| First date with this guy...went GREAT except for THE LIPSTICK..men and women's opinions wanted!!
Posted: 11/20/2007 6:06:10 AM | This may be a no brainer to many of you. I'm going to try and keep it brief, so later in the thread, if anyone needs more details, I can add them later...I met this guy a few weeks ago (the night we turned the clocks back, whenever that was)...we exchanged numbers and two days after we met, he called me for a date. Unfortunately, that morning I woke up with a nasty, brutal cold and it turned into bronchitis..so I had to decline (but he could hear it in my voice and cough!) A few days later, I felt better and he had called me, but was on his way home from working late..said he'd call me back, when he got home..I thought about it and the next day decided to go ahead and text him and tell him I was feeling better and see if he wanted to come up my way and get together...Well...after about 3-4 hours, I got no call back and no response (no call back from the night before either) . So, in my sickness and boredom, I text'd him back (probably foolishly) this; "Hmmmm, no call back and no text..guess you're not interested..well best of luck to you and take care". (I know, hasty..I shouldn't have said anything, but I was bored and feeling crappy)..well...he called me soon after that, apologized and said from working late he had fallen asleep the night before and doesn't want me to think he's ignoring me, or blowing me off, to call him when I can"..
So, I waited a little and called him. We continued to talk, he was working a lot of overtime (he's a union Electrician and another job had offered him to work a few hours OT every night and for the next few weekends, he said)...Well, finally last Thursday he called me and asked me out for last night.
We went out to a movie and met for a drink at Dave N Buster's about an hour before. It was in the same mall as the theater, but near closing time. So we had to drive to the other end of the theater, cause we couldn't return through the mall. He offered to drive us instead of both of us driving. Ok, fine...I agreed. So, I get in his SUV and we both went to light a cigg. Well...it was then I noticed in his cup holder right next to one of his pack of smokes....I noticed a WOMAN'S Lip Liner. Yeah...a lipstick/lipliner.
When he put the pack down, it was covered. (he had 3 packs there, one brand was Marlboro and the other two, Marlboro lights) I asked him if he smoked both and he said his buddy left the one pack.
The whole date was GREAT. He appeared to be 'into' me. (body language, facing me, etc...) and was a complete gentleman, opening doors, the whole bit....and when we drove back to my car, we chatted a little in his truck and then....the end of the night KISS that felt like it could last for days....Finally, I said I had to go...and he walked me to my car which was only two cars away.
He text'd me as soon as he got home..."I had fun tonight, can't wait to do it again"....
I don't know what to think about the lipstick/lipliner!
Truth be told, I'm sort of seeing someone anyhow right now. Not seriously, but I am.
I wanted to keep my options open 'cause the last guy I dated I found out was actually seeing me on the side keeping it from his FIANCE'. BUT, I really think I could dig this guy. (more than the one I've been seeing). I understand it was only the first date..but I'm wondering is this a HUGE RED FLAG? Or, am I overreacting? I don't know if I should assume he has a girlfriend or what..(he does have a sister and a sister in law he's close to, from what he told me earlier)....
Any thoughts, opinions...advice would be appreciated. And yes, even if it's what I don't want to hear. (just refrain from calling me an idiot, cause I can do that on my own ;)
Oh and PS, I did NOT meet him online...I actually met him at a club. | |
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| First date with this guy...went GREAT except for THE LIPSTICK..men and women's opinions wanted!!
Posted: 11/20/2007 6:19:20 AM | | Assume spells "makes and a.. out of u and me". I try not to assume things (doesn't always work), but ask questions instead. You might or might not get an honest answer, but at least you might find out why there is a lipstick in his car. Does he have a daughter, mother, aunt, co-worker he car pools with, that might have left it there? Go by your instincts and then ask a question (if it is not an innocent lipstick, at least he is a bit uncomfortable about it, one might think). Just my thought on the scenario. Same qith the cigarettes, could be true. A friend of mine had dropped her pack of cigarettes in my car at one time, and I don't smoke. It could have been misconstrued,...... | |
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| First date with this guy...went GREAT except for THE LIPSTICK..men and women's opinions wanted!!
Posted: 11/20/2007 6:28:00 AM | Let me see if i get this straight. The Op is "sort of seeing someone" and went out on a date with this guy anyways as a way of keeping her options open. Now she see lipstick in his car and is feeling funny about it, Why???????? What business is it of the Ops what the guy has in his car?. Even if the Op saw an open condom wrapper in the guys car, it's none of her business. One must assume that the guy had a life before going on this one date with the Op and i am guessing that his life will continue even after said date.
One date does not a relationship make, The guy did not ask you about things in your car, what's in his is none of your business. You like himand want to go on another date fine, But keep your nose out of who else he might be dating until you get to the point where you have some kind of exclusive talk. | |
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| First date with this guy...went GREAT except for THE LIPSTICK..men and women's opinions wanted!!
Posted: 11/20/2007 6:28:46 AM | Maybe the lipliner belongs to the "buddy" who left the smokes behind. The explanation has to come from him....and as for meeting him in a bar as opposed to online.. not alot of difference. Some are honest, some are not. There are jerks and ar$eholes everywhere.
The above poster has given some excellent options as to who the owner of said lipliner might be. Friends, buddies, mates.....doesn't matter what you call them, they can be men or women. Best route to the truth is a direct route.. ask him. You are dating somebody else and didn't tell him. Maybe he is doing the same. Where is the difference?
Give him the benefit of the doubt....until he proves that he doesn't deserve it. | |
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| First date with this guy...went GREAT except for THE LIPSTICK..men and women's opinions wanted!!
Posted: 11/20/2007 6:33:36 AM | "When women stop closing their eyes to all the warning signs just cause the guy is rich, or good looking or whatever, we would have alot less broken hearts"
WTF is that about, it was just one damn date, what warning signs are you talking about???????? The Op herself is already seeing someone else, should the guy see that as a huge red flag and not date her anymore?.
If the Op thinks it's ok to keep her options open and multi-date, why in the world should she be bothered if the person she is dating, might be dating someone else.
Talk about the Pot being put off by the kettle being black.
WHY DO YOU PEOPLE KEEP TELLING THE OP TO ASK..... IT'S NONE OF HER DAMN BUSINESS WHOS LIPSTICK IS IN THE GUYS CAR. They only went out on one date people, what gives her the right to ask him anything about who else he may or may not be dating..... Did the Op tell him about this other guy she was seeing?????? I doubt that very much. If i am keeping my option open i should not be upset if the person i am dating is also doing the same thing. | |
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| First date with this guy...went GREAT except for THE LIPSTICK..men and women's opinions wanted!!
Posted: 11/20/2007 6:43:29 AM | Let me get something straight....
I am SEEING someone casually. It's is NOT serious in any sense of the word.
The person and I have NOT slept together, and don't spend a whole lot of time alone together, much less together period (sometimes when we go out, it's with other friends as well)...I wouldn't bet my bank account that me and this OTHER guy are ever going to get serious...we have fun together (without sex) and that's it...He is NOT my boyfriend.
Now, the reason why I brought this up, IS....I don't want to be in a situation where I am seeing someone who HAS A SIGNIFICANT OTHER. That's different from what I have with the other guy I'm seeing. I'm not committed. We're not exclusive. BUT I don't want to be someone's 'hollaback girl' or girl 'on the side'.
That's why I brought up the lipstick.
And, I did want feedback to see if people thought it might belong to a sister, female friend, aunt, mother, neice, etc.....
And I understand it was only our first date and who's lipstick it is, is NOT my business at this point...
I'm just trying to get 'feelers' out there to see if anyone or people think it IS a red flag, or indicative of something I should beware of?
Nor am I angry or thinking "How dare he"?
I'm not stupid. I'm not saying "I can do this', but 'he can't'.....
Just wanted to clarify that.....
I'm merely looking for what others would think if they were in that situation?
Women mostly, but men can offer their thoughts too!
I SHOULD HAVE TITLED THE THREAD "WHAT WOULD YOU THINK IN THIS SITUATION?
That is more along the lines of what I want to know.....
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| First date with this guy...went GREAT except for THE LIPSTICK..men and women's opinions wanted!!
Posted: 11/20/2007 7:21:29 AM | I'd ask him; I don't know about you, but I can sit around all day long making shit up in my head, that, by the end of the day, seems like the truth to me.
Then I go home mad over some imagined slight, fight with that wonderful man, and it's all cause I didn't just TALK to him before I started making shit up in my head.
By the way, god bless you Scotty for puttin up with my spasticity...
Fry | |
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| First date with this guy...went GREAT except for THE LIPSTICK..men and women's opinions wanted!!
Posted: 11/20/2007 7:23:23 AM |
Truth be told, I'm sort of seeing someone anyhow right now. Not seriously, but I am.
I wanted to keep my options open 'cause the last guy I dated I found out was actually seeing me on the side keeping it from his FIANCE'.
I think you have a big double standard. In the one side you are all paranoid about the lipstick and stuff, and in the other you are seeing other people. My advice, let it be, and if you go out with this guy again. Grab the whatever is from the other woman, smile at him, and ask, "do you wear it often." That way there's no pressure and if he tells you he tells you and if he doesn't, well you haven't offered you truth either. | |
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| First date with this guy...went GREAT except for THE LIPSTICK..men and women's opinions wanted!!
Posted: 11/20/2007 7:28:07 AM |
Now, the reason why I brought this up, IS....I don't want to be in a situation where I am seeing someone who HAS A SIGNIFICANT OTHER. That's different from what I have with the other guy I'm seeing. I'm not committed. We're not exclusive. BUT I don't want to be someone's 'hollaback girl' or girl 'on the side'.
Still, double standard. You know how you are in your relationship. What if the guy told you, that yes he is going out with somebody else as well, nothing serious. Would you still go out with him? | |
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| First date with this guy...went GREAT except for THE LIPSTICK..men and women's opinions wanted!!
Posted: 11/20/2007 9:01:43 AM | Since the other posters have already justly chastised you for being a tad hypocritical, I'll leave that topic alone. (e.g. seeing someone else casually and yet jumping to gigantic conclusions about the infidelity of your FIRST date...)
However after reading your OP here's another question I have for you: Why the heck are you forcing the guy to do nearly all of the calling? He called you up the first times to try and set up the meeting, then he called you AGAIN but you were sick and couldn't go out. Then a few days pass, you get better, and the best effort you can muster is a lame TEXT MESSAGE telling him you're well again and would like to hang out? Are you THAT lazy? Are most women? 
FYI there is no guarantee a text message makes it's way to the intended recipient instantaneously; I've had friends text me within the SAME BAR and not received their message for over an hour, and we were 20 feet apart.
Instead of sitting back like the typical complacent woman atop a pedestal, hoping the man she's interested will call, why not be a tad more proactive and have called him right away, rather than sending a second over-dramatic teeny-bopper text message about how "he must not be interested, good luck with life"...
I'm sorry to be so harsh, but for a woman of your age, that's just pathetic in terms of dating effort. 
As for the lipstick, you could most certainly ask if you feel it necessary, but given that you've been out with him on one date after the meeting, and that you're also seeing someone on the side, you don't really have any backing to jump to such accusations, and I'd be curious to see what he'd think of you as well if he knew about your second casual date (like whether you kissed him as well...  ) | |
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| First date with this guy...went GREAT except for THE LIPSTICK..men and women's opinions wanted!!
Posted: 11/20/2007 9:33:23 AM | Did you ever think maybe its his lipliner- hey some crazy shit has happened.
Well truthfully- he was probably using either his wifes or his girlfriends
SUV- thats why her lipliner and her smokes were there. You see someone
and he sees someone- it all comes out in the wash.
It obviously did not bother you as you were into the kiss- so, yeah
another thread.
curlygrl~ | |
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| First date with this guy...went GREAT except for THE LIPSTICK..men and women's opinions wanted!!
Posted: 11/20/2007 10:13:54 AM | | Since enough have been said about the double standard here, I would like to mention something interesting, and that is how, women have a way of marking what they consider their territory and how men, usually are clueless about this things, until another woman finds the one earring, or the lip liner, or the panties, or the clasp and so on. Now, is this done on purpose? Or done at a subconscious level? Men, have this happened to you? Women, what to you think? | |
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| First date with this guy...went GREAT except for THE LIPSTICK..men and women's opinions wanted!!
Posted: 11/20/2007 10:26:34 AM | Hmmm.... I would only ask the guy about it if you went out with him again...
and then it wouldn't be an accusing type of ask it would be along the lines of :
Hey I have a stupid question for ya but I'll ask ya anyways... the last time I was in here there was a really pretty stick of lip liner in here and I tried to find the same color at the store but I couldn't match it, could you ask who it belongs to where they got it at and the brand/color name - I'd really appreciate it... please?
And that could only go a couple of ways from there....
Either he'll say sure I can - I'll just call up my sister/sister-inlaw/bestfriend "X" and get that info for ya
OR he'll say something like Ummm-yeah I don't think that girl would like that too much cause I don't see her anymore or because she will wonder who you are and come and find me and shoot me cause we're married....
But it really could only go one of 2 ways - Either it's a freind or relitives or it belongs to a current or an Ex.... | |
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| First date with this guy...went GREAT except for THE LIPSTICK..men and women's opinions wanted!!
Posted: 11/20/2007 10:32:19 AM | | He is embracing his feminine side. He also wears bras and panties and thigh-high stockings. So far, he hasn't found anyone who will accept the fact that he's that way. He's be most flattered if you offered to do his cosmetics for a private photo session. A lot of babes just can't handle that. He's not a latent queer, by the way. He just really, really loves women and feminine things. Really. Love, Titus | |
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| First date with this guy...went GREAT except for THE LIPSTICK..men and women's opinions wanted!!
Posted: 11/20/2007 11:23:33 AM | You will attract someone as healthy, or sick as you are. Damn huh? Both of you may have backdoors propped open incase of trouble/failure. At this point, why not? Later on, you better not:)
I think you are dining from the same plate; you know, both in the same food group. Cops and criminals think alike as they harbour the same thoughts, for different reasons, well purportedly anyhow.
Keep playing heads up. Stop creating your own festering black hole in your head...ask questions about things that would otherwise cause you grief. Let your intuition guide you.
David | |
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| First date with this guy...went GREAT except for THE LIPSTICK..men and women's opinions wanted!!
Posted: 11/20/2007 11:23:53 AM | I'd just forget you ever saw it.
I like to turn it around, what if you spilled your purse and a condom fell out? What would you think if he was asking you about it? Just a thought.
If you do continue to see him and get to know him (this was the first time you met) and you do decide to be exclusive then I'd bet something would come out in conversation that would give the answer without even having to ask.  | |
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