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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?      Home login  
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 pickles75
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 1
How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
This man that I have been talking with says that he is shy, but when I get to know him and he is comfortable he won't be shy or nervous. We have gone out on a few dates and think that we click very well (he agrees as well) but he says that he still gets nervous around me. I would like to know how do I get him to that comfort level so he can open up?
 Wylie_Coyote
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 2
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How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:13:11 AM
OP,

He'll open up on his schedule. Just let him be comfortable for who he is.

J Mac
 cktoronto
Joined: 5/8/2007
Msg: 3
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How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:13:53 AM
Everyone is different, I personally have trouble opening up until there is some level of physical contact, even something as lame as holding hands.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 4
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How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:17:25 AM
It's weird, but the truth is that he'll open up when he's not feeling like someone wants him to open up. Give him his own time frame, acceptance, a lot of patience and some space to reflect when he needs it, that's all. He'll come around eventually.
 867love
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 5
How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:39:49 AM
happy hour: -buy him a couple jager-bombers and a few beers
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 6
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How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:42:28 AM

It's weird, but the truth is that he'll open up when he's not feeling like someone wants him to open up. Give him his own time frame, acceptance, a lot of patience and some space to reflect when he needs it, that's all. He'll come around eventually.
uglybetty has it right. Most people who are shy, are only shy when pressured. Stop waiting for it to happen and relax, and it will happen that much sooner.
 rune3
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 7
How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:48:55 AM
Agreeing with scorpiomover and uglybetty. Stop prodding the man: he'll be less nervous when you stop putting pressure on him to not be nervous and accept him as he is. He's probably trying really hard not to be shy, which makes it worse!
 pickles75
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 8
How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:01:38 PM
I understand what you are saying but I am not putting any pressure on him at all just so you all know this. It is just something that I was thinking about and if there was a thing that would help i would try it. I don't say anything to him about his shyness in fact i think he says more about it than I do. I just tell him when it happens it happens i was just trying to see how I could make it easier for him. I think that I did not ask the question right. Trust me I am a very patient person and I will wait for the right person as long as it takes. Like I said I was just trying to see if there was something that I could do to make it easier for him. And he must be getting more comfortable because we are going to his cabin in Michigan this weekend. Well good luck to all of you.
 pickles75
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 9
How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:02:39 PM
Sorry can't do that he does not drink. But thanks for the advice.
 pet_tech
Joined: 9/24/2007
Msg: 10
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How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:09:35 PM
I wanna say "crowbar". But that's stupid.

Find out what he is interested in and talk to him about it... most people enjoy speaking comfortably about what they like doing... unless it's necrophilia.
 life_of_leisure
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 11
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How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:16:14 PM
Ok, I haven't had the opportunity to post this in a while...

Twenty-one Points for Women Who Want Their Men to "Open Up"

A perfectly valid word for an exchange of thoughts and feelings is "intercourse." There's a good reason for this. For every complaint that women have about how we try to get sex from them, we can make a similar point about how women try to get emotion from us.

1) Don't just snap your fingers and say, "Open up."

2) Though you may feel a strong urge to "do it," men are different. Intercourse does not always have to be in and out, back and forth. Men value and enjoy non-verbal intercourse, like being understood and accepted for what they are, not what they say.

3) You can't force intercourse and expect your man to enjoy it. You might force him to fake an understanding just to get it over with.

4) Men will not hop into emotional intimacy with just anyone. Men know that women are always ready to get into somebody's head. You must convince him that he is not just another piece of mind.

5) You should let him be on top sometimes. Men are tired of being in the inferior position, especially in hot and passionate intercourse.

6) Don't perform tricks that make him feel inadequate. Remember that you have been raised with more skill in intercourse than he has.

7) Men were taught that only women are supposed to enjoy intercourse. Help him not to feel guilty and weird for doing it.

8) Let him take control sometimes. Don't insist on controlling whose needs must be met when.

9) Don't talk and tell. Don't get him to "put out" and then rush to your women friends with the intimate details.

10) If your thrusting and probing hurts him, stop immediately. Don't assume that he'll start to like it just because you do.

11) Allow him to initiate. Don't hit on him with so many requests for intercourse that he never feels the urge to start intercourse at his own pace, according to his own needs.

12) Men are often shy and insecure about their flaws and blemishes, about whether you will find them attractive. Don't expect your man to show you everything right away.

13) Remember that good intercourse is not a wrestling match. There should be no winner and no loser.

14) Respect your lover as an equal partner. You don't own him; he does not exist for the sole purpose of providing your pleasure.

15) If you have ever abused him during intercourse, understand that it may take a long, long time for your man to open up to you again.

16) Keep in mind that men's and women's rhythms are different. Don't get angry if his needs don't coincide with yours.

17) If you simply want to release tension, let him know. Don't pretend that you're doing it for him. Men often resist intercourse if they feel pressured about "getting into it."

18) There is no such thing as the ideal lover. Don't try to make your partner into something he isn't. Accept your man as he is.

19) Foreplay is essential; gentle stroking of the ego can help. If you encounter a ravenous ego, remember it is ravenous not because it gets too much healthy attention, but because it gets too little.

20) Don't get hung up on achieving simultaneous understanding. Men's understandings take longer, but they are usually more intense.

21) Respect him in the morning.

- Excerpted from Jack Kammer's book "If Men Have All the Power, How Come Women Make the Rules?"
 QUICKSILVER217
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 12
How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:29:17 PM
Shyness can masquerade as something very different - a complete refusal to be honest with you.
"Shyness" can also mean I am not going to divulge anything about me, so that me knowing more about you - is a power play.
Shyness can mean self esteem issues - in which case your successess and achievements will effectively undermine what "manhood" he has. A really "shy" man will then work to undermine you in revenge.
The next "shy" man I meet I will kick to the curb without a second glance - I have no time for losers and people with trust issues to this degree.
Don't find yourself married and screwing a stranger for years - believing a man to be "shy" and that he will "open up eventually". Sometimes sharing is just not EVER going to happen.
Women should be just as tough and relentlessly selfish about knowing their partners as the men are in getting tough and nasty about wanting their fast screw.
Men hate and detest women - if they didn't - they would actually want to be friends and have some affection for their screw partners. Yeah right!
I mean just to test - ask what they like to do - "ugh nothin", what do you enjoy? "dugh sex". So you get the cold treatment until you see him with his friends - and only then, do you discover the things he refused to tell you anything about. Why?
Because he thinks you are beneath him and don't deserve to be spoken to like a human being. Men don't talk and have conversation with their "meat".
Sex and conversation are related - no sex - get conversation. Have screw time and all conversation just dries up for good - just screw please - and hold the conversation because I don't care anything about you except for your crotch. Oh I actually don't care about your crotch either - because I will infect you and cheat on you as well...
 Q37
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 13
How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:38:33 PM
maybe he is not in hurry and maybe you need to slow down and look at the big picture and see why he feel that way with you. maybe you should go out with some friends and see if they can help to figure out the problem>
 Slappy15767
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 14
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How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:55:35 PM
Maybe he's not shy. Maybe he is just in full possession of a penis and balls.

Take me. You could take every woman who has ever known me in my life. Include family -- y'know, people who've known me for friggin ever. The entire summary of what you'd find out about me by asking them is I'm very smart and I'm a little odd, particularly when it comes to sense of humor, don't **** with me when Jeopardy is on and please leave me the **** alone when I am working.

Why am I that way? Because I just don't give a **** to gab endlessly about shit.

Ya dig?
 marcob
Joined: 10/4/2007
Msg: 15
How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 5:12:58 PM
Next time you're together, put your hand on his junk. that'll loosen him up.


That and oral.
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 16
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How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 5:21:55 PM

happy hour: -buy him a couple jager-bombers and a few beers


Yep, plenty of booze... you might have trouble shutting him up though! lol
 ubkobalt
Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 17
How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 7:27:42 PM


Twenty-one Points for Women Who Want Their Men to "Open Up"


Nice!! I agree with every point.


And to add my own, give him the space to open up, without forcing it, without punishment. He doesn't need to just KNOW it. He needs to FEEL it.

Usually when people are like that, it's because they're afraid of being judged.
 Seavoyage
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 18
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How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 7:39:35 PM
Just show that you are concerned about being comfortable, be sweet to him, nice, endearing, build up his trust, and you will eventually just melt:)
I was once a very shy guy and if a girl was patient, warm, kept with me no matter what, communicated, and tried to figure out where I was coming from and calm then I would have adored them, I am sure... Just make him feel comfortable, talk to him, hear him, and be with him....
 casino_dave
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 19
How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 7:47:04 PM
"I would like to know how do I get him to that comfort level so he can open up?"

Well speaking from experience (I rate myself a 9.9 on a shyness scale of 10) I would say he is saying in his mind what he wants to tell you. If you think he is not thinking about sending flowers or complimenting you you're probably wrong, I would say he is saying everything you want him to say he is saying in his head but is too shy to say out loud.

Routine and familiarity may help, new situations especially social situations are stressful to a shy person. Keep it simple just the two of you at home instead of a restaurant since the mere act of going out creates enormous pressure leading up to the event (what to wear, what to say, arrive early or fashionably late, pay or split the bill, does t his person really like me?) . At least a home setting minimizes some of the things a shy person has to think about. Keep it casual too, whatever style the person likes don't go formal is casual is preferred or vice versa.

Maybe take charge, I know I feel better around outgoing women who are the opposite of me, I don't mean dominate and take over the situation, for some reason wild outgoing/ take charge women seem to bring me out of my shell.

Being shy you realize how life is like a stage and people are actors but you just can't seem to "act".
How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 8:00:26 PM
People like that were usually the last one picked for teams on the playground...

To get him to relax and open up you just need to show him that you want to hang out with him even if he can't catch or throw worth a darn... (He's probably afraid that you'll dump him leaving him at the end of the line again as soon as you realize he doesn't throw very well...) The best way to get him to lighten up / loosen up is probably to start a friendly game of catch and intentionally throw the ball so horribly wrong yourself that he could not possibly do any worse...

You could always play games with him... Ask him if he would like to get naked with you. If he says yes then suggest playing a game... Each time you tell me something new about yourself that I did not know before I will award a point value to it from 1 to 10. When the points add up to more than 10 you can remove an article of my clothing... When I tell you something that you did not know before you will award a point value of 1 to 10. When we are both completely naked then we don't need to "open up" anymore until we start the next round..."
 Karrpilot
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 21
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How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 8:11:39 PM
Sometimes all it takes is a real good lip lock. My first girlfriend did that to me. Unleashed the beast in me. Nice and s l o w and VERY passionately. Along with alot of well placed touches. I should look her up right about now.
 mr. dynomite
Joined: 9/11/2007
Msg: 22
How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 8:18:25 PM

We have gone out on a few dates and think that we click very well (he agrees as well) but he says that he still gets nervous around me. I would like to know how do I get him to that comfort level so he can open up?


suck his thingie




 fury7
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 23
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How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 8:47:03 PM
Hi pickles, i have the same problem. sorry i can't be more enlightening, but i'm glad i'm not the only one. My friends who know us both tell me to lay low. Hasn't helped so far. Will keep you updated.
 Tristan76
Joined: 10/17/2007
Msg: 24
How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 8:53:23 PM
Communicate, communicate, communicate, but don't push!
 Harry Peter
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 25
How do you get a shy man out of his shell and open up?
Posted: 11/16/2007 9:30:14 PM
Make him horny by flashing him. Horney kicks shyness's butt every time.
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