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 AUTHOR
 Next!!
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 1
Make a date and then cancel it?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
This has happened quite a few times now. Why do men make arrangements to meet up on a date and then suddenly cancel on the day? Why are they on a dating site, if they don't want to go out on any actual dates?
 Trailsman5
Joined: 4/10/2006
Msg: 2
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/11/2007 5:24:25 AM
Happens to all of us. Its one thing to put up a pic and a profile on a dating site, its another to be next to a REAL LIVE GIRL! Push comes to shove, and people buckle. Its no reflection upon you.
 Next!!
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 3
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/11/2007 5:28:06 AM
I just think its a waste of everyones time. Its not like if they meet me, they are gonna get dragged up the isle! Hehe
 Trailsman5
Joined: 4/10/2006
Msg: 4
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/11/2007 5:55:26 AM
I agree, its silly to not phone and cancel... instead of making someone sweat it out in a coffeeshop. But if they were able to deal with simple social courtesies, they'd be able to meet you. Have pity on the weak souls of the world.
 Next!!
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 5
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/11/2007 6:24:36 AM
By the way. I am not full of self pity, I would just like to know if anyone can shed any light on the subject.
 loi2007
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 6
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/11/2007 6:34:47 AM
This is my pet peeve!!!! I have had this happen to me recently and I was so *($*@($* off. The guy contacts me initiates the meeting and then cancels because he has the kids unexpectedly...bull crap. Suddenly he is offline permanently!
Probably married and chickend out.
 Golconda
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 7
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Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/11/2007 6:36:00 AM

I would just like to know if anyone can shed any light on the subject.


I've never made plans for a date and then cancelled on the day of the date. I can only think of two reasons why a guy might do this:

1) He isn't very interested in meeting you because he's either involved with someone else or he's dating someone else or possibly he's just doesn't feel that there is any attraction.

2) He had an emergency in his life that prevents him from meeting. Perhaps he broke his leg, his car broke down, he had to take his mother to the emergency room, etc. In this case I would expect that he would be eager to reschedule the date and would give you a specific day and time for the rescheuled date.

The best thing to do when this happens is to ask the man directly what the reason is. If he gives you a vague or evasive answer, that should raise huge red flags for you.

There are lots of guys out there who really are interested in meeting women so you shouldn't worry too much about the ones who aren't interested.
 strollinbella
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 8
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/11/2007 6:39:21 AM
Trailsman was not suggesting that you are full of self pity. He was suggesting that you have pity on the poor soul who didn't have the social smarts to get up the nerve to actually meet you. My phrasing, not his.
 Golconda
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 9
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Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/11/2007 6:39:26 AM

I have had this happen to me recently and I was so *($*@($* off. The guy contacts me initiates the meeting and then cancels because he has the kids unexpectedly...bull crap. Suddenly he is offline permanently!
Probably married and chickend out.


You are probably right, he's involved with someone else and so he's not really available. A guy who would do this is not the type of person you want to meet . Consider yourself lucky that you didn't get involved with this guy.
 Trailsman5
Joined: 4/10/2006
Msg: 10
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/11/2007 6:44:39 AM
Thank you, cuddlybuddy, that's exactly what I meant. OP, you have run into frightened men who messaged you because you seemed approachable. But yet, they couldn't get up the nerve to show up or cancel. Its too bad that the experience may feel like it diminishes you as a person... but at least you honoured your commitments and thats a character trait you can be proud of.
 tihvol3
Joined: 9/9/2007
Msg: 11
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/11/2007 6:52:23 AM
There can be numerous reasons... being online you can be whomever you like whereas in person you're you and that can't be hidden forever... some people are simply shy in person even though they come off as confident online. By the time the day comes for the date they might simply be too anxious and nervous to actually show up and canceling becomes the easiest option.

They might have outright lied about who they are... and now when the time for the date arrives they can no longer hide behind their online facade and realize that they don't resemble their picture or don't resemble the people they made themselves out to be. Online dating games aren't fun, but people play them for whatever reasons they choose.

They might have made the date with you even though they're seeing/dating someone else and canceled at the last second due to complications or last minute scruples... nothing against you or anyone else who has been canceled on but a good deal of people online date multiple individuals (lol, insert obvious statement)... maybe they got serious with one of them, maybe the other person found out and they feel bad, maybe the other individual keeps them more entertained then you, maybe they made two dates on the same night...

And the least positive interpretation, and nothing personal to anyone out there, they made the date and lost interest in the end... dating as everyone knows can be a fickle creature... one second you're golden and then next you've been blocked or your phone calls aren't returned and you have no idea why... some people just cancel because they didn't get their morning coffee and the combination of that and missing their favorite TV show was too much and they canceled... everyone has reasons though most you might never be able to understand.

But at least you found out that that guy wasn't the one for you... if he was he would've showed... least you found out early. I know that offers little solace in the end but it's probably the best any of us could hope for in that situation.
 TDI72
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 12
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/11/2007 6:54:03 AM
If he didn't try to reschedual he is either a. brand new to this and chickened out or b.involved with womeone else

Either way your better off that he cancelled.
 Mystic Magic
Joined: 12/9/2005
Msg: 13
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/11/2007 7:13:30 AM
I tend to think it's because their wives won't let them. Or a "sure deal" popped up. Either way, if they do this at the beginning, it's a given this is how they will treat you forever after. It's best you find out quickly and move on. Separates the Players from the Sincere.....
 simon23
Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 14
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/11/2007 7:34:52 AM
Jesus, can you get any less appreciative of whats given to you??, if i actually managed to get a date out of this site i'd be there early, new clothes and looking shiny (hopefully)
 RiverSiren1
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 15
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Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/11/2007 7:35:10 AM
More than likely, his wife had other ideas for him. I would say that he
is married, otherwise why delete his profile. He certainly didn't delete
it just because he was a no show.

Although it's rude not to call and cancel or at the very least, e-mail
you, the bright side is that you didn't have time and emotions invested.
If it were true emergency circumstances that kept him from meeting,
he would have notified you and asked to reschedule.
It's good that you find out now what he is like, you don't have to waste
any more time wondering.

Consider him a thing of the past.
 Iowa44
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 16
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/12/2007 7:59:08 AM
a couple times I have canceled dates,both times it was because of things that were said by the women between making the plans and when we were supposed to go out.There are times when a profile sounds good,but the more you talk on the phone the more doubts you have on whether you will be compatible.
One time I was supposed to go out with a woman that lived an hour away,she wanted to go to a restaraunt that was another 30 miles away,that added up to 3 hours of driving time plus probably 2 hours at the restaraunt = 5 hours minimum time for a first date for someone that seemed to get a little more bossy everytime we talked,I just decided to back away before we wasted each others time.
If she would have been happy to meet somewhere in between for coffee or a drink it might have been different.
 stoney1
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 17
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/12/2007 8:12:39 AM
Once again, thinking men do that for the same reason women do that, lol.

I've had to postpone a date or two. Just as a lady I've made plans with has had to postpone with me. Sometimes we end up meeting some other day, sometimes we don't. The other person may or may not have a good reason to cancell. Either way, what does it matter? Make another date with another person that interests you.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 18
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Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/12/2007 8:14:04 AM
I always consider a cancellation on a "meet" (a date is with someone you already know and like) dodging a bullet, and there's always something else I'd rather be doing than meeting someone I don't know who I might not like anyway, so I never take it badly. But in my case I don't end up feeling it for most people I meet, so I don't go with huge expectations to begin with. I guess that's just me.

If they want to reschedule, that's fine. If not, not much of a loss.
 simon23
Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 19
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/12/2007 1:49:45 PM
Maybe i was a bit hasty with my first response here, they might simply get cold feet on the day and skip out
 The Belly
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 20
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/12/2007 1:58:02 PM
Why worry about why? You where saved from any and all b.s....

Take it as a blessing, and not a bad thing! Something greater then you intervened and saved you from trouble...


~Belly~
 Golconda
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 21
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Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/12/2007 2:07:33 PM

But in my case I don't end up feeling it for most people I meet, so I don't go with huge expectations to begin with. I guess that's just me.


If you go to a "meet" with no expectations, you will not be disappointed when there is no attraction. I always go to an initial meeting without the expectation that anything will develop and I recommend that approach for anyone trying Internet dating.
 nmwjmw
Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 22
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/12/2007 2:16:44 PM
Life happens and I would prefer that the guy meet me when i am fresh and ready for a first time meeting. I have had my tattoo artist call and ask if we could do it another day and trust me, is it not a better experience if both are in a good space to 1.meet for the first time 2. get a permanent peice of artwork tattooed onto your body?
Give the guy a break.
My tattoo turned out beautifully but i had to wait for about 65 days to get it. Good things are worth being patient and understanding for!
Being flakey is another story... If they are doing and saying two different things regularly run far away. You need someone you can count on too....
 BabyGyrl67
Joined: 8/31/2006
Msg: 23
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/12/2007 2:21:20 PM
At least they called to cancel the date... I have had a string of no shows. So I have decided to give up on the trying to meet up all together.
 nigelwright
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 24
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/12/2007 2:24:03 PM
As a man who has been through a very expensive divorce and had a couple of bad relationships I am not in a hurry to get back into it.

I seem to get a bit of confidence back, then have a date or short relationship that knocks the confidence out of me for a while.

If I do book a date with someone I sometimes wonder "do i really need the hassle of this?"

I am now at a point where I dont think relationships are worth the hassle.
I have far too much to lose financially and emotionally.

To answer your question I think men get cold feet due to past women problems !
 Onnagoroshi
Joined: 11/5/2007
Msg: 25
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 11/12/2007 2:25:55 PM
Because they are married.
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