| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 11:44:28 AM | Hi folks.
I got to thinking here (always a dangerous thing) about what it is that I REALLY seek in a relationship. As my profile states, I am seeking long term... but we all know that has to start with communication, chatting, phone calls etc first.
Looking back at the few long term relationships I have had, it seems a couple of them had a divide between us about sex. One relationship my gal was not interested in sex except maybe once ever 6-8 months! - So that lead, in part, to me breaking up with her, but there were many other issues as well. Next I had a relationship in which my girlfriend wanted it MUCH MUCH more than me, and it got frustrating sometimes. I remember doing serious important things and her mind was on love making. So that relationship had me on the other side... It seems my girlfriends and I have never matched up on the subject of sex.
Ok, enough said on that. What I have discovered is that for me personally companionship and having a person one is in love with that takes away all the loneness is far more important than sex. Of coarse I still like sex, but I'm not like my last gal that could of gone all day and night 24/7. I finally realized that I'm really seeking a lady and a love life in which we can grow old together, with the love making being far less important. I still need the chemistry in a lady. I still love to flirt. But for me, waiting a few days is the way for me. I realize that everyone can differ on this subject, and things like age and prescribed medication can make a huge difference in one's interest in sex.
So, I just had to ask others here if anyone else is looking for love, and not so much sex. A show of hands could be interesting. Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone with these feelings.
Thanks.  | |
|
| |
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 12:14:56 PM | LOL dropdeaded, you really aren't far off the mark on your answer.
Although I am sure many will protest that. If the thread stays around. | |
|
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 12:17:10 PM | | I am looking for a long term relationship with someone looking for committment and life long marriage. | |
|
| |
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 12:57:25 PM | dropdeaded: It took me a moment, but I see now what your saying. But, myself being "a real man", I have to differ with what you said. Sometimes I feel I have had enough sex to make me scream for a halt. For me it has got to a point to where I look for many other things first in a relationship. And this is coming from "a real man".
That "real man" comment could be taken as a personal insult, but I'll take it as a joke unless you say otherwise.
I did get a chuckle over your reply! | |
|
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 12:58:10 PM | | I want both and wont settle for less. If I just wanted love and companionship I would have just a friend live with me. If I just wanted sex I can get that anywhere. But I want the package deal. | |
|
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 1:13:38 PM | | I want the package deal, too. The difficult thing is that it takes a lot of effort to build love, and sex is often a distraction from really getting to know someone--for both genders. My experience, however, is that love has to come in, it can't simply go out. So guys CAN learn to seek giving love...I've read about it. | |
|
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 1:17:57 PM | I want the love... I truly want some good honest love, don't get me wrong sex is great but if theres no love then I don't want it.
Sorry I had to edit this darn thing
I'm not just going to have sex with somebody because I need it and lets face it sex feels good but I truly want love yes I have had sex with someone in the past that I didn't care about and I truly wish I wouldn't of. Soo no love no sex! | |
|
| |
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 1:39:38 PM |
I just had to ask others here if anyone else is looking for love, and not so much sex
To be honest, both are great when with the right person, but to put that in your profile would often be the kiss of death. If you say that you are looking for affection, love, and companionship, people often think you are either a fraud or that there is something odd afoot. If you dare mention anything about sex, then you are dismissed as being out for one thing. Since we are all presumably on this site in the first place for either or both, it seems that some of us are in for a disappointment...lol
Lance T | |
|
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 1:53:56 PM | | I am looking for both. I can give and take a little bit both on love and the sex as long as both are at acceptable levels. I do not want one without the other though, it should be a happy balance. | |
|
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 2:04:54 PM | 
I could find sex if that was all I was interested in. That has always seemed like a waste of time though- life is too short for shallow relationships. | |
|
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 2:12:28 PM | Jammer
If its any consolation here....I understand exactly what you are referring to....
To say you have reached that stage in your life to me suggests you have matured and have truly discovered in life what the important steps are that we take when we think of growth.
Its the ability to say, I want to be with you, "just because"...but its also to say that I love you enough to want to share in everything !
CC | |
|
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 2:27:48 PM | The whole enchilada... or nothing.
At the moment, I can't think of another area in life where I take an "all or nothing" position, but love with sex is definitely one. | |
|
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 2:39:05 PM | Unless I misunderstood something I would think about 95% of the people would fit.
- if you are talking about ZERO sex or two time a years sex ...... then the percent would go way way down.
- if you are talking about sex 15 times a day ..... then the percent would go way down.
I don’t think I get it ...... if this is just a tread to say you (the OP) is not out trying to get in every gal’s pants (aka yet another nice guy thread) .......... I still don’t get it.
All I saw was a description of what should be a “normal” relationship. Back to the 95% of the people.
--------
OP - what I read was - you talked about two extremes - then went on to say you had matured past all of that. The person is more important than the sex - or than overboard on the sex.
You described 95% of the people in the world. Or more if you take out the under 25 year old guys.
Most all of us is after THE PERSON first.
| |
|
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 2:52:25 PM | The way I see a romantic relationship/partnership is that one would want to have sex with their partner. Sex is the romantic part of a romantic partnership just as when referring to someone as your golf partner it means the playing of golf is what defines the relationship. Or my fishing partner or fishing buddy means that fishing defines the type of relationship it is.
While wanting sex doesn't mean one is interested in a LTR or is in love the other side of the coin, IMO, is if one is in love they want to have sex. I can't imagine having love, romantic love, without wanting and having sex.
I believe the sex and all it entails, the body language, is what causes the love. It's that special chemistry one has with another that defines the type of love/relationship. If that desire isn't there then it's not really a romantic love.
So, when seeking a romantic partner I first seek the sex because that will determine, to a large extent, the type of relationship we'll have. By first seeking the sex I mean there will obviously be compatibility in other areas but the love can't come before the sex. The "I like you" wll definately be there but the "love", romantically speaking, can not be determined before the sex. | |
|
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 4:01:58 PM | This almost seems to be a thread about the difference between lust and love. They feel quite the same yet there not.
 | |
|
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 4:03:11 PM | | Gotta have both.......but if I had to choose I would say Love....I think Adam and Eve had hands before they met right? | |
|
| |
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 4:07:51 PM | I'm really old-fashioned... For most of Western history until the eighteenth century, love was not expected to end well, to say the least. Actually, it was expected to end in tragedy. Even though expectations have changed, I don't think the reality has changed all that much, especially as of late.
While sex may not be guaranteed to end well, it more usually does. One more thing in its favor is that it's typically over in hours or a day or two as opposed to months and years. But IRL I don't particularly seek either. | |
|
CESSKA
|
Joined: 10/24/2007
Msg: 22 | |
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 4:13:04 PM | i am lookin for love i thought all women were, i also thought all men only wanted sex.
but doesn't sex follow love? | |
|
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 4:44:48 PM | | I feel everyone has a desire to find love, whether they are actively seeking it or not. Sex, on the other hand, is much easier to find. To have love and sex would be a piece of paradise, and hopefully a safe place, while on this earth. | |
|
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 4:53:55 PM | Oh, I quite agree that it's best to have both love and sex. Sure, thats the same thing I want. I'm speaking about how often a couple gets in the mood, as in what is more important for the guys. I'm speaking of how sometimes a couple can't always agree on how and when to make love. I used my situation for an example, but thats all I meant by mentioning anything from my past. I guess we all sorta feel that most women seek love over sexual matters, and I can respect that. So to clarify my question: I'm curious how many people stating new relationships are thinking/seeking love first (I'm sorry for my poor wording in my main post) or are most of the guys thinking of sex first (perhaps to start a family even). I feel that sometimes people might not be 100% accurate and truthful in their profiles as far as what they are truly looking for. I don't feel many members that are seeking sex only will always make this clear within their online profile. So I thought I would post the question.
I often feel strange when I look around and realize that, indeed, it's true that most men SEEM to be thinking of sex before they really think of true love. I feel strange because I'm different than that, yet I guess I'm vastly out numbered on this issue. I posted this because I am curious if there are any other guys like me that truly seek the love (other than sex) of another woman. I'm afraid I rather missed the boat in how I phrased my question on the post header of this thread. Please accept my apologizes over my poor wording. I'm certainly not seeking the attention of a troll, I only wished to get a feel of how other members balanced out love and sex when they are dating strangers for the first time.
Also, how do the ladies feel when a guy they don't know contacts them for the first time yet they don't say anything about sex, or how pretty the lady's picture on profile might be? Sometimes I'm worried if I don't say something positive about a lady's looks that I wont get a response back. OTH: If I do comment on her appearance I'm worried she may take me as a bit of a pervert. It's difficult for me to balance these two things.
Thanks for all the informative comments. It helps me get a better picture of how men a women differ. And, I would certainly not want to contact a female on here and seem like some sort of alien. (' hope that makes sense). Also, I'm truly sorry to everyone that thought I was maybe trolling for attention on this subject. From the bottom of my heart I never posted this thread in such a spirit. I seek no pity. I'm just out of practice on some dating skills, and I'm trying to understand better the things I don't have a good grip on.
Cheers.  | |
|
| How Many Seek Love Over Sex?
Posted: 11/17/2007 4:55:03 PM | To have a truly loving relationship that will last into old age (as you have said you are now seeking), to me it means being compatible - really compatible on all realms - mentally, spiritually, physically (sex and affection), and emotionally (love and feelings).
You can't separate it and leave out any part if you are in a truly evolutionary couple - meaning there with the intention to evolve and grow on all levels.
I believe, once both people have reached a similar level of 'maturity' and closeness, love becomes overlaid on all the realms. So, thoughts are loving, feelings are loving, seeing the divine in the other is seen with love, and sex is loving - really making love, not just saying those words.
To me, the two relationships you speak of, op, were not compatible with you physically, and it doesn't sound like either of them were really loving relationships either.
Your question then is, "...if anyone else is looking for love, and not so much sex...."
It seems to me we are always striving for balance, so some people who have had long term sexual relationships without love seem to then balance the emotional emptiness with sometimes choosing now loving relationships without sex (if it's not available, for whatever reasons).
And, likewise, some who have had very loving relationships that were not so compatible physically - sexually- then go for a relationship that is more based on lust - pure physical attraction, not necessarily with the love to match.
I believe, as we really mature and experience these imbalances, (and some of course can find this much earlier and not follow this path I've outlined here!).....I think many finally realize it really does take both - loving relationships that really make/generate love on all realms - as I said before, including the physical.
Life to me, seems a journey to truth. This is one of those journeys and we are all on the path of finding the relationships that really work for us. It is a personal thing and I believe no two relationships are alike. The key is finding another who really is compatible with us - who is also ready and looking for the same relationship you are.....the one who's path is crossing yours and if you're focused and paying attention, you'll stop and say hello.
footnote :- just found your latest post above that you must have been writing when I was writing this....so to say very quickly, in terms of what to say to a lady when you first make contact here? honesty is always what works best for me. if you feel someone is genuinely pretty and something in her face/smile/expression/words affected you, then speak your truth. if, on the other hand, all you noticed was her bust size, then perhaps that's not the best thing to say initially....course I'm not so sure on that seeing how many women here definitely draw attention to that area in their main photo!...so perhaps they are asking for some compliments there after all :).....gosh, no one can tell you what another would want to hear....not really, for who can speak for another? to me, just be as honest and caring as you can be - be yourself! the right one will notice with interest if they are paying attention. | |
|
Home
login 
