| Would you have a relationship with a registered sex offender?
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:26:43 PM | | If you are dating someone and are really into them, then they tell you that they have to register every 90 days for the rest of their life and that their classification is listed as a sexual predator, would you still consider an involvement with them even though they have served their time or stop all contact with that person? | |
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| Would you have a relationship with a registered sex offender?
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:40:25 PM | The way that most states register sex offenders is out of date and needs work. There is a big difference between the man who molests young boys and is a registered sex offender and the man who met a girl, lied about her age and even had fake ID to back it up. He sleeps with her, then finds out she is under age and is also labelled a sex offender.
In the first case, those types of sex offenders do not change. Even with medication and therapy, they will reoffend. It is an illness.
In the second case, isn't the girl more at fault than the man? She lied about her age, looked older and even had fake ID to prove it.
Does not seem fair to me. But in both cases they would be labelled a sex offender and have to register, in most states anyways. The public gets to know who the sex offenders are but not what they have done. So the second guy, get hate mail and threatened etc. Does not seem fair to me.
But in any case, I do not hang around with people who have criminal records. | |
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| Would you have a relationship with a registered sex offender?
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:45:14 PM | Re: Carrie's post; Good to see someone pointing this out.
A sex offender is not necessarily a sexual predator. I've read of cases where a 17 year old boy was arrested and subsequently labeled a "sexual offender" after having sex with his g/f (16? 17?) and her parents finding out. Is he a horrible kid? How many of us had sex as teenagers, before we were the legal age of consent?
A sexual predator is an entirely different matter. I can't imagine anyone would knowingly continue a relationship with one. | |
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| Would you have a relationship with a registered sex offender?
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:54:19 PM | It's easy to say "stop all contact" when the scenario is in the abstract and your emotions are not engaged but it is more difficult if you are actually "really into them" to see so clearly. I mean "really into them" isn't something trivial, is it?
However, in this case, the bad news is also a truckload of emotion so logic isn't really necessary: most people would be repelled, repulsed, sickened and so on...
But how "really into the person" are you talking?
I think that for me, supposing I could see beyond the crime and it's horrid nature, the fact that they'd kept it secret from me would be a huge issue too -- because if I feel that I don't know who a person is, I would always be wondering what they might suddenly reveal next.
I am optimistic about people and I believe that they only behave badly because they are suffering, but I would have to know a great deal of detail before I made any kind of decision on whether I wanted to be around them. A person may get convicted of a crime they didn't commit; they may have done stuff under the influence of drugs or medication or extreme emotional pressure that is not a fair reflection of who they are; they may have grown up abused and done something to a sibling or other child when they themselves were no more than a child and were also a victim. I think it's wrong that people should be condemned for life but I feel nauseous thinking about any violent or abusive crime, and I'm pretty sure the nausea and uncertainty would put me off being with them. However, there are women out there with stronger stomachs than mine and love combined with hope can be a very powerful thing. | |
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| Would you have a relationship with a registered sex offender?
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:57:27 PM | That is true there is a HUGE difference between a sexual offender and a sexual predator. Sexual predators are the child molesters and the lowest of the low and in my opinion should never see the light of day again. But I beleive even though they do not change they need medication and therapy to help them and their sickness.
A sexual offender is usually the guy who unknowingly had sex with an underage girl. It does not make him evil. And he should not be on the same list as the child predators but he still ends up being on that list.
If I were underage, had fake ID and was in a bar and had sex with an older man and my parents found out and pressed charges, why should his life end because of my lie? That is not fair.
~Carrie | |
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| Would you have a relationship with a registered sex offender?
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:06:31 PM | | Considering my own personal history, while knowing that the distinction of 'sex offender' is vague, I woukd still cease all contact. It is too much of a risk. I would expect a man to do the same if I had a comprable arrest record. | |
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| Would you have a relationship with a registered sex offender?
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:08:04 PM | | There are many kinds of sex offenders some may be treated. There is the guy that beats up and rapes a woman off the street ( a complete stranger) the guy that goes to bed with a minor, the date rape , estranged rape with ex's, pedifiles..... if the person was rehabilitated...it usually is a control thing though and it might be best to stay away..depending on the offender and what his actual offense is or was. | |
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| Would you have a relationship with a registered sex offender?
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:08:25 PM | Carrie does have a good point. I have to admit, I reacted in a knee-jerk way and did not consider that a sex offender is not necessarily a pervert.
But, how easy would it be for a pervert to convince people that he was unfairly tarred with that brush? I've never given any thought at all to this, but can you find out what, exactly, a person was convicted for?
If I couldn't, I would not be able to be generous with the benefit of the doubt. | |
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| Would you have a relationship with a registered sex offender?
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:14:45 PM | Rue
it is true people can be under the influence or substance abuse...it still doen't make it right. Watch out for the bully cycle....they are very manipulative(sweet, flowers, travel, seem shy and honest...poor hurt bird and you get drug in if your not careful..Sometimes the true personality does not come out until your trapped in a relationship... | |
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00jac
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Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 18 | |
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| Would you have a relationship with a registered sex offender?
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:29:04 PM | @ msg18
Been there, got the Tshirt. This is why I am reluctant to suggest that people are free to know for sure what they would choose in such an emotionally heightened circumstance. Realistically, if you believe that you deeply love someone, then a great deal becomes tolerable or forgiveable that normally would make you run a mile. This is actually evidenced scientifically - during the "infatuation" stage of love, certain parts of the brain responsible for logical, critical judgement tend to get bypassed. | |
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| Would you have a relationship with a registered sex offender?
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:30:32 PM | they tell you that they have to register every 90 days for the rest of their life and that their classification is listed as a sexual predator
This is what the OP said. The OP did not say sex offender, which to me would encompass all the 18 year olds that screwed the 16 year olds and daddy sent them to jail.
The term was "sexual predator" which is predated by the slightly more dated and generic "offender" term. Predator is more serious and would not get a second minute from me. | |
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| Would you have a relationship with a registered sex offender?
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:35:48 PM | ^^Not to use semantics, but the title of the thread is:
Would you have a relationship with a registered sex offender?
There is a difference between a sex offender and a sexual predator. In the states, they are two different matters, both still in use.
A 'predator' here is very clear, and as I stated, I can't imagine why someone would want to continue a relationship with a 'predator'.
An offender can encompass a whole lot of types of charges. | |
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| Would you have a relationship with a registered sex offender?
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:39:51 PM | Okay well she uses both terms. I was reading the post and forgot the thread title.
The two terms, to me, are not interchangeable and she states in the opening post they are classified as sexual predator, not offender. So I guess clarification is needed.
Depending on which it was further discussion may or may not be warranted.
Edit: And my apologies, Topjack, I actually missed your post entirely and it's dead on. | |
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| Would you have a relationship with a registered sex offender?
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:41:51 PM | | Sexual predators have the highest recidivism rate of any criminal. For everytime they are caught there is probably a dozen times that they were not because sexual assaults are the most under reported crimes in this country. There is no rehabilitating a person who is truely a sexual predator. Get away from this person and do so quickly. | |
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| Would you have a relationship with a registered sex offender?
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:49:27 PM | | No way...never gonna happen! However, there is a case in my state where a 16 year old boy was arrested for indecent exposure for swimming in the nude at the river. He is now a registered sex offender. The laws need to be reworked and different classifications should be used. That kids life has been ruined because he was doing what I've done on several occasions...when I was much younger! I'd hate to think I would be considered a sex offender for skinny dipping! | |
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