| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 6:07:36 AM | I've been thinking a lot about this question. Men and women both ask this question a lot. Now that I'm a week or two back into looking again I have some answers to that. I was just reviewing my emails and I definitely see the pattern. The number one reason I just disappear on someone that's been emailing me is because they were showing no steps towards actually asking me out. I expect the initiator to be the one to eventually ask the other out. If they haven't done anything on their part to even remotely suggest we might get together then I just stop writing and lose interest. I do apply this rule to myself as well, if I made first contact (which I do from time to time) then I lay the footwork down to set a meet time up.
For the other men and women that just "disappear" from communications, I'd love to see what your reasons are and if you have a pattern to yours as well. Maybe if the people that have done it share it in a non negative light this might help give some insight to all the others before that have said "why me?". | |
|
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 6:16:45 AM | I tend to think of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Some just chat on about nothing and it's obvious it's going no where, and others type a few words and then want your number and private email or to meet.
I'm looking for the one that's "just right". Emails that are progressive and make me want to know more. Emails that are informative and allow me to become more comfortable with the person. So that when they do ask you out, you're ready for that next step.
When its right you don't feel like you're walking off a cliff, or down a long lonely highway. You feel like you've both been walking down the same interesting street and are now about to bump into each other on the corner. | |
|
faour
|
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 3 | |
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 6:37:13 AM | My reason is different: I was talking to a number of men simultaneously, having not actually spent time with any of them.
Then, one of the men with whom I was communicating challenged me to meet him, as I had confided in him that I'd not actually had the nerve to meet anyone from this site yet. I loved his personality, bit the bullet, and had coffee with him. We had a good time, and started to eventually see each other frequently.
I liked him a lot, so when I decided to be exclusive with him -- AND he decided he wanted to be exclusive with me -- there are a few people I simply stopped emailing. Key word in that last sentence was AND.
There are many people to whom I wrote and expressed the fact that while they were nice guys, I had found someone with whom I wanted to be exclusive. My reason for just not emailing back some of the other guys? I WAS CHICKEN. Plain and simple. I did not have the guts to hurt their feelings. Like the rest of the posters, I am not perfect. I'm sorry if I hurt anyone by terminating contact, but again, I am human, and not perfect.
Hope that helps. | |
|
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 6:45:07 AM | People engage across the sparking cyberwebs at different velocities and trajectories. So, if you get out of synch with someone then perhaps you give up on them when they are just getting into you and vice versa.
Faour you have the best smile pic ever. Every time I see it it makes me grin for some reason. But what's with the feet pic? Not just you, I notice LOTS of feet pics on women's profiles. I mean if you have nice feet, nice toes and nothing that appears to be a small green furby trying to escape between your toes that is way cool but I just wonder why women do that?
Because, unless you're surfing for a foot fetishist, and maybe some women are, ever think about the guy kind of guy who's turboprop starts shrieking off its hub when he sees some naked toes? I mean, is that really what you want? Some dude wanting good toe?
Anyway, not to sidetrack the thread, but I think the OP is applying her singular template to diverse communication matrices and should step back and re-evaluate her methodology and performance measures. | |
|
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 6:51:33 AM | OP: I'm reading your post as two parts...
I expect the initiator to be the one to eventually ask the other out.
I agree completely
Part deux
For the other men and women that just "disappear" from communications, I'd love to see what your reasons are...
Whether or not I am the initiator of contact with someone on POF, that is irrelevant for what I'm saying here. Two people volley emails for a while, then that activity stops, from either party.
Reason 1: From that short exchange of emails, you realize that person is not someone you want to invest more time with and rather than SAY to them you're no longer interested, you just let it fade.
Reason 2: You've found someone else you're more interested in and that leads to Reason 1.
Sam the Man | |
|
| |
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 9:36:54 AM | I think you can not discount just plain lazy. Then there is financially unstable, They lied on their profile. The pictures they use are either fraudulent or are old, or posed to hide major defects.
Lonely insecure people may have a fear that in real life they won't measure up. They could also suffer from anxieties that keep them at home.
They may only enjoy the chase and capture, once they feel they have accomplished those goals they move on. Finally even if they have been totally honest they could just still be scared because of failed previous relationships.
armand | |
|
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 9:53:23 AM | I don't think we have to explain our reasons, thats time consuming especially when maybe some people you only e-mail each other once or twice. Nothing deep there to feel bad.
You might like someone but if they don't feel the same way as you, why bother e-mailing them. Yea, you can stay friends.
I have people e-mail me just curious about me, where I am from, my interests, share humour, or to ask how I was blah. I don't mind that and if we have a healthy e-mailing relationship I will always chat with them. | |
|
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 10:47:18 AM | | If I get a lot emails I sometimes just forget. Or they were not a fit for me at all and I could tell they would be annoying. | |
|
eazk
|
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 10 | |
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 10:57:24 AM | In the beginning, it's generally as good as it's gonna get. If it ain't fun, exciting, something to get your blood moving, why bother?
 | |
|
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 11:30:02 AM | | Interesting comments. I was in an e-mail/phone conversation "relationship" with a guy who lives a 3+hour drive from me. He initiated the wink, and the e-mails/phone calls continued daily for about six weeks. One Sunday we were on the phone for 12 hours straight! He loved the photos and postcards I post-mailed him from my recent vacation. However, we could not agree on meeting up. It was him coming here versus me going there. Finally, he agreed to come here, and I made plans and preparations for our first visit, which included an entire weekend, Friday thru Sunday. At the last minute he called to say he wasn't coming due to rain forecast Friday, day of departure. He didn't want to drive in the rain. I wouldn't have nixed the entire weekend - and I would have pulled the car off the road if the rain had gotten that bad. For this reason, I realized he was more interested in a fantasy relationsihp than a real one, so I quit e-mailing and calling him. End of relationship. | |
|
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 11:31:22 AM |  Bobruinedthedate,
check out a little reflexology. Then afterwards, visualize massaging someones feet that are completely disfigured, course, or unkept. In terms of being intimate, feet are a region that are highly errogenous. There are more nerve endings in the bottom of the feet, than anywhere else in the body, yet they're cushioned, which diminishes impact on nerve endings. You can access these nerves through reflexology. Some women have fascinations/fixations for mens hands, some men have the same for womens feet, and there's nothing wrong with either. Feet get ignored too often, and giving a SO a foot massage, with any repetition, will help keep them relaxed. It's quite soothing.
OT
I find a lot of times, people have way too many options, and this might be particularly true with women. Just about the time your emails are flowing smoothly, they just dissappear, with little reasoning except that someone else came along. Who knows. I think it boils down to some people adopting new ways of dating and they may communicate with others without any real intent to actually meet.
Maybe their wife/momie took away their pc priviledges.
edit: Bob, I think you owe faour a foot massage | |
|
| |
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 11:46:07 AM |
Then afterwards, visualize massaging someones feet that are completely disfigured, course, or unkept.
And if you paint your toes, and try to keep your feet nice, but they are just naturally ugly? Then what are you supposed to do?..lol
OT: If I "fade Away", it's usually because I've sensed they are just killing time, or they aren't that interested in me. Or, If I'm doing most of the work ( More writing, more frequent). Or, I lose interest for some reason or another. Or, I'm talking with someone else, who seems more interesting, and I don't have the time to devote to all of them, so I have to let someone(s) go.
Though, in many cases I try to just say this isn't going anywhere. Also, I admit to being afraid on occasion....
| |
|
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 11:50:28 AM | Sam,
Not married, but there was an ex-girlfriend who may have had something to do with it. No matter - my time is more freed up now for others! | |
|
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 11:54:21 AM |
Not married, but there was an ex-girlfriend who may have had something to do with it. No matter - my time is more freed up now for others!
And that's what HE told you? - Right | |
|
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 11:56:12 AM | ...Then again,there are those of us that actually like to get to know the person,BEFORE, going on a date,etc:  | |
|
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 12:01:28 PM | | i could not have worded it better than sherilyn70...its true if there just endless emails with no goals of meeting why continue chatting ..i have plenty of email friends ... due to my work schedule and type work i dont get alot of free time so i joined the site to expand my chance of meeting someone to date | |
|
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 12:10:06 PM |
And if you paint your toes, and try to keep your feet nice, but they are just naturally ugly? Then what are you supposed to do?..lol Zangie, I think I foresee your delimma; you're [u] only[/u] supposed to paint the "toenails", silly  . If you're painting "toes", that could seem a lil bit bizarre for some.  Ugly feet? Ah, well, I think Bob really cares less for nice peds than some. Guess beauty is in the eyes of the reflexologist.
OT: As for my experiences with emails, it's often a means of discerning traits in others we find less than admirable or things that we're trying to avoid. For example, when i get signs of discord between, say, a woman and her ex, and I get a barrage of negative information designed to paint the ex as (ad infinitum/ad nauseum), that generally tells me her "pickers" off, meaning her decision making is skewed, and she then resorts to demeaning comments towards her ex (whatever) when it's finally run its course. Things have a way of repeating over time so when I get certain telltale signs, it's time to bail because if things go south, she'll be saying the same stuff about you when/if it does come to an end. | |
|
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 12:11:37 PM | | OK so how many emails to you should you figure they should try to set a date to meet, you know people dont want to seam to be rushing you so it helps if people have an idea when to set it up, is 5 emails or 20 emails or more, some will say 5 others say 10 some might say more so how are we to know. I figure if you want to meet some one say cause you women are so fickle and thier is no way we will ever be able to figure you out. | |
|
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 12:22:56 PM | | I usally say something in my emails that sends them running. But thats the process of weading them out, and then agin I have wierd personality and there for I too will only settle for that one person whom is a match! | |
|
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 12:26:31 PM |
For the other men and women that just "disappear" from communications, I'd love to see what your reasons are and if you have a pattern to yours as well. Maybe if the people that have done it share it in a non negative light this might help give some insight to all the others before that have said "why me?".
Dating is a numbers game. More often than not, it's not going to work out for you. Life is short, time is precious, if you realize it's time to cut bait, cut it early.
I can't speak for all men, but I can speak for myself. As you get older, you start to recognize clear "red flags" that you know are open deal breakers The way someone talks about their exes. The way they ask you questions or answer questions. The way some people are making sure that you have to prove that you are "not like the last jerk off" The way some people ask you about your financial status and career. The details from their lives to make you approve of or question their basic judgment and common sense.
Here are some examples -
- If a woman had a bad breakup and constantly trashes her ex and takes no culpability for her part in the relationship, that's a big red flag.
- If a woman grew up with no father or a very distant and conflicted relationship with him, that's a big red flag. (I understand people can't control who they are born to, but it's often a major factor in how you are treated as a male in the relationship)
- If the woman has multiple children from multiple fathers, that's a big red flag.
- If a woman has stayed in a clearly abusive relationship for an extended period of time, that's a big red flag.
- If a woman has a history of substance abuse, that's a big red flag.
- If a woman is unrealistic about what she wants in a partner and what she has to offer in exchange, that's a big red flag.
- If a woman is near the age of 35 and desperately wants children, that's a big red flag. (I.E. she will often pressure you, use sex as a weapon for control and demand commitment quickly)
Etc, etc, etc.
Not all of this information comes out upfront or quickly. But once you see enough red flags, you have to ask yourself if it's time to walk away from the situation.
You also have to remember that men and women deal with rejection very differently. Men are used to being rejected but not used to giving rejection. They are also conditioned to be withdrawn and express themselves with actions instead of words. Women are used to giving rejection but not used to getting it. They are conditioned to talk and talk and talk and talk and talk some damn more about everything and words/emotions often mean more to them than sheer actions. I would say this dynamic is a big reason why women take rejection so poorly (men don't know how to do it well, women don't take it well as they are not used to it) and all it takes is some red flag that the woman will twitch on you regarding rejection for the guy to walk outright.
Life is short. If you get cut off, there's no point in asking why. Just move on and keep grinding because it is a numbers game. Time spent pining is time wasted because the only truth of being cut off is the other person is not interested anymore. Who cares why?
I think everyone would be served best by understanding what their red flag issues are and trying to minimize their impact in the critical first few contacts. | |
|
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 12:45:50 PM |
Men are used to being rejected but not used to giving rejection. Women are used to giving rejection but not used to getting it.
Aw come on Ultimate Surgeon, I know you don't mean to generalize..but, sheesh, I really think both genders reject and get rejected. You seem to always be referring to a certain kind of woman with these statements, who I believe is in the minority. I don't keep track, but, I'm willing to bet, in my case, that it's lopsided to the side of being rejected, or even , depending on what you call rejection. If you mean just saying no to an offer for a date or sex, yea, maybe women do that more, but, that's because they are asked more. And rejection , at least for me, is really hard to do too. Since I'm in the "average" majority, I'm guessing more people are like me.
People are people. Some traits transcend gender issues.
Manerider..oops...silly me..that was what I was doing wrong?...teehee | |
|
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 1:01:22 PM | If a real interest hasn't developed then why bother wasting anymore of either persons time.
Cut your losses and don't look back. | |
|
| Why did they stop emailing me?
Posted: 10/28/2007 2:43:45 PM | | Hi, I think that their can be alot of reasons why people stop e-mailing each other. I do not neccessarily agree with your point that the one that starts the intial interest should be the one that asks the other on a date. I think if that if people are getting on well with each other does it really matter who asks who on a date. This then begs the question that if a man contacts you do you expect him to ask you on a date? Also sometimes people want to e-mail/chat for a while and get to know them better before meeting them. Surely this is better than someone who seems desparate by asking you out too early which puts you off? | |
|
Home
login 
