| How important are your spiritual beliefs in your search for a mate?
Posted: 10/28/2007 7:50:00 PM | I was having a discussion with a friend of mine a few months ago about spiritual and religious beliefs, and how they relate to your search for a life partner. He maintained that as we get older, we get more set in our ways, and because our spiritual beliefs and values go to the core of who we are, then these beliefs become more important with time. I argued that as long as your partner respects your beliefs, it should not be an issue..... but since then, I am beginning to wonder if maybe he had it right.
What is your take on this..... does it matter to you? ...... or is it good as long as they respect your beliefs? | |
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| How important are your spiritual beliefs in your search for a mate?
Posted: 10/28/2007 8:08:54 PM | I belive that spiritual belief compatability is quite important . How would I get along with someone that thought my beliefs were silly , or not real , or doing the devils work . Thats just not going to happen .
Well , thats what I think anyway . | |
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| How important are your spiritual beliefs in your search for a mate?
Posted: 10/28/2007 9:54:52 PM | | Wow! I've never responded to these questions but...this time...I just feel led to share. From my own personal experience and relationship with the Lord...I would strongly suggest finding a partner who is "on the same page" with you spiritually. They call it being "equally yoked". It is HUGE! I was married 20 yrs. and we were not equally yoked and you see where I am now. Just imagine raising children when one parent is reading devotions every day and trying to teach little ones about the Lord, values, morals etc. and the other parent has no part and is not even supportive of what you're trying to teach them. Also, the other parent could be doing things that go against what you believe should be done due to your morals, values and spiritual beliefs. Just imagine how complicated and difficult this can be. It usually leads to resentment or the two people putting more and more distance between them. How can a relationship last like that? Didn't mean to go on and on so much ... but ... I've been there and I feel it's huge to find a partner that has the same beliefs. If there is any way I could help one person understand the importance of this "issue" and save them one day of heartache...then I'd feel my negative life experience in this area had brought some positive "aftermath". Good luck and God Bless! | |
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| How important are your spiritual beliefs in your search for a mate?
Posted: 10/28/2007 10:34:42 PM | More important than many other factors... it is one of the first considerations for me...
As some others have said, it isn't possible to find someone with the exact same beliefs, and even if you could, how boring!
But at the same time I require someone who is at least on the same page... otherwise it really just wouldn't work for me....
And I agree OP that this changes as you age, at least... it certainly has for me.. | |
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| How important are your spiritual beliefs in your search for a mate?
Posted: 10/29/2007 1:26:14 AM | godddesss13,
For me the issue is 'somewhat important', but nearly pushes into the arena of 'very important'. There are theoretical considerations, but... for me, it was the practical lessons that drove the matter home. I had dated a Wiccan lady some years ago. As a person I thought she was quite delightful (obviously, since I decided to date her), but she eventually proved incapable of reconciling the differences between our convictions. I showed interest in her convictions by studying Wicca at length, its beliefs, rituals, and history, and asking her questions about her unique interpretation of Wicca (as a solitary practitioner). She showed precisely zero interest in my convictions, never bothering to understand me in light of them, its effect and influence on my life as a whole. I felt that was unfair but, in the grand scheme of things, acceptable. But ultimately it was more than just a disinterest on her part; she overtly disrespected my spiritual beliefs and completely failed to appreciate how integral it was to my very identity, which was demonstrated very clearly one fateful day. As we sat on the couch talking one afternoon, she noticed a black book sitting face down on the back of the couch. Curious about what it was, she picked it up and glanced at the cover, which said "Holy Bible." She made a face and a noise of disgust and dropped it back down, wiping her hand off. The relationship did not survive.
So obviously there needs to be a mutual respect between two parties with differing spiritual beliefs (or if one has no spiritual beliefs), but that only really works if the two people are merely dating. I think this is where the issue becomes more poignant and relevant, which might make sense of the realization you are coming to. When the relationship goes beyond mere dating, when it transcends into a domestic covenant—whether marriage or common-law partnership—a mutual respect for each other's spiritual beliefs is no longer sufficient. When a relationship acquires substantial depth, one begins to desire more than just respect; one desires to be understood and to have harmony. And as monica1215 pointed out, raising a family brings the issue to a salient point, elevating the desire for understanding and harmony to a pronounced need—especially where values and morals are concerned. A pagan and an atheist might inherently agree already on values and morals, but the views of a pagan and a Christian are antithetical on that issue.
When it comes to dating, mutual respect is required. When it comes to a domestic covenant, something more substantial than mutual respect is desired. And when it comes to raising a family, that understanding and harmony goes from being desired to being needed. | |
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| How important are your spiritual beliefs in your search for a mate?
Posted: 10/29/2007 4:19:22 AM | As many of you have pointed out, it is an important consideration for a relationship to develop..... and for me personally, raising children in similar faiths is not the issue, as mine are all teenagers now. I guess it is more about a level of understanding than anything. I couldn't see myself with someone who had no belief in a Divine power of some kind, as my spiritual beliefs are so central to who I am. Following that logic, then it would have to be someone who had a pretty strong belief.... which may very well end up making belief systems a source of conflict then.
Ryft - like you, I have dated people who were not of the same belief system... and it has inevitably become an issue as the relationship deepened. I once dated a man who was quite negative... and he never really understood how that conflicted with my beliefs. I believe that "what goes around, comes around".... in every way you can fathom that phrase to be understood. So, his negative attitude bred more negativity.... and was bringing me down.... and as much as I tried to help him understand, it became a source of conflict until I finally gave up and ended the relationship.
While I don't think I would want to be with someone with identical beliefs, I am thinking similar beliefs is a must - respecting each other's beliefs is not sufficient as a relationship deepens. | |
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| How important are your spiritual beliefs in your search for a mate?
Posted: 10/29/2007 4:57:47 AM | I would say religion is almost irrelevant when it comes to being in love. If your relationship has no Love, active on all quantum color levels then its doomed to spiral within polarized black n white language wars.
Here I feel it is impossible to understand a Divine source of Love in the universes without the parallel consciousness factors of Light, Purity, and Mercy, Deeds and others.
Here the 8 fold path of Buddha can be seen unfolding the higher colorings of super-nature as a garment or Flower of Life as love pulsates rays of Light in all directions as an extension and foundation for the fabric of Beauty. | |
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| How important are your spiritual beliefs in your search for a mate?
Posted: 10/29/2007 2:54:36 PM | I would say religion is almost irrelevant when it comes to being in love. If your relationship has no Love, ..........
PeaceLover...... you have taken the original question far beyond where it was originally. You are talking of people who have already fallen in love.... people who are already in a relationship......not someone still searching for it. If two people do not have enough common interests to get to the level of love, or to even entertain being in a relationship with that person, because their spiritual beliefs are poles apart, of course it is relevant to being in love. As for the rest of your post..... that is what I find irrelevant to the original subject at hand. | |
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| How important are your spiritual beliefs in your search for a mate?
Posted: 10/29/2007 4:46:06 PM | Extremely important. At least assuming that I decide there will be another mate other than the occasional houseguest. I'm am leaving my second marriage for many of the same reasons I left my first. I married both women only after discussing our religious persuasions and clearly understanding each others. Mine has never varied. To this day I still do not think that the human mind can know one way or the other of the existence of god. The sciences offer far more plausible explanations of the universe and whatnot as far as I'm concerned. In both cases my soon to be wives each convinced me that religion was of little or no concern or importance in thier lives. Indeed, after discussing the issues of god and the universe and science and similar things, both expressed an even further drifting from their religious dogma having gotten to know me. I was not trying to convince them of anything. I was simply sharing with them my thought process and listening as they shared with me thiers.
At some point in both marraiges, however, each was "saved" by Jesus. Thier words in each case, not mine. From that point on, conflicts would arise on many issues that we each would approach from differing mindsets. Without going into details, suffice it to say that we grew further and further apart as we dealt with everyday life issues until at some point the distance grew too far for a the relationship to continue. I'm not saying that it was solely thier newfound beliefs and my skepticism that caused this drift, but there is little doubt in my mind that had we both been of the same religious persuasion, either way, we would have better fought our way through the troubles that all marraiges encounter at one time or another.
So I am again about to find myself a bachelor. I'm actually thrilled with the prospect because having been privileged to know and love both of these fine women and raised children with one and knowing little other than married life since way to young an age, I now am looking forward to discovering exactly who I am and what it is that I want and can offer the next fabulous woman that may or may not come along. She will be a humanist like myself and have been for many years. We will both go through life following the phylosophy of humanism together. Could this union fail as well? Of course. But at least we'll be addressing the challenges that we must overcome using the same mindset.
For those who are curious about the term Humanism, I paste the following brief excerpt from the Institute of Humanism Studies website:
Humanism is a philosophy of life inspired by humanity and guided by reason. It provides the basis for a fulfilling and ethical life without religion.
Humanists make sense of the world using reason, experience and shared human values.
Humanists see no convincing evidence for gods, the supernatural, or life after death.
Humanists believe that moral values are properly founded on human empathy and scientific understanding.
Humanists believe we must live this life on the basis that it is the only life we'll have -- that, therefore, we must make the most of it for ourselves, each other, and our world.
Humanist philosophies have arisen separately in many different cultures over many thousands of years. Whether or not they use the term humanism, tens of millions of Americans and hundreds of millions of people around the world agree with the humanist philosophy of living a happy and productive life based on reason and compassion. | |
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| How important are your spiritual beliefs in your search for a mate?
Posted: 10/29/2007 5:15:13 PM | Extremely important- been there and done that with the atheists, agnostics, and those of different faiths. There is always something missing when things get serious. Religious differences ruined one of the best relationships I have ever had.
When it comes time to get married again, it will only be to an LDS lady. | |
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| How important are your spiritual beliefs in your search for a mate?
Posted: 10/29/2007 7:26:18 PM | | ^^^ what do you define as a "dark path" yna6? And... what about the faiths where "spreading the word" is part of their belief system? I personally am very offended by that .... it is like being told that their beliefs are better than mine.... and to me personally, that just doesn't work. | |
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| How important are your spiritual beliefs in your search for a mate?
Posted: 10/29/2007 8:30:28 PM | My spiritual beliefs are me. I am my spiritual beliefs.
There is no difference, so in the search for a mate, they are very important. The person I choose does not have to follow the same path as me (the path I choose is not have a large following so I do not expect to find one who does and neither do I seek to convert to my path) but they do have to have an open mind, a willingness to understand that I chose my own path and will not change it for someone else, and an ability to accept that.
If those three things cannot be given, then that person is not ever going to make it as a mate to me. I do not think that is asking for too much. If I am willing to accept someone else's belief that is different from my own, then it is only fair and right to expect the same in return. | |
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| How important are your spiritual beliefs in your search for a mate?
Posted: 10/29/2007 8:52:43 PM | I find sharing the experience of worshipping the Trinitarian God one I can not omit from my "must-haves" list. I even have recently received a sweet pm from an atheist who acknowledged I seemed "sweet and all" but "he is an atheist". I replied in same (but yeah, I am a born-again Christian).
When you are at peace in your heart worshipping God, it is precious and you want to be able to share this with the person you end up with. Praying together is the ultimate thrill for me (outside romance) with a dude.
I feel sometimes I can't wait for that special guy, but yet I can. Because the magic will fall from the clouds.  | |
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| How important are your spiritual beliefs in your search for a mate?
Posted: 10/30/2007 4:58:19 PM | I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Mostly cos I've taken myself out of the game. I feel that I must qualify that which I desire before I can honestly "look".
Until quite recently, given my dismal track record, lol, I figured that this life was the one where I pay back.
But that line of thought has changed, thank the almighty Creator. I trust that I will be given the opportunity to meet a partner of like mind, despite the overwhelming, astronomical death defying odds presented to me.
Really, all I want is someone with an open mind and heart: I don't care what denomination he subscribes to.....
But I'm gonna wait til after Xmas. Got too much to do, lol lol. 
Cheers! Raven | |
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| How important are your spiritual beliefs in your search for a mate?
Posted: 10/30/2007 5:10:36 PM | | 2 Cor.6:14 admonishes Christians to not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. I think the Scripture is very clear. I also believe as I stated in a previous post that Christians should not have too many close personal or intimate dealings with nonbelievers. I think there is too much potential for conflict of interests and possible compromising of faith. JMO. | |
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| How important are your spiritual beliefs in your search for a mate?
Posted: 10/30/2007 5:23:51 PM | | Hmmmm......someone help me with this... is that ^^^ a record - 21 posts in a thread before we had a scripture quote? @sayalla.... so now we know what the scriptures say.... but what are your own PERSONAL thoughts and/or feelings on the matter? | |
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| How important are your spiritual beliefs in your search for a mate?
Posted: 10/30/2007 5:33:11 PM | Wow.. that was a slap in the face...
And yet they are suppose to minister to us to bring us into the flock. Wonder how one does that without spending time around us. Stand on a building and use a bullhorn to tell us how wrong we are?
Wait...
They do do that at times. | |
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| How important are your spiritual beliefs in your search for a mate?
Posted: 10/31/2007 4:50:01 AM | | It is one of the first things I consider about a man. I have only dated someone outside of my beleifs one time and I learned first hand the problems it causes in a relationship. Its very uncomfortable to feel asthough you can't talk about what you beleive because you might offend the person, or that they will just "Agree to disagree" is equally as frustrating to me. Also as another member said, if you do end up staying with said person and have children, there stems an entire new issue. | |
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| How important are your spiritual beliefs in your search for a mate?
Posted: 11/1/2007 6:15:25 PM | goddess-I did state my personal belief, "I also believe as I stated in a previous post that Christians should not have too many close personal or intimate dealings with nonbelievers. I think there is too much potential for conflict of interests and possible compromising of faith. JMO."
EDIT: to freya: as far as ministering to non believers, there are many ways to share your faith and spread the Gospel without keeping too close company. And by too close company I mean, starting and running a business, having an intimate boyfriend/girlfriend, a mentor type relationship. As I said before, these type relationships have to much potential for disagreement and possible compromise of faith in order to keep the relationship going. | |
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