| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:05:48 PM | | Does anyone think it is the usual for a guy to be friends with women that he has had sex with? I am seeing a guy who has all women "friends". He has told me stories about his sexual adventures with many of them. These adventures have supposedly not happened for a long time. I know one was a year and a half ago. I don't know how long ago the rest were. He still talks, visits, emails MANY of them. He says they have just stayed friends. I guess that is just not my personality. If I am no longer seeing someone, I am more the kind that never wants to see them again. What do you think? Just curious. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:20:04 PM | I agree with you totally. I dated a guy [met him on here] for about 6 weeks. He was 'friends' with several ex lovers too [ even though he said he thought 1 had cheated on him while they were married]. Also found out [he told me] that he and the x-wife had a booty call while she was with her current husband. [but he swore time and again that he did not cheat when he was with someone. How can I believe that when I look at his past behaviour? He certainly does not act like cheating is a big deal to him. ] Anyway....we broke up and guess what...he said if I ever needed to be 'serviced' he would be glad to do it [ie: add me to his list of booty calls]. He could not understand why I was appalled at that.
There are exceptions, but when your tie with the person is x-lover, it's always there and not respectable to keep that relationship alive [why? to keep your options open?].
Also...just to add to this...6 weeks is not a long time, but he is the one that jumped in to serious really fast [bad sign - I know] and I just wanted to discuss this situation with him. He would not discuss it ... so we broke up. It was a communication & respect problem. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:26:49 PM | If you have sex with someone then don't talk afterwards to them you are bad.
If you have sex with someone and you do talk afterwards you are bad.
*sheesh*
A partner (usually)has had sex before your relationship, and (usually) after your relationship. And maybe even during your relationship.(I'm talking about polyamorous here  ).
If you have ANY doubts about involving in sex with someone , I'd say you are not ready. It's funny how the drive to sex sometimes overrides logic (and everything else), isn't it?
What a one does with their body is their business. | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 7 | |
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:28:03 PM | Why is that a major red flag?
Why not attribute it to the fact that they had an open, honest, mature relationship.
What more could you want in a partner?
Obviously if he was a player and just using women, he wouldn't have these positive vibes coming from them later. And to be really forthright, if he is so attracted to you that he emotionally and physically connected with you, but at some point determined you weren't really couple material, why would you want to lose that communication with someone you really care about?
I guess I get a bit defensive about this because I am friends with several of the women I've slept with. I believe it is the sign of a healthy relationship and positive attitude and an honest and clean (albeit painful) breakup. The only ones I am no longer friends with are ones whose current b/f feels threatened and insecure about "his woman" interacting with anyone...especially me. And typically, the girl will couch that in terms of "We decided...". That's OK by me...I truly want every one to have a happy and productive relationship life...so if it takes no longer interacting with me to enable that to happen, so be it.
But to be certain, I have been the first person a couple of exes have called after breakups and I've spent many hours helping them work through it. I was also the first person one ex called to tell me she was getting married.
The problem, OPie, seems to be from within you. You may find this guy fabulous, but if you don't do some introspection and learn whether you want to address this aspect of your psyche, you're probably going to lose the man. Because it is likely he isn't going to change...and worse...he doesn't need to, because he naturally attracts women. If you want to stay with him, my advice to you is to (a) tell him how you feel, and (b) tell him you're going to talk to a counselor and would thrilled if he'd join you from time to time. My guess is he will...if he is really into you. If not...there's your answer.
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:31:31 PM | Did he have any relationship with them? Were they seeing each other? Were they dating? Or were they just friends with benefits?
If they had relationships or were seeing each other, then it's fine if they stay friends. If they were just friends with benefits, I would want to know if they still do that or not, if not then I wouldn't smother him and tell him that he shouldn't be friends with them.
I guess everyone is entitled to their own friends or who they want to talk to or not. You can't really tell them what to do. The more you tell them not to do it, the more they will do it.
And, if I'm no longer seeing someone, it has to take them to really hurt me for me not to stay friends with them. It's silly if you stopped being friends with the person you were seeing, even though it didn't end badly. Then again, it's my opinion. Never have too many friends...
Edit: I think it's great that he actually told you that he still talks to them. At least he didn't hide it. Be more trusting a little maybe. Yes, don't trust him completely maybe if you're still seeing each other, but then again relationship is based on trust, a healthy one anyways. :) | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:31:52 PM | I would be more concerned with why he had to give you the details of his experiences with each of them. That is too much info for me to know from someone!
He should of and could of just kept it at..... I am still friends with a few people I was in a relationship with. End of story!
Maybe you should tell him all the details of your past sexual experiences, bet he would love that.......... | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:40:35 PM | ^^^ Exactly...why the need to share about his past conquests?
Isn't the relationship about YOU and HIM...not HIM and OTHERS?
I could give a bees knees who he was with (unless he was a total pig and screwing everything and anything) before he met me ....for him to go into detail and let you know HE WAS A PIG.......
Need anyone say more? | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:48:29 PM | Yeah right! A lady never kisses and tells, there are some things that should be kept confidential. I am very friendly with a former partner and we see each other often, but now just as friends. He tells me about his occasional dates with other women, why? I have no idea, maybe it's just because we talk about everything else and will always be close.
But if he was bouncing around with "many" women? I would probably ask him to keep that info to himself, because I really don't need to share every single little thing! After all, I don't feel it's necessary to talk to him about who I go out with. 
Pink | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 12 | |
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:54:12 PM | Amazing the different views people have...OK...try this one on....
...A couple of my past relationships were amazing...wonderful...and are DEFINITELY a part of who I am today. If it wasn't for those wonderful experiences...and I don't just mean sexually, I would be a different person today. As such, my partner has to know and understand that there are PEOPLE I care about and periodically may reference in our conversations as well as periodically talk/email/etc with them. Two of them are women I met that we never slept together, we just became best of friends.
In a nutshell...don't expect and treat me like I didn't have a life before I met you...and I won't do the same of you.
But in all honesty, a lot of people are way too hung up on this stuff and that is probably a good indicator as to why you are not great dating material.
Do you want to have hide and bury every past relationship you've had?
How sad to think that is the result of what was previously all that positive energy!
LIVE . . . . . . . . . . life! It;s a great alternative.
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:55:31 PM |
Does anyone think it is the usual for a guy to be friends with women that he has had sex with?
Not really. I am friends with and/or still talk to men I have slept with. I don't sleep with strangers often.
I am seeing a guy who has all women "friends". He has told me stories about his sexual adventures with many of them. These adventures have supposedly not happened for a long time. I know one was a year and a half ago.
Yeah, that's a big much...you don't need to hear all that. It's basically private information, and it sounds like he's bragging. Ick.
I don't know how long ago the rest were. He still talks, visits, emails MANY of them. He says they have just stayed friends. I guess that is just not my personality. If I am no longer seeing someone, I am more the kind that never wants to see them again. What do you think? Just curious.
Not me, many of my ex boyfriends and or FWB's are people I was friends with first and then returned back to the friendship after the fact. Like I said I establish friendships with people regardless, and most times dating (or whatever) comes out of that. I don't brag about conquests or spend huge amounts of time with these people, but I do see them and talk to them occasionally as friends. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 8:01:02 PM | I may be jumped on here, but I would think that if all these women are still friends with him, then he must have some good solid character traits, a good man in general.
His lifestyle may not be acceptable to you, but that doesn't negate his character as a whole.
He was honest with you about his friendships, he didn't hide it from you. I agree his lack of discretion in the intimate details may leave something to be desired however. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 8:11:25 PM | For me the operative word in the OP is 'many'. If the 'many' is 3 out of 5... I wouldn't be concerned. Like others have stated, if they are still friends, it might atest to his character... but, who knows. Only time will tell that. If the 'many' is 30 out of 50, I'd seriously worry about contracting something... so protection would be a PRIORITY.
If it bothers you that he has these friends, odds are that a relationship between the two of you will not last. Hate to be negative...but, that's just my 1/2 cents worth. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 8:30:08 PM | Hmmm, I've found that grown-up people can have sexual relationships with people, have intimate relationships with people, and afterward, have non-intimate relationships with those same people.
Not everyone hates their ex. Some people recognize that they can be fantastic friends and terrible partners. Rather than losing the richness of a relationship, they remain friends.
Who makes up these rules that require former lovers to become bitter enemies?
ACP | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 8:45:59 PM |
I would be more concerned with why he had to give you the details of his experiences with each of them. That is too much info for me to know from someone!
Being friends with ex partners is one thing.. graphic stories about bedding them is quite another. I'm friendly with all of my ex's, does my current guy need to know the details? I think not. I'd rather be making new experiences than rehashing old ones.
While I wouldn't question him being friends with the ex's, I would question his motives for filling you in on the dirty details. | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 19 | |
| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 8:56:43 PM | Ahhhhh.....KNEEJERKERS.....
OPie's OP...
Does anyone think it is the usual for a guy to be friends with women that he has had sex with? I am seeing a guy who has all women "friends". He has told me stories about his sexual adventures with many of them. These adventures have supposedly not happened for a long time. I know one was a year and a half ago. I don't know how long ago the rest were. He still talks, visits, emails MANY of them. He says they have just stayed friends. I guess that is just not my personality. If I am no longer seeing someone, I am more the kind that never wants to see them again. What do you think? Just curious.
I keep trying to figure out exactly where OPie said ...graphic stories about bedding... or any of the other tripe some broken souls are interjecting into this woman's comments. Somehow....stories about his sexual adventures being leveraged to graphic, numerous, etc., doesn't click.
And also, the fact that he has all women 'friends' may be that other guys feel threatened. Not a great thing...but not a dealbreaker. The good news is, players will usually have numerous friends...wingmen...co-players. So it's likely not the problem.
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 9:04:25 PM | I keep trying to figure out exactly where OPie said ...graphic stories about bedding...
He has told me stories about his sexual adventures with many of them
Geez, eazk......... get a clue. What do you think SEXUAL adventures means? Playing hop scotch? If she said, stories about their relationships, that would be different. But the word SEXUAL, means just that. He told stories about their sexual life.
Who are you to judge who isn't great dating material or not on here, just because of their view point? You are on here and maybe you aren't great dating material either because of your view points.
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 9:17:56 PM |
He has told me stories about his sexual adventures with many of them.
Do you know any of the women? Do they back up his story? Were I you, I'd follow up on that...
Hon, this just doesn't compute on SO MANY levels. Don't get too wrapped up in this dude, and if you decide to do the deed, INSIST that he use a condom. I don't CARE if he then recants the whole thing...he's a bullshipper of one kind or another.
Cindy O | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 9:20:14 PM | I don't think it's that common but I do have one male friend and only one male friend who I socialize with where we once tried to have a relationship. Obviously that involved sex at some point -- yet I can count on one hand the number of times it actually happened and have known him over 15 years.
We no sooner realized we weren't compatible in oh, so many ways (let alone sexually) than we both experienced financial trouble. And we made the irrational decision of sharing an apartment to help each other out assuming that somehow or another in such a case we'd certainly get along.
We did not. However, our finances got worse and we had to go on Welfare. They all but married us because we were promptly considered a couple by the Ontario government. This didn't help matters but it did give us a common enemy and an unexpected longstanding friendship.
We should also get an award for the longest standoff of sleeping back to back on a waterbed that's missing the mattress complaining about the mutual unworthiness of a sexual conquest with a member of the opposite sex. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 9:21:31 PM | | I'm very good friends with one former girlfriend, and stay in touch with a few others. That said, I don't feel any need to share my past sexual escapades with someone new in my life; it seems a bit classless, self-centered and especially, insecure. When I think about these women, I think about their lovely qualities, and not about sex. But that's just me. | |
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| He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2007 9:24:33 PM | To Stove top as to where I got that from:
<div class="quote">But in all honesty, a lot of people are way too hung up on this stuff and that is probably a good indicator as to why you are not great dating material
Hence my comment of ... don't judge or say a person is not great dating material because of their view point. He wasn't referring to the initial OP, he was referring to those who commented against the situation. | |
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