Rhett1
| | Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 1 | |
| | Do You Feel "Owed" an Inheritance?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | I was discussing this with a friend (acquaintance, not a close friend), recently.
She made a comment about being deeply in debt and said "That's okay, someday my parents will leave me money."
I said "What if your parents aren't leaving you any money or aren't able to?"
She flipped out and told me "Well, they're my parents, they HAVE to leave me money!"
She was so upset that she told her parents that she wants at least part of her inheritance now. For some reason, they didn't share her opinion. They refused and now she's saying she may never talk to them again.
Since there is no law about this (as far as I know), I think she's very delusional.
Not to mention, her parents could easily/possibly live another 40 years, so it seems dumb to wait for an inheritance in order to get out of debt.
Also, to get the money, her parents have to die.
So...here's my question: Do you feel that an inheritance HAS to be given to the children and do you think there's nothing wrong with asking for it while your parents are still alive? | |
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| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/14/2007 6:08:06 PM | No, ofcourse parents do not HAVE to give their children an inheritance.
I do not feel they owe me anything, now or at the time of their death.
Your friend sounds like she is pretty selfish. Ofcourse most parents do leave what they have to their children, but it is not required. Maybe since she was so insensitive to her poor parents they will leave their inheritance to their cat. 
That was horrible of her to ask her parents for part of her inheritance. The poor things probably feel like their daughter would prefer them to die so she can have their money.
It would serve her right if they did leave it to the cat or a charity.
Hopefully she will never talk to them again, (if they want to talk to her again).
Then she can be sure to not get any of their money when they pass.
Does your friend have siblings.  | |
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Rhett1
| | Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 3 | |
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| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/14/2007 6:55:33 PM | Owed? That's different for most all situations.
Being from an extremely abusive childhood - there was a part of me that had hoped that I'd get a bit of money when my dad died (my Mother died when I was an infant). My dad had a home business that I worked for since I was old enough to speak properly (~age 4). I progressed in the business as I aged until I was doing the invoicing by the time that I was ~10, taking on more responsibility progressively thereafter.
I didn't know until years after his death that he was a multi-millionaire. I didn't get a dime. The good news is, I understand that it is what it is, I never expected it and I will never get free money for the rest of my life.
No one owes me anything financial and I'm not just good with that.. I'm happy with that! | |
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| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/14/2007 7:17:26 PM | i read an article in a recent issue of macleans, and the man wrote how he was a billionaire, but yet he wasn't leaving his kids much, if not anything. he explained that it was he himself who worked for that money. he wanted his children to learn the value of money and the responsibility of managing it.
he went on to say that todays society is so caught up in money issues, that kids are just being handed free rides. (aka inheritance)...
i couldn't agree more with all he had to say. but for personal reasons, like emergencies, or back up funds....i plan to leave something for my son. i wanna make a plan tho where he can't touch it until he is 25. (if anything happens before then) *knock on wood*
to rebuttle myself....lol...
i can see the flip side to this at the same time. the way prices and taxes and expenses are these days, i fear what it will be like for my son. who knows how things will be in the next 20 yrs or more. its scary to imagine my son struggling while doing the best he can.
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| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/14/2007 7:29:33 PM | I would prefer to see my Father spend his money and live happily now than to do without a single want to be able to leave his estate to me... and I've told him this on many occassions...
He's more than met his obligations with having raised me... I see no further obligation that he could possibly owe me... other than living a long and healthy life... | |
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| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/14/2007 7:29:40 PM | If I were a senior citizen and had grown children, I would try to spend all of my money before I died. Whatever is left I may leave, maybe not. It all depends.
My parents left a decent amount to their children, but being middle class we aren't talking all that much. I actually have a sister who was offended that since she was the oldest, she felt she should have gotten more.
Of course she would never say it and put it in those words, but that was her mindset. Ever notice how some people call YOU greedy for not giving them what they want? | |
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| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/14/2007 8:57:01 PM | The parents certainly bear no debt to the adult kids - after having fed, clothed, bathed, educated, and protected them for something like eighteen years, then (probably) eaten the ticket for the years the spent in college... puh-LEEZ. No debt. At that point, the adult kids are more likely to bear a reverse debt to the elderly parents, that of taking good care of them in their latter years.
I inherited a pocketknife.  That's really more than I was expecting. I have no heirs... so the pocketknife will probably go to the state when I die.
As to asking for pre-inheritance... I don't think that's usually a good idea. It's probably mostly OK, though, if the parents have already broached the subject of inheritance, and there's open conversation about how inheritance will work... AND it makes good financial sense to do it that way. I still don't like it much... because the adult kids' personalities can change radically over time, and the elderly parents may end up wishing they hadn't pre-gifted that money. | |
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| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/14/2007 9:28:34 PM | There might be some cash headed my way when my parents die. Doesn't matter to me at all. I'd rather they live their life to the fullest and bounce their last cheque on the way out, than worry about leaving me anything. I have a good job, nice life, everything I need, and just about everything I want. I'd hate to be someone relying on an inheritance to get them out of trouble. I want nothing more than my parents to live a long happy life.
I remember they bought a brand new truck and 5th wheel a couple years ago. I said "woah where did you get the cash for that" my mom said "we're spending your inheritance" I said "go for it!!! Enjoy it mom, I'll be fine one way or the other." She gave me a smile you could NOT put a price on!
I make my own money.
:) | |
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| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/14/2007 11:33:49 PM | My mother managed her money quite wisely throughout her life, working into her 60's. When she retired, I encouraged her to spend as much of her money as she could, travelling and doing all the things she had put off while she was still working. Mum made many sacrifices for us over the years....my father often would not give her any support money after he walked out and one of my sisters was a huge financial drain on her. I was thrilled that she was able to take some wonderful trips through Europe and Asia before she passed away....
Hmmm, I am wondering if this aquaintance wantonly let her debt reach fearful proportions because she just figured that mommy and daddy would be thrilled to bail her out....the way I see it, no parent has the obligation to reward an adult child who, for whatever reason, refuses to act in a financially responsible manner.
Children are not "owed" inheritances and to ask for an inheritance while your parents are still living ? Simply crass. | |
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wowsad
| | Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 11 | |
| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/15/2007 3:04:29 AM | | the amount of money that i will receive when my father passes is a life altering amount, but i would much rather have him than the money. i would never have the disrespect of asking him for part of my inheritance. then again, i guess i was just raised differently. | |
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BDRT
| | Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 12 | |
| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/15/2007 4:01:28 AM | | Like wowsad, I stand to inherit. But NO amount of money is worth losing my parents. My father is my hero and I hope for him to be around for a long time yet. I've never asked my parents for a dime, but they have always been very generous with their money. My ex was a different story, he'd call my dad anytime he thought he (we) needed something and unfortunately my kids take after their dad in that way. Right now my parents are spending and enjoying and for that I am grateful. They live half way across the country and they spend it to come visit me! They've traveled all around the world and have had some wonderful experiences in their lives. Do they "owe" me an inheritance? No way. I haven't done anything to "deserve" their money. Except to be the best daughter I know how to be. But that comes from being raised in a loving environment, not because of any amount of money they may have now. | |
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| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:05:19 AM |
Do you feel that an inheritance HAS to be given to the children and do you think there's nothing wrong with asking for it while your parents are still alive?
Since both my parents are gone I will answer the question from the other side of the coin. Yes. The children should have every right to expect an inheritance and they have every right to ask for some of it before the parents pass. One does not "have" to do so but to deny them without just cause would be the farthest thing from love for your children that I could imagine.
The way I see it (and I have no children) is that a child is a part of you and a part of your life. That is the part of you that survives so why not allow them to inherit and carry on with the estate and whatever things you have acquired and cannot take into death with you? As for having some of it beforehand, that is smart as well because the money is more valuable now than it will be when you die and the money can be spent on or given to the children in some way that avoids the inheritance taxes if it is given while you are alive.
Now in the case of the OP's "friend" the parents most likely knew the child was not capable of handling the money properly and therefore would rather leave the estate in a trust that would limit the spending, etc. If a child (of any age) is capable of handling the situation, I say by all means give it to them and watch them enjoy it while you are alive instead of just having the idea that someday after you are gone they will get it and you have no participation in the enjoyment.
The standard things apply of course - the child must reach the age of 21 and show they are living a decent life, etc. No need to give them money just to buy drugs, etc. | |
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| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/15/2007 10:19:03 AM | My Dad died 20 years ago and left it all to Mom for obvious reasons. I got his harmonica...the best gift I could get as he played it all the time and reminds me of him when he played it!
My Grandfather(his Dad) is terminal right now and of course inheritance gets brought up. Money does not bring happiness. Money is money. If I get some great! If I get some symbol like the harmonica I got from my Dad...it would mean so much more!
People are living longer...lots in senior homes...I would expect people to think that it might not happen...count it as a bonus! | |
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| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/15/2007 11:47:06 AM | my parents owned alot of rental property. in the beginning i was needed for help (1950's) to paint and do what i could. as a 10 year old i didn't want to work. i wanted to play. to bribe me my mother would stand in the middle of the street and spread her arms out wide. she'd look up and down the street and say, "do you see all the houses here? we own almost every one on this street. SOMEDAY ALL OF THIS WILL BE YOURS!!! now come on!" so with my guilty conscience throbbing at me i helped... for years and years. well into my 30's and even 40's.
dad died and through his will mom got everything. then mom got alzheimer's and had to be put in a home. she never made provisions for me or my sibs in a trust or a will. she always said "when i feel myself going then i'll see a lawyer". she honestly felt that she would know when her time to die was coming. she was headstrong and stubborn and did not like to relinquish control.
the government got alot of the money/property before she was put into the nursing home. i'm not furious or even mad. sometimes i laugh. it was hers not mine. we had a good life, i wanted for little growing up and i made her happy and she loved me. i was a loyal son. in the end, that's all the reward i really need. my mother's love. | |
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NateC
| | Joined: 4/10/2006
Msg: 16 | |
| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/15/2007 12:43:49 PM | Inheritance is a difficult subject for me because my bubbe used my zaida's money like a loaded gun with my mom and uncle, although not so much with my sister and I because we'd rather have her love than her money. I don't want to know what I'm getting from that will (I do know...and I didn't really want to)...and being told depressed me...my Bubbe's old, she's not going to be around forever...and that kind of nailed the point home...it's my Bubbe's money, sure...but it's not my Bubbe.
Yeah.
I really don't like wills and inheritances because of the conflict, but I understand the purpose; it's a passing of a legacy. I just wish that some families would put family ahead of "legacy".
I think if I ever have a legacy to pass down, I'll wait until my hypothetical kids are well grown up before I even disclose it. | |
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| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/15/2007 1:28:45 PM | Yes, I find this dicussion so laughable by people.. I would never ask my parents for an inheritance now nor do I expect one when they die.. I hope they spend every little penny they have earned thru out their lives..
Now, My children know there isn't going to be much of one from me. Since I am the sole caretaker for my grandfather and he has alzhiemer's this is a very expensive and costly demise..
I tell them, already if there is anything left. It is to be given to charity..I know that may sound really hard. But I don't want someone benefiting from my death nor do I want to be a burden to them upon my death.
I have alway paid for all my funeral expenses, All of it..
No Offense OP.. Your aqquaintance is laughable.. I would have had a hard time telling her to get another job.. or maybe do debt management..
Just my humble .02 cents | |
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Rhett1
| | Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 18 | |
| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/15/2007 2:09:45 PM |
I am wondering if this aquaintance wantonly let her debt reach fearful proportions because she just figured that mommy and daddy would be thrilled to bail her out.... I'm pretty sure that's exactly what her plan is...whether it be through an inheritance or just a large chunk of cash to "help out".
I think it's pretty clear that she has no concept of responsibility.
Hey guys, she's single! | |
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| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/15/2007 2:28:18 PM |
Hey guys, she's single!
Like as if i don't have enough headaches in my life already...lol
I'll take message 6's answer except add mums name to dad as well. I told them years ago i don't want anything. The subject comes up every now and again and it's not one I like to engage in. Mum had a bad car accident about 20 some odd years ago, and she wanted to split the settlement with us then. Even though i could have used a touch back then, dad and i told her to invest it and her and dad have been travelling the world ever since. Good on them. mom was from 16 irish kids and left home as a 12 year old with one of her brothers because her mum used to give every cent those kids made pickin' potatoes to the Church.
Dad came over on the boat in '55 with his brother. One winter was more than enough for the brother, but dad started doin' real well with a couple of jobs. But by the time mum and my older sister got here by boat, he'd been back out of work again for awhile. They ended up having to hawk the wedding ring in downtown hamilton, and about a year later they got it back out of hawk.
They can spend every last nickle of it as far as I'm concerned. They earned it. Dad probably never made 30 grand a year in his life and raised a family of 5 plus we always had at least two foster kids floating around most of the time. Some years i made five times that amount and would be ashamed to let him know how much i had made.
But i did keep my promise to him this year and finally got a will made up, so if anything happens, the two sisters get everything. But they say the devil's not in any hurry to get the one's he knows he's gettin' anyway. So i'm probably here for the duration... | |
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| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/15/2007 6:31:07 PM | Owed? No. I don't think that is the right word. Neither do I think children are automatically entitled or deserving. But I do think they are the most "appropriate" in most circumstances. I think the best way to spend your money after you can't spend it anymore is to give it to your offspring who will carry the torch and use that money to set themselves and their offspring up in life. It helps with the continuation of family. Even if they don't have kids themselves, the goal is the continuation of family - taking care of one's own.
I also don't think it is selfish for a parent to spend all their hard earned money on themselves after retirement if they've set their children up with an education and/or saw to it that they gave their children the best start in life that they could. After that, the babysitting is over. Time to enjoy your own sweat funds. After 40-45 years of working yourself ragged - you owe it to yourself. | |
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| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/15/2007 6:38:58 PM | "Even if they don't have kids themselves, the goal is the continuation of family - taking care of one's own.
I also don't think it is selfish for a parent to spend all their hard earned money on themselves after retirement if they've set their children up with an education and/or saw to it that they gave their children the best start in life that they could."
Great post, Babylonia (as usual). That's how I'm thinking. To be able to provide (through whatever means possible) so that I don't become someone my kids have to take care of and at the same time help them get set careerwise so they will be able to provide a comfortable life for themselves. I don't think a parent ever wants to stop helping, but at some point not to the point of neglecting their own comfort.  | |
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| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:32:44 AM | I did . . at one time . .
But the family fortune went to Medical expenses . .
before the estate could be partitioned-out to the family . . | |
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| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:09:01 PM | Any kid who had a good childhood and upbringing and feels their parents owe them anything should be taken out and shot.
My parents gave me LIFE. And an EDUCATION. And love, and safety, and protection.
They don't owe me jack s**t. As a matter of fact, I owe THEM, so much more than I can repay.
This friend of yours sounds like an idiot.
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Iorca
| | Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 24 | |
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| Do You Feel Owed an Inheritance?
Posted: 11/16/2007 5:18:54 PM | I inherited everything that i needed to from the people that i have loved & lost in life....
Memories  | |
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