| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 6:08:58 PM | I've known this guy for a few months, we met when I was hanging out with friends.
He and I got along very well and we started to hang out a lot. We have a lot in common and have fun together. He always treated me very well. The whole time I was interested in someone else and he knew it. Plus I'm not exactly sexually attracted to him. I knew it bugged him that I wouldn't consider us "dating" but I made it clear as to not to lead him on.
Anyway, time went by and I started to like him more. He asked again if we could try dating- taking it slow. So I agreed and we went out on a few "dates". He gave me his claddagh ring which I wore for a day but it kept falling off my fingers so I told him he should take it back because A. his mom gave it to him B. Its too soon and C. I was gonna lose it! He told me he would get it sized and I said we should hold off on that.
Anyway, we made plans to go to dinner a few days later and he blew me off. I texted him to see what happend and I didnt get an answer until the next day (friday) when he asked me what I was doing and he told me he was going downtown with his buddy. I was kind of irritated but whatever. I didn't give him a hard time or even bring up the blow off.
Now I am SUPER irritated because I haven't heard from him since. I can't believe I gave this guy a chance and now he's blowing me off. Could he be mad I didn't want his ring or did he just get me to give in and now he isn't interested anymore? By the way, this guy is 42. I point that out because reading this over it could seem like he's 20.
You might think I am jumping the gun but this guy would call me or text me several times a day when we were "friends". Besides, I can feel when I am being blown off.
I just have to say that this is yet another experience thats making me not want to give a chance to guys I normally wouldn't date. | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 6:22:24 PM |
Now I am SUPER irritated because I haven't heard from him since. I can't believe I gave this guy a chance and now he's blowing me off. Could he be mad I didn't want his ring or did he just get me to give in and now he isn't interested anymore? By the way, this guy is 42. I point that out because reading this over it could seem like he's 20.
I just have to say that this is yet another experience thats making me not want to give a chance to guys I normally wouldn't date.
Irritated because you cared about about him or because he bruised your ego(real question,not BS). His ego might have been what drove him to persist in chasing you, so maybe he "won", but in the end who cares? From your profile picture(very attractive), I'm guessing your hook in the middle of a large school of fish. | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 6:35:54 PM | "Maybe he was turned off by your supersized ego"
I thought i was the only one seeing that from reading the Op, She is coming across as abit too full of herself.
Maybe after going out with the Op a few times the guy realized that he made a huge mistake, Reality very often does not live up to the fantasy, especially if the lady in question is so darn overly pretentious. | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 6:38:43 PM | | excuse me discofied I do not see one place where the op is egotistical. Why would you attack her like that? Did that make you feel better? Sorry but I am getting so sick of the holierthanthou people attacking op's no matter what they say. Even if she did have a big ego, who are you to judge her? | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 6:41:32 PM | | Must have been the "thrill of the chase" for him. Once he thought he caught you.........he was all done. You are beautiful OP..........I would move on, and do NOT give him another chance. He blew it. Now you won't even want to be his friend and that's the sad part. | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 6:42:22 PM | oh brother another judger. Look out here comes the judges lol.
Metalvixxn I know how you feel. Its hard to figure people out sometimes. You were being honest and see where it gets you? Heaven forbit you open up and be honest on the forums. they burn you at the stake. Its so easy to judge others but not look in their own back yards. | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 6:48:05 PM | Funnygirl are you going to answer the Ops question ????? What exactly is your contribution to this threads besides worrying about how others are answering the Ops question?.
Funny thing about these forums, when you ask others for their opinions, you might actually hear somethings that might offend or even hurt you. But that's the chances we take when sticking our necks out and writing these threads. | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 6:48:20 PM |
You might think I am jumping the gun but this guy would call me or text me several times a day when we were "friends". Besides, I can feel when I am being blown off.
I just have to say that this is yet another experience thats making me not want to give a chance to guys I normally wouldn't date.
So, stick with the guys who you usually date. Don't step out of your comfort zone.
I love that you stooped so low as to give this guy a chance at your lofty ass and he blew you off. I'm guessin', but you seem like the sort of woman who is usually the one who tosses the guy to the curb rather than the other way 'round. | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 6:48:20 PM | The point is he's 42. If he no longer wants to see her, let him be a man and tell her. So maybe for him it was all about the chase, and on to the next hunt. Sure maybe she thought at first she deserved better, but she did give him a chance. I find it inconceivable that a man that age can't tell her if he no longer wants to see her, if that is the case. In any case I feel an explanation is in order, but don't hold your breath. Even at my age men cant own up and tell you whats what. Geeze if your that gutless to confront things head on at least send a text message. Which in my book is cowardly but better than just letting things die a slow death.
LIFE ISNT ABOUT WAITING FOR TH ESTORM TO PASS.....ITS ABOUT LEARNING TO DANCE IN THE RAIN | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 6:48:26 PM | I call them as I see them. Here is the evidence:
I can't believe I gave this guy a chance and now he's blowing me off. This is not something a person who was genuinely interested in a man would say. It sounds like the was doing him a favour.
I just have to say that this is yet another experience thats making me not want to give a chance to guys I normally wouldn't date. Sounds like she thought she was doing him a big favour.
They went out...he's no longer interested...move on.
By the way, there is absolutely no point in chastising me. I don't care what you think. I am responding to the original post. | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 6:48:43 PM | | I can only assume, that this never happens to you, with the guys you "normally" date, and they always treat you with respect. That being said, please tell all the women on POF what your secret is. 'Cause they don't date such men either, and they have that happen to them all the time. | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 6:52:18 PM | Thanks to all that have responded, those that think I have a big ego and those who see where I am coming from.
I could see if he thought he made a mistake if we only went out a few times but in reality we've seen each other at least 30+ times and only twice when we were "dating". Neither of us acted differently aside from him kissing me.
It's just too bad because I did like him. I know he'll end up contacting me and I'm not sure how I will respond. Perhaps that's why I am pissed: because a friendship fell apart. | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 6:52:27 PM | apparently the chase is what drives some of the ones we give opportunity to get close. Sometimes he cant believe you are real and he has your attention. Some guys dont know how to handle when they are not being rejected, but accepted, then he might get freaked....
could be many things..you are a beautiful young woman....you have sooooo many more options...you gave him an opportunity.....and now you know how he handles your attention.
He might just be processing....I have been told by men, "we really arent that complicated" but most women feel that men are very complicated to understand | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 6:57:39 PM | " I love that you stooped so low as to give this guy a chance at your lofty ass and he blew you off. I 'm guessing, but you seem like the sort of woman who is usually the one who tosses the guy to the curb rather than the other way round"
You my friend has hit the nail right smack on the head.... The Ops ego is now bruised because she gave this person that was beneath her a chance to date her magnificent self, and he would have the nerve to kick her butt to the curb without so much as a phone call. I wonder if the Op can find any hats that fit that huge head of hers???? | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 6:59:01 PM | It's just too bad because I did like him. I know he'll end up contacting me and I'm not sure how I will respond. Perhaps that's why I am pissed: because a friendship fell apart. Now that was a much nicer post. It would have served you better to have put it in your original post. You did sound very egotistical.
You valued his friendship and now that is gone. You have to give some thought to the fact that he was only interested in the chase and not interested in being your friend. You may have expected him to have acted better because he was older, but age doesn't really matter.
To funnygirl: The OP handled my criticism far better than you did. I assumed that she was a grown woman and was capable of handling herself. You should have given her the same credit. | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 6:59:33 PM | I'm glad people have responded the way they have. I never felt like I was "doing him a favor" by dating him but I can see where one might think that. Yes, part of my ego is bruised because I did feel I was a bit good for him (more so in the beginning) and I got the brush off. Now I am hurt because I miss his friendship. I was ALWAYS honest with him, as I have been in these forums. Some people can't handle the truth.
These forums are always preaching "give the nice guy a chance - date someone you normally wouldn't - don't be shallow and judge someone on looks"
So I followed that advice and figured I would give someone different a chance and suddenly I'm the devil. Funny because in all these threads people are so RAH RAH about giving people chances. | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 7:02:41 PM | You had a "firendly" relationship with him, he wanted different. When people who've been friends try out the dating/romance and it doesn't work out, it can be awkward.
You "tried out" something new and it didn't work. He may have felt an awkwardness and just didn't talk about it.
I'd give it time, sounds like you guys had a lot of fun hanging out, so maybe in time, he'll get past the awkwardness and you can hang out again.
Some people are best friends, childhood friends, get married it doesn't work and they can go back to being friends. Sometimes once you move past friends into dating going back to friends doesn't work.
Time will tell.
I think you're drawing some heat because you phrased it gave HIM a chance. On the surface that does sound more like doing him a favor, IMO. It's you gave IT a chance, it being a different relationship than the one you had before. 
One word can change meaning. | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 7:03:55 PM | | Thank you for pointing that out Discofied: maybe he didn't really care about the friendship, he just wanted the chase. Very very good point to ponder. I was so sure he liked being my friend but maybe he was really just chasing me and didn't value the friendship like I did. | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 7:06:05 PM | so you met, started hanging out a lot...
he had obviously developed some kind of feelings for you and, from the start, had it set in his head that he would like to be more exclusive with you.
after watching you chase and being chased for/from this or that, he could see what type of person that you really where and maybe thought that he could give you what you needed to be happy.
once the ring was passed, obviously something that meant a lot to him, to you and then the return for what ever reason (multiples provided), but only an excuse because you were not truely interested in him. From what you say anyway... he felt as though you truely were not that interested in him and he could have felt that he was more in to it than you and decided it would be better for him to just discontinue the chase.
Reality is a bi***, but much needed at times like these. | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 7:06:45 PM | | Oh, he's an immature d0rk, and at his age, he should face the music. I guess if there's a guy you'd absolutely never consider a candidate to get in your britches because he's not that fine to you despite his "niceness", just don't go out with him. He'll read into it like the immature d0rk, and play that stupid little b0y d1ck game and just keep on being a d0rk. You just can't be nice to some of these delicate egos without them turning it into an invitation for a nightcap that never existed in the first place. Good luck! Love, Titus | |
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| Is this what happens when you give someone a chance??
Posted: 11/19/2007 7:08:48 PM |
Thank you for pointing that out Discofied: maybe he didn't really care about the friendship, he just wanted the chase. Very very good point to ponder. I was so sure he liked being my friend but maybe he was really just chasing me and didn't value the friendship like I did.
And, yet another example of the naivete of women believing that they can have male 'friends' who aren't gay.
It's very rare that this is EVER real friendship. And, as your example so clearly illustrates, is that these so-called male-female 'friendships' has the woman in control of the relationship. When she loses that control, she doesn't like it. | |
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