| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 3:27:32 PM | ok heres the deal i made a wonderful friend on here had been talking to him for some time now..... then one day he gave me his number and asked me to call .... well i dont know if anyone here knows what ambien is... its a sleeping pill and ive been on them off and on for awhile now for post tramatic stress disorder.. any way the one time i decide to call him its after i took the pill and wasnt thinking straight... the night was a bigass blur to me and i rmember only a few things like it wasnt till 6 in the morning till i hung up and that i think he was agitated... anyway my point is... he hasnt written me since ....i sent 2 emails apologizing and explaining i wasnt myself.. he, after all this time of talking to each other on here and in emails, comes on here and doesnt say a word to me i keep checking to see whos viewed my profile and there he is...just not saying anything... afte the 2 emails i sent the last one said "well i guess i got my answer then...bye" still nothing its funny how he wont even tell me what i said wrong just acts like we dont even know each other... i guess it really bugs me because friends dont do that to each other,....not real friends heck i thought friends hold each others hair up while the other one pukes.... right???
thats how it was for me anyway.... soomeone told me that a friend wouldnt be hurt that bad by some dumbass talk on the phone while under the influence that maybe it was alot more than friends to him and i said somethings about past relationships that hurt him....
i do remember talking about an abusive relationship i used to be in and getting out of that and him saying abuse is wrong..... heck i dont remember it all... but why should i hasnt anyone been drunk before with a friend and acted silly???
ive always that the rule in piont is you dont ever pay attendtion to what a friends says or does while their under the influence...because chances are they didnt mean it....
if ther are typos sorry im typing really fast right now lol | |
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| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 3:31:38 PM | I suppose it depends on the nature of the "friendship". Was there the potential of a relationship between you and this man?
If so, he may have learned things about you while you were "under the influence" that told him the two of you are not a match.
Possibly you offended him or hurt his feelings in some way.
It is cowardly of him, and unkind, not to respond to your emails. Clearly this man is not a true friend, because you're right: true friends forgive each other, no matter what. At least my friends do----------as I do them. | |
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| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 3:35:44 PM | | well yes i think there was ... i believe we were starting to get pretty close but still cant imagine not telling a person "im upset with you because....." ya know its like hes acting like a girl does when she is mad "im not talking to you till you figure out why im mad" i hate it when women do that to men ya know | |
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| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 3:44:28 PM | My girlfriend did the same thing. Took her sleeping pill (Imovane) while drinking and apparently said some nasty things to her daughter's boyfriend. She doesn't remember any of it. Never drink while taking sleeping pills, bad combination.
So you've never talked to this guy on the phone? Never met him in person? First time he ever hears your voice and you're so out of it you don't remember anything? Talked until 6am? I would forgive a friend for sure, but someone I've only chatted with online, not so sure about that. Even a friend, I would have hung up way before 6am.
He's decided he doesn't want to speak to you anymore, not much more you can do about that. Let it go for a bit, maybe write one more note of apology. Next time remember that important rule, "Never use the phone or post while under the influence!" | |
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| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 3:45:36 PM | Sorry....but friends are NOT always there for one another! For one thing, it takes quite some time to build a good, strong friendship & you may have only been friends with this guy for a short time. Friends mean different things to different people. I've heard people call someone their "friend" even though they haven't seen that person in years.! That, to me, is NOT a good friend - more like an acquaintance!
You probably turned him off & he'd rather ignore you than have any other contact with you. If you know anything about men, they'd rather avoid all contact than deal directly with you - especially if they no longer want you in their lives. It's easier for them to not discuss or have to explain why they no longer want you in their lives - it's too uncomfortable for them to deal with a difficult situation.
You made a HUGE mistake by phoning when you were not yourself. LEARN from this lesson - don't do that again! You can't expect people to put up with your "verbal" crap just because they're your friends. There are friends who are not that close & maybe the friendship has not had enough time to develop (grow). I think you expect that you can do and say anything to a "friend" and that they should forgive you if you screw up! It doesn't always work that way. Since you don't even remember 1/4 of what you said, you may have said way too much about yourself and your life. If you had a screwed up life, that may have turned him off - shit, it would turn me off too and I'm not a guy!
Most people want some form of normalcy in their lives - maybe he figured that you would be too much of a burden. Leave this guy alone - he doesn't want you in his life anymore. Learn a valuable lesson from all this and next time remember - some things are better left unsaid - and don't phone somebody when your mental capacities are NOT totally working properly! | |
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| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 3:49:26 PM | lol yeah thats true...but he and i had talked alot and alot of times all night on here we both have trouble sleeping and you know with those pills you really dont know what your doing drink or none... guess it was in the back of my mind "id like to someday hear that mans voice" and unfortunalty that came out in fromt of my mind that night.... even my kids know when mom has to take that shes a funny person... their 15 and 16....  | |
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| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 3:55:14 PM | | I'm afraid a friend can't be a friend to hold your hair up while you **** from over the internet. You cannot expect people to connect to you on the same level as when they know you as a real 'flesh and bones' person. He was probably talking to you because he liked you, and hoped you might one day get to meet, otherwise he wouldn't have wanted to check you out over a phone call. I think you must have said something in this phone call that gave him a million warning signals about how strung up you were about your past relationships. It was his first true impression of you, and he simply couldn't handle it. I would be freaked if a man rang me whilst under the influence of a drug (when I hadn't even met him) and then proceeded to tell me all about his past relationship problems. Unless people have known you a real long time, they are not going to be able to handle your depression because depression is depressing, and no-body wants to be depressed by a person. Only the ones who trully know and love you will be able to see the person you are underneath your problem, and this man doesn't know you apart from what you have told him on the internet, or at least he didn't untill you made that phone call. | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 10 | |
| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 3:56:27 PM | hhahah yep i even think there is a forum thread called Dont Drink and Email (or something like that) heheheehe
hey....the truth is that these fishies are not really your friends. I call them "Online Friends"....which I think has a lower set of requiremetns and expectations. and yesssssssssssssssssssssssssss they can and will bail out whenever they get a wild hair to do so. and noooooooooooooooooooo they don't feel obligated to put much effort into figuring out any problems. They are jsut pals, aquaintances, true friends are real life friends....Online Firends certianly have the POTENTIAL to become real friends in real life....but as long as they're just typing on a screen dont bet the farm on any real friendship.
Ive seen em come and go for all kinds of hilarious reasons.....NO SHIT....one guy I was "friends" with stopped writing to me because he got mad that i bought a treadmill. Im not kidding. You dont know what kind of mental cases these people are.....so nothign should surprise you!!! However......being under the influence ever, but especially ESPECIALLY on a first contact is pretty baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddd. What do you expect the guy to think??
merry xmas
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| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 3:57:41 PM | piknick i never said i was bothering him.... i sent him 2 emails and when i didtn get a responce i was done.... im not the type to NEVER chase a man thank you very much... anyway we were friends i never implied anything .... you talk as if i said something mean to him or insulting i know myself well enough to know im not capible of ever unsulting somone... under the influence or not.... and im sorry but friends dont act like shit to other friends well at least i dont ... verbel crap what verbal crap ???
"dont want you in there lives " i dont know about you but you just dont right off a person youve grown close to just like that .... at least i dont | |
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| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 4:03:11 PM | | well you all may feel that way but i know what he and i had takled about before and as for "taking drugs" you dont know what your talking about he and i had told each other how alike we are because of our past ... nevermid guess you guys want to just read something into this instead of asking questions had we talked about past relationships before? yes had he and i been alike about the meds we had or have to take....yes unless HE not me had lied about how he was and what kind of person he is..... | |
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| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 4:12:26 PM | | thanks diasy i appreciate your words your not being jugdmental like a few others thanks i guess ill quit taking these people on here on thier word im not gulible im just trusting and honest and expect the same from others guess i shouldnt think the guy was being honest about how he was "a freind " he was just in the market for some perfect wife and not a friend | |
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| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 4:27:58 PM | Debrat
You have done all that you can do to make amends....
My favorite question to ask people in times like these is this.....
Who owns this problem now?
Clearly the problem now lies with this guy and ultimately there is nothing more you can do, you've done all you can...
Take what you have learned from this situation and move on to bigger and better things. But as many here have mentioned...try to keep life in perspective here...until you have actually met and spent time together, no one is truly your friend.
I am a firm believer that actions not words speak louder...
Best wishes for happier days
CC | |
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| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 4:41:58 PM | People can only be there as much as their personal capacity will allow.
Arguably, using the same sort of thinking... if they failed you because they had "issues" or whatever personal failing - shouldn't you, as THEIR friend, "be there no matter what"?
I find the expectation of "no matter what" to be unrealistic and don't hold my friends to that extreme. | |
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| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 4:48:20 PM | There are true friends...and then there are acquaintances....I have LOT'S of acquaintances and a handful of true friends.
If the man doesn't want to talk to you...than let it go. My true friends know everything about me....and love me just the same. Fair weather friends are always around when it suits them, but if the climate changes....they do too. | |
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| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 4:55:22 PM | The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
-Mark Twain | |
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Tramp
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Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 18 | |
| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 4:56:08 PM | Hmm.... On line friends, there is no such thing; sometimes a word turns them into dust, a missed phone call would kill them.
Make new, real ones. | |
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| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 4:56:36 PM | | People you are talking too on these systems - msn ect ect .. are NOT friends - they are chat buddies who you dont even know ( as In never even met ). People often open up and tell things via here they never would for the fact ... Its to a stranger they have No Intention of ever getting to really know. So this stranger copped a drugged up call for the first contact they ever got that shows they may have the real person ( ie on chat a pretty girl may well be a old grandad - thats the REALITY ). Sorry I wouldnt bother either. And they dont owe you anything as they are not friends - look the reality Is when they meet someone you'll be deleted If they are a moral person.. why dont people get this? If you want to develop net friendships that may last - try a chat group on a subject ( Hobby ) your Interested In.. as these are pick up sites we're on now. Not friendship sites . No diff then a person doesnt stay in contact with all their maybe pub flirts or casuals once they meet the one - will anyone other then a player keep their net buddies of dating sites. | |
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| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 4:57:08 PM | yes....friends should be there no matter what....good friends..
not a person whom you havent met face to face with yet!
think about it for a moment..put the shoe on the other foot. If some guy did this to you....how would you feel about it??
You would be writting a thread about how some drugged guy called you and kept you on the phone all night..and some people here would be telling you what an A hole he is for doing it!! | |
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| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 4:59:35 PM | debrat You took Ambien?? That's actually a very powerful sleep medication that's classified as a "hypnotic" , when I trued it once when it came out due to a problem sleeping it was already the #1 medication for sleep disorders. Under the influence of Ambien I was wakling in my sleep and hallucinated strange things coming out of the kitchen drawers, I never took it again. I make typos all the time so if I'm tired I might not correct them before I post them. The problem with intoxicating medicines is the same thing with booze, it removes inhibitions under the influence, knowing that some people will judge you're behavior based on what you do under the influence which is out of balance and unfair. The things that inhibit us normally are our values or in psychological terms: "The Super Ego" a critical part of our totality that keeps the animal on us or in another Freudian term "The Id" in check. With the self control we learn when we grow up we can conduct ourselves properly in interactions with people which is a good thing, benefiting the third critical part of our make up, I.E. "the Ego". That's the end of my references from Psych 101 (sorry about all that lingo). Anyhow, what I'm saying is if someone is drunk as a skunk and kills someone they don't know it's a simple case, the rules of justice are they did not commit murder one, no excuse really but at least it's usually not a capital offense. If someone gets really drunk and hates someone then killing under the influence becomes more complex with the addition of consideration of premeditation. (I obviously don't have the kind of intelligence it takes to get into law school). All the stuff I wrote debrat was in your defense. Now I will address your actual question.
All right! "shouldn't friends be there no matter what??" My response is 'yes" and "no". Yes, real friends you have that you've built through the years should be there for you. I've met many women through correspondences, even having some phone calls on other internet sites, no matter how positive the experiences were I never expect to hear from them again. I dated some very nice women, some of those experiences were meaningful, at times; intense, I still don't expect to ever hear from them. There are great things about internet dating and relationship sites, I think for people like me who don't met women in stores, bars, and I'm not in school now., the internet is the best tool for finding "the" relationship I'm really looking for. The internet can be very impersonal, it has a tendency to make it easy to discontinue relationships as quickly as it does in facilitating their formation. | |
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| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 5:01:53 PM | Well OP.
I have come to know that true friends are very few..I had an old man tell me once. I have many accquaintences(sp) , but I can only call 5 true friends.. That really struck me..as so truthful. I have never forgotten those words..
By the way OP. I am one that has posted on the what not to do while drinking there should be a clause to it. what not to do while exhausted..
I recently was talking to someone on the phone.. I was so out of it. I told them sure I would have a friend run him.. Well I had no knowledge of that statement. Which I could never do. In my job it would be so illegal to do, I wouldn't do it for my personal ethic reasons.. I mean good grief.. This person to my knowledge is still concerned over this statement..
You have done all that you can do.. Let it go, lick your wounds, move on. I can say I am sorry that you were hurt. But you have learned a very valuable lesson. Don't get on phone or computer under the influence..
Hope it gets better for you..
Now to answer the direct question.. Friends I know will always be there for me as I am for them. No questions asked. We just are | |
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| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 5:34:22 PM | Sorry OP - didn't mean to imply that you were bothering him - I meant that HE might think that of you (should have worded things differently). By "verbal crap" I meant anything that is negative, complaining, seeming "needy", etc. Not saying you actually did those things, but guys can takes things the wrong way - i.e. they often think we're complaining when we just want them to hear us out, and/or maybe give us advice or sympathize/empathize with us. Maybe what you said (remember you said you don't remember everything you said) just got on his nerves - men can't tolerate a lot of verbal negativity or whatever you want to call it. Men like fun, easy-goingness, excitement, unpredictability, etc. When things turn too "serious", they may want to run.
Yes, we do hope that friends will be there for us, but many of them will only be there up to a certain point. My best friend, for instance, would not be too nice to me if I called her at 3:00 a.m. if my boyfriend & I just broke-up - knowing her, she would sympathize but I would sense and know that she would be resentful and perturbed that I had phoned her at an unGodly hour! There are few friends that will be there "through thick and thin", but people who have friends like that should be forever grateful and appreciative - they're hard to find.
OP - like others have said, you cannot expect the same kind of friendship on these online sites - you can't compare it to face-to-face friendship - it's just not the same thing. You may want to lower your expectations a bit when you are on these types of sites, including chat lines, etc. Then you will not be so disappointed in the future.
Good luck to you - hopefully you will find a BETTER friend from these on-line sites. Don't give up - just be more realistic next time and be more "careful" of what you say and do. | |
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| shouldnt friends be there no matter what??
Posted: 10/27/2007 6:02:22 PM | thank you all....wow the advise got more constructive and positive as time went on thank you i was beginning to think this was just a "insult the op " forum thanks again i have truely apologized and meant it and i know myself and i know myself on ambien others around me "family" have said im not insulting or mean just silly and euphorically creative " lol ill now remember not to take others so much to heart ...and to hide the phone when i take those lol a big thanks to the man who took them also and knew exactly what happens mentally  | |
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