| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 7:58:18 PM | Being too sensitive? 
Just wondering if any of you might offer some opinions on this one....
I’ve been dating a guy for about 6 weeks....we see each other twice a week. We have been getting on pretty well generally but there have been a few times when I’ve felt judged/picked on and a little humiliated....
One instance of this is when we were at the pub for dinner last night......we were at the bar and I commented on how reasonable the price of the beers were. He asked me how much they were and I gave him the total price, eg $7.40...he then asked me how much they were per beer. Because I usually rely on a calculator for stuff like this, I came up with a slightly wrong amount. He mockingly laughed at me, saying, “My God, your maths is terrible.....” , while also announcing this to the bar staff.
I didn’t say anything about being annoyed at this at the time....I just turned my back and ignored him while he had a bit of a s.
Then later, when we were having dinner, he mentioned a couple of his friends who he considered to be pretty stupid because they couldn’t identify some certain countries on a world map. I replied that some people might not be as “highly intelligent” as him, in a slightly sarcastic tone. He then proceeded to ask me if I could identify India on a map (of coarse if the map was unmarked)....I said, “Probably not”.....he was genuinely shocked at my ignorance. I defended myself by saying that even though I might not be a geography wizz like himself, I did have other knowledge that he may not have.
As this all set a tense mood for the rest of the night, I pretty much clammed up from then on as I didn’t want to be critisized and picked-apart for any comment that I made.
Apart from last night, there have been a few other incidents where he’s wanted to test me on some mathematical problems on the spot (I admit that I am a bookkeeper but I am so used to using a calculator that I can’t always work out an answer on the spot in my head). If I don’t get the answer quick enough or shock-horror, incorrectly, he laughs.
What it boils down to is that he is making me question my intelligence and giving me a feeling of inferiority.
I hope this dosn’t sound too ridiculous and trivial. Basically, my question is, am I being too sensitive or is he being a bit of a bully and a know-all arsehole?
Thanks...
 | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 8:05:43 PM | OP,
You are not being too sensitive. I have a feeling he may have slapped that label on you.
One of the tricks verbal abusers use is to try to convince you that you are too sensitive. Anytime someone undercuts your intelligence, it is abuse. Get out now!! | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 8:07:41 PM | | He's insecure and trying to make himself feel better by putting you down. I would expect the relationship to always be that way. I wouldn't want to be on the receiving side of those degrading comments. But to each his or her own! | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 8:08:08 PM | This guy sounds as if he tries to build his self-esteem at the expense of others. What is his honest assessment of you? Does he think you are intelligent ( even without the ablity to locate India on an unmarked map) ? Or does he think that you are "so stupid" because your knowledge does not match his knowledge?
Sounds like an arse to me.  | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 8:12:56 PM | | OP, Do you want someone who is your equal and will treat you as such, even though you don't have the same knowledge in the same areas? If you don't mind being treated slightly, or more, inferior, than let it go. Obviously, it does bother you so either make a point of it or find another fish. | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 8:17:44 PM | | I would say,dump the sucker for being a complete arse and being ignorant to you !!!!! | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 8:18:57 PM | Being sensitive is a good sign when dating cuz you never know what that person will be like in 6 weeks from now so I feel you be whatever you feel like being. You don't need to justify yourself to this person or any person. Are you still seeing this guy? BTW, you only have been with him 10 times and out of these 10 times has he been like this all the time if so, Red Flag... | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 8:20:34 PM | | You said it - "he is being a...bully and a know-all arsehole", verbally abusive. He's making snide remarks and insulting you in the early stages of a relationship, when he should be trying to make you feel comfortable and win you over. Don't take a chance because this could only be the tip of the iceberg. | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 8:26:23 PM | Just cause you don't gel on everything doesn't make you stupid.
Hey your a women which means hmmmmmmmmm STRONG multi-tasking skills so there's an advantage.
Ask him what's up with the COMPETITION? Ask him why he is your friend. Is he truly intrested in you as a person or what his story is. Is he more concerned with what other strangers think, or does he treat all his friends like crap?
Oh and another thing having a University degree doesn't make a person better either. A person can have all kinds of degrees and certificates and diplomas flying out their arse, it doesn't mean anything. Some have student loan debts so high they are screwed during their youthful years.
It doesn't matter how much money a person makes for a living, or the family they come from......what matters is INTEGRITY, COMPASSION, having a HEART and learning from past experiences and mistakes. If a person can't look at their own flaws and what not, then CHANGE is difficult.
Tell him his sh*t prolly stinks just as bad as everyone else's. | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 8:27:10 PM |
This guy sounds as if he tries to build his self-esteem at the expense of others.
Yep.
The first incident could have been written off.... but when it keeps happening and you see a pattern, you should just come out and say something.
Sounds like he likes having a kickable sidekick around. Next time he lifts his leg to kick, move out the way and let him fall on his ass. (get up and leave and say "y'know.. i don't need to put up with this shit... goodbye!")
 | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 8:33:49 PM | | Einstein once said he didn't bother to memorize anything he could look up. Next time you get such judgements you can leave with the comment--"Well, your no Einstein"--and be true in more ways than he'll ever understand. | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 8:36:18 PM | OP:
Its not that you are too sensitive, its that this fellow is too insensitive. Your feelings are correct--trust them. Why not call him on this behavior and tell him the effect it has on you (for your sake, not his)?
There is a good saying that goes: when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. As others here have said, it seems he enjoys/looks for ways to knock you down.
I say tell him to cut the crap or get lost. | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 8:42:49 PM | OP. I don't believe you are being too sensitive. I think he is trying to build his own self esteem by trying to make you look stupid, I think you can do better than him, he will likely never change until someone knocks him down a time or two.
Move on sweetie. | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 8:46:58 PM | | Girl!! It is NOT you!! RED FLAGS!!! ALL OVER THE PLACE!!! RUN LIKE THE WIND!!! NOW!!! RUN!!! | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 8:57:09 PM | Nope not at all. Think he is being a CLOD who tries to make him self look good at
the expense of others. Return him to the dating pool ASAP   | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 8:58:46 PM | | It's not you, but for some reason or the other, he really is trying to knock you down. It doesn't matter if he's conscious of it or not, he's doing it for a reason. You could call him on it, or just turn your back and walk away. Either way - you need to do something so you don't go thru this senseless abuse. | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 9:03:03 PM | Personally, I would have a hard time dating someone that couldn't identify India, which has almost a billion people and a rather easily-identified shape on a map (it's not called the "sub-continent" for nothing). But then again, I would already suspect that level of knowledge in a prospective date, and never would would I make another (purposely) feel inadequate in such a regard.
We all have strengths and weaknesses; surely one of the joys of dating is finding another of the same intellectual capacity, and then complementing each other?
Of course, there is no defense for pettiness! | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 9:15:30 PM | Heck no, I don't think that your being too sensitive.
When a man is out on the town or in private with his gal; there should never be ANY put downs. Teasing is one thing, but come on this guy by the sounds if it has issues with self-control and discipline.
It is fine of you to withdraw considering he was being disrespectful. You've only been going for six weeks, still pretty new and I hope that your not excusing his behavior too much!
This is something that should be confronted, if he changes for good, great! But any more red flags so early on are deal breakers.
If it continues, send him packing so he can mess up some gals life. | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 9:16:17 PM | | Hi: Nope it is not you at all !!! Dump the jurk !! He is only going to get worse!!! It is that kind that gives us sensitive guts a bad name!!!!! I have been told I am to sensitive. Meaning I am to sensitive to others and it scares them away !!! So do what is right for you!!! I would dump his butt though if it were me!! Good luck in your search!! | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 9:19:29 PM |
(it's not called the "sub-continent" for nothing)
I don't get that comment... Do you mean it's supposed to look like a submarine? Because to me, it's shaped like something you shove into the top of a decanter.
OP, don't worry about the math - you know that you have an educational background in it. You know you're not illiterate. If you are worried you can't identify the countries/nations on a globe, why not google one, then for your own peace of mind, you'll know that you can indeed find India and Czechoslavakia if some smart ass ever calls you on it again. | |
|
| |
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 9:34:20 PM |
What it boils down to is that he is making me question my intelligence and giving me a feeling of inferiority.
I hope this dosn’t sound too ridiculous and trivial. Basically, my question is, am I being too sensitive or is he being a bit of a bully and a know-all arsehole? Calling him a know-it-all-arsehole is being way too kind in my opinion.
There is a big difference between friendly jabs, saying things in jest and what he is doing, he is going way past those. Random mathematical testing, geography quizzes? How much longer are you going to put up with is infantile badgering and utterly pointless quizzes? He doesn't need a girlfriend, he needs a student. | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 9:35:36 PM | Get rid of him pronto!! Things will only get worse the longer you take his crap.
Obviously being with him is not making you happy so what's the point in allowing the creep to insult you?? | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 9:36:11 PM | "I don't get that comment... Do you mean it's supposed to look like a submarine? Because to me, it's shaped like something you shove into the top of a decanter." I am biting my tongue to keep myself from posting something for which I may get banned.
OP...Dump this guy. Plain and simple. I don't need to go into the reasons why. Everyone else has.
Good luck... | |
|
| Too Sensitive?
Posted: 11/3/2007 9:49:24 PM | You, my friend, are NOT too sensitive, he is insensitive, verbally and emotionally abusive , and you, are worth more than that .
I went through that with my EX-husband and I know very well the feelings of unasurity about who you are and what you know or may not know.
Don't allow him the right to make you second guess yourself. You are capable of breathing and a heartbeat therefore you have earned the title of "human being".
Believe in yourself!!!
You are a child of God!!!
You are somebody special because God didn't make junk!!! | |
|
Home
login 
