| The rebound guy
Posted: 10/27/2007 8:03:13 PM | | I noticed that a small percent of single guys use this website as a way to heal right after they get dumped. When I say right after, I mean right after...like..the next day.. or even the same day. They post their profiles just to find someone to comfort them. If you are newly single, you might want to understand that it happened for a reason and its okay to be single for awhile. In my opinion, if you can't stand alone I really don't want you beside me looking weak and unable to have control of your life. But this is just my opinion and girls do it too. | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 10/27/2007 8:15:16 PM |
I noticed that a small percent of single guys use this website as a way to heal right after they get dumped. ...................They post their profiles just to find someone to comfort them.
Now, how the heck do you know that? | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 10/27/2007 8:25:25 PM | The OP is probably talking about the guys who are "separated" and I agree that both men and women need to take some time to be single and get their life together before pursing another relationship. If I see "separated" in the profile, I quickly move on.
As a rule, I don't date anyone who hasn't been divorced/on their own for at least a year. I don't want to be the rebound person and I find people who can't be alone way too needy!
thetwojanes | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 10/27/2007 9:00:27 PM | | A guy from this site told me that. We did date for awhile but in the end the truth shined and I quote him as saying "I just needed someone to comfort me". The name that he gave to himself was rebound headcase. And I couldn't agree with him more | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 10/27/2007 9:11:07 PM | | I continue to be amazed at the whacky categorical judgments and generalizations I read here. Separated means living apart, nothing more. Legally separated, at least in the state where I live, means there is a written separation agreement and you are headed for divorce. I have met ladies that are not yet divorced that are past the rebound stage. I have also met ladies who are divorced that are still enmeshed with their ex-husband. These are things to explore right from the start when you meet someone new, not something to make snap conclusions about. | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 10/27/2007 9:43:59 PM | | LOL To assume that every person that has separated on their profile is "Newly" that way is foolish! I have been separated for a while... but just signed up for this site! | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 10/27/2007 9:47:33 PM | | My point exactly. Thats why I said a "small percent". | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 10/27/2007 10:23:53 PM |
I noticed that a small percent of single guys use this website as a way to heal right after they get dumped.
Well, I imagine that a small percentage use the site for cybersex, a small percentage use it to try to sell stuff, a small percentage use it to harass their ex, a small percentage use it for dozens of different things...
Now, what was your question again??? | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 10/27/2007 11:57:06 PM | | I was on a board not too long ago about assumptions... Just because you have over 100 people on your favorites list doesnt mean you are trying to win a poplarity contest... just because you drink often doesnt mean you are an alcoholic.. and just because you are seperated doesnt always mean you want a rebound. You can be whomever you want to be here... a few click of the keys and a click of the mouse and you can be anyone. There is no truth in your statement that men (what a generalization that is anyway... are there no seperated women that use POF as a crutch?) use this site to heal. | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 10/28/2007 4:57:29 AM | Reply To WAYWARD SEEKER:
Thank God that someone addresses such absolute "Rubbish!"-Talk about "Big Brother" personified! Who the hell do some people think they are? | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 10/28/2007 5:00:26 AM | Reply To Keeneyesandrakay:
Thank you dear lady! One gets tired of overt feminist generalizations! Rather than single out men try a bit of self-search! | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 10/28/2007 8:07:40 PM | | There are a lot of people that recommend dating as a way to get over another person. It usually doesn't work and people do tend to get hurt. However, if you feel the need to complain, I prefer to complain about people looking for someone before they are even out of a relationship because they haven't got the courage to just leave and can't be alone. | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 10/28/2007 8:57:15 PM | because as one guy told me once....the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else... | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 10/28/2007 9:07:37 PM | | Why is everyone focusing on OP's semantics rather than the context of which she is trying to communicate? OP is expressing an observation about sex and dating, about human behavior, and about experiences many might share with her as being members of this site. I think her post is valid, even if she made genaralizations. Should people date on the rebound? It depends on their situation, I suppose, but the accepted social definition of "on the rebound" is someone emotionally disadvantaged and troubled over a previous relationship. So, I wouldn't want to comfort someone in that state, but you can't always pick the time in the life you'll meet someone who you'll click with. My reaction would be to tell the person that our relationship isn't going to be of a certain type until they're well and together. I'm not into supplicating, but I am empathetic, so I'm not going to avoid a good person because her heart is broken. | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 10/29/2007 5:09:37 AM |
I continue to be amazed at the whacky categorical judgments and generalizations I read here. Separated means living apart, nothing more. Legally separated, at least in the state where I live, means there is a written separation agreement and you are headed for divorce. I have met ladies that are not yet divorced that are past the rebound stage. I have also met ladies who are divorced that are still enmeshed with their ex-husband. These are things to explore right from the start when you meet someone new, not something to make snap conclusions about.
There's not a single post here that can NOT be characterized as wacky or judgmental or just plain crazy------depending purely upon the one viewing it. This post is no different and not to bash or blame but this thread began taking a slight left turn at Msg #3. We started on "rebound" guys and veered into guys who have "separated" listed as their status.
Those who are recently separated are probably the very worst potentials for anything other than "hanging out". If they're seeking comfort and don't disclose this or the one they "target" is foolish enough to become involved then there are bound to be hurt feelings. If they've been separated for years upon years and still haven't finalized a marriage that's also quite risky since it does suggest unresolved issues that if present will drag someone else into it all. This has been my experience with such people.
"Rebound" guys AND women who seek comfort are sometimes looking to replace the newly departed partner and hope against all reason someone new will help them heal or maybe even be the perfect replacement----or at least a suitable substitution. Sometimes they're just hoping if they focus on another person somehow their pain will lessen or disappear. This, of course, never happens.
When I first started online and this dating thing was new it seemed I attracted nothing but women JUST out of something and were looking to either go wild or score their first encounter. After discovering this with a few and one horrendous brief "relationship" I began asking the question "how long since your last serious relationship?" Anything less than two years after a marriage is finalized via divorce or I wasn't their first date since a break up then I'd simply decline their company. I based this entirely upon my own personal experiences with a divorce in 1996 as well as other LTR's in my life---so far it's worked very very well for me.
While it's tempting to think we can be helpful to those who are hurting we put ourselves into being the rebound person without knowing. Once we've been helpful and they're healed, ready to move onward and start living life again we're remembered fondly but not very often seen as a good future partner rather we become the very best friend they had, they couldn't have "made it" with us and are wished the best of luck in our own searches! LOL
Being on the rebound or trying to make someone our rebound relationship person almost never works out, more often than not with a lot of hurt feelings all around. | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 10/29/2007 11:03:38 AM | | my last ex I met about a week after my first wife dumped me for another guy ... we were friends for a while ..and yes I used her for a crutch and cried on her shoulder .. and listened to her problems ... but in having her for a friend was able to let go of my first wife sooner and less painfully... after some healing we slowly became better friends and then lovers ..and then married and spent 26 years together and separated, divorced, and dated other people, and now have rethought the situation and got back together .. and for now things are good ...and we have both committed to stick it out ... not all times together are happy but we were not happy apart.... but where would I and the last 29 years be if i had waited till I was over my first wife to start talking to another ... i dont know but there have been many happy times and two kids that might not have been....and whats wrong with this | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 10/31/2007 5:32:13 PM | | And women do not do the same thing?? | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 10/31/2007 5:34:08 PM | | i was born alone and i'll die the same way... f*ck rebounds. those are for weak people. i hate people who always need to be around people | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 10/31/2007 5:38:01 PM | I started this profile about a month after my last relationship... and I did it more as a way to boost my own confidence than I did to meet someone. (The ex started dating within a week of the break up... I wasn't even moved out yet, and I guess I felt like I needed to feel moved on after I moved out.)
It was more about getting used to being on the market than it was about meeting someone.
I tend to agree with you-- if you can't stand on your own you have no business complicating someone else's life with your crazy. | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 2/19/2008 8:54:16 PM | What's wrong with dating soon after a breakup? Why does the other person have to know that you've recently broken up , especially if you never bring up your ex?
Some of you should even be ashamed of yourselves, as it seems that you have be sad for a while before getting your feet wet again. Is it not human nature to desire happiness? If one is a good provider, a good listener and more, wouldn't a single person seeking those qualities love to have a person like that in their life?
I always get slack from people because I would usually wait for things to happen to me instead of me going out and pursuing it, being proactive; but now I get accused of being on a rebound because I'm looking to sustain my happiness by being with someone else. I'm not looking for someone to take the place of my ex girlfriend. Rather, I'm looking to be happy with someone new in my life. | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:24:46 PM | ^ It isn't completely about being sad- though taking time to "mourn" isn't a bad thing.
It was about reflecting on what I needed, and figuring out what went wrong with the last relationship so that my next one didn't end the same way the last one did.
Also, and I usually don't go off like this, who in the bloody hell do you think you are telling any of us that we should be ashamed of ourselves?
There is not a damned thing wrong with being sad when a long term relationship falls apart.
Yes, I deserve to be happy.... but if I don't actually work through the things that make me sad, they'll be lurking under the surface.
As a result of what you claimed that I should be ashamed of, I have a better idea of who I am, what I want, and what I'm willing to put up with. I know what mistakes I made, and I also recognize what I should not blame myself for.
Yes, it is wonderful to be happy with someone new, but I feel that true happiness can only be achieved when one is happy in one's own skin. I feel that I'm at that place, and that I don't need other people to be happy. I feel that this is an ideal place to be when coming back onto the market after being in a long term relationship. | |
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| The rebound guy
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:34:23 PM |
My point exactly. Thats why I said a "small percent".
"A guy.." equals a small percent??? I don't understand how you went from "a guy" to generalizing a "small percent" of men on a dating site. | |
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