| not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:29:50 AM | i have met many great friends on this site, that i chat with often and they are from all walks of life and all over the world. but when it comes to finding someone to date that is proving difficult. i have sent out many emails, as i'm sure we all have, but i am finding the women i am attracted to don't have the skills to carry on a conversation.
i will email someone and they will email back saying they would like to get to know me. so i start sending more detailed emails telling them about myself and asking questions of them. i will get one or two line responses to my questions and nothing else. it is like they are answering questions on a witness stand.
my question is this; are others having the same problems with people that are inept at carrying on a conversation, or is it perhaps something i am doing to cause this. | |
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Sasoon
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Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 2 | |
| Re: not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:41:52 AM | Boy, you sure know how to pick 'em don't you?
You could try picking out women who have long, detailed "About me" sections filled out, instead of those who seem to skirt on the edges of incomplete.
I've found through experience that those who don't answer all of the questions I pose usually lose interest quickly and stop writing me altogether no matter how few questions I ask. Only answering a couple of a long list of queries is usually a sign of disinterest. It doesn't even have to be anything about you per se, just that they don't want to apply themselves to the situation and step up to the plate. Try thinking of it as those women don't really know what it is that they're looking for in a partnership. | |
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| Re: not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:48:01 AM | | Ditto--must be something we're saying that just doesn't resonate with the people we're emailing. Maybe we're boring. | |
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| Re: not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:56:03 AM | If its a really long conversation AND its printed on really heavy paper then it can be a bit hard to hold without a wheelbarrow tho
But if its saved in word format onto a CD its easy peasy to hold one I find | |
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| Re: not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 11/21/2007 1:21:29 PM |
You could try picking out women who have long, detailed "About me" sections filled out, instead of those who seem to skirt on the edges of incomplete.
generally these are women that i try to contact. they have made themselves appear interesting on their profile, but then nothing in conversation.
maybe your right, could be i'm just hitting the women that are here for play or for an ego boost. guess i will just move on and try to find someone that has an actual interest in me.
thanks
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| Re: not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 11/21/2007 1:54:44 PM | Maybe they ARE "interesting intelligent women" tho, but perhaps they just look at the mail you sent and your profile and dont think youre their type or dont find you interesting enough to respond to
Stranger things have happened you know
And lets face it, interesting intelligent women are rarely going to be low on knowing and waiting for exactly what they want in a "someone", so just because they dont respond doesnt mean their profile is a missrepresentation, it usually just means you dont appeal to them
Just accept that and keep looking, its hardly the end of the world after all | |
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| Re: not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 11/21/2007 2:17:28 PM | Been there, done that. It's absolutely awful to read a wonderful profile and see the photo of someone with whom you think you might have something in common with, only to find out that they have the personality of a dial-tone.
Ugh!!! | |
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| not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 11/21/2007 3:30:02 PM | ummmmm eeeeeeeerrrrrrr Sheesh Cats got my tongue!
ummmmm Get back to you later!
Just try relaxing! Hard to make any conversation if your trying to force one!
Ask Her what her interests are and the like. Should give you a few topics to discuss from there. If she has no interests I doubt she will be a good partner anyway!
Cheers | |
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| not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 11/21/2007 3:51:55 PM |
are others having the same problems with people that are inept at carrying on a conversation, or is it perhaps something i am doing to cause this.
Nope. You aren't the only one struggling to keep the convo going.
I've met a few off here who folded their arms and gave off the whole "ok.. you got 15 minuites to impress the hell out of me & make me laugh so i'll just sit here and add absolutely nothing to the convo ... on your mark... ready..... go!! "
thats when i ran for the door.
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| Re: not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 11/21/2007 4:16:00 PM | | I think you have to keep in mind - you are just a stranger behind a computer screen and may people are not willing to give out too much information. Even though you have chatted or exchanged emails for awhile - it does not mean they are going to be ready to blurt out the answers to your questions. | |
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| Re: not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 11/21/2007 4:25:29 PM | It could be either that
a)she just might not be that into you
b)she's busy at the moment and doesn't have time for a detailed response
c)she already has plenty of prospects and she's simply trying to be "nice" by sending a response
d)she's dumb as a post and can't hold a conversation
Good luck fishing!  | |
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| Re: not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 11/21/2007 4:41:17 PM | I would think that most people get frustrated with lack of FEEDBACK in any conversation wheather it be the dance of the sexes or two buisnessman going over the fine details of a corporate merger.The way I see it,you have to have a willingness on the part of both parties to engage each other or your just tilting at windmills or as the old saying goes.......,pissing in the wind.Ya know,there is certainly a time and a place for one word answers,but IMHO in this backdrop you need some cerebral matter in the main place where it really.....................,well........matters.
Pack | |
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| not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 3/3/2008 8:05:04 AM | | It is common with men. I am trying to have some emails with a guy who only sends one of those goofy icons. | |
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| not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 3/3/2008 8:43:39 AM | | Have you ever had ongoing stimulating conversation with someone online only to meet in person and there's nothing there? Perhaps they are trying not to "invest" too much of themselves upfront - see where it goes, and perhaps be more forthcoming after a favorable meet & greet. Just a thought... | |
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| not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 3/3/2008 10:00:37 AM | | Maybe the conversation shouldn't be so personal at first. Maybe he/she wants to talk about comfortable things that are not so personal as to get them involved with someone that scares them? I don't know but I'm just saying. It is easy to jump to conclusions from a few short messages and end up with an entirely wrong opinion of a person. Taking time to talk and communicate is key isn't it? | |
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| not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 3/3/2008 10:16:37 AM | I've had the same thing happen. I want someone who can keep up lively banter in an email.
Most of the men I've had email me bore me to tears. If you can't hold my interest in an email, how will you possibly be able to hold my interest when we meet in person. | |
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| not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 3/3/2008 11:39:05 AM | ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.....
ok, seriously, the advice you got from others is good, follow thru on it | |
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| not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 3/3/2008 12:01:19 PM | OP it's been said already but it must be stressed. I don't waste my time with profiles that have one lines or that talk about having to fill in the minimum required space just to post the profile. I'm sure there are some wonderful women out there with useless profiles but I am not interested in someone who isn't interested in spending just a BIT of time on their profile for the rest of us to enjoy. This is a dating site afterall and it should be an effort both ways. Look for women who have good profiles and post some interested that aren't completely humourous. It's good to have humour in your profile but some take it too far and everything is a joke. But in the end you attract those you advertise for, and the same goes for buyers. If you are looking at the wrapping but not really concerning yourself with the contents of the package you are bound to find yourself disappointed more often than not, when the pretty person has no substance because they relied on their looks and it bit them in the azz when they realized they need to ante up to the table and they've got nothing. There are plenty of really attractive people on this site with good profiles, but unfortunately there are an awful lot with nothing.
I don't find the women I contact can't carry on a conversation, but I do find a lot of the girls that contact me mainly via IM but sometimes via email have nothing to say also. Everything is one-line answers and I have to dictate the entire conversation. Makes for an easy NO, and it's easy to cut them loose quickly when they ask why.......because you've said nothing in the 20 minutes we've talked...or should I say I've talked trying to get you TO talk. In person someone could be shy but how on earth could a person be shy in an email or IM? Does anyone actually get shy or nervous in emails or IM and not write much because of this?
There have been some mentions of keeping things light. I think that's important in initial conversations. No deep discussions about life goals and most people don't like to talk much about their kids with a stranger. But I think there needs to be some open-ended discussion about the lighter side of life. Questions like what would you do with a free afternoon and your favourite acquaintance, or if you had access to the worlds greatest sundae bar what type of sundae would you create? Stuff that is light-hearted but still will allow for more conversation to flow out of it. | |
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| not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 3/3/2008 12:50:04 PM | | One does not ''carry out a conversation'' while messaging through emails. It is responding in writing, which is totally different to talking, in person or on the phone, and ''carrying out a conversation''. The written word is an art form that is not easily mastered nor is it necessarily a comfortable way to exchange about personal details. In person, it might be another story all together. One might hold a personal conversation quite well, indeed. To each their own! We all have some things we excel at and others that we do not. | |
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| not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 3/3/2008 1:31:41 PM | | Suju, I agree with you slightly but there is an art of conversation that applies to email. And instant messengers are virtual conversations as well and this is where it is often lost. People in emails have some time to compose a message and think it through. In an IM window that timeframe is reduced and the person is forced to think on their feet, and not even at the speed which is required to have a REAL live conversation, something I think MANY have completely lost track of these days. | |
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| not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 3/3/2008 1:53:28 PM | | Deuce, you're points are quite valid. What I tried but perhaps failed in corresponding is that not all people feel comfortable writing about themselves, thus the likelyhood of the short 2 sentences replies the OP recieved. | |
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| not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 3/3/2008 1:58:08 PM | | There is a big difference between the one and two liners and the complete lack of back and forth with many. I mean I've had a lot of women request an IM or say "hey, wanna chat...here's my msn addy" (to which I usually reply with a no thanks now after having learned my lesson and learned to be more selective) and then once they get on the screen you ask a question and you get a one word answer, with no questions ever coming back. You might ask what type of music they like, and you get "country" or "all kinds". Or you ask if they've travelled to any cool exotic places and any stories to share, and you get a "yup/nope" answer. That's it! And you wait for a while to see if they'll pipe up but all you get is a smiley face or a "soooooooo". So at that point I'd usually end the conversation and thank them for the time, but I get a "wait, leaving already?!". What the hell else am I going to do?! I can have a better conversation with myself on a bad day! | |
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| not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 3/3/2008 3:35:01 PM | Not being able to hold a conversation is also about chemistry and intimidation....there was a lady I was told about that eats men and spits out the bones, tough and assertive and knows what she wants...managed a wine date with her last summer, and suddenly, after a minute or two, sh became quiter, swallowing alow, she was actually nervous around me, and could not hold a conversation...I heard from the mutual friend later that she was intimidated for the first time...and that happens to all of us...sometimes we meet someone that makes us feel small, not good enough, etc, whatever, and the conversation goes out the window...
Nothing to take personally, and don't be so hard on the other person....it's all about chemistry... | |
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EH1
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Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 25 | |
| not able to hold a conversation
Posted: 3/3/2008 4:01:03 PM | Paul I promise you this is the most NORMAL problem in the world and it is something that you will get better at with time and experience. There are very few guys who don't have this exact same problem which is why most people only hang around people they already know or are already friends with.
You know how the cheesy cliched movies and books have been preaching about pushing forawrd through hard times because if you do things will get better and eventually you'll get where you want to be. This is something to be applied here. Keep talking to women even if you feel dumb sometimes and learn to accept and swallow the painfulness of being award and eventually you win confidence and the times of feeling akward and speechless will be happen less and less untill eventually you will be having a blast and alot fo fun where you youst to be nervous. | |
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