| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/9/2007 6:36:33 PM | I've been divorced since July 2006 and prior that I was separated from Aug 2004 til my divorce was finalized.
How in the world am I going to get my parents to accept that fact that I do not want my ex husband back? They KEEP on pushing me to take him back. It's killing me inside, they need to get used to it and that I've moved on.
I have been avoiding them on this and yes they STILL gotta bring it up from time to time.  | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/9/2007 6:41:36 PM | | Instead of avoiding them, confront them with your issues. You are a grown adult make them understand that, and the fact that it's your life to live it as you see fit. | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/9/2007 6:53:43 PM | You have to face them head on. You're a grown woman, act like one.
When they start in on you, tell them immediately that it's no longer open for discussion and change the topic. And don't engage in any conversation about the ex after that. Leave the room, the house if you have to. | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/9/2007 6:57:32 PM | | Most parents just want their children to be happy. If you are truly content, tell them how you feel , and that the subject is closed. Cut the umbilical cord! | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/9/2007 7:04:40 PM | | I would tend to agree with the person that said to confront them. You need not go into details, simply explain that you are happier now and you would appreciate them respecting your wishes, or at the very least keeping their opinions on the matter to themselves. Tell them that it is now a topic that is closed and off limits! | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/9/2007 7:10:36 PM | I have done that from time to time, gonna take a while I think before they accept...... I think a miracle will be an effort out of it all when they see it, lol.  | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/9/2007 7:18:58 PM | really?
really really REALLLLY?
you are 41? and asking advice-from strangers? ABOUT your PARENTS?
(in relation to what/how your folks think/feel about ANYthing you do?)
WOW!
No Offense-reeeeeally, just...cant ~Imagine~
(cant even Begin to Imagine)
When One has So much Vested Interest in Their Folks-at/by a Certain AGE
*RED FLAG*
it takes Strength to get through the days in This World, even More strength to make a 'Love' work
Start Getting that Strenth=NOW
good luck | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/9/2007 7:23:29 PM | | I'm not divorced...i was never married...but i have the same problem except it's with HIS dad! We have 2 children, me and my ex and his dad keeps trying to push us back together!....i told him it's not happening, his son told him it's not happening because he knows i won't ever go back....but his dad won't let it lie. He says what about the kids?...i told him, the kids don't need that bullsh*t....well, not in those words mind! | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/9/2007 7:25:38 PM | Oh yes...the parent thing. Only if our exes all truly lived in Texas....hmmm maybe they could take their parents with them...now thats a thought.
Sweetlibrachik....Respect and Independence should be the key words here:
Respect = Parents
Independence = YOU | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/9/2007 7:26:50 PM | I guess parents love us too much to see your kids be in the middle, eventually it'll work out if both sides agree to be there for the kids. I don't have kids at all and I'm pretty well not worried on that part just only got a pet one cat, nala my tabby, she's my kid for now.
Just how our "family relationship" is that we have, we don't want it to be distoried as well. | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/9/2007 7:28:53 PM | | I hope you live away from your parents. I realize that circumstance may prevent that, especially with times being as they are, not to mention that a lot of grown children are ultimately going to be their parents' caregivers, as they may well need it in time, etc., etc...If you are fortunate enough to live away from them, then all you need to do is tell them that you have to go due to an incoming caller, a gentleman caller is at the door, or any applicable excuse to remove yourself from the unpleasant conversation. Give them his phone number...AGAIN...and have them talk to HIM about it!!! I believe an answering machine helps tremendously, as well. A conversation or two...20 minutes maximum in duration...hi, is everything alright? I'm eating dinner now, I'll talk to you tomorrow, etc.,...should solve the annoying repetitive conversations about the nasty ex! You are grown, and so are they...this need not interfere with the closeness of the family. You deserve your privacy and the right to your own life, just as much as they do theirs. Remember that life is for the living...don't waste time on dead issues, like the very over relationship. You are done grieving, and they will someday be through grieving, too. Good luck! Love, Titus | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/9/2007 8:33:02 PM | Your parents certainly sound worthy of respect and care. I think perhaps they need to hear the news from your family priest/rabbi/minister. Perhaps you have an aunt/uncle or family friend who could sit down with them and talk to them on their own level. I think it is part of the territory of being a parent, that you always feel you need to look out for the welfare of your offspring - give them reassurance that they have raised a woman who truly can make it on her own.
If you have a traditional family background, it is the sense of scandal or that they have somehow "failed" that may be motivating them. At some level what they are needing right now is reassurance and a means of dealing with something they simply hadn't expected. Go easy on them, things often hit others harder than we first think, they were probably also hoping for grandchildren. If this is part of the issue - they can be involved as parent helpers at the local kindergarten - that is maybe something they never considered and it would fill an unvoiced "gap" that hasn't been expressed.
After all, we're only human. God Bless. | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/10/2007 4:23:45 AM | I assume your parents are in there mid 60's.
They been together forever eh lol
Like mine were till my dad died.
I remember splittin with my ex and i heard my parents say to him stay in touch dont be a stranger! Like wtf!!!!!!!!!!
Since my dad died my mum has been a lot more liberal with her views.
She'd only ever dated my dad was a virgin on her weddin night you get picture lol
Then after dad died she was out clubbin , datin , sleepin with bfs and stuff before meetin my stepdad and finally livin in sin with him lol
You cant talk to some people my mother never listened, if i stayed out all night for any reason and i was in late 20s i was a tramp etc.
Till she did it lol
Anyhow my point is if they older you dont stand a chance talkin them round.
They set in their ways and have their own standards and morals.
Their experience of marriage is different to yours.
You need to agree to disagree, and ask if you can just not talk about it, end of.
From your view their is nothin to discuss it is done.
Avoidin them wont work , youll only feel bad in the long wrong after all they are your parents and im sure you love them.
They only want wats best for you but with parents youll never be able to prove YOU know whats best for you lol x | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/10/2007 5:21:49 AM | It dosent matter what you age, parents always do feel that they know best.. What they dont get it how society has changed and people are no longer bound to the ties of religious beliefs as they were, and there parents before them. Its hard for them to get over those boundaries that have been created generation after generation. We have moved passed those bounds that say that we must stay with our chosen life partner or else there will be heavenly consequences..
Maybe a letter to them could help them to understand that whilst you value them and love them dearly your views and opinions are completely diffrent to theres, that you have moved from the place of a need to be just another half of someone else. Explain to them that you have now grown up both physically and emotionally and become one whole being who is not reliant upon that one person for your happiness. Tell them that in order to heal from those hurts and pains which caused your marriage to break down. That there insistence that you try and remain together with your ex stops you from getting through this very important healing process. Ask them to respect and
accept your choices you are an adult and you deserve a happier life than you had within your marriage. Make it clear that you know exactly what you are doing and this time of healing is making you stronger rather than weaker in the understanding of who you really are as a person and not what others wish you to be. Let them know that eventually you do intend finding your true equal. Someone who will make you truly happy. Let them know you have no intentions of moving backwards but you are now moving towards a brighter and happier future..and ask for there blessing in your choice.
I hope this helps love ya...Catherine aka star.xxxx | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/10/2007 5:30:31 AM | Unless your parents are horrible people or are being delibrately unkind...be grateful you have them....I lost mine a long, long time ago and wish they were here to give me a different kind of grief....
Pip | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/10/2007 1:51:24 PM | foxyred: good guess on their ages, they're both 64, lol.
I showed them my divorced certificate after I got it......... might even scan it and e-mail it to them and once again it's full shown to them that way. And, will make a point!!! I can hear dad go........ doh!!!!
and No I don't live too far from them... who ever thot I should live away, I do plan to leave one day, time will tell.
Right now, mom needs me, she has MS and she's a mess. I gotta be around for her for a lil while yet, gonna make sure dad takes responsibility in this too.
I'm gonna go scan that certificate and get it off to them, lol..............
Gonna go fishin again some more .........   | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/10/2007 2:16:16 PM | Tell them that they are hurting you and if they do not stop, you are going to have to reduce the amount of time you spend with them to what is necessary, period.
Some parents do not get that we have grown up. You can either let them make you miserable or you can set boundaries and stick with them. | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/11/2007 6:22:59 AM | | Hi Sweet...First and foremost, they are your parents and are probably worried about you being alone...Without going into all the details, I would say "look Mom and Dad...Ex and I divorced because...you fill in the blank ...and I am happy that we did...Would you like me to be with him and miserable, or without him and happy ? " The older generation do see marriage in a different light, and will "worry " about their children regardless of the age...I hope you the best !!! Let them know too that this discussion stresses you out and that even if they cannot understand your opinion, to please respect it !!! LLL | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/11/2007 7:47:03 AM | They are old fashioned and feel that since you have no career in the horizon that the only way you will make it in this world is to stay with a man.
My advice..take some classes and find a job that you will enjoy. Learned to make your own money and pay your own bills. Show your parents that you can be all you can be and don't have to depend on your ex to get by in this world. Good Luck | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/11/2007 9:00:49 AM | Hmmmm, I scanned my divorce cert and e-mailed it to them, lol. I have told my dad many times..... why don't you marry him, since you like him so much.
and yes I have taken classes and job hunted, the living location isn't the place for job hunting, and if I were to move........ I don't have wheels and I don't have enough income to survive in a busy expensive location, I'm fine where I am and I have patience. I live on a disability and I do pay my own bills and I cope quite well. And, I do believe I will get somewhere when the time is right.
Thanks for your inputs, been great!!  | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/11/2007 3:29:42 PM | | They probably think you need someone to take care of you. No job, no car and living on disability cannot be easy. They are just concerned for you and feel no matter how bad the marriage was since you cannot really support yourself that you were better off with him. It is up to you to get a job, get a car and exhibit some sort of independence so they will get off your back. | |
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| What to do if parents won't back off..........
Posted: 11/11/2007 3:41:26 PM | parents and family are important but they cannot live ur life. If they cant respect ur decision and run with it then u really dont need there advise.
As an adult all that matters is what u believe is right. If u felt that u made the right decision dont doubt urself, talk to them ask them to respect ur decision or keep their opinions to themselves.
"to thine ownself be true"
my 2 coins | |
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oh wow...... it might kill them if I say lesbian or he's gay, they KNOW too well!!!!
