| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 8:26:54 AM | I have heard good and bad stories about arranged marriages, not just from those of the Asian community. Arranged marriages seem to be something still practised by the aristocracy in England.
I would like to find a husband but I am finding it difficult to find anybody intelligent enough and anybody who doesn't just want to have sex
So do arranged marriages work? If so, what makes them work? | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 2 | |
| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 9:42:38 AM | I would like to find a husband but I am finding it difficult to find anybody intelligent enough and anybody who doesn't just want to have sex
Just read your profile... I'm not surprised. It's bascially a treatise of why no guy should try to get close to you. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 10:03:39 AM | | Just read your profile, Dont think they would work for you. You are one of a kind | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 11:35:11 AM | You would be miserable in an arranged marriage, as nobody else can pick who and what makes you happy, and your needs are to specific. I live in the United States, but checked your profile to see what the problem might be. First, you might try the Profile Review Forum for help. I found your profile extremely limiting, more like a robot or machine than a woman looking for a relationship.  Also, naming those whom you have found undesirable is a real deal breaker, who would contact you knowing that if they don't meet your strict guidelines they will be added to the list for all to see. 
I fully understand that you are looking for certain traits, but we are all here for a reason, some tall, some short, some large, some small, some smart, some not. But respect is the key factor. I am of moderate intelligence, and have friends here that are neither below or above my level, as they each have their own personality which makes them special.  | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 5 | |
| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 12:12:43 PM | They work when the motivations are sufficient. Position, title, protection, economics, etc..
What's wrong with just wanting to have sex? Do you not like sex? Have you had good (or bad) experiences with sex?
Why is a 24 y.o. philosopher and economist asking such a question? In addition to it being almost completely outside your realm of understanding, how would you even consider going down this path? Do you have "an arranger" in mind?
My guess is dating is something you've glossed over in life...but you've invested well in educational pursuits. Since you obviously value education, intelligence and knowledge, why don't you invest some money in hiring a "Dating Coach"...someone who can teach you how to make yourself more attractive (not just physically, but emotionally, intellectually, etc.) to the people you want to attract. I'd pursue that path about 2 decades before willingly signing to become chattel.
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 2:13:44 PM | | Its a mixed thing torybabe, many arranged marriages work in 3rd world countries or bygone cultures because there's usually some responsible common sense based judgements made by the arrangers. The other thing is with an arranged marriage there's a commitment at the foundation of the relationship that's taken very seriously, men and women in matrimony normally will enjoy each others company, love each other and work out their differences because the commitment is taken seriously. What I just stated isn't at all always the case, many women are second class citizens and subject to abuse in 3rd world countries, I do think that in established cultures arranged marriages for the most part result in a majority of couples living happily? I will also guess that the royals who were in arranged marriages had a much lower chance of being happy?? Personally I'm a strong advocate of free will and equality so I don't at all endorse arranged marriages in a modern society, there are however still great people who do match making. Internet sites like this has some amazing success storys too. I won't look at your profile torybabe, I can tell by your picture you're out of my age range or I would volenteer for your consideration. I'm intellegent for someone who can't write well and never ever want to have a relationship again like when I was a teen for sex.I'm sure there are others like me who would be very suitable for a life long commitment to a woman? My average is only 18 years so far, I know I can do better and there are better guys then me? Keep the faith babe! | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 2:21:44 PM | After viewing your profile, I'm suprised you haven't given up on this site due to lack of interest shown.
Rewriting it would help.
BTW.....highly intelligent people know that you don't use the word "an" when using it before a word that starts with a consonant. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 2:36:09 PM | | Don't ask for what you cannont offer in return. . If you're looking for an highly intelligent male, start with being..... | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 2:40:04 PM | | The people in alot of other cultures don't buy into the romantic love/soulmate idea that we have in Western culture. I lived in an area of London that had a high Sikh population and my Indian friends would say, in defence of arranged marriages, that an entire extended family is involved in the search for and selection for a suitable mate for a young person. They would bring the entire force of their experience and contacts to bear on the problem. They would look for someone with a compatible personality as well as similar values, in order to ensure a successful, long-lasting relationship. Whereas lots of western people get married on the basis of physical qualities, lust, infatuation, and passion that can be quickly extinguished and might not survive the realities of married life. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 2:45:47 PM | I rarely criticize the profiles of others - but yours really does have a "Stay Away!" sign painted in large red letters, hammered into the ground surrounded by barbed-wired fence :\
It's great that you know what you want and won't settle for less ... but your profile makes you appear cold and detached with a hint of 'am-better-than-you-peasant' aroma.
But hey, each to their own.
As to arranged marriages, I suppose it all depends ... have heard success stories and failures. Personally, would rather learn about someone before committing vs. other way around.
Luck to you. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 2:50:24 PM | I've reported your profile for naming users that you consider "control freaks".
But, on topic......
I'm sure my parents could pick a better match for me than I could. I would trust them completely. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 2:52:32 PM | Arranged marriages work for the 4 guys i know who have had them done. Like one of the previous posters, marriages hold more importance in some of the practicing countries of arranged marriages.
As for you, I doubt it would work.
Not to nitpick but i noticed in your profile that you presume christian morals to equal not having sex
you then post a website saying that it best describes you
so christian morals can be summed up by astrology websites?
you say you want to find someone highly intelligent. Honestly I don't think there's anyone stupid enough to end up with you. Most intelligent people are rather humble but you seem to want a flashy idiot who knows alot of useless information.
If you seriously want to find a guy show you are intelligent rather than post about christian morals and astrology, and try not to sinlge out "rude" men and out them on a free internet dating site. If they are the ones blocking you then you must have some issues you should deal with. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 4:16:26 PM | | I agree with the above crue... Your profile is kinda intimidated. I have Phd in business and is intimidated by you saga. Check out mine LOL LOL it is so sweetly written.... | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 4:33:22 PM | We just did this topic a little more than a week ago, so for more info...
<a href="http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1476284.aspx">http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1476284.aspx</a>
In short, it depends on what you mean by "work".
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 5:40:25 PM | You might also want to remove the user name of the people you mention on your profile. Not only is it tacky to name names, but it isn't allowed, for obvious reasons. Should someone report this to admin. , your profile and your account will simply be deleted.
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 7:38:27 PM | Ahhh but those who are aristocrats wont find themselves on Plenty of Fish, even the wannabes!!
I think for someone like you chances of finding a husband suitable to your liking is like the Queen of England doing a rap album with Snoop Dogg, your condescending attitude is some what hilarious, what does Astrology and Christianity have to do with your morals?
When I read of someone who says " I wanna find a guy who doesn't like sex blah blah blah" I think ok, this person has unresolved issues whether it's a matter of unattractiveness (physical and/or personality-wise), fear, brainwashing, lack of sexual desire, unrealistic expectations about sex, or psychological damage. Yes, yes, there are many people out there who do not have sex because they were indoctrinated by their parents to believe "sex is dirty." Sex is dirty only if you let it be that way: no people who are selective about their partners and have loving relationships will ever tell you sex is dirty. Anyone who thinks sex is dirty, virgin or non-virgin, is mentally unstable
Anyways back to the topic, Arrange marriages like everything else works for some, and not for all, I Cant see anyone living in the Western society subscribing to it, not with the age of the internet, MTV and some of the day time soap crap thats on TV. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 8:03:14 PM | | I think some work and some don't. It works better in cultures where it is the norm, not the exception. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 8:07:21 PM | I am not well-versed in arranged marriages. This practice does still exist in some cultures. Personally, I don't want ANYONE arranging who they think I should marry. Since I am the one that will be marrying my SO (if it ever leads to this), I will do the honors of choosing him!
I don't think that you should contemplate this simply because you cannot find someone intelligent enough or not wanting to get into your "pants". You are only 24 and still have plenty of time to meet and greet. It will arrive when the time is right and it is meant to be. Unfortunately, things don't always happen when we want them to happen.
Best,
ADDENDUM: I just read your profile and I don't see any man taking you seriously/being interested. Not to mention that you broke one of the site's rules...you mentioning member names on your profile is a no-no, and may get you deleted from the site. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 8:08:53 PM | Well my Mother tried very hard to arrange my marriage with JFK Jr. but well...he was catholic. But she's glad it didn't work out.
But seriously, I do see how some arranged marriages would really work out. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 8:14:29 PM | | Torybabe HURRY and change your profile, the KGB is reporting you for using names, das ezz verboten!!! even I know that? Don't take it too seriously eaz just mine x in laws dearest dream a virtual vasectomy and their amazing influence on the other extreme, the radical left wing. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/20/2007 8:14:44 PM |
I would like to find a husband but I am finding it difficult to find anybody intelligent enough and anybody who doesn't just want to have sex
I have to assume that you're using YOUR perception of your own intelligence as a yardstick for "enough"
Also..when you (or any woman) say the line "doesn't just want to have sex" that's a warning for men that may be interested that sex-related issues are in store for this relationship..
Since the overwhelming majority of people on dating sites are never nor will ever be IN an arranged marriage....you're question is the equivalent of asking the Klan about race relations....
You can DO it.....but what kind of useful answer could you possibly get? | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/22/2007 10:44:30 AM | Oh dear, I seem to have upset people on here by asking for an intelligent man.
More wealthy people in England often still have arranged marriages and it seemed like an interesting idea especially if you are not a dunder head who will have sex with anybody | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/22/2007 10:59:32 AM | Many men here are intelligent, witty and decent.
Why don't you try presenting yourself as a thoughtful kind person with many varied interests, instead of saying "I don't drive, am into astrology, I have a history of controlling abusive relationships, getting blocked by men I have dated and I live at home with Mom."
Intelligence has little to do with your social makeup. If you are so right brained that you cannot form a proper adult relationship then maybe you need to work on your social skills before you try and get married. Your post has little to do with arranged marriages and more to do with your frustration in dating. Do you really think that if the choice of who you were to wed was taken away from you that you would be happier? Who better than you can judge who is Mr Right? If you are indeed part of a University community I would imagine that there are hundreds of young smart eligible men in your area. But you have to put forth the effort and at least attempt to be the kind of woman a man would want. | |
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| Do Arranged Marriages Work?
Posted: 11/23/2007 9:07:42 AM |
But you have to put forth the effort and at least attempt to be the kind of woman a man would want.
No! No! No! NO!
You should never be anyone BUT YOURSELF.
I had the misfortune of marrying someone who 'pretended' to be one thing and only after a couple of years did her true self come out. This left me very surprised (like.."who is this woman??")and bitter because I felt I was lied to.
BE YOURSELF so the man you meet has no surprises (and hopefully he wont be putting on a act either) | |
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