and listen to the teacher read (for example)?
If his pediatrician is currently managing his meds then book an appointment with a pediatric neurologist to have him evaluated. They have a more robust understanding of brain "wiring" and chemistry and will have more effective strategies for helping your son learn to manage himself. Plus you'll have a more accurate diagnosis and plan for treatment.
I was that kid in school (back in the pre-medication era, when the Belt was the way of "correcting" that sort of thing.) As an adult I was finally diagnosed and prescribed meds and my whole life changed because I was finally ABLE to make myself DO all the things I wished I could do ever since I was a kid. I finished school...easily! I was able to have a job and not get fired! It was like getting glasses and not even realizing how blurry everything had been in my brain until I put them on. I feel like my experience in school was so much harder than it had to be and I wanted to be better and do better and I must've just been a bad stupid lazy girl because I couldn't figure out a way to just be like everyone else...even in spite of my parents punishing me all the time because I "refused" to straighten up! I was just so ashamed. I ended up having a daughter who is also that kid. I'm so glad and grateful that I understand what her challenges are and can be her advocate at school. She's on meds and doing fabulously. I understand how her brain works and I know what strategies in the classroom will help her. I meet with her teachers asap at the beginning of the year and check in weekly by email. My experience has been that they are very willing partners and want her to succeed....and she is!!
Your son probably feels like the teachers don't like him. He might feel like some of the kids think he's a screw-up too. So please make sure that he knows you are on his side and that you love him and believe him even if he says he has no idea why he does what he does but he isn't doing it on purpose and he's sorry. Good luck to you...you have some challenges ahead! | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/25/2007 9:03:32 PM | | Try making the school do it's job. If the child does not sit in the chair the whole time and stare straight ahead then they are labled a problem. I have fought with public schools for years. One teacher said my son had ADHD and want him on medication. Me and my ex waited, the next year he had a tuffer teacher who said he was her favorite student and no problem at all. I am sad to say I finally gave up the fight and sent my kids to private school though. | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/25/2007 9:19:37 PM | | according to your profile, your son lives with you and your daughters live with the mom, how often is he seeing the mom and you seeing the daughters? that may factor to why he's behaving this way in class. How is he at home? Is he as restless at home as he is in school? how was his behavior last yea rin school if he was in school? | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/25/2007 10:06:10 PM | my friend had a parent-teacher meeting once and met the principal. The principal said "you know what, I have 320 kids here....and your son is the worst one"
Nice guy.
Admittedly, her son was pretty badly behaved kid. Big for his age, a bully, liked throwing rocks at other kids, etc etc. After a while my friend figured out what her son's issue was and the behaviour stopped almost immediately. | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/26/2007 3:01:05 AM |
according to your profile, your son lives with you and your daughters live with the mom, how often is he seeing the mom and you seeing the daughters? that may factor to why he's behaving this way in class. How is he at home? Is he as restless at home as he is in school? how was his behavior last yea rin school if he was in school?
Wow, good replies so far.
Well, the story goes......... He is a really good kid. All his teachers agree that he is good. He doesn't "bully" other kids. He isn't mean, he is just real immature and wants to play all the time. (He is in 8th grade)
He is at least of average intelligence. He can get good grades, but he doesn't feel like it. He doesn't turn in his homework, which I don't understand? He does it. The teacher e-mails me his assignments for the week and I make sure he does them, but he doesn't turn them in? I have no clue why he does that?
He is on ADHD medications. Which is something else I had a moral delema with. I just put him on them about 2 weeks ago. They did help him stop some of the behavior. I really didn't want to dope him up, just give him something to knock off the edge, so he could control himself.
The teachers say he can't stay in his seat while they are teaching, he wants to throw things (paper, etc.) at other kids during class. He jumps on other boys while walking between classes. He just wants to play and wrestle all the time.
He is very popular at school. It seems that every little girl in town calls the house. He is constantly out playing football, or being a pain in the butt with his friends around the house (playing video games, jumping on the trampoline, etc..)
The teachers at school think its attention seeking. I agree with them. He is the same way at home. He wants to constantly be playing, wrestling, or rolling around to gain attention.
Most of the teachers sit him in the back of the class, and try to accomidate him the best they can, but they can't keep letting him bother the class.
He lived with his mom till the end of school last year.
He also has some problems with her. He doesn't like to go over there. I basically have to force him to go over to visit his mom every other weekend. When he does go there he ends up visiting some friends he has in town and spends as little time with his mom as possible. He just doesn't want anything to do with her. I think that has a lot to do with it.
BTW: I see my girls a lot. At least every other weekend, plus I stop in and take them out to eat 2-3 times a week. They spend the night sometimes during the week. I am probably going to be taking custody of them within the next year or so. They want to come live with me too, but I am waiting till they are around 13 years old. In my state at 13 you have a little pull in the decision to where you live.
As far as homeschooling; I have given it some serious consideration. I even thought about quiting my job and looking for something that would work better for him. (just weekends or something) I actually work good hours now. I leave for work about 1/2 hour before my boy goes to school and come home about an hour after he is home.
Thanks for the replies folks. | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/26/2007 3:08:14 AM |
The system is here for making sheep and if someone doesn't fit into the mold they get labeled all kinds of things when they are just very unique souls.
WELL put, Mr. Crash!!! I don't think anyone could have said it better...its as if there isn't enough time in a day...and certainly way too many students in a class for anything other than what's on the daily schedule. I have a single dad friend whose son sounds EXACTLY like the OP's son...the kid is BRILLIANT!!...not because his head is full of trivial facts but because he can take what he knows already about the world and extrapolate on many subjects. He is able to think way, way outside of 'the box'...and as someone else said here: he is BORED, BORED, BORED...he usually gets into trouble on a daily basis. In his school, the children who are disruptive in class are sent to the library...where do you think this particular child LOVES to hang out??...Look out world, there's a whole new generation of thinkers on the way...as long as we don't let them be convinced that they are merely sheep. | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/26/2007 11:53:02 AM | | Is it possible that your kid is bored and not being challenged enough at school? Maybe he needs to take those tests to see if he qualifies for the gifted program? Good luck with it and don't let the Teachers Pidgeon hole him because they can't be bothered to do their jobs properly. | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/26/2007 12:30:55 PM | having raised a son who has ADD, i cant say that i know what on earth you are talking about. My son was not a class clown, but he was certainly a distraction. what in the name of all thats reasonable is a "behavior disorder class"?
i will say this,, if i was you, i wouldnt allow the school from isolating him from the general population in a special needs situation until you observe him several times in the normal setting and are exhaust all other avenues available. until you are fully convinced that isolated classrooms are best for him you should not allow any changes of the sort. there are many reasons children are disruptive in the classroom, sometimes it can be a matter of what his diet is, or when he goes to bed, the ammount of rest, etc. could be a matter of how much time does he spend watching tv or playing video games as opposed to going outside and playing. could be that the classroom environment is chaotic. my grandsons first grade room was like that, an absolute mess. nothing had a place, there was little routine and not much authority or continuity. it was not a place conducive to learning or order. these were 6&7 yr/olds,, of course they arent gonna be paying much attention to the teacher.
as well, there are behavior modification methods of keeping a child on task, triggers if you will to get them back into focus. rewards for good behavior. these things work in conjunction with eachother and often in the less severe behaviors. You can get some testing done with a referral thru his peditrician. they will run a battery of learning/ behavior tests to determine if in fact there is a deficit or if you just have a kid who has a really active imagination and wont sit still.
i can just imagine the boohoos im gonna get from this tidbit, but pardon me for being abrupt, but we didnt have this saturation from media that our kids have. we had to go outside and play,, run, do physical stuff to keep occupied. we had bed times and routines. we also didnt have the huge number of kids with learning difficulties that we are seeing in schools today. i have to wonder, if there is a direct coorolation between the two things . we also didnt eat the ammount of processed foods our kids do. ya just have to ask yourself, those growth hormones given to the chickens and cows that eventually become our food, what effect that has on our kids? | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/26/2007 8:33:28 PM | | Holy smokes man, go back to the doc, figure out what you have to do to take your kid off of drugs, what are you thinking? Everything you described was me to a T. additionally it described my middle child (also a boy), his mother came to me and said she was going to put him on drugs, I was appalled. I gathered everything I could on the drugs suggested and took her to court to stop her from drugging my kid. The judge agreed with me. The disservice you are doing to your kid is enormous. I understand you are a busy man, but spend more time with the lad, get on his level, let him tell you why he doesn't hand his work in (it's because he is getting attention), challenge the boy, he probably is very smart. But by all means get the information that will compel you to stop the drugs...good luck, you and your son are in my thoughts. | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/26/2007 8:40:34 PM | | You will have to work closely with your child...You will have not be the normal Dad...Having a child with behavior problems takes a special Parents with guts-!!! | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/26/2007 11:45:54 PM | | my 16 y.o. son`s in a behavioral school.. he has all the s&s of ADD.. i haven`t gotten him on ritalin yet b/c i`m looking 4 a better alternative then having him on something that`ll make him 'zombie like'.. | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/27/2007 12:06:28 AM | You said your son has ADHD..My ex husband's son has ADHD. He was doing a lot of the things that your son is doing. THe things that tipped us off was him failing all of his classes after being labeled GT ( which is a whole nether Oprah ). He would do the work but NEVER remember to turn it in. It is a hard thing to deal with and the best of luck with it.
One thing that they told us about it was that children with ADHD tend to have a maturity level averaging 2 years younger than their birth age. That put things into a whole new light for me. Explained why he wanted to play with legos while the other boys were out looking at girls.
We had him on meds and it helped tremendously. but I know that is not for everyone. | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/27/2007 7:22:15 AM | eversoflawed.
what drugs were available when you were young were vastly different from those available now. there are options available that arent straight pure ritalin. they are dirivatives without the same long term physiological effects. the one that comes to mind is concerta. its patented release system makes it a transient medication. transient meaning its theraputic affect is short term. it works while its in the system and there isnt a build up of affectiveness. ya know i really hate it when ppl like yourself who have had a bad experience with medication seem to be under the impression everyone has had the same experience or that its bad for everyone. sometimes medication is a positive thing.
p.s. concerta does not leave the kid "doped up" in fact you can see the theraputic effect wear off at the end of the day. just about 10 hrs after the dose is given. sometimes less. | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/27/2007 11:40:43 AM | all your kid needs is discapline a kick up the back side if hes a healthy little chap there is no excuse to his behaviour.Im not sure how old yor son is but stamp down on it now so he doesent grow up to become part of the chav epidemic which is sweeping the nation where i live.Im not sure how bad it is in the great old USA or where ever u rise from but if hes young there is still some slim hope of a behavioral ressurection.
thank you and good night...  | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/27/2007 1:51:42 PM | | I read alot of stuff in alot of peoples answers to you question. I have a sophmore in high school that acted out in grammar school. After talking to him and getting more of his trust there wwere other issues thathad absolutley nothing to do with school or i it had to do with his dads house. Like yourself he never wanted to go there. He no longer goes there unless he wants to, and his attitude is alot better. As far as work at school I had to use leverage , like his cellphone and dirtbike. You dont do the work you dont get what u like. Its ahand and hand thing. He is much better now and he's a great kid. Still has a issues at school but far from what it was. Hope this helps but tis is my experience | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/27/2007 6:43:12 PM | MY DRANDDAUGHTER,HAD A BAD EXPERIENC ,WITH SOME OF HER MOMS FRIENDS ,AND REFUSED TO GO TO HER HOUSE ANYMORE.SHE STARTED ACTING OUT IN SCHOOL,MY SON HAS HAD HER WITH HIM SINCE SHE WAS 9 MONTHS OLD,WE SIT WITH HER AND TALKED AND FOUND OUT HER MOM WAS ,GOING OUT WITH FRIENDS AND OTHER THINGS WHILE SHE WAS THERE AND NOT SPENDING ANY TIME WITH HER. AND ALWAYS A DIFFERENT BOYFRIEND THIS BOTHERED HER AND SHE FELT LIKE IF SHE ACTED OUT IT WOULD MAKE HER MOM LOVE HER AND PAY ATTENTION TO HER.SHE WOULD ALSO TELL HER SHE WAS COMING TO SEE HER OR TO GET HER AND THEN NOT SHOW UP.SHE WOULD SIT AN WAIT FOR HER IT WAS SO SAD TO SEE THE HURT IN HER LITTLE FACE,THIS WAS WHEN SHE WAS FOUR AND FIVE SHE IS EIGHT NOW AND DOING WONDERFUL IN SCHOOL,SHE DOES GET CALLED ON SOMETIMES FOR TALKING ...LOL..BUT HER TEACHER THOUGHT SHE MIGHT BE ADHD,WE TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO HER THAT SHE WAS HAVING OTHER ISSUES AND WAS IN COUNSLING ,WE DID NOT PUT HER ON ANY MEDS,I AM ALSO IN THE MEDICAL FIELD AND DEAL WITH MEDICATIONS DAILY,MY FEELINS ARE TRY OTHER ALTERNATIVES FIRST.
YOU DIDNT SAY WHY YOUR SON CAME TO LIVE WITH YOU,BUT TALKING CAN DO WONDERS, GOOD LUCK AND KEEP US POSTED AND I AGREE MAYBE HE IS BORED ALSO IN CLASS,MY SON WAS IN SOME CLASSS LIKE HISTORY AND SCIENE AND HE WOULD ACT OUT IN THESE CLASSES WHEN HE WAS
IN SCHOOL,HE STILL DOSENT LIKE HISTORY OR SCIENCE | |
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.Lisa
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Joined: 8/25/2007
Msg: 22 | |
| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/27/2007 7:18:04 PM | No offense but those behavior classes are crazy. Your kid will probably come home with even worse ones.
Can it be a disorder?
My son has autism and it's connected to behavior probs. While he's mild and not on meds he can have some behaviors. Maybe get him assessed? Could be anything. | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/27/2007 9:39:06 PM | Dave:
First: Pat yourself on the back for realizing there is a problem. That just means you are an ace dad.
Second: Being a single parent has nothing to do with your child's seemingly emotional issues.
There are a myriad of reasons for these outcomes. It's even possible your child may have a touch of autism -- this can result in seemingly uncontrollable outbursts from time to time.
What you might want to do is talk to your son while he is medicated and see how he feels. Try to understand what the meds are doing to him. It's not uncommon for a youth to recognize he's medicated and to feel like he is out of control. So when occasions do arise that he feels as if he can control outburst will happen just to prove he can affect the outcome of a situation.
It's not an easy road. Good luck to you. | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/27/2007 9:48:32 PM | | I have a son that has true ADHD and has been on meds for quite a while. His behavior got to the point, that I said it's either him or me and he was only 5 or 6 at the time. When they put him on medication he went from bouncing off the walls to sitting down putting a puzzle together. He's now 15 years old and knows when he needs his medicine. If this problem has just started, you can rule out ADHD, as this problem starts when they start walking and talking. Maybe sit down with your son and talk to him. Maybe something is bothering him or maybe he does his work but forgets it. Good Luck to you. | |
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| Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/28/2007 12:30:11 AM | | I would do a lot of my own research and get your son evaluated by someone you trust, someone who has been recommended. It could very well be the school environment/teacher are not meeting his needs. I also recommend homeschooling, and a number of charters, like the one I am in have classes so you don't have to do it all yourself. I haven't heard good things about ps special ed - it is for the benefit of the teachers, not for your child. Perhaps he just needs a break to process some of the stuff going on. Talk to people who don't have an agenda. | |
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