| Does 'No sparks" on first date necessarily mean "no chance" EVER"?
Posted: 11/22/2007 2:17:48 PM | This is a quote from " Dating and Love Advice"
Ok, you talk to someone and enjoy talking to each other. But then when you meet in person should you feel some sort of ‘sparks’ or ‘connection’ if it is a relationship that is meant to be? The old fashioned way, you see someone, you feel attracted to them, and it goes from there. Online dating just seems so backwards. You talk, talk and then meet. Could someone speak from experience – if you meet someone for the first time, and don’t feel any sparks or connection (even though they do) is it possible if you see them again that the attraction will grow? Or, if there are no sparks the first meeting, does that mean there will never be any? Thanks! | |
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| Does 'No sparks on first date necessarily mean no chance EVER?
Posted: 11/22/2007 2:19:56 PM | No
A couple of years ago I met a guy online and I swear on a stack of bibles I do not remember our first meeting. The only thing I remember is where he works. AND NO- I was not drunk.. we were at Tim Horton's.
Then there was no contact for a bit and one of us changed our user name or something and we contacted each other again not realizing we had already met. Chatted again, realized we had met before but thought we would go for a walk anyway.
Met the second time - WOW - not sure what happened the first time cause there were lots of sparks the second time around. Dated for a few months and went our separate ways but it was a great few months. We are still good friends tho. | |
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| Does 'No sparks on first date necessarily mean no chance EVER?
Posted: 11/25/2007 10:31:22 PM | I guess that would beg the question as to what you were looking for at the time. Tim Horton's is not exactly a stand-out kind of place (especially on PEI --> damn Murphys!) so if you weren't really looking for a real spark, then there is no way the engine can get started, so to speak.
It seems like neither of you were really ready for anything at the original time. As you get older and learn about life, you will start seeing people in different lights and sometimes they show up again when you are ready... at least for a little while...
Whoops! commercials are over, back to the movie! | |
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| Does 'No sparks on first date necessarily mean no chance EVER?
Posted: 1/3/2008 2:49:57 PM | | my story... I had been talking to a guy for a month or so and we couldn't seem to get our schedules together to meet, but finally we did. I felt no attraction to him and was disappointed because we got along so well chatting, but didn't really expect to see him again. We did however keep chatting and went out a few more times and became good friends and hung out, still with no real attraction to the guy, then poof - I feel madly in love. It lasted for about a year, now we are not sure where it stands really, but we are still friends. So never give up on someone you like but don't feel the spark, it can happen and can be very special. | |
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| Does 'No sparks on first date necessarily mean no chance EVER?
Posted: 1/11/2008 2:55:14 PM | I would say that if there is a negative vibe where the factors were not beyond the control of the parties in question, then the answer is "no" at least insofar as things being the way there are at that point in time if not completely. But a lack of "sparks" on a first date?
I would not exist if a failure of "sparks" the first time around was a reason to call it all off -long story but since my existence is a result of it, you would have to expect me to leave a bit of a chance on the table presumably.
Consider also the converse: the many first dates with enough sparks to start a forest fire at the outset and then they form a relationship and do not stay together for whatever reasons. The high divorce rate should point to the fallacy of expecting "sparks" to be the determining factor on these things.
More than immediate sparks are needed since there are ups and downs in any relationship when there are no "sparks" to be had. (The old joke about a husband or wife not considering divorce -murder yes but not divorce- comes to mind with this one.) We cannot rule out the will on these matters as having some impact as well -indeed in those times when things wax and wane, the will is what keeps it together until more "sparks" can be found to reignite the fire.
So perhaps the best way to answer this is as follows:
There need not be "sparks" on the first date to indicate a possible future but there needs to be an absence of a negative vibe with factors within the control of the parties in question. [1] And (of course) as long as there is some degree of a positive vibe then sure, a future is possible.
I think in society there is too much of an enchantment with the "love at first sight" thing and that is hardly what anyone should bank on. So never rule out any sign of a positive nature after a first date as being capable of leading to more in proportion (I suppose) to how good of a read you feel you got on the person you were with.
But as I noted already, if the vibe was a negative one and the factors involved were not beyond the control of the parties in question then I would say "possibly" but if the factors were within control of the parties, then the answer would be "no."
There needs to be at the very least a neutral or positive vibe felt though as a rule. But the mere absence of "sparks" the first time? I would say do not rule things out on that basis alone particularly if you and the person hit if off quite well and there is minimal (if any) degree of awkwardness.
Note:
[1] For example, an auto accident where the fault was not on the part of either of the two parties, one party getting food poisoning, etc. | |
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| Does 'No sparks on first date necessarily mean no chance EVER?
Posted: 1/22/2008 2:36:52 AM | This could be a great debate. We are all here still looking so perhaps we are looking for the wrong thing, I don't know, I haven't figured it out...trying...LOL
I personally expect sparks but maybe I should get my head out of the clouds. | |
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| Does 'No sparks on first date necessarily mean no chance EVER?
Posted: 1/22/2008 6:26:49 AM | | Instant attraction or that "spark" does not equal compatibility. Doesn't anyone else find it odd that we'd base our future (marriage, etc) over this spark we felt over someone at Starbucks after drinking a coffee with them? Typically, it'll take more than 1 date to get to know if that person is for you. Not that there aren't exceptions....... | |
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| Does 'No sparks on first date necessarily mean no chance EVER?
Posted: 1/22/2008 2:05:07 PM | I agree with singleislander, in order for there to even be a 2nd date, there had to have been "something" that happened on the first date to make you want a second.
I don't care how compatable I am with someone, if I look at them and feel nothing, then no amount of dates will make me change my mind. To me, all that would happen would be that i'd become more friends with this person then anything else. Now don't get me wrong, being friends is a big part of having a great relationship, but most times, our guy friends are "friends" for a reason...reason being, because there was no attraction. Just my opinion!! | |
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| Does 'No sparks on first date necessarily mean no chance EVER?
Posted: 1/22/2008 2:55:20 PM | | I like sparks and expect them!!! but I am thinking back to a time when there was a guy that I would have never taken a second look at but when he approached me and befriended me, "sparks" grew for me. I find on-line dating difficult, perhaps because I have a preconceived idea of who the other person is from chatting and profile but when I meet them, they don't seem to be that person at all. | |
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| Does 'No sparks on first date necessarily mean no chance EVER?
Posted: 1/25/2008 7:02:30 PM | | Sure, there has to be something, but that can simply be some form of compatibility. I can't help but get the feeling that our fast food culture has turned to the fast food relationship. It's all about convenience & speed of delivery. | |
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| Does 'No sparks on first date necessarily mean no chance EVER?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:21:48 AM | well i met someone once, just as friends...nothing more....had no thoughts of this man romantically!! But when i met him the sparks just flew!! But the relationship didnt last....
i think the spark thing is over rated! I have been drawn to someone for other reasons other than just a spark....made some good friends...i am usually so nervous the first coffee date that i dont feel anything but shyness....so if i am relying on a spark i am in trouble!! lmao.....cause i usually dont feel the spark until after i am home....and thinking about the person and how they talked and acted....
I mean the main reason for meeting someone in the first place is because of "something or some connection" over writing and typing back and forth! Right?
So i dont think no sparks on the first date means no chance ever....i think that if you like the person, have more than one meeting before thinking there is no chance ever.... | |
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| Does 'No sparks on first date necessarily mean no chance EVER?
Posted: 2/13/2008 2:36:57 PM | | I think its in our nature to seek...sparks. Dont we want it "all" from a potential partner?...a few common interests, good conversation, mutual respect, shared points-of-view, a good listener, fun and yes, chemistry. Myself, I tend to look at chemistry, and not just the physical kind, as a starting point. We have that...then we go from there. A "click" of more than the eyes, but the personalities too. Keeping in mind that if I am totally floored...attracted...excited...by the sight of you, yet the sum total of our conversation capability is 11 words per hour... we are nowhere. Cheers. M O I | |
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| Does 'No sparks on first date necessarily mean no chance EVER?
Posted: 2/17/2008 8:30:10 AM | thats a good way to see it...i like it, the bigger the spark the bigger the explosion!! Your right, the heart and brain never agree!! If they did.....I don't know what would happen!!
I just think that alot of people put too much expectations on what people look like on the outside...instead of whats on the inside...but thats just my two cents worth....you know beauty and the beast!! LMAO | |
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| Does 'No sparks on first date necessarily mean no chance EVER?
Posted: 2/26/2008 11:39:55 AM | yes it does no spark no fire and no fire in winter no life you will freeze to death plain and simple ever watch that season where the people on the island had build the fire it took them 3 hours 1 hour they were given a lighter and still no fire so think about that why waste time in trying to make something happen when the guy with the lighter is there waiting to help u?
signed
Firestarter | |
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