| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/9/2007 9:24:39 PM | Greetings,
I'm curious, how do you screen for cheaters? What indicators, character-wise, do you look for? In other words, are there certain types of attitudes which belong to a cheating personality? Perhaps indifferent, impatient, disrespectful, revengeful, careless?
If possible, please provide an example from experience. | |
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J0902
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Joined: 11/4/2007
Msg: 2 | |
| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/9/2007 10:47:47 PM | Will its kinda hard but you have to look at it like a science experement.
1st observe them, 2nd ask youre self is he/ she a cheater then do a test introduce them to youre friends or make another profiel pretend youre someone elses.(Think of something creative )then after all that you should have youre conclusion.  | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/9/2007 10:49:41 PM | A good way involves entrapment. Can't give details, it's against the rules I think. I like not hearing from moderators. Um, hopefully my vague description didn't step over any lines. If it did, you owe me OP:)
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/9/2007 10:51:29 PM | | Screening for cheaters? No such thing! If all you ever look for is the worst in someone, thats all you'll ever find. All you can do is treat someone the way you want to be treated, give them the benefit of the doubt and take things at face value, until/unless they give you reason to do otherwise. Yes, you might get hurt along the way, but you'll also be open to finding someone truly deserving. You can't do that if you're always jealous or suspicious. | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/9/2007 10:57:39 PM | I wish I knew....
Just watch for things they say... subtle things they forget they're saying with you around to hear them. Or if they don't tell you who just called you. Or who they go with in the evenings or weekends. | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 3:17:11 AM | | Cheaters are selfish.... I find that an easy quality to look out for. They need gratification to their needs before anyone elses.... | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 3:35:54 AM | Exactly, Happily Ever...guilty until proven innocent,,,,kinda like rolling the dice,,,why would anyone want to try to entrap someone in a lie? That's not a healthy relationship...look for something wrong and you will probably find it....if some one is prone to cheating ....they will do it anyway...it's sad when that happens...but pick up the pieces of your heart and move on.... " Better love next time baby " (T.M. copyrighted.Dr.Hook and the medicine show) | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 4:26:21 AM |
Screening for cheaters? No such thing! If all you ever look for is the worst in someone, thats all you'll ever find. All you can do is treat someone the way you want to be treated, give them the benefit of the doubt and take things at face value, until/unless they give you reason to do otherwise. Yes, you might get hurt along the way, but you'll also be open to finding someone truly deserving. You can't do that if you're always jealous or suspicious
absolutely.... I despise the "well my ex cheated on me...so therefore.." Its a Self-fulfilling prophecy.. Show no trust and the realtionship will fail
Of course I have found those who are "paranoid about cheating"..are doing it themselves sometimes and using the best defence is a strong offence .. | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 5:20:30 AM | Its nearly impossible to screen for it, but you can certainly look for possible signs.
Do they go out in public places with you? Did they give you their phone number? If they did give you their phone number do you find they have it turned off at odd times? Have they shown you where they live? Do they give you straight answers about their life? Do they only plan dates with you on the fly and at the last minute?
If do any of these things... they are a much higher risk for being cheaters. it doesn't mean that they are, it just makes them suspicious since these are all things that people that cheat tend to do. | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 6:54:29 AM | Personality wise, there are two good indicators to look out for, which if both are present, means you certainly need to be on your guard.
1) Selfishness, or desire to always put their own needs first. The "I am number one" attitude.
2) An addiction to attention, flirting, or otherwise being validated by members of the opposite sex. To get a kick out of someone other than their SO being sexually interested in them. | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 8:35:44 AM |
2) An addiction to attention, flirting, or otherwise being validated by members of the opposite sex. To get a kick out of someone other than their SO being sexually interested in them.
That is so not true... just because someone likes to flirt doesn't mean they're a cheater. I flirt all of the time and it isn't for validation. | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 9:04:30 AM |
2) An addiction to attention, flirting, or otherwise being validated by members of the opposite sex. To get a kick out of someone other than their SO being sexually interested in them.
That is so not true... just because someone likes to flirt doesn't mean they're a cheater. I flirt all of the time and it isn't for validation.
No one claims that! And flirting in the context presented here is not just flirting... we are talking about personalities not actions alone.
And to be clear, even if one does have a "flirting personality", it does mean they are a cheater, have cheated, or will cheat.
I'm after something quite different. (See msg 14) | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 9:10:02 AM | There are cheaters and cheaters
This site and other single sites are full of married men.
One thing for single women to do is ask for a home phone number and call it
Your the roommate always answer excuse or he doesn't have a home phone...just cell.
Some people really do have just a cell, but certainly it's a platonic relationship until that can be varified.
Cheating singles? Unless you have an agreement spoken between you...you're both still just single and dating? | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 12:22:30 PM | Some people really do have just a cell, but certainly it's a platonic relationship until that can be varified.
I guess it just depends on what circles you hang around or generation you belong to. I'm a single woman in her late 30s that works in IT and hangs around with the more geeky and technology savy people. Very rarely do I meet anyone that still has a land line. If they do have one then I always have to wonder why. Roommates and single people tend to fare better having their own personal cell phone instead of a phone in the house. | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 12:37:00 PM | Cheaters are not always selfish. Some people who cheat are the most selfless people you have ever met.
I don't know if you could really determin if someone is cheating or not by what a bunch of us say.
Trust your gut. it is usually right.
Also... A friend always tells me, once you have been cheated on or cheated you can spot a cheater from a mile away. You just have to not ignore it when you get that feeling! Which is what a whole lot of people do! | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 4:42:22 PM | OOH the gut feeling....i'm gonna have to go with this one...
Also, look for changes in their behaviour. if the person was really loving/caring and had no problem leaving their cell phone infront of you, letting u go through it, had basically nothing to hide and all of a sudden, their answers are vague, the cellphone is all of a sudden nowhere to be found, when someone calls its always " oh it was nobody". they stop calling to see how u are doing etc etc. it shows that someone else or something else is replacing that part of the brain where u used to be.
those are signs for sure. dont ignore them....they may not be cheating...yet, but the sudden change in their behaviour towards you are indications that the relationship is going down the toilet. | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 4:46:21 PM | I'm wondering does OP want to know if his current girlfriend/wife is cheating, or is he so worried a new woman will cheat that he's looking for clues before they've even given him any indication that they WOULD cheat??? Because if it's the latter, well that's just nuts.
If you see them in bed with someone other then you, they may be cheating.
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 4:51:22 PM | | You can't screen for them - but chances are when they seem 'too perfect' - they probably have some kind of hidden agenda! I would think that every person who has been played here has a different tale to tell. Unfortunately only experience will make you wiser! | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 5:11:06 PM | | Everyone is capable of cheating, and it's not really possible to screen. One person may never cheat on a specific person in their life, but they may cheat on you - or they may never cheat on you even though they cheated on others. | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 5:15:36 PM | Screening for cheaters - how to?
not necessary for me...I don't date cheaters...
(lord i hate that word, reminds me of screaming at my brothers after they mortaged all my property in Monopoly)....  | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 6:02:06 PM | It's simple...Watch his eyes in a crowd if they are not focused on you...Bingo. He's still looking. If you are not the center of attention, you should be! If you ask a direct question that requires a direct answer about cheating and the pause before he speaks is longer than ten seconds...Yup, he's a dog. If it's ten seconds or less and his eyes meet yours as he answers the question as long as his answer isn't negative, you're good.
Men are easy to read. We have limited abilities to hide our eye movements. Watch his eyes. What's he looking at? If it's everything in a skirt....
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 6:06:07 PM | Yeah...you use your ears to listen. You use your memory to remember. You use your brain for commons sense. And don't let love/infactuation/great sex blind you.
Problem is a lot of people don't really listen and/or pay attention to what is being said to them. Then you have people who don't remember anything that was told to them before. And the worst of the lot is those who don't apply common sense to what is being told to them (as Judge Judy oftens says "if it doesn't make sense then it isn't true") | |
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| Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 6:11:18 PM | | I find the most successful detection device against cheaters is time....after 4-5 months, you usually have enough evidence to determine for yourself - this goes for any form of cheating - whether its smoking, drug use, or knocking boots with someone else. Note: the last form of cheating is only applicable if you decide to go mutually exclusive, so this usually takes 3 months onto itself.... | |
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