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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/15/2007 11:04:14 AM | She's a boyfriend and plans to get married soon.
I moved to a new country to mend my mind. I work two jobs (one full time and one part time) and occasional modeling/acting gigs. I go to gym three time a week. I take martial art and dance classes. I have two FWB to satisfy my urge.
But I think about her all the time, her smile, her smell and her voice. This morning I woke up 5 am and cried for an hour.
I miss her so much that I want to be her "normal" friend soI can talk to her on the phone once in a while.
I love you, lisa. | |
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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/15/2007 11:12:20 AM | You're clearly emotionally tied to 'Lisa.'
There's no time limit on healing, but if you haven't considered doing so, perchance you may speak with a professional on how to deal in a healthy manner, a way of moving on with your life. It doesn't mean you'll forget her, but you will be better off in many ways.
Perhaps she doesn't want you to be a 'friend' and this may be a fact you'll need to realize.
She's clearly moved on with her life - it's your turn now.
Remember though; time doesn't heal a damn thing. Instead, it's what you choose to do with time, that heals.
I wish you well. | |
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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/15/2007 11:19:17 AM | This may be incredible lack of sleep...... buttttttttttt, there's this saying.
A relationship is like a shark. It's either moving or it's dead. It looks like we got a dead shark here!!
If you ever had any feelings for her, be happy that she found someone that cherishes her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her.
Let the chick have a Happy Freakin' Shark!!!.
If you aren't friends after the relationship...... well, you had your chance. Let her go.
 Have a nice day! and G'Nite | |
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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/15/2007 11:36:12 AM | If a year has passed, and she still haunts you, you need professional counseling.
I'm not being a****what I say that, by the way. I say it out of concern. It is not normal to grieve a girlfriend for a year. A wife -- MAYbe, but even that's pushing it. A girlfriend? No.
Besides, she's getting married. She is someone elses WIFE soon. That makes dreaming about her ADULTERY in your mind's eye. | |
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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/15/2007 12:05:19 PM | What you are actually experiencing is pain which belongs to the ego..... Giving up our ego is an act of love. It means letting go..It means getting a grip on our mind and doing something useful with it. We should never get used to listening to our ego, because it will make us weak and can eventually make us mentally crippled.
When we listen to our ego we follow our feelings and emotions. Going up and down with our feelings and emotions will make us feel useless, inadequate, and empty. False feelings create more false feelings . These are feelings born out of the mind rather than the soul, and it can never bring fulfillment...It is living in an eternal cycle of what ifs...Until we choose to bring our mind around to the Truth.
Love is everywhere, in the trees and flowers, in sounds of the sea crashing on the shore, love is everything... Love is not a feeling; Love is life itself. If we are living, we are in Love, so we should be loving rather than dwelling on our egoic thoughts that are not real, and not working for us...If we are not truly loving, we are not really living, we are just existing in a false hope that is never going to change...
Love is the experience of our True Self. Love is our True Nature. Being ourselves means to love, it means to be loving. To be loving we have to bypass our ego and to love our true self..... We should never take the ego route, and if by mistake we find ourselves on the wrong road we need to get back on the right one. The right path is the path within. All other paths lead to dead ends. Crying about your past is a dead end..it leads to nowhere...forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past.. Your cannot change what is past, you can only change the here and now, and work towards your future..
When we are full of Love we can share that Love with others. We cannot share what we do not possess it within due to our egos thought of what true love really is.... If we are waiting to be loved, or wishing to love, or wondering why we not loved, then we are in our ego. To experience the core of our being, our Essence, we need to get our ego out of the way. All emotional issues are born out of ego.
The spirit of Love makes us feel awe-inspired, and ego makes us feel like a jerk. We don’t have to spend any time at all in our ego if we fill our mind with wisdom. Wisdom clears the mind of all nonsense. Wisdom establishes boundaries in the mind which guards and protect the mind from being terrorized by ego. Wisdom makes the mind immune to negativity.
All we need to do is open our heart and let the Light shine in. Then we will discover the meaning of True Love.
Only those that dare to fail greatly can achieve greatly.
I wish you luck in beating your ego and finding what the meaning of true love is.. its out there for you if only you dare to find it.
Catherine aka star.xxx | |
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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/15/2007 1:26:18 PM | I am wondering if you are over-filling your life with activities, and not giving yourself time to grieve. I suggest taking some time off, and have a good think about what you really miss about her. I am sure there are many other people around you who will have the same qualities you are missing, maybe not all in the one package like your friend, but you will be able to get your emotional needs met.
The big problem is, in the mental state you are in, these other people may not enjoy your company right now. I beleive that you are hurting yourself more by holding on to the idea that you could still be platonic friends. You still love her, and that will not satisfy you for long.
Counselling would be a good idea. Your self esteem is probably low, as you are caught in a rut you cant find a way out of. | |
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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/15/2007 1:31:16 PM | I love that you took the time to answer with so much perspicacity to this guy. Also that you can share some really toughtfull opinions about a tough break-up. Now write a book. I need a copy once your done. I know you did get your heart broken to...Love to you Catherine aka star.xxx | |
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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/15/2007 1:48:11 PM | Iron Charger, you have moved in different directions, but it seems all the while you have done this you keep looking backwards...
Back as Catherine said, at the what ifs, this could have been, why didn't that happen..
Your ego seems to be innertwined in the "need for the love and appreciation of this woman"...
Love has to also come from within, which is how you break that cycle, because you are looking outside of yourself for things to make you feel love... FWB, fulfilling needs, moving, having acting/modeling gigs..
The sad thing is it doesn't sound like you are really truly happy with who you are inside, therefore the validation for your own self worth and love came from this girl.
Let me tell you, that ends up creating an emotional vampire, and drives people away...
YOU CAN"T FIX THE PAST... Today you need to turn around and look forward to YOUR future...
When you do that YOU WILL see that love does exist everywhere...It will become a part of you, and not this extrenal thing you keep seeking to help you fill up what is lacking...
Self love is what is lacking..
That doesn't mean the kind where you think you are great, and your poo don't stink, but rather the kind where you can lay in bed all day with yourself, and feel good about hanging out with you for the day... It is the kind of thing where if you miss going to the gym, it isn't a crisis.
You will be able to enjoy looking towards creating the things inside yourself that are great...
How do you do that, by being able to appreciate what is TRULY good about you on the inside... Looks fade, gf leave, fwb decide to find real love, and gigs don't happen, money flow problems happen, nice houses and things wear out... If you have real love for the good qualities, instead of superficial and external things, then letting go and giving true happy wishes will come natural...
Catherine is right, you have developed a false ego... That false ego is all the superficial things that are external.
Turn around and look forward Ironcharger... See that life IS happening around you... Turn around and then look inside of you... If the person inside is an empty shell, it is time to develop that inner loving person...
Good luck... | |
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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/16/2007 7:23:05 AM | Well said nexthyme you’re an angel and for the guy who wants to read my book..lol. I don't think there's room for another self improvement book.. The shelves are overloaded.. but thanks thats too sweet. x
Iron Charger, there's one thing that you need to remember to stop your ego from taking over your life and this is that LOVE DOES NOT HURT.. Love never ever hurts, love is beautiful energy that makes you feel wonderful...So it is not the loss of love that hurts, since you have not lost love.. Love is around you, all love that is given is returned love is still yours....It is the ego that feels the pain of rejection and is telling you that it is love that hurts...
The ego is the emotions , the thoughts of what if, the looking back and wishing, it hurts you because youre ego is telling you this shouldn't have happened to you. If you alter those thoughts to thoughts such as I gave my love and It felt great.. I haven't lost the love I gave it was returned and is still here with me. Those feelings of love are still
mine.. I feel them as I walk outside in the sunshine, feel the sunlight through the trees and thank this existence that I'm alive and I have this wonderful life where I can feel
and give love....Tell yourself, I am able to give love..
It is from your soul that love comes, not the heart, the heart is an organ that pumps blood around your body.
Think of the spark of light that is within you that is your soul..from which love comes from. In metaphysics your soul was created by a spark of energy at the moment time begun.... Give it freely to the universe..the stars, the trees the flowers..Give it freely
as you move through your day and see how much better you feel. The Love that you send out from the spark of your soul is returned by the light of the first spark which created the universe. Know that you are as much a part of this whole universe as the stars and the sun..
Do not allow your ego to tell you that it is love that hurts .. it is your ego that is hurt..
Dont allow it to cause you this pain...
Keep reminding yourself of this...
Those fwb are not going to give you that feeling of love because your ego wont allow you to give love to them...Your ego wants to keep you bound to those negative feelings of rejection and the need to have the one that you gave your love too...
another thing...
It is common to have high self-esteem in one area of life, like career, but not in others. The highest form of self-esteem is when you can accept all of yourself---- strengths, weaknesses, best/worst parts, and overall, still feel good about who you are and what you do. Someone with a strong sense of worth will believe in himself, take more risks, say and do nice things for self and others, can let things go, not take everything so personal, forget the bad and focus on the good in life.
Commit to working on accepting your weaknesses too, it is no good having high self esteem about how we look whilst beating ourselves up for what cannot be ours..
Throw the ego out the window and learn to give love and feel love that is around you everywhere..
I hope this helps Catherine aka star.xxx
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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/16/2007 8:23:17 AM | I don't blame this woman for not wanting to be your friend,you sound slightly
obsessive.
Your ex has clearly moved on,since you say she is getting married soon.
If you really loved and respected her,you would leave her alone.
And what makes you think "Lisa" is reading this post????
Get a life creep! | |
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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/16/2007 8:56:29 AM | | Every1 has given you some good advice its up 2 you if you decide 2 take it.. I know how you feel and what its like. Its been jus over a year for me and i still remember her. I have no idea of your situation or wat went on with you both.. But for me it was a 5yr relationship that broke down and over them yrs i grew 2 love her dearly with all my heart. We keep intouch very rarely but she will always be on my mind because of the years.. Yes its been hard knowin that she is with sum1 else and that ive missed the boat as it were, I tried 2 hide it by filling the void of time with things 2 occupy my mind but the reality is no matter how hard i tried 2 avoid it for some ironic reason it caught up with me jus like it has with you.. The minutes i had spare went on thinkin why,how and if only.... And its now only starting 2 hit me...If she loved of as much as i for her she would still be with of i still hope for the chance 2 have her back again but only time will tell but until that time...I must learn to forget so that when we do meet later down the line at least i can look her in the eye and say hi ya hows things without feeling sad or done over and at least my head will be held high and she will have on control over ruining my lie.....Yes you must get it out of your system and you also must remember 2 hold your head high for look around my friend you are certainly not alone...Now all that is left is for me 2 bid you all the best and take case | |
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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/16/2007 8:56:43 AM | Been there dude twice, Not for as long as you but you need to just realize that she is not coming back and move on. Only you can fix this. Say goodbye to her in your heart and go forward.
I wish you the best | |
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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:01:18 AM | candi apples shame on you!!
The guy does show some signs of being obsessed....but i think he has heart and that's a rare thing these days alot of people are cold and shallow today!!!
AS for the O.P. dude there's and old saying never date a lisa or lori...lol don't know how true it is!!
however get used to it the 21st century female goes through men like shoes.....they take the first chance they can to label you as obsessive or creep...there by creating their exit to a new romance! | |
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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:01:53 AM | If a year has passed, and she still haunts you, you need professional counseling
This is true. This person is causing major problems for you and you are unstable as a result of it. I ran into a major depression about a year and 9 months ago because of a girl I could not have. I had to let go slowly, and now I hardly even remember her.
As adviced, see someone soon in the field who can help you out. Good luck. | |
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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:25:51 AM | Helen Keller said “always face the sun”.
There is about a zillion ways to go with that - all are toward the positive.
I doubt all people would admit it but ........
I for one do think about my ex sometimes. She was the only female on my mind for 20 years. I also think that is more ...... thinking about being in a relationship - not so much actually thinking about *her*.
I would venture to say ... many of us have our thoughts drift backwards to someone - and what we are actually doing - is drifting back to ........ not being “single”. | |
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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:34:21 PM | | Are you still in contact with "lisa"? If so , that is your problem. If you aren't then you are wasting your time putting this "Lisa" on a pedastle, if she was thinking about you, she'd be with you right now, not getting married to some other guy, do yourself a favor and forget about her. | |
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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:46:24 PM | For th eOP
Looking at your writing here, I have to ask, at what point have you given yourself time for your mind to actually confront what has happened and come to terms with it? From what you're saying, it would seem the answer is little to none. We've all done this at som epoint and some have been hit harder than others by it. Some are still waiting their turn, an dth erest hope they never get a chance to experience it.
It seems that all you've done is kept yourself busy to the point where you're more running from your problem than confront it. in fact, you seem to scream it from the rooftops.
Depending on the relationship and such, will you ever stop thinking about her? maybe, maybe not. But given actual healing time, the frequency and intensity of it fades, as doe sits mpact on you. Given the proper healing time, of course, of which, its up to you and it'll suck for a while.
all you've really done so far, is go on your own version of a drinking bender. Stop running and confront it. The good days start to outnumber the bad ones... in time. | |
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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:52:13 PM |
Are you still in contact with "lisa"? If so , that is your problem. If you aren't then you are wasting your time putting this "Lisa" on a pedastle, if she was thinking about you, she'd be with you right now, not getting married to some other guy, do yourself a favor and forget about her.
That simple, huh? I don't know OP's situation, I don't know his ex-gf but I know that sometimes, even when people are truly deeply connected, and in love, some things cannot be worked out. It's interesting to hear that " if he/she truly loved you, they would not leave you". Such a cliche. In ideal world maybe love would solve all and they would cry, kiss , make up and live happily ever after. . But we are in the real world, despite deepest love some things cannot be worked out. Ever. Maybe his ex-gf realized that and tried to move on to the best of her ability. Sometimes even marrying another person does not mean there are no feelings left for the ex-. They are hidden deep inside and hidden away. | |
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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:56:13 PM | Your heart has been broken,,and your soul has experienced deep grief.
But if you were to get back together,,chances are it would still not work.
Time is a healer,,,and in time you will become more stronger,,so long as you dont let your grief fester inside you and ruin you.
Let her go,,move on,,forget about her the best you can.
It isnt healthy to be co-dependant on another for satisfaction ,,you must be strong alone,,and not depend on anyone else for who you are.And soon someone will find you and love you.
All relationships in this life come to an end at some point,,not just yours.Its life,,and we all experience it in some form or another,,so be strong,,allow yourself to grieve,,but move on and look ahead,,dont try to hold on to what was,,because it will never be like it was.
Life is constantly changing,,and you must learn to go with its flow,,nothing stays the same.
May your heart be healed from above,,and may you endure the hardships that face you,,and both learn and grow from them.
Bless you. | |
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| It's over a year now. I still think about her all the time.
Posted: 11/17/2007 12:43:48 AM | Aww sweetie thats lovely i still feel like that and its been 7 months that my x dumpt me. It is a very hard call i know its horrible when little things remind you of them. May b if you stayed friends it would have been harder and could you have coped with that?
I tried the friend thing but i wanted more so i ended up letting him abuse me bein depressed and needy. And in the end he told me he was just using me. KEEP STRONG HUNNI I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. XX kimberley | |
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