| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:13:26 AM | I went out with a friend of mine over the weekend. This guy is rather on the large side, saying he is out of shape might be putting it mildly. I love the guy to death but he has yet to spend one day of his life in a gym or away from a buffet table.
Now we are out at a dance club and this girl comes up to him and ask him to dance, He turned her down, now when the girl ( who was rather pretty ) left i asked him what was up with that, his reply was " She was too big" WTF this girl was truly "a few pounds over" not the POf version but the reality version.
Now i am somewhat amused by this so i say to him " gee you aint exactly mr twiggy over here, you're a pretty big man yourself, how can you turn away someone solely based on her being a little overweight?" His response to this was "I know what i like and i like women in shape".
Now i don't think he has the right to refuse anyone solely based on weight, A fat person using preference to reject another fat person is utterly silly.
Can you imagine a drug addict rejecting another drug addict because they use drugs??? A smoker telling another smoker they can't date them because they smoke?
An alcoholic telling another alcoholic they can't date because they drink?
If you are a Big person then your prefence card should be revoked totally when it comes to rejecting another based on weight, it's just too damn silly to even think about.
I have to laugh when i think about someone with anorexia telling another they can't date because they are too skinny.
We all have our preferences but there are exception to every rule, in my opinion this is one of them.....Agree or disagree?????? | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:31:00 AM | Ive never understood why some over weight people do that? There was another thread started by a woman who asked why cant men see past the outside ? and the kicker was she actually states Shes not interested in meeting a man who was overweight , meanwhile she's more than overweight
I think its a joke personally when a overweight person says that but some people has the right to be stupid, just why do some abuse the privilege.
You know if a "hot" woman were to turn your friend down because of his weight, He would think she is some sort of " shallow, conceited bi tch" yes/no/maybe? | |
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| Preference my butt, you can't use preference as an excuse.
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:32:31 AM | Although I see where you're coming from, most if not all folks have their preferences. It is a bit different that your friends preference happens to be an 'in shape' lady, since he himself is not. I feel like it's probably best he goes with his preference though. If he isn't attracted to her, it may be best not to string the lady along. (Though a dance should not have necessarily been a big deal in my opinion.)
Can you imagine a drug addict rejecting another drug addict because they use drugs??? A smoker telling another smoker they can't date them because they smoke?
Yes, in some cases. If a drug addict or cigarette addict is truely trying to step away from their addiction, they may choose to be around folks who can and will encourage them to recover. ... :) | |
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| Preference my butt, you can't use preference as an excuse.
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:35:55 AM | Moonstarr i never said anything about a recovering drug addict or a smoker trying to quit, Of course in those cases they would and should stay away from a person doing drugs or smoking.
I was talking about a smoker or drug addict that's still indulging in these bad habits rejecting another for doing the same. | |
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| Preference my butt, you can't use preference as an excuse.
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:42:08 AM | I thought you might be, but I try to look at questions in here from a few different angles, that's all... between that and being just a tad sleep deprived is how I arrived at that kind of an answer. :)
I would most definitely raise an eyebrow in the case of an indulging drug user refusing another solely because of their use. | |
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| Preference my butt, you can't use preference as an excuse.
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:47:28 AM | isnt it simple. us overweight men need to be with ultra slim women to feed our already bloated egos. BRB lemme go message some ultra thin chicks with atleast 8 ribs showing and wait for them to respond back(i.e wait for Unread Deleted)  | |
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| Preference my butt, you can't use preference as an excuse.
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:58:28 AM | I say whatever someone wants to use as criteria is fine as long as they understand and realize the consquences of that (dis)qualification.
For instance, your friend may only want to date fit women. As long as he knows it's probably not going to happen, he'll remain single, and he's ok with that being his result, then he can want that...it's fine.
If ever he whines about not finding anyone who accepts him for who he is and complains about being single, then you can tell him he's wrong. He has to change his criteria, or accept the filter he places on dating, but he can't have both. | |
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| Preference my butt, you can't use preference as an excuse.
Posted: 11/21/2007 10:08:10 AM | | We are all entitled to our preferences I guess, but some people need to take a reality check. I see it all the time in profiles. Old fat bald leery blokes stipulating someone 20 years younger, 20 lbs thinner and infinitely more attractive than them. Well if they can pull it off, fair play I suppose. So long as they don't come back whinging about how women are just after their money. ... | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/21/2007 10:23:00 AM | Some ppl hate a part of themselves and for some reason don't change that part within themselves or not able to. If they don't like that part within them I doubt they will be able to want that in others they wish to date.
Thus a smoker not wanting a smoker, druggie, even the rich not wanting someone rich, poor not wanting poor, etc. It is more common to see over weight ppl do this with so many having issues with it.
Someone that is over weight that hates being so will most times not want someone overweight. It’s silly I know but that is how the human mind has been programmed. | |
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-GQ4U
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Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 11 | |
| Preference my butt, you can't use preference as an excuse.
Posted: 11/21/2007 10:25:56 AM | The fact he is over weight has nothing to do with it, Most men like slim women with shape. Its attractive, and they are usually more flexible in bed, they usually like to go on top and stuff.
Other men like BIG women, Big Botties, big stomachs, Big Breasts even if its not proportionate to their bodies.
I dont think your preference has anything to do with how you look. Im a big guy, Well not Nutty Professor big but still. I like fit women, I dont want women that look like tooth pics but I like fit women with some meat in the right places....Jennifer Lopez, or Kim Kardasian would be the perfect example.
Just because Im big it doesent mean I should find hugely over weight women attractive, and Vice Versa. I bet Most fat girls wouldnt like fat guys either. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/21/2007 10:36:32 AM | | Speaking as someone who is aware that I'm not an ideal body weight (not that it slows me down) I know I disqualify men who are obese, I don't mean a little overweight but actually obese. I don't do this because I find their appearance disgusting but because I am all to familiar with the very negative/scary and often lift threatening health impacts of being obese... it's a case of been there, done that, never going there again. as to your friend perhaps in his case he's wearing blinders regarding his own size. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being ove
Posted: 11/21/2007 10:58:53 AM |
Each person has an absolute, unquestioned right to refuse to date, dance, or be social with anyone for any reason. It may seem "hypocritical" to you, but so what. Who one chooses to have in his life, socially or romantically, is an individual choice, that no one else has any right to scrutinize.
Hear, hear, Melo! Although scrutiny is the POF forum way...
I have had a weight problem for much of my life, losing, gaining, losing again, gaining again--but whether I was a "normal" weight or not, I rarely found myself attracted to men who had very many extra pounds. And while I feel hypocritical about that, I can't make myself turn on the attraction to heavy men any more than I can make myself sexually desire my own gender. Since I have always been drawn to tall, slender men, I have a sneaking hunch that one component of attraction is based on DNA calling to DNA--i.e., my family tends toward packing on the pounds, so to counteract that in my descendants, I need a mate with a genetic tendency to have trouble gaining.
--Ms. Flis | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/21/2007 11:10:26 AM | "Who one chooses to have in his life , socially or romantically, is an individual choice"
Of course it's an individual choice and a choice he has a right to make, But i also have a choice at looking at it as absurb.
Really overwieght people go through alot of discrimination everyday in this world. They truly should understand what that feels like, how could they then turn around and make someone else feel that way.
I am a black man and a minority mostly everywhere i go. I understand what it's feels like to be discriminated against. How could i then in clear conscience reject someone else solely based on race, knowing that this has been done to me and knowing what such an occurrence feels like?.
We go through life telling others "Don't judge me till you walked a mile in my shoes"
The overweight person has walked that mile in the other overweight person shoes, I am just having a hard time understanding how they can then turn around and do to them what others have been doing to them all their lives.
To me it's not about being Hypocritical, It's more about being able to relate to the other person because(you have walked a mile in their shoe) and would never want to disregard them solely based on weight knowing yourself how such rejections feels.
We all have the right to do as we choose with our lives, That does not make some of the decisions we choose to make less asinine. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/21/2007 12:17:22 PM | While its ok to have preferences I to hate it when people are hypocritical.
I hate it when large men refuse to look at me because I'm big...its pretty pathetic really.
I would be attracted to a larger man who was active, fun out going and had a nice face...just like me. But so often I have found many larger men to be hypocritical. (although I'm sure larger women to the same thing).
That is not to say that big people should only go out with other bigger people..but I think its funny for your friend to say she's too big....that seems pretty superficial to me. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/21/2007 12:22:03 PM | I think alot of overweight people are somewhat dillusional. I honestly don't think they see the person in the mirror accurately. That might go along way in explaining some of the deceptions we see when it comes to weight on POF and other dating sites.
They don't see themselves as they truly are so they have no problem rejecting others that's just as overweight as them. We can see the blemishes in others but not in ourselves thus rejecting other for those blemishes is alot easier. | |
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| Preference my butt, you can't use preference as an excuse.
Posted: 11/21/2007 12:28:42 PM | Well I was watching the show The Biggest Loser last night, and there is a guy on there that started at 420 lbs and now he has lost over 100 lbs, but when they got to reunite with their families, his girlfriend was there and she was very slim, so I guess as the saying goes "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" that or the guy has a lot of money so he's got his trophy woman to feed his ego! lol
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/21/2007 12:28:57 PM | I've had overweight women reject me based on my looks. While I am overweight, it is not morbidly so. The girl that turned me down was actually heavier than I was.....
I've seen overweight girls, and ugly girls having strong physical and image requirements that are silly, just like this guy did.
Strangely enough, I happen to know a beautiful, in shape and very athletic lady who called me once "an interesting guy." We actually have each other's phone numbers and it looks like something could cook up in the very near future.
I don't know what is up with overweight people turning down other overweight people, but it happens a lot. | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/21/2007 12:29:18 PM |
If you are a Big person then your prefence card should be revoked totally when it comes to rejecting another based on weight, it's just too damn silly to even think about.
Yes it's silly and it's the pot calling the kettle black.That said, no one should be forced to accept the interest of another based on some "flaw". I don't particularly, but what if I dug guys around 25, and rejected the advances of the 50+ men. Shouldn't I have MY "preference card" revoked because I'm over 50.
I suspect your friend has this mindset, and probably a lot of his overeating/overweight as well. because he really doesn't want to be dating or in a relationship,for whatever reason.
Leave it alone and find something IMPORTANT to worry about.
NOBODY, regardless of their supposed "defect" should have their "preference card revoked."
Cindy O | |
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| Is it ok for a overweight person to reject another overweight person, solely based on them being overweight?
Posted: 11/21/2007 12:31:03 PM | | I once met a man off here that on his profile said he was a few pounds overweight and hated liars who lie about that stuff, he was about 250 lbs over weight him self, he didnt see it as that he saw himself as a little bit chunky in all the right places, is it right for someone to not want what they see in them self, maybe he dont see it either, I never judge anyone by size what so ever, good in gold is often hidden to where you cant see it. | |
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