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 AUTHOR
 gra go leor
Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 1
Stingy , tight fisted men /womenPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Hi guys I am asking about mean, tightfisted partners.I have just kicked mine to the kerb after being an idiot for too long a time ,This is not a self pity post.I know I have been stupid and have moved on.I was with the guy for nearly a year lol and in that time he contributed nothing though he spent a lot of time at my home using the amenities , eating etc.He would not go out, costs money.No cards or presents they cost money, He would accept them though.I want to hear others experiences , there must be some good ones,.I know I was a prize idiot before some one says it.But hey he was hot and I loved him and lost any common sense I possessed in the course of the relationship.Self respect alert and now I am happily single and have cash in the bank, go figure.
 BLACKACES
Joined: 6/2/2007
Msg: 2
Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 11/19/2007 6:00:25 AM
Well as a guy in my mid 40's and i don't speak for all men....

But things do become redundant....what i mean by that is there comes a time when everything seems like re-runs...so you loose the thrill of it all.

a friend invited me to florida last night, she was staying in a luxury condo on the beach with palm trees bla bla bla... and says get on a plane and come over....
Well it didn't appeal to me! however she did....
But she doesn't understand i've been on so many planes, hotels and eating in resturaunts it's not a thrill anymore...
So O.P. you did the right thing he was beyond you in life when it comes to things he enjoys....
he has the been there done that bought the bumper sticker attitude....
And todays pop music all these people with ipods, well when i see people obsessed with music i see them as kids still listening to nursery rhimes!!
Sounds like you were dating a man way beyond your years.....
 bklynrebel
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 3
Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 4/5/2009 6:56:50 AM
Chalk it up to a learning experience. I have found that people who are excessively cheap are usually so in all areas of life.
 Brunette Girl 425
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 4
Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 4/5/2009 7:11:27 AM
Why is this his fault? You're the one who stuck around for a year. Here's how I see it:
*He was being himself
*You were wanting/expecting him to change
*He did not change (again cuz he's being himself)
*And now he's scum of the earth and you're bashing him
Whatever.....
 Pixy Dust
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 5
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Stupid women who can't get a guy unless they buy him ...
Posted: 4/5/2009 7:26:30 AM
I think that someone who is cheap with money is cheap with feelings too... and a bore...
 TheFallenJester
Joined: 1/22/2009
Msg: 6
Stupid women who can't get a guy unless they buy him ...
Posted: 4/5/2009 7:29:01 AM
Don't try and buy love..
It almost sounds like you tried.
 Marial92
Joined: 3/25/2009
Msg: 7
Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 4/5/2009 7:38:43 AM
gra go leor
ok, so now you're all the better for it.
what would you know if you had not gone through this experience?

i've already been there/done that with a guy and it taught me a whole lot like it's just taught you.

get rid of the seething, the anger and the hurt and replace it with a big azz smile on your face because you're done with it.
 2Live4TX
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 8
Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 4/5/2009 8:56:10 AM
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he contributed nothing though he spent a lot of time at my home using the amenities , eating etc.He would not go out, costs money.No cards or presents they cost money
-- So,was this the type of discussion/logic that you threw at him ... "Hey baby, you've been camping out at my place for some time now -- eating occassional bowls of cereal, Ramen Noodles, using my amenities (I assume you mean things you would have to pay for whether or not anybody actually used them -- like a Pool, Weight-Room, ect) -- I think you owe me a Night-On-The-Town, with room-service at the Waldorf Astoria. " Are you certain that you don't have some "Entitlement" Issues that you're dealing with? I suppose I can understand him not wanting to buy into a Tit-for-Tat scenario with you. As another poster suggested (concerning your comment ...


But hey he was hot
) --it sounds like you were using him, and got used in the process.
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 9
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Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 4/5/2009 9:02:38 AM
Cheap with the wallet=cheap in everything else too.

Things of quality and of lasting value are never cheap. He could go out and buy something off the $1 menu at McDonald's or go to a 5 star restaurant for a Tbone steak and all the trimmings.

One is a thing of value and the other just isn't. One is worth working for and putting out a little effort for. The other isn't.

A person has to know their value and stick to that knowledge. If you settle for less, you will get less and not be happy with it.

Just remember, the buger off the $1 menu and the Tbone all come out the same way and with the same consistency. They both smell the same in the end. Its what you think of yourself and what value you place on the person that you are that matters in the end.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 10
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Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 4/5/2009 11:21:41 AM
My question always is....what did you love about him? I mean seriously, who loves someone who acts like a jackass and is disrespectful and makes you feel awful? What is your definition of love and how do you plan on not falling in love with the same joke again? I'm thinking love has nothing to do with this scenario at all. In fact, I think 'love' is pretty pissed about being so misused so often.

But you know, this sounds like a lot of women I know, they don't give their men any slack, they don't buy them presents but expect them, they don't take care of the home (housework, etc.) but expect a free place to live and all the benefits, and they spend most their time farming the kids out so they can relax in their free-rent home and bash their man for not being some mythic hero from a romance novel. I'm not saying your man was right or that you shouldn't have kicked him out, I'm just saying that this is too often the life of a stay-at-home mom or wife who is totally not respectful of what they have. And this is not an attack on the stay-at-home moms & wives who do an excellent job of keeping a nice home. I mean that if your change the genders in this scenario, many would not see anything wrong with it, even though it's wrong for either gender to act this way. How many men get anther damn tie or T-shirt that says, Lawn Hero, on it instead of something nice that has his interests in mind, or how many men just don't get presents/gifts/thoughtful gifts from their partners & kids like the wife/mother gets? Of course some men are just as thoughtless about gift giving...and I'm rambling so I'll stop.

I had a thought in there somewhere.....
 nebula22
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 11
Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 4/5/2009 12:56:50 PM
My ex-wife moved within a mile of me.
Then she made a deal with me, stay at her place most of the time and get fed and cared for.
Her pay back,,,, SEX and companionship.!

She thinks I'm hot and is willing to pay for my company.
Pay to Play.!!!!
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 12
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Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 4/5/2009 4:04:32 PM
OP, I just met one like that. I'm trying to shag him but he is like a boomerang, keeps trying to come back.
 sheilarodri
Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 13
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Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 4/5/2009 6:45:40 PM
they are called boy toys for a reason, he was hot so you paid for your fun. Stop whining about it.
 Ameerra
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 14
Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 4/5/2009 10:53:17 PM
I'm telling you I will never understand the mentality of this forum! I just don't think like this.


Why is this his fault? You're the one who stuck around for a year.



Are you certain that you don't have some "Entitlement" Issues that you're dealing with? . . . it sounds like you were using him, and got used in the process.



he was hot so you paid for your fun. Stop whining about it.


Just mean, mean spirited.

The OP ALREADY SAID:
This is not a self pity post.I know I have been stupid and have moved on. .I know I was a prize idiot before some one says it. . . . lost any common sense I possessed in the course of the relationship.Self respect alert


OP, we all make mistakes but some of us never learn from them so count yourself amongst the smart ones.

I call people who are stingy with money also have stingy hearts.

Giving comes from the heart. A person with a generous heart will pick a flower for you off the side of the road and you'll love it 'cause they were thinking of you. They'll call an text you just to say Hi. They'll give you something w/o you ever having the ask for it just because, a hug, a kiss -- it doesn't have to be something that costs.

A person with a stingy heart never thinks to give of him/herself because they have nothing to give, kindness, love, attention, none of it.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 15
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Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 4/5/2009 11:20:40 PM
Can you say USER, LEECH, MOOCHER?
One can only be taken advantage if they allow it.
It is possible to play it close to the vest to recover from financial setbacks or to save for a goal, yet budget for simple pleasures and occasional treats. One can give of their time, energy and heart.
Its about character and integrity. It's about having a spine.
It isn't rocket science.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 16
Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 4/5/2009 11:32:04 PM
I have to disagree with many of the previous posters. I've busted my butt for many years, working two and sometimes three jobs. I did what I had to do to provide for my kids. I payed my child support, I actually was done paying 3 months ahead of schedule because I was over paying some times. I made sure I had a decent home for them to visit their dad in.
Now I'm done with that and have very little in the way of material possesions and even less than that towards retirement. I've done the math, I can't retire. Can't save at the levels necessary. All this makes me VERY tight with a dollar. I have to be on my budget. But that DOES NOT make my stingey in other areas of my life.
Just because some one is miserly with thier money does not mean they are poor relationship material.
You have to look at the larger picture and see why they watch their money so hawkishly. Only then can you decide if those reasons are acceptable to you and what you need in and from a relationship.
 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 17
Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 4/5/2009 11:47:49 PM
If it's "Cheap with the wallet=cheap in everything else too" then what does it mean when a woman stays a year with a man who contributed nothing?
Neither seem very healthy to me so it sounds like an ideal match.
Both had something the other wanted, and they struck a deal.
 Ameerra
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 18
Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 4/5/2009 11:49:16 PM
If it's "Cheap with the wallet=cheap in everything else too" then what does it mean when a woman stays a year with a man who contributed nothing?


That she didn't value herself.


Both had something the other wanted, and they struck a deal.


No, both THOUGHT the other person could provide them with what they were lacking. Self-esteem. Both were fooling themselves and it seems like only ONE person wised up.
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 19
Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 4/6/2009 12:03:32 AM
OP I see you left POF after this post. He wasn't the problem, you were. What woman would allow someone to live in their place for more than a month without contributing something to the equation?

This thread is an excellent example of how important financial responsibility is or should be. Because how a person treats money can send up lots of red flags. If someone treats money with respect they usually treat people with respect.

Sometimes I think some women (as an example) are so desperate for a man that they will settle for the first or second one that comes along that throws them some crumbs, even if its the fact she thinks he is 'hot'. And its even sadder when its a single mom.

~Beth~
 ladywyatt
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 20
Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 4/6/2009 3:33:51 AM
"Sounds like you were dating a man way beyond your years..... "

So BLACKACES......
Older person = cheap bore?? WOW I hope this never applies to me.
The OP did say he contributed NOTHING despite eating her groceries and spending a lot of time in her home.
I do agree that you can't or should not even try to change anyone....When I run into a guy like this, I just drop him like the dead weight he is....let him go bore someone else.
 greg8001
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 21
Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 4/6/2009 5:53:32 AM
There are times when it is appropriate to be very careful with money, i.e. if you are on a very low income or unemployed or having to pay off lots of debt. Whether a person is just being prudent or miserly I think can be judged readily enough once you know them.
 sugar62law
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 22
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Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 4/6/2009 6:52:27 AM
WOW!!!! Sure didn't take long for the "entitlement" issues to come up......

So is common courtesy now considered "entitlement" too? If SO..... I still proudly retain my title of the "ENTITLEMENT" queen. I not only expect common courtesy, but I demand it, and if it is not present..... Then buh bye......

Sugar
 loveologist
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 23
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Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 9/11/2009 7:52:52 PM
what about men who are financially competent, lavish on himself, generous in public, yet counting beans behind closed door? are they still classified as stingy?
 wild1-1
Joined: 9/5/2009
Msg: 24
Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 9/11/2009 8:14:38 PM
Now thats stupid! LOL

Well, if you attract them they will come LOL
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 25
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Stingy , tight fisted men /women
Posted: 9/11/2009 8:33:09 PM

He would not go out, costs money. No cards or presents they cost money, He would accept them though
hey he was hot

Gigolo: a man living off the earnings or gifts of a woman, esp. a younger man supported by an older woman in return for his sexual attentions and companionship.
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