| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 6:07:40 AM | I have been with my boyfriend for a year. I enjoy sex but he has never made me come. He has tried lots of things but nothing works.
He got really annoyed with himself and put a lot of pressure on both of us trying to find out why, even looking up internet sites etc. I asked him to stop putting the pressure on because it was a total turnoff.
I really love him but im starting to wonder if i should end it, especially when he says things like he wishes i could experience what he has everytime he's with me.
Should I leave just to try and find someone else who will make it happen for me?
I was even wondering if i should suggest we should just have a few months break so we can be with other people. Neither of us was very 'experienced' at all before we met. But now we have done everything together. And still nothing for me. I am starting to go off sex with him a bit over this, but i still love him and who he is. Could it be that we are just physically incompatible??? We dont 'fit together' right? | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 6:18:17 AM | I didn't even need to get past the first to come up with the conclusion your trying too hard.. for women it's alot more in the head then the body, men are a little easier to please when their 'head' isnt in it.
I suspect your too busy consentrating on the destination to enjoy the ride... just enjoy it as it happens and don't worry about 'coming' if you forget about it it will happen. | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 6:22:18 AM | The majority of women can not climax thru penetration alone, there needs to be some clitoral stimulation as well.
Can you climax on your own thru masterbation? If you can it's simply mechanics about how Tab B fits into Slot A. I had a relationship with one guy for about 3.5 yrs and I can count on one hand how many times I climaxed in that time. He couldn't have been bothered to make me cum. Sad really. Your guy doesn't sound like he's anything like that tho.
If you start out with the thought in the back of your head "will *THIS* be *THE TIME*? will I cum?" then chances are you won't. Mental stimulation is really important and if you are constantly thinking about if it will happen, you aren't concentrating on the right things..
What is he doing or not doing that will help you get there? | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 6:30:32 AM | | Maybe you just need to learn to open up sexually. If you have managed to achieve orgasm through masturbation or with other partners, then you must know what pleases you. One of the other posters is right, I think it's approximately 75% of women who can't achieve climax through penetration, but they can manage perfectly well with other stimulation. Also, being so tense about this yourself isn't going to help matters. You sound just as stressed about it as he is. Have you any fantasies? and if so, have you talked to him about them? It seems a shame to give up someone you really feel a connection with just because you may be a little afraid to dip your toes in the water. | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 6:32:01 AM | | Sorry, but I agree with msg 2. You're trying too hard. Simple way to solve this, is to take the pressure off. Sticking to kissing, massage, and BASIC foreplay, is the easiest way to achieve this. Women don't just orgasm. They build up slowly, until it happens. Kind of like a gentle stroll up a hill. Any sudden jerks, and it breaks the flow. So, just get him to take it easy, and just enjoy what is happening. An hour of massage, and if you're both just focussing on the journey, and not the destination, and anything can happen. | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 6:43:24 AM | | ^^^^^^^I agree with you Scorpiopower, sexual arousal is usually a much slower process with a woman than it is with a man. With a woman it tends to be more mental stimulation, whereas with a man it tends to be more visual. Either way, rushing into a situation without creating a buildup can have a bad effect on sexual relations . I personally think that learning how to be sexually open as a couple, and getting over the fears of being able to tell your partner what pleases you, and what is a turn off can have an amazingly positive effect on your sexual relations, but too many people are too scared to say what really satisfies them. | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 6:57:10 AM | Like most everyone has said, you need to relax and not try so hard. When that's all you have in your mind, that's all you're going to be thinking about, you won't be enjoying what he's doing to you in order to get you to orgasm.
Relax, lots of foreplay, clear your mind and concentrate on what he's doing and it will happen. | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 7:40:54 AM | I have to agree with the other posters... Too much focus on the "Arrival" rather than the journey to the destination. Other's have made some excellent suggestions but I'll offer another as well. Run out and get a copy of Joy's of Sex or similar and start at page 1 and work your way to the end of the book. Just enjoy yourselves and see what you like and what you don't, it's more about the journey and it's detours.
Questions that were asked by other's... Have you had the Big O before ? With anyone else ? or by self stimulation ? I am assuming of course that you've reached the Big O beforehand but I know a few that never had. | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 8:06:59 AM | | having sexual relations with someone you love should be so much more than the ultimate climax. i myself have never been able to climax during intercourse, so i'm i supose to give it up or not enjoy it. i love it for the closeness, the emotional benefits. i guess since i never have had an orgasm during sex i enjoy it other ways. he shoukdnt be putting pressure on you for not climaxing if he knows you really love him. you could always masturbate in front of him, thats just as arousing to men. if you are basing your love relationship just on sex then its not true love | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 8:09:33 AM | | He can't make you cum. He can have sex with you but you make yourself cum by how you feel having sex, most of which is what you think at the time. I agree the relationship is to be ended because you deserve a lover who knows this about sex, and he deserves a lover who can cum. In this day and age of internet-available information the fact you have chosen to remain ignorant tells me sex is going to be hit or miss for you, so your only option is to switch partners until you find one that "works", and then dump him when you stop enjoying sex. | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 8:31:53 AM | Wow the others in here have said it so well....
It's like this , When you get in the car to take a trip somewhere, do you look out the window and enjoy the scenery....Even stop sometimes to check out new things....Or do you close your eyes and just picture the place you are headed all the way there? I would think you would want to enjoy the trip.....So, just let yourself go.....Enjoy the whole thing, relax and it will happen .... | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 8:31:58 AM | I take it that you have cum before with other men just not with him. Getting a new boyfriend sounds like the answer except that you say you LOVE him. Really liking someone is way different then loving them. If you are talking about moving on to another, my guess is that you do not love him but just really like him a lot.
The pressure sure doesn’t help things because that makes it that much harder on the both of you. Stress is a killer when trying to climax. A man can usually bring a woman to orgasm with his hands, with his mouth, as well as with sexual intercourse. Perhaps you could try a vibrating toy with him so at least you will have climaxed with him there with you. That may take some of the pressure off and make things better. If not, yes, I'd move on. | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 8:53:03 AM | Ok op try this one, relax, enjoy the ride, and when you are making love, reach down and play with your own clit
sounds weird, but it does work | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 9:19:14 AM | ok it seems that the general consensus is that both of you are just trying too hard...dont dwell on whether or not you will get off this time...enjoy your man...let him enjoy you...there are many other ways for your man to satisfy you...has he tried other things??? i.e. - oral to make you c*m??? have you tried other things??? playing with yourself during the deed??? think about it...just don't think too hard and don't let it hinder your efforts with this man...if you love him, you love him, be with him, try new things, visit an adult store to see if anything stimulates both of you...don't give up on love just b/c you can't orgasm...you will get there...plan for a romantic evening, but don't overplan...enjoy some wine, kissing, a little foreplay...see where the evening takes you...
p.s.-before you plan this, play with yourself a little, this way you KNOW, at the very least, it isn't you...besides it could teach you a thing or two about your body...and in turn you can teach him...
GOOD LUCK!!! | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 9:29:08 AM | Maybe you are both trying too hard.You and your partner need to be relaxed.
I don't always cum when I have sex,yet it always feels good.
Don't be so hard on yourself. | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 9:45:16 AM | | Lots of foreplay and try not to focusing on the coming part, it should just happen naturally. When I dont thinking about coming I still come but it lasts longer and it is just better for the Sex. | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 10:56:49 AM | Figure out what turns you on and gets you off, and discuss it with him. For some women it's clitoral stimulation, some of us like dirty talk, some like nipple play, etc.
Every woman is different, remember that.
If you can get off when masturbating by yourself, then you know there is nothing wrong with you, and you two need to keep working on it but don't try that hard, just experiment and talk about what turns you on. Be honest with him | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 11:19:43 AM | I agree with not pressuring yourselves too much. I would also say that it is a good sign that he is looking for ways to make things better for you (i.e. internet) so I would not give up on him just yet!
I would not give advice and presume anything in the sense of why it is not happening, but here are some suggestions: Try to make the exploration and research (books, internet, toys etc.) fun! Laugh about it if necessary. Try to think of sex as play and not something to be "achieved" or as something too serious. If you are both open you could go see a sex therapist who might have some tips, ideas etc., to help you out. | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 11:29:44 AM | Greetings:
I recommend that you obtain this video as a means to helping you understand your body and then share your knowledge with your partner. It is the best of the best and I recommend it to clients who struggle with this issue.
http://store.sinclairinstitute.com/IBS/SimpleCat/Product/asp/product-id/36649615.html
Good luck.
ACP | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 11:49:54 AM | | You're just trying to hard.... if you're thinking about it too much it isn't going to work.... | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 11:53:45 AM | | If you can make yourself cum,then so can he.Get on top so u can control the location n rythem that you need.All women can cum.It some times takes alot of patience by the other person.A litle knowlege on his part,wouldn't hurt. | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 11:59:48 AM | i need to know one thing:
did u try masturbation?
when i was very young, my 1st bf, he didn't make any head way at first, it took me 4 years to become sexual, really. but i've been masturbating w water pressure since i was 11, and it was, for a long time, the only way i could cum.
it's clitoral stimulation, i'd say, so oral sex and masturbation should take care of it, and tell that guy of urs that if he wants u to ever cum, u need to be relaxed enough, so lay off w the pressure, jeeeesus
i say this: see if u can get there alone, then try together. might be a way to take pressure off.
if u have a mobile shower head, try this: unscrew the shower head, so water comes out in one circular stream thru the tube. adjust pressure and warmth, to feel just right, u can achieve this by testing the water against ur na-na... lolol.. then lie on ur back in the tub and enjoy experimenting. it's a great way because its less intrusive than a finger, u can fix it as gentle a touch u need.
try that and email me, lets see if it worked. and if it feels good, dont think about the orgasm, just let it feel good. thats all that matters. if t feels good, u'll get there, even if not the first time.
its mot likely just a mental block, sometimes it needs a nudge, sometimes dynamite. | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 1:33:47 PM | | The orgasm is not about the moment of arousal and orgasm alone - it's about the other 23.5 hours! If you are not into each other 110% - then how can you expect to orgasm with someone that doesn't turn you on all the time! For most women it's a 24/7 foreplay that gives you the best orgasms! Meaning that you love and desire each other so much - by the time you touch - it's electric!! | |
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| He can't make me 'come'
Posted: 11/18/2007 2:21:08 PM | message 24
For most women it's a 24/7 foreplay that gives you the best orgasms!
you are such a wise lady  | |
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