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| | Do guys like single moms? Page 1 of 43 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41) | | So I got pregnant and was engaged....he left me while in Iraq for a girl on the internet...two weeks before i gave birth.....so i was stuck with heartache and a beautiful child.....so now im okay im a wonderful mom and i have a beautiful son....but do guys actually like single moms? I just have this gut feeling that no one will ever want me again because i have a child....i am not looking for a father for him... i am and will always be enough parent for him.....i am not looking for anyone to take care of him ...i can do that .....i am just looking for someone for ME....with hopes that they love my son too ....if not then i dont need them...Do guys get scared when you tell them you have a toddler? infant in my case...??? Just wondering really...would appreciate replies. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/19/2007 9:56:06 PM | I dont know what guys think but i feel like yes we are at a disadvantage onthe dating game but i dont care. Wouldn't trade the kids for anything.
I would like to say its great to see a single mother that doesn't want a guy to take care of them or their kids, a few on this site do.
My children have a father, they dont need nor do i want to get them another, im looking for someone that loves me first and also can accept and love my children when they get to know them...later down the track. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/19/2007 10:22:02 PM | | The only thing about it that would turn me around is the fact that the child is still a baby. A school age child or maybe a (well-behaved) toddler wouldn't be such a big deal at all. Actually it would really be a plus considering I have one that age myself. I've already been through the baby years with my son, and wouldn't mind if I never have to do it again. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/19/2007 10:41:00 PM | | hi im a single mom, and i definitely related to your sititution and i had i slightly differnt sitiution but the end result was the same. so many props to you for asking the question so many young women want to know because personally im scared to put my son out there for everyone to see. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/19/2007 11:05:29 PM |
I would like to say its great to see a single mother that doesn't want a guy to take care of them or their kids, a few on this site do.
a few? well not thru this forum, for the most part, I'd like to think more than some single moms don't need a man to look after us or for the kids.
op, take a break, focus on yourself, what you want in yourself, in a guy, now is not the time to date when you have a new baby. I know the first year is really the time for you to bond with the baby rather than focus your emotions on a new guy or have drama dealing with one. Join a single moms group for support, google a search on that. I've dated after my daughter was 18 months, and I'll have to say it's hard juggling both, I can't imagine how it would be with a baby. Just my opinion. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/19/2007 11:15:21 PM | this is a pretty redundant thread. I think that some men like single moms, as some women like single dads...others can't be bothered.
I'm a single mom I met a great single dad. It happens. Take a deep breath, and like wanderbaby suggested perhaps take a break and focus on you and baby before seriously looking for someone to mess up your life even more lol | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/19/2007 11:20:01 PM | No worries, for most MATURE man, we realize that the older we get it becomes a more prevelant part of dating... It is very rare to find a woman my age without atleast one child. I actually prefer to date women with children because then they understand firsthand, the sacrifices that I make for my two year old son. There are a couple situations that may scare me off, such as four kids by four different men, she is unable to support them and is obviously looking for someone to help make the ends meet, etc. I have no problems with single moms who are doing everything they can to make it and I don't even mind being a good male role model for a child without a daddy in his life, BUT I didn't create the situation so I won't feel obligated to aleviate it either... Hate to sound harsh but that is just my feelings... best of luck to you and your son, everyone deserves someone!! B_  | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/20/2007 9:06:10 AM | | Depends on the maturity level i guess,myself it doesn't effect the way I like the person . | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/20/2007 10:55:14 AM | if you were in Canada ?the next man you shack up with would be financially responsible for supporting you and your child for ever ,, you are 24 and there are lots without children to choose from .
yes young guys get scared off ....because so many men are paying for another's children and not doing so well because of the help they offered a single mother who said she would never take them ,,family collections did it for her ..its the law..and apparently its the law in some states down there ??? As a father I would tell my boys to stay clear and stop thinking with there pecker ..and think with your head ,,they could loose there future ..
so some real caution is in order if you were Canadian .. thank god your not up here . ... good luck ..lots of men like children ,,and your young
Depends on the maturity level i guess
i read that as look at older men ..who are established and can afford a package deal .. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/20/2007 11:17:58 AM | | WELL...being a single mother myself, I would like tell you that life does go on and you will find someone for you. Yes, I am here thinking the exact same thing as you...do men really like single mothers, and the truth is they do; but this should not ever be the basis of your converstaion because you have no idea who you would be telling your life to. The child talk comes later, all that you need to post is the Yes under "do you have children". From there...go with your gut, if he read your profile and not just thought you looked hot in your picture, he knows you have a child. Congratulations for moving on. The right guy is out there:) | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/20/2007 11:40:33 AM | From valleyjavastop: so some real caution is in order if you were Canadian .. thank god your not up here . ... good luck ..lots of men like children ,,and your young
He's right on the money there. I lived with a woman for a couple of years who had a son (not mine). We split up up and I got nailed with 768.00 per month for 5 years plus all the legals expenses to get that changed, which did eventually happen. Even worse than that, she was getting a little bit of support from the Bio Father AND earning more than I was at that time.
Would I date another single mom... Yes I would BUT there would be some clear discussion's and such before we ever crossed the line of co-habitation. I love children and three young daughter's of my own(3, 5 & 7), so I'm pretty much un-marketable , so I have been told. Is this true ? Who knows, time will tell I suppose. | |
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Patosu
| | Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 13 | |
| Here's the opposite.
Posted: 11/20/2007 11:47:04 AM | I'm also a single parent...I've been since my son was only 18 months old...he's now 20 yrs. and still lives wih me and can continue to do so for as long as he wishes, so long as he plays by my rules...So far, no problem. We're more like brothers rather than father and son.
Some females have a problem with this...my ex for example never had a conversation with my son...even when he was 6 years old. The only time she spoke to him is when he needed scolding...that was a big problem for me.
Even at the age of 20 he's still my son and I love him dearly so anyone who want to be with me has to also accept him. That's not to say they have to be busom-buddies...a little convesation every once in a while is in order.
I have absoutely no problem accepting a female who has a toddler. in fact with the knoweledge I gained recently about one creating one's own destiny, I would be delighted to have a toddler in my liffe again...even at my age. That way I can educate them about the Law Of Attraction and how they can be, do or have ANYTHING their heart desires, by simply focusing their attention on those positive aspects of their life that makes them feel good.
Life is suposed to feel good and you can tell if something is right for you by paying attention to your emotions. The books entitled "The Law Of Attraction" and "The Astonishing Power Of Emotions" reveals how this is done Generally all one needs to do is to disregard those aspects of one's life that is unwanted and focus more of one's attention on that which IS wanted. In doing so, your vibrational set-point would emanate and inspire people, circumstances and events that would ensure that your desires become manifested...weather one believes that or not.
The downside to that is that one can also get what one does not want because of one's attention to it.
Well anyway I'm going off topic here but these are the things I would like to instill in somefrom a very young age. Successful people has always known this OR have created their success by simply observing other successful people. The bottom line is: You get what you focus your attention upon...wether you want it or not. | |
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Patosu
| | Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 14 | |
| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/20/2007 11:49:57 AM | "A school age child or maybe a (well-behaved) toddler"
Well behaved toddler?...let me know when you discover one...and by the way, how do we define well behaved?...I'm curious | |
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stc888
| | Joined: 1/25/2007
Msg: 15 | |
| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/20/2007 5:21:34 PM | | Worry about the baby.You have plenty of time.keep yourself(or get)in shape.Someone will come along.It's eary to replace an so,but you can never replace a child.So give that baby the best you have. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/20/2007 6:10:16 PM | I wish the OP well however valleyjava raises a great point. OP you should check the laws in your state to see if any man you live in a common law relationship with or marry could be forced by the courts to pay child support for your child.
Why are you rushing into dating so soon? Heal yourself first.
When you meet a nice guy take it slow. | |
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Sarbux
| | Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 17 | |
| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/20/2007 7:51:42 PM | | I've been there I k now how it is, some guys just can't get over the fact that having a children is a serious issue and it is harder for them to commit, but once you find the right one that wants to commit to you he won't let you go, he'll know the importance of you being a mom and should be proud you're raising your child on your own! I've dated so many guys and have yet to find the one that makes me feel like i'm completely special, but i'm not going to give up because I have 2 wonderful kids, guys without kids have a different perspective on life, they haven't been "there" yet. You might want to try dating a single dad who's also been in your shoes, other than that enjoy your child at this precious time and when the right man comes along he'll be there to hold you. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/20/2007 8:44:03 PM |
...but do guys actually like single moms? I just have this gut feeling that no one will ever want me again because i have a child....i am not looking for a father for him... i am and will always be enough parent for him.....i am not looking for anyone to take care of him ...i can do that .....i am just looking for someone for ME....with hopes that they love my son too ....if not then i dont need them.
Short answer is some men will date single mothers, most won't. The ones that will are likely to be in the 30-40 age range. How likely they are to date you usually depends on number of children, how old you are and how attractive you are to them. The more children you have makes the odds worse. The less attractive you are on a scale, makes the odds worse. The older you get, particularly after age 40, makes the odds worse.
The truth is, single mothers are often seen as two types by most men.
A) Women who had bad circumstances or bad luck - They were cheated on, they were left after 10 years of marriage, their spoused died on them, etc.
B) Women who make bad decisions - Got pregnant too young, got pregnant without a career, multiple children from multiple fathers, got pregnant without securing a marriage or a long term commitment first, etc, etc.
Most men may or may not commit long term to the first type of single mother. If a man determines you are more like the latter, he is probably more likely to see you as useful only for a good lay once in a while.
Saying you don't need a father for your child, you don't need anyone to help raise him, you don't need anyone's money is all a load of bullshit. Any man who commits to you for the long haul will have to play some parental role, some financial role, some emotional role for that child. How could you avoid that if you were in it for the long haul together? Saying that kind of stuff only turns men off.
Would you like it if a man started to date you and told you, "Well you can't do this and that and this and that in my life. If you don't like it, get the f**k out"? Yeah we don't like it either. Asking a man to submit under your terms only isn't a great way to secure a man worth dating. Because any man worth dating isn't going to accept that kind of deal.
Some guys can like single moms. But if the woman isn't physically attractive, the road ends there for most. And even if they find the woman attractive, often most of that subset will only deal with a single mom who is realistic about her situation and what she has to offer and what she expects in return. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/20/2007 8:58:00 PM |
Saying you don't need a father for your child, you don't need anyone to help raise him, you don't need anyone's money is all a load of bullshit. Any man who commits to you for the long haul will have to play some parental role, some financial role, some emotional role for that child. How could you avoid that if you were in it for the long haul together? Saying that kind of stuff only turns men off.
I think your post is a little harsh. Perhaps it was the way the OP worded it.
I think (and may be wrong) that she meant that she was financially and emotionally able to take care of her child. If she entered a long term relationship she would expect her child to be accepted as part of the package. She is not looking for a handout but a partner.
Anyways, been there done that and would welcome any WELL adjusted single mothers into my life. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/20/2007 9:02:06 PM | | If they are a good guy they wont care that you have a child. I had that same fear I am a single mother of three kids ages 4 and under. If a guy really likes you he will love your child too. Good luck... He is out there I feel your fear I have been there. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/20/2007 9:21:28 PM | I met my ex when she was about 5 months pregnate, and even though things didn't work out with her i still love her very deeply. Personally i like single moms, at least when they are good moms. I can't stand people who don't take good care of their children.
I will say this as a warning to guys though. Single moms arent bad, in my opinion they have a completely different perspective on life than women without kids do, which makes them mature in different ways and very interesting people. Having kids isnt easy by any means. But be careful if you get into a relationship with one.
For me, i became very attached to my ex, and im not the type of person who gets attached very easily. I was supposed to be with her when she gave birth, instead things didn't work out, and i got a call from her right when she went in having problems. I've been through a lot in life, gone through some things that most people will never be able to understand.
Out of everything though i've never felt as hurt as i did that day, knowing that she was in the hospital, and i couldn't go see her, couldn't help her, couldn't do anything. I am a unique case, don't me discourage you, i have a slight criminal history, and my ex's family and friends have a lot of problems with me.
But if you get attached to the idea that you are going to be a big role in someone elses life raising a kid, or even just spending time with someone elses kids you're bound to get attached to them. If things don't work out, it does not feel good in any way. Whats worse is for people who already have kids. Don't make the mistake of thinking that the kids arent effected by you either, they are effected even more than you are in most cases.
Single moms are awesome and i have no doubt about that i don't advice against dating them in any way, i recommend it. At the same time though i recommend being careful when getting involved, epically with their kids. Making new friends is a great experience, losing them sucks though. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/20/2007 10:08:48 PM | | Yes, Some guys do. I have dated single Moms since I was about 24. I found that thet were more mature and at least had some idea of responsability. My first marriage, she had two and it didn't cause any problems. We had one together and that was the blessing of my life. She decided to dump all the kids and go partying after a few years. I have raised my son on my own for 11 years now and always dated women with children. I then dated and married one that didn't have children and she had no idea and could not accept the sacrifices that we make for our children and that she couldn't have all the atention. She gave a choice her or him and now she is gone!!! LOL I have noticed through all the years though that some single women shield their children from their dates. To me plan a date at a theme park or a park (age dependant)and let the chldren play. They get to know other children and usually the two of you will have time to talk and get to know each other in a semi-sterile environment. No expectations except to talk and watch the children. If you click then you can go from there, if you you got the children out for the day to have fun. If you do really click, that is what you are getting yourself into. Why try to play games with each other as if there are no children and then try to ease them in later? That's the way that I see it and I have had some wonderful relationships through the years and still friends with some of the mothers and some of the children. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/20/2007 10:15:08 PM | Yes, we like single moms. There are guys whom are single dads. Unless you are refferring to single guys without kids? I can not answer for them. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/21/2007 12:46:51 AM | First of all Op, yes there are single men, both with and without children, that will date single women. I have a friend who met his now ex-wife when she was pregnant with her second child. They married about 5 yrs later or so and raised the children together. Right now, they are still his children, his son, his daughter. He moves his daughter when she needs a hand and she's 30 yrs old now!! He visits with them, goes to Toronto to see his son, and partakes in family holidays with the grandchildren. "His grandchildren"... even when his ex is there. There are a spectrum of men out in the world.. heal yourself, enjoy your child, take time to find out who you are and what you want if you haven't already... and throughout that time you will find someone to be a friend and more.
UltimateHeartSurgeon -- you heal broken hearts?? lol. Remind me not to call on you!! While much of what you say is true, at least to some degree, that's pretty harsh comments, as well as misinterpretation of the Op's original post. As another poster commented the Op doesn't want a man to feel obligated to be responsible for the child... she wants someone for herself who may be able to love and accept her child as well.
Saying you don't need a father for your child, you don't need anyone to help raise him, you don't need anyone's money is all a load of bullshit. Any man who commits to you for the long haul will have to play some parental role, some financial role, some emotional role for that child. How could you avoid that if you were in it for the long haul together? Saying that kind of stuff only turns men off.
Would you like it if a man started to date you and told you, "Well you can't do this and that and this and that in my life. If you don't like it, get the f**k out"? Yeah we don't like it either. Asking a man to submit under your terms only isn't a great way to secure a man worth dating. Because any man worth dating isn't going to accept that kind of deal.
I say, apparently for single mothers it is "d@mned if you do and d@mned if you don't" according to your statement. If she wants someone to depend on (whether financially or with parenting) she is a leach, a gold digger, an opportunitst and should learn to stand on her own feet. If she decides she wants to be self-sufficient and accepts her responsibility in the matter, then she is "telling the man he has to submit under her terms?" Logically, if the man is going to get INTO a long-term relationship with the single mother, then he is going to at some point have to love and accept the child(ren) but I don't even think the OP is concerned about that right now. She wants a partner for herself... with the potential of him loving her son, if/when it ever progresses that far.
As for raising a child without a father?? Has been done many times and will continue to be done. Is it preferable, never, but is sometimes for the best - depending on the man involved. However, in such a case, there obviously wouldn't be a continuing relationship either.
On to the gentleman who has been told he's done for because he has three children. That's not true either. There are many women, single only or single parents, who will become involved with a man who has children. I know of women who have -- heck, I did myself years ago -- the only serious relationship I got into after separating 11 years ago. Keep your chin up and be true to yourself. I can tell you from personal experience many women find a good, committed father highly sexy! ;)
Finally, as for keeping the children out of the date, I say an all resounding YES!!... with some qualifiers of course. If the child is very young then it won't be "as" potentially harmful bringing them on a date. However, from 4 yrs and up (maybe even earlier), the children are highly aware and sensitive to their parent (single mother or father). Also, depending on the dynamics of why the single parent is single, the children may already be experiencing a feeling of loss. So, I am not saying to hide the fact that there is a child or children, honesty is an absolute necessity in any relationship, but keeping the children out of the dynamics of a growing relationship protects them from being hurt if the relationship doesn't work out. If it does grow in intimacy with both partners confident that it is a potentially lasting relationship, then by all means introduce the man slowly. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you're only dating... no need to complicate the children's lives.. if it is becoming more exclusive, then deal with it as it happens. But the connection a child can make to an incoming partner may happen fast... and if it doesn't work out.. then that child may feel abondoned all over again. Of course, interaction where the dating people are not "intimate" but is rather innocent... such as taking them to the park :)... would also work.
And oh yeah -- the "Law of Attraction"... I've been hearing a lot about that. I'm familiar with "The Power of Positive Thinking"... and have seen the movie "The Secret".. but now I am going to have to pick up the "Law of Attraction". If you haven't read or watched "The Secret" it, you should do so... highly empowering. | |
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| Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 11/21/2007 1:03:58 AM | Ooooohhh... you ARE a controversial little buggar now aren't ya, UHS? HA
Honestly, I think some of your mentality stems from both your age and where you are in life... unattached in every possible way. I know a lot of men who have no problems with single mothers... seeing as I have a little guy about to be 7, I do take notice of not only what they (men) say, but their sincerity (i.e. their actions) behind what they say.
In my case, I had my son AFTER (and got pregnant as well) I got married. Even had that not been the case, I don't see how it has a bearing on the scenario as painted by the OP. In no way, shape or form do I see myself as an "undesirable" due to my single mother status.
I would never be so brazen as to say that I don't want a father for my son as I truly do. Well, at least a "father figure" to him in every sense of the word. The ultimate would be to find a man who not only loves me, but loves my son as close as he is capable to loving him as he would if he were his own (I do appreciate there is a subtle yet distinct difference in capacity on this). I had a step-daughter and know how hard that truly is and I am not unrealistic in the least... years after my divorce, she is still a part of my life and I am sure she always will be as well... she is STILL my family. Your arguement really goes both way, UHC.
Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder and when someone sees/feels that... it is all encompassing.... everyone and everything included. ;) | |
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