| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 11:31:23 AM | OK - so about 1/2 hour ago, a man from my area sends me an instant message. We begin to talk, and after about 2 minutes, he asks for my phone number.
Now maybe I'm old-fashioned, or maybe I'm paranoid, but I'm not about giving my phone number out 2 minutes into the first instant message conversation. I know nothing about this man except this two minute conversation and his profile. I mean, if I wanted to use that little discretion, I'd just post the number ON my profile.
So I explain to him that I'm uncomfortable giving out my phone number until we've gotten to know each other a little more. With all the technological advancements we've made, you need someone's phone number about 30 seconds before you can have their name, address, and where their children go to school - and about 2 minutes before you have their social security number. I'd at least like to know what town you live in, where you work, and how you like your steak before I'm providing you with a direct Mapquest route to my home. Keep in mind, HE contacted ME first.
Instead of being sensitive to my discomfort, he spent ten minutes ARGUING with me about it - telling me he didn't want to have to go all the way to the library every time he wanted to talk to me. OK, so closed and blocked - and that problem's solved.
But MEN - here's my question...would you want your daughters, or your sisters, giving out their phone numbers to someone they met on the internet within seconds? And WOMEN, am I being too paranoid?
All responses welcome. | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 11:39:09 AM | I am surprised you even need to ask this question. Go with your good conscience and move on. Any decent person would not expect you to give out that information just from a short chat on line. In fact meeting them in person a few times via arrangements thru email is also best before numbers are exchanged.
Its not rocket science here..sheesh what a loser he was to even bother trying to argue the point..it was moot after all..and its his problem that he does not have a computer at home, not yours...
CC | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 11:42:05 AM | | I prefer voice chat on MSN or Yahoo anyhow.... more anonymous and less of a pain.... | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 11:42:25 AM | | You are being paranoid. Your phone number does not give much personal information even if the person pays to have a reverse lookup. If its a cell phone its even more secure as cell companies wont release name and address information. In truth depending on your chat method you are using, if you are really conserned, your IP address is just as personal as your phone number. | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 11:42:35 AM | I personally wouldn't have waited through the 10 minutes of arguing. The minute he gave me a hard time he would get blocked.
I had a similar situation where a gentleman got huffy in a chat because after one time of chatting he got offended that I said I might not necessarily hug him on the first date. I was called a prude among other things....I dropped him like a hot potato. | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 11:44:51 AM | You did the right thing. I am just as cautious as you are and so are a lot of men.
Kudos to you for blocking him. | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 11:45:28 AM | You arent being parinoid at all.
I think this case is a bit unusual....You also mention the guy didint want to "go all the way to the library every time he wanted to talk to me" So I take it he doesnt even have a PC. Kinda odd.
Give your phone number when you want, and to whom you want. If they dont accept that, move on. | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 11:48:39 AM |
You are being paranoid. Your phone number does not give much personal information even if the person pays to have a reverse lookup.
If its a listed number it can. I can google it and then I have a name. I dont have to pay. I can then take that name and if I have an age find out quite a bit about someone. I wont post how and what here, but it can be done, and for free if the person has time on their hands. | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 11:55:49 AM | Oh someone can't find out where you live with just a phone number, better think again. I've had it happen to me. Learned from my mistake.
And no I wouldn't give out my number within the first several emails or IMs. You did the right thing. I agree with the other poster why did you listen to 10 minutes of arguing. I would have disconnected and deleted within 30 seconds.
Everyone should always stand their ground with what feels right for them. | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 12:01:02 PM | Instead of being sensitive to my discomfort, he spent ten minutes ARGUING with me about it - telling me he didn't want to have to go all the way to the library every time he wanted to talk to me. OK, so closed and blocked - and that problem's solved.
Did you know he was using a library computer before you refused his request ?
If he was telling the truth, I think his request was reasonable. See if you like running to the library to use the internet or running to a payphone when you need to make a phone call.
They have low cost pay as you go phones out there. You can give those numbers out and nobody will be able to trace you. | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 12:13:27 PM | | Again if you send me an IM I can get your address far easier than if you have an unlisted phone number. Who uses listed numbers anymore? Anyone with a listed number really is not concerned for their privacy. | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 12:15:36 PM | Maybe I'm the only one with this mindframe........BUTTTT....um...the man is sitting in a library on a computer for a dating site? Does said man not have his own computer? Computers are not that expensive anymore.....so why does he need to be using a public one?
Either he is married....a serial (something or other)......or very broke.....! Any of the three....are not usually considered prime dating material....lol.
Be glad you were wise enough not to give the number....sounds suspicious to me. | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 12:19:31 PM | Well, don't get too upset because it's going to happen again. You did the right thing but I do not think you were at risk, just you didn't feel comfortable talking to him quite yet and that's okay and he should have respected it. Although, it's pretty near impossible to locate someone if you just have their cell number. It's only the house phone that can sometimes be traced.
Thing is, if a guy asks enough women for phone numbers or even sex, Eventually, he is going to find one that does want to. Of course, she only wants to because she is pissed off at her husband or boyfriend but he doesn't know that and walks away with his chest all puffed up like he's a super stud.
By far, most women want some kind of mental and emotional connection along with the physical attraction. Unfortunately, men act more on physical attraction and that's enough. By the time the guy's "get it", well.... they look like a million dollars (all green and wrinkled)  | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 12:20:40 PM | Idareu computers may not be that expensive anymore but that does not mean everyone can still afford one. Just because he uses a public comp does NOT mean he is married or taken. Now i think YOU may be a little paranoid.
Also what is wrong with dating a guy who is broke? As long as he's not after your money what's the problem? Unless you're only interested in a guys bank balance. | |
|
daisie
|
Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 15 | |
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 12:22:31 PM | hellllllllllllllllllllllllllllooooooooooooooooooooooo
its not paranoid to keep it private. its common sense.
and if ya have any doubt aobut WHY it should be kept private then guys like that (the one hwo IMd the OP) are all the proof you need.
im curious why you need to discuss this. its COMMON KNOWLEDGE there are many developmentally disabled, people who refuse to take their medication, or who never got it at all, emotionally imbalanced people, hateful, crazed, jealous people alll over planet earth. OBVIOUSLY they are in this pond too. so big whoopdie-doo...you juts met one. ok big surprise. those people dont need any explanation or further thought from you really. just say NO and stop talking to him. you cannot reason with cRaZiEs!!
but i still wish them
merry xmas
BTW always remember: STRANGERS are not entitled to JACK SHIT. and they got NO input in the matter. so they can shut the ef up. | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 12:24:57 PM | Pilot,
While I certainly understand your point (reverse lookup only works with listed numbers, etc.), you are basing your comments on the assumption that the person you're talking to is an upstanding and ethical human being with no ulterior motives.
Those that prey on vulnerable individuals (internet stalkers, pedophiles, serial killers, etc.) that are technologically savvy CAN get your name, address, employer, home phone number, etc. from a cell phone number. There are several hacking programs that allow you to do these things. The same types of programs that provide all this information to the police when trying to CATCH criminals are available on the black market to those who ARE criminals. And I'm sorry, but a 2 minute instant message conversation using the free IM service of POF does not provide me with enough of a safety buffer to release that information.
I realize you can never truly trust anyone initially - either via the internet or in real life - but I try to make it a practice to use the same safety principles I teach my children - for the same reasons - to protect safety.
Had he accepted my discomfort and been sensitive to it, asking for an IM or off-site email address, I may have relented. In fact, I have refused my phone number before and been told "then why don't you call ME? You can block your number and call me." Even that would have been acceptable. The fact that he offered none of those options solidified my belief that I acted wisely. | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 12:26:46 PM | Warmth & Passion -
Thanks for your reply - you are mistaken about the cell phone not being traceable, though...instead of being redundant, please see my reply above to pilot.
And have a great day!! | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 12:28:00 PM | mizzi,
I have no issue whatsoever with the guy using a library computer. His may have been broken - he may not own one. His ex might have gotten it in the divorce. Maybe it crashed. Maybe he doesn't want his kids to see him on a dating site.
And I couldn't care less how much money a man has - or doesn't have. And that's the God's honest truth. | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 12:29:08 PM | I think you did the right thing..
I too refuse to give out any personal information until several emails are exchanged, then a couple phone conversations, then I might be inclinded to meet you in a public place for ice cream or coffee.. Sorry those are my rules, any one who thinks I am a B**** then need not contact me more than once.. Then again when I explain this, I also ask them if they would really want to contact someone who gave their number out to everyone who asked, or met everyone that asked.. They seem to understand when put that way. Also the way I see it, I didnt' know them five minutes ago and I can probably survive if I don't them five minutes from now.. | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 12:30:18 PM | ^^^
Not disagreeing with you....
I would never advise anyone to go against their gut feelings. If your chat was confined to here its pretty secure. IPs are logged but only viewable by the admins, you are not in any kind of real traceable contact with another party. Yahoo or MSN however.....you may as well have given a tech savy person your name, address and phone number. Guess I had thought you had chatted outside the message system here for some reason.
Nevermind, baseless concern
 | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 12:43:47 PM |
Again if you send me an IM I can get your address far easier than if you have an unlisted phone number. Who uses listed numbers anymore? Anyone with a listed number really is not concerned for their privacy
I have found phone book "unlisted" numbers online before. Free of charge too. Again I wont go into detail here.
Look, this guy should have respected her wishes. What did he do? Argue for 10 mins.
And sorry, I still find it a bit odd he was on a Library PC...And could only communicate on one. | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 12:46:12 PM | I really do believe that the news media has made people paranoid by telling of obscure bad things that happen and making it seem like it's common place. Sex stories increase ratings so they do a lot of them. The odds of getting a nut are tiny even in New Jersey. So, my only point was that you did the right thing because he was being too pushy - not so much out of personal safety. If you had given him your number, you probably would have had no more then a phone call.
I agree with many on here that he was not that great to begin with if he could not afford a PC. That was topped off by him not respecting your comfort zone. | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 12:47:07 PM | Good land you guys...
Are people so bored that they feel the need to pounce on someone that is actually in shock?
I am going to guess that Ms honest is like a lot of us middle aged women, trained to be polite to people...Sometimes that goes to a fault. Therefore we find ourselves in a situation where we have no polite way to get out of the situations.
Ms Honest, you do have good technical thinking... Apparently others aren't aware how easy it is for serial freaks to obtain information that the rest of the world so blindly think is not a problem.
One time I had a pic posted where a street sign was in the background, but blurry enough to not be readable... Some freak sent me an E stating he wished he could read the sign so he'd know where I lived... YIKES!
In the internet dating world, if you are new to this you will come across ALL KINDS, generally a lot of the scary ones are just basic harmless weirdo's...
However DareU brought up a really good point, someone that is going to the library to find someone has a reason.
Ms Honest, trust your instincts, if he is going to hassle you, tell them, "oh, got to go"...Then block em...
And sorry that people feel the need to pounce on you... It just seems senseless to be so mean.... | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 12:52:04 PM | | no and no. i wouldn't expect from someone i happened to meet on the street, or online. and arguing about it, instead of accepting it, is just plain rude. | |
|
| OK - I'm a bit flabbergasted
Posted: 11/1/2007 12:55:03 PM | This is totally off topic Mizzi....but no...it's not the matter of my being after his money or money hungry or caring about the bank account. It's about being with someone that can't afford something as common as a computer.....but yet has the need to go on a dating site....it just seems odd.
Anywayyyy....I don't think it's paranoid to not want to give a stranger my number. Especially one sitting in a library, on a public computer ...that anyone with some talent can access........
No matter what his reasons are for using the public library computer in the first place..
Sorry...edited for spelling | |
|
Home
login 
