| I need a male opinion on chivalry...
Posted: 10/26/2007 10:29:24 AM | The reason I am asking this question is because in the recent past I dated two different guys that were very very different in this dept... I don't think chivalry is completely dead I think we often forget to slow down and let it happen... with this said I will get to my point... I dated one guy that was VERY chivalrous but I wouldn't let him be... in that we would get to our destination and practically before he could shut the car off I was out the door and walkin around the car... just simply not thinking that this man wanted to actually open my door for me... when we walk into a restaurant or any other place he would always have his hand on the back of my arm walking just a step behind me... so when we get to the door I just grab the handle and pull it open once again not thinking that he would want to open it for me...so it was our fifth date and we pull up to our destination and I reach for the door handle and he sweetly grabs my hand and tells me that he would be honored to open my door for me....I was actually a bit embarrassed because I am always so busy I just get out of the car and not think about something like chivalry... so from then on... I would pause a moment to allow him the opportunity to get my doors for me and pull out my chairs etc etc etc... when this happened our relationship became more romantic and fun honestly! I had to have a reality check to SLOW DOWN! Then the next guy I dated wouldn't open my door if the car was on fire... on our first date we got to our destination and I was sittin there primpin in the mirror waiting for him to open my door... I look up and realize he is standin at the back of the car wondering what the hell I'm doing... LOL So... once again I was a bit embarrassed... and confused... I don't require chivalry at all... just don't know how to deal with a situation without lookin silly...it's not like u can openly ask are you chivalrous or not? LOL ALL MALE OPINIONS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED!! | |
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Rys_
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Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 2 | |
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| I need a male opinion on chivalry...
Posted: 10/26/2007 10:38:20 AM | I enjoy being chivalrous but its bitten me in a butt a couple of times. Opened the door for one girl on our first date and she went on a feminist tirade. "I am more than capable of opening my own door, thank you very much! Don't need no mans help that's for sure" Conversation was hostile and feminist through out the dinner. At the end we got the check. I normally pay for first dates but not this time. She looked at me, think she expected me to pay the tab. After a couple minutes I told her that I hoped she was capable of paying for her dinner and a cab as she did not need a man for anything.
Since that night I have been a little gun shy about opening doors, pulling out chairs and the like. Still do it but again cant help but think back to that angry feminist. | |
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| I need a male opinion on chivalry...
Posted: 10/26/2007 10:39:06 AM | LOL As good as that sounds... I'm not dating both of them any longer for good reasons... what I'm asking is... do men prefer opening doors... or do they want women to be independant and do it ourselves... just a poll of sorts :) Thanx for the input I'll keep that in mind next time I wanna date two guys at once! hee hee hee | |
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| I need a male opinion on chivalry...
Posted: 10/26/2007 10:39:13 AM | I don't think there are too many men that would open your car door when arriving somewhere. It is more likely he will open it for you as you return to the car.
Just hang back for half a second to see if he does this. The same for when approaching a door, just take a slight pause to see if the gesture is there to open the door for you.
I would approach a new relationship with anticipation rather than expectancy. Anticipate the gestures, rather than expect them; after all it's a learning curve for you both. | |
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| I need a male opinion on chivalry...
Posted: 10/26/2007 10:40:25 AM |
Since that night I have been a little gun shy about opening doors, pulling out chairs and the like. Still do it but again cant help but think back to that angry feminist
She will probably end up a lesbian! lol | |
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| I need a male opinion on chivalry...
Posted: 10/26/2007 10:41:47 AM | | I think it depends quite a bit on upbringing and the era in which you were raised. I am older (50) and was raised to treat a woman like a lady (i.e. with respect). That for me means, opening car doors, opening doors in general, have the lady seated first, use respectful non-vulgar language when in the presence of a lady, etc. Pretty much just respect a woman's supposedly more delicate sensibilities. I've adjusted a lot of that as I've aged. Not all women deserve that kind of respect I've found. Some swear more than a longshoreman on a bender. Some are just rude. Others don't seem to desire such amenities. If a woman desires to be treated like a lady and exhibits lady-like qualities, then I am happy to oblige. That was the way I was raised. | |
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| I need a male opinion on chivalry...
Posted: 10/26/2007 10:41:47 AM |
would approach a new relationship with anticipation rather than expectancy. Anticipate the gestures, rather than expect them; after all it's a learning curve for you both
Very good idea... I'm quite new to "dating" and it's just all very foreign to me! | |
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| I need a male opinion on chivalry...
Posted: 10/26/2007 10:44:22 AM | Yo... that duel... would be awesome. Pistols at dawn! BWAHAHA!
But no, I honestly don't believe chivalry is dead. I always do my best to be a chivalrous as possible. Opening the doors for the ladies and the such is something I always try and do even just as a common courtesy. That includes paying for my date and all that. It occasionally gets me into trouble just because apparently some women do believe that chivalry is dead, and that the only people who do such a thing are looking for something. Sigh... sadness. I curse feminism for destroying chivalry! I call that friendly fire!
-Steve the Pirate | |
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Rys_
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Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 10 | |
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| I need a male opinion on chivalry...
Posted: 10/26/2007 10:50:40 AM | | FOR THE RECORD! I'm not a feminist LOL I am very independant... but I still believe in allowing guys to do things for me too! People just suck! LOL | |
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Rys_
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Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 12 | |
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| I need a male opinion on chivalry...
Posted: 10/26/2007 11:00:54 AM | Chivalry is an exclusive club now
like one of those secret society underground kinda jobbies where I get a text on my phone? lol j/k  | |
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| I need a male opinion on chivalry...
Posted: 10/26/2007 11:05:51 AM | I suppose there are many answers to this one.
Msg#7 does say a lot. My take on this is that some time ago many women were stay at home types. So in a large way they "relied" on a provider. They didn't really work to support themselves, were not allowed to vote, etc. So in many ways they were not really seen as equals...that sort of thing . So it was considered good form for a man to show elaborate courtesy.
Times change. In a lot of ways that is great. Women can compete for many of the same jobs, earn their own living, and do the things that they enjoy doing without society thinking is was improper. The thing is now different people have different takes. Some still open doors, some are standing waiting outside wondering what you are doing still sitting in the car.
Maybe a middle ground is good. Don't go all out and go over the top, but don't treat her as one of your buddys that you hang around with at the local watering hole from time to time.
Is chivalry dead?? No, I don't think so. Rather is adapts to the times. But there is also a flip side. Ladies shouldn't expect to be entirely taken care of, nor should they snap back at the guy who happens to hold the door open for her. | |
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| I need a male opinion on chivalry...
Posted: 10/26/2007 11:06:21 AM | | There is no answer to what guys prefer regarding chivalry, other then to see what he does since it varies for every individual. If he's someone who finds it proper and believes it's a complimentary thing to do he will go out of his way to do it. If he believes feminism killed it and women are capable of getting their own doors he probably won't jump to opening yours. This assumes he has a strong opinion about it, he very well might not care one way or the other, and if you'd prefer a way of being treated let him know. | |
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| I need a male opinion on chivalry...
Posted: 10/26/2007 11:08:42 AM | I would like to think i am chivalrous, I hold doors open for all people not just women, although a pretty girl gets an extra smile . Chivalry isnt dead its just hiding | |
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| I need a male opinion on chivalry...
Posted: 10/26/2007 11:20:22 AM | Why can't you ask?
You may find roses in your hands at every meeting, doors being opened for you, your chair offered and gently pushed in, a hand for your hand to hold, an arm for your arm.
The nicest thing about what you seek is that we men are capable of doing these things for you without being asked. They are also easy things to train your man to do for you.
Stop short at a door or two and it will magically open everytime. Stand next to the chair and look lovingly into his eyes and it will move. Some guys may need extra coaching on this but you will be pleasantly surprised at the doors that will open for you.
Chivalry is not dead, just sleeping and it can be awakened. You can ask! | |
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| I need a male opinion on chivalry...
Posted: 10/26/2007 11:29:16 AM | It comes down to doing things to make YOU happy.
You saw it yourself. You said it became a lot more romantic and fun, because you ALLOWED it to be.  And yes, there are plenty of guys who want to do things to make their woman happy.
Because when he does something, you appreciate it, he becomes happy. And HE is the one who did all the work! Here's the problem. Never RETURN the favor. You don't owe him any more. He already got his happiness from making you happy. Returning the favor takes the power out of it.
Instead, be spontaneous and do things to make him happy, because YOU feel like it. Not because you're returning the favor. Just because you're a good person like that. | |
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| I need a male opinion on chivalry...
Posted: 10/26/2007 11:36:47 AM |
I would like to think i am chivalrous, I hold doors open for all people not just women, although a pretty girl gets an extra smile . Chivalry isnt dead its just hiding
I completely agree that it's not dead... Just like different points of view on the subject! :) Thanx!!! | |
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| I need a male opinion on chivalry...
Posted: 10/26/2007 11:38:57 AM |
Why can't you ask?
I don't want to ask on the grounds that I don't want people to think I expect it...I will sit on my ass and let someone open my door or I have two capable hands to open my own door... as I stated... I'm cool either way... I just want the male perspective that's it! Plain and simple! There is NO right or wrong answer... that's the beauty of opinions....
Thanx!!! | |
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